Pitch Black

My hand flew into the wardrobe, splintering the wood where I hit it. My entire body was heaving with rage, causing Sam to run out of the room, knowing that I could not come down from his. I let out an angry scream and slammed my food against the wood, splintering it again. Ashling had no fucking clue, sometimes. Not a single fucking clue.

The difference between Ashling and I was that she was too trusting. She trusted people, she trusted that things would get better, and she trusted that she would be okay, going out in the open by herself. And it was that trust, that had led her outside to be stupid, to leave the home and walk off, shooting bottles.

Sometimes she just didn’t think, and when she did that, is when I lost my mind, when I lost control of the anger. I hit the wall this time, bellowing out. I was crying too, I realized. I was that angry. Because my sister could have been killed, my other half, my twin. Twins could not be alone in the world. One could not live without the other. It didn’t work that way.

If my sister, the other half of me had died and I was unable to save her, it would have killed me. I would have killed myself and the thought that I had let her walk out there alone, that I hadn’t been paying enough attention to her to know that she was angry, was killing me inside.

To be honest, I was angrier at myself than I was at Ash. Why hadn’t I been there to stop them, to protect them? Why hadn’t I known she was going outside, why hadn’t I told Perrie to not let her out, no matter how many time she threatened her? Perrie. I had screamed at her too, shoved her. In her own home.

Leaning on the wall and sliding down, I cried into my hands. There was no one to blame but myself for the mess that had been going on. Ash was trying as hard as she could to get the cure, and she was sick over Eleanor’s condition. And what had I done? Left her alone, thinking she needed space. I should have been her sister and been there for her.

When the door opened, my head snapped up. Through the blurry eyes of tears, I saw Harry close the door quietly. I tensed, feeling for the knife in my boot. The entire time since El had been out, he had watched Ashling like she was prey. I knew he wanted too kill her. I had stayed outside of her door at night, and I had seen him when he would come outside, pausing to look at me.

“Get the fuck out,” I hissed, wiping the tears from my face. He kneeled down in front of me, green eyes piercing. There was no hatred in his eyes, not like I thought their would be. “I know, okay? I know. We’ve ruined your lives, I’ve fucked everything you’ve got going on here. Don’t fucking tell me, I know.”

He was silent for a moment. “Is that really what you thought that I was hear to say?” his voice was very quiet, unlike I had ever heard it before. He cast his green eyes to the ground, rubbing his hands on his jeans as if they were sweating. “Because that’s not what I came in here to say.”

“Then what?” I demanded fiercely. My hand was still near my knife. His eyes trained on my hand, his face frowning. “Here to kill me, tell me to get out?”

He shook his head and sat, as opposed to kneeling, as if he would be there for a long time. His approach made me pause, so unfamiliar with him being reserved and… gentle. “No. I came in here to apologize.”

I stared. “Are you high?”

He chuckled, shaking his head and licking his lips, looking up at me. There was nothing but honesty in his eyes. “I haven’t been in my room contemplating how to kill your sister, despite what you think,” he admitted. “I’ve just… been thinking about things. I haven’t been making good decisions since I got here. And if I hadn’t been so aggressive towards your sister, if I hadn’t threatened her when she gave El the cure, she wouldn’t have even gone outside, today…”

“Do you really think it was your fault?”

He nodded. “How is it not? I haven’t been a very good leader, ever since you’ve been here. In fact, I pale in comparison to the way you run things, whether you believe it or not. I just haven’t been able to accept that, and it’s gotten us in trouble. A lot of trouble. At least you have sense. Enough sense to yell at your own sister for being stupid.”

I scowled at him. No one was allowed to call her names but me. “Watch it.”

He shrugged. “I’m just being honest. But you need to get a grip now, alright? I can’t… Ash has passed out from stress out there, no bites, we’ve checked. Lou has gone mad between Eleanor and Ash and hates Zayn, and Perrie thinks Ash is a bloody twat now, so her and Danielle aren’t speaking.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Yeah,” he laughed without humor, nodding his head. He bit his lip and then moved, swiveling to sit next to me. I became acutely aware that our arms were touching, and despite the way I was feeling, my heart leapt. “So please don’t make me fix this all alone. Please pull it together and be strong with me. Because seeing you crying makes me want to break, Blakely.”

“Why?”

I turned to face him. He reached forward, moving a strand of hair that stuck to the salt of my tears. His fingertips on my skin made me hold my breath. Never had something felt so wonderful, so close to heavenly. “Ever since you’ve moved here, you’ve been my strength, I think. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.”

“You haven’t met many people.”

“I don’t have to.”

A moment of silence went between us. Staring at him, I realized that Harry was a mirror of myself that Ashling differed from. It was like in that moment, I was staring at my reflection in a mirror, except it was a boy with the most breathtaking eyes I had ever seen. Harry felt like a twin that I never had before. He was just like me.

