Insane Love

"He's 100% and ready to go." Jordon informed Carlyle. I stood there with my hands on my hips. My leg was healed and I just had to wait for the thumbs up from the staff on whether I was playing against the Canadiens or not.

"Okay, you're in." Carlyle gave me the nod. "Don't let me down." he added without looking back as he walked out of the training fitness room.

I stepped over to the weights and sat on the bench beside after lightly picking up 20lbs. I lifted on my right arm first, followed by my left, continuously.

I glanced over at some of the other guys who were on the treadmills, and at James and Dion that were on the bikes at full speed.

"How's it going?" Tyler sat beside me. He was holding an elastic that stretched wide for flexibility exercises.

"Not bad." I shrugged. "I'm in tonight."

"Atta boy." he grinned. "Beat the shit out of Prust."

Tyler then took a deep breath and added, "Look, I know you probably don't want to talk about this because of what happened in Ottawa, but.." he paused. "She asked about you that night when you weren't playing against the Sabres."

"Who?" I asked even though I knew who he was talking about.

"Mia." Tyler swallowed.

My face flushed when I heard that name. We hadn't talked since I saw her in Ottawa. We hadn't even looked at each other in the hallway or in the parking lot after the game against the Flyers on Monday. I felt like I should have given her a chance to explain, but there wasn't much to clarify when I was standing right there. I saw him lean in, and even though I couldn't see her since he was blocking her view, I assumed they kissed. They probably made a plan to go out again when the Sens come here next week. I had to hold back the urge to punch him out and threaten him to never see her again, but she was never mine.

She was just a solid waste of my time.

"Colton?" Tyler patted me on the back.

"Yeah?" I shook myself out of my deep thought.

"You don't wanna know what she said?"

"No. I don't." I sighed. I figured it's for the best if I didn't hear anything about her or from her for a while. What she did actually hurt me in a way that no one has ever had the emotional power to do. Getting knocked down in fights with other players, getting hit by Chara, or getting cut with a skate-- those were nothing compared to this.

"Okay." he nodded.



"Flat." Randy Carlyