Woebegone
Ten
When I arrive back home I can feel a ghost following me. It casts it’s gloomy shadow over my soul, and it’s only once I’m tucked beneath sheets that I realise I was the ghost after all. I swallow the pills and wait. I let my body lie and breathe on the squeaky mattress, wondering when his body will fill the space beside me. The pills kick in and everything is okay. I laugh at nothing, I dance around the house. I look at the sun and it looks so bright and wonderful and I question whether it’s happy or sad. My happiness doesn’t last forever and I crawl into bed as the sadness hit’s me again. I want to drown.
He comes home with a friend whose voice is like a lion’s roar and they spend the night laughing and talking. It’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh in forever. I wonder why he still hangs around me when I’ve become nothing. Their voices disappear as sleep captures me.
When I wake he is not beside me but in the kitchen, smoking. He stares at me.
“Your face, what happened?”
“I went to Jake, I needed something, I was sad”
His jaw clenches.
I can tell he’s thinking about what to say.
“Why do you let him, why do you still let him do that?”
“It doesn’t hurt. It’s okay”
“Put some ice on it, I’ll be back later”
He goes out the door quickly.
He comes home with a friend whose voice is like a lion’s roar and they spend the night laughing and talking. It’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh in forever. I wonder why he still hangs around me when I’ve become nothing. Their voices disappear as sleep captures me.
When I wake he is not beside me but in the kitchen, smoking. He stares at me.
“Your face, what happened?”
“I went to Jake, I needed something, I was sad”
His jaw clenches.
I can tell he’s thinking about what to say.
“Why do you let him, why do you still let him do that?”
“It doesn’t hurt. It’s okay”
“Put some ice on it, I’ll be back later”
He goes out the door quickly.