Licking my lips, I watched him go to say something, but the door opened, startling us both. Liam hesitated, his brown eyes flickering between us. There was stress on his face for a moment before he shook it off, saying, “Eleanor is awake. I think it worked, at least, she isn’t a vampire. At all.”

No words had to be said as Harry and I both leapt to our feet, running out of the room after Liam. It seemed in the hour that I had been raging and destroying things, everything had come to an uncomfortable silence, only to be paused by everyone standing outside of Eleanor’s door.

Zayn refused to let anyone inside of the room. I also noticed that he had a gun holstered at his hip. He never had himself armed in this place. Ever. That simple fact made my heart leap with fear and concern. Were we at war, now?

Approaching the door, Zayn stepped aside easily, gesturing that we could go in. It suddenly felt like the first time we had ever come here, with everyone letting you pass, or giving you clearance. It was shocking, how easily we could all go to becoming strangers, in this day and age.

On the bed, El was sitting up. Perrie was giving her water gently, sitting on the edge of the bed, her muscles coiled. There were no weapons in the room, just in case El had turned. I realized how much Perrie must love El, to come in here and put herself in danger, being unarmed.

“Hey El,” Harry murmured gently, the tone startling me at it’s kindness. It was similar to the one he had been using in the room with me, moments ago. I sat down on the bed next to her, giving her a kind smile. She was pale, but there was a flush in her cheeks. “How ya feeling?”

She winced as she tried to smile. “I hurt,” she admitted, taking another sip of water at Perrie’s suggestion. Perrie would not look at me. “But um, I feel alive. Like rubbish, but alive.”

“She has a pulse,” Perrie said to Harry, studiously not informing me. Guilt curled in my heart like a vine. “And her eyes aren’t dilated, no fangs, normal vein pattern. I think it worked, Harry.”

He nodded slightly, touching El softly on the leg. Eleanor had tears in her eyes and she smiled, such happiness on her face that I could barely keep my frown, not being able to help the smile on my face. She looked at me then. “I want to see Ash and Louis. Louis first, Ash second.”

I nodded, cutting off Harry to began to protest. I knew she had told me and not him because he would say no. “Absolutely, whatever you want, El.” I looked at the curly haired boy pointedly before he nodded, standing. “I’ll get Louis now. I’ll tell Ash when she wakes.”

Walking out, I purposely didn’t tell her that my sister had passed out. In fact, I wanted to make sure no one informed her about what had just happened. It was stress enough that she had been the first person on the planet saved from turning. She didn’t need to know that the entire compound was now at war with one another.

Outside the room, I quietly informed Louis to go inside. He got up eagerly, stress and tears on his face. I had been ignoring him too often as well. He needed me too, I knew. “Can I speak with the rest of you?” I inquired, looking at Zayn and Perrie who looked at me with contempt. “It’s important.”

After a few minutes of hesitation, everyone filed into the living room, save for Andy and Sam, who were put together in a room with an iPod to distract them, and Niall and Ashling. Ashling was laying in bed and Niall, the ever faithful boy was at her side, the way I should be. But that was Niall’s job now, to give my sister what I couldn’t. He was something to her I could never be. And that was okay.

“Look,” I said, sighing and turning to Perrie. Her blue eyes were ice cold. “I should have never in a million years screamed at you like that, or even shoved you. It was no right of mine, especially because this is your home. You did what she asked you too do, and I never told you not to let her out. I apologize.”

She nodded before letting her eyes soften. “Thank you for the apology.”

Turning to Zayn, I said, “I’m sorry if I gave you the feeling of danger enough to arm yourself. It wasn’t my intention.” He nodded once. “I understand we’ve all just gotten in a huge row, and things have been crazy, but we need to put all these differences aside for right now.”

“We need to prepare,” Harry agreed, looking at the group. “We need to be on alert, and we need to think about leaving in the next few days. I know we don’t have anywhere to go, but we can’t stay here, at least not now. If they don’t know where we are already, they will.”

Danielle nodded. “I’ve already started packing,” she admitted, looking a bit ashamed. “I wanted to go… even if you didn’t. It’s not safe anymore.”

“We’ve got every section set with detonators,” Zayn informed. “We also have all UV lights set and ready to go, as well as collapsing tunnels ready. They should have us safe for us to pack up and plan where to go.”

I nodded, so thankful that even in a time of stress, they had taken precautions and checked everything for an attack. “What about the tunnel the feral dug to that room?” I asked, remember that Perrie had said they needed to wire it. The idea of Sam being in that room currently because Ash was sick in hers wasn’t pleasant. “Did you wire it?”

“We were about to before everything happened,” Zayn explained. “We’re going to right now. Liam’s going to help me so Danielle and Perrie can-"

“BLAKELY!”

My heart dropped. Sam.