Starting Over

Two nights later, Eleanor was home with her fiancé, pondering over Fenton and her impossible decision. She loved Robert. But sometimes, she wondered if that was enough.

Lately, Robert hadn’t been doing much of anything. When he came home from work, all he did was sit around and listen to the radio. Eleanor didn’t understand why. He hadn’t done that in the past. But for the past month or so, he seemed depressed.

Eleanor had tried to ask him why in the past, but every time, he would shrug her off. It was selfish and strenuous watching him rot in his own body. And Eleanor knew she couldn’t marry a man like this. She needed to figure out his problem before more arose.

“Honey, can you make me a cup of coffee?” Robert asked, sitting in his favorite chair, looking very intent as he listened to the radio. Eleanor meekly nodded, standing up and walking to the kitchen. She pulled out a dark mug with his name engraved on it, and heated up a cup of hot water on the stove. After pouring the piping water into the mug, Eleanor mixed the pre-made ingredients in and handed it to Robert.

Robert grumbled quietly, which Eleanor took as a ‘thank you’. She smiled gently and sat in her chair, working on a hat she had been knitting. But after a while of silence, Eleanor realized it was inevitable. She had to talk to him.

“Robert?” She said timidly. He took a sip of his coffee and looked up at her with an expressionless visage.

“What is it, dear?” He asked, turning the radio down and setting his mug on the side table.

“Well, I know you’ve shrugged this off in the past, but..” she started, before being rudely interrupted.

“Not this again,” he said, frustration ringing clear in the air. Eleanor sighed. She couldn’t let him get away with this. She was worried. Worried about their future marriage crumbling, how he felt, all of it over his strange personality change.

“Robert, this is important. You’ve never been like this in the past,” she said, standing her ground.

“Like what?” He demanded, his sudden loud burst scaring her.

“It’s as if you’re lifeless. Like you’re not there anymore,” Eleanor professed.

“You’re being Ridiculous, Eleanor,” Robert said, standing up and smoothing his hair back.

“Am I? Really? Look at you! You’re a mess. Every day, you come home, trudging your feet on the ground and sitting in that damn chair. You were never like that! You’ve never been like that! And you’re definitely not the man I loved,” she exclaimed, surprised she had sworn at her own fiancé.

Robert was quiet for a while, standing absolutely still. He didn’t twiddle his fingers like he frequently did when he was angry. He didn’t occasionally mess with his hair. He didn’t give her that look he usually had when he was irritated. He just stood there, looking as if the life had unquestionably been taken away from him.

Deliberately, after a couple of silent moments, Robert spoke. “So it is true,” he mumbled, sitting back in his chair.

“What’s true?” Eleanor pleaded.

“You don’t love me,” he said quietly.

“That’s what this is about? You don’t think I love you?” Eleanor asked, resting her hand on her chest, feeling the beat of her heart begin to pound.

“I know you don’t love me,” he corrected, the depression rich in his voice as he spoke.

“How can you even say that?” She asked, her heart aching.

“I see the way you look at me. It’s a pitiful expression, full of sorrow. You used to watch me with life in your eyes. You were free and flowing and beautiful. But now, I know I’m holding you back. You don’t love me anymore. And as much as it pains me to say this, I want you to leave. I want you to be happy, because I love you,” he said. Eleanor clenched her jaw tightly, straining as hard as possible so the tears wouldn’t pour.

She wanted to tell him it wasn’t true.

But he was right.

She sniffed back a tear as she kissed the top of Robert’s head sweetly, She pulled away, grabbed her things, and left, unable to forget all of the memories she had spent with him. A part of her ached for Robert, but she realized then that he wasn’t the one.

Eleanor knew exactly who it was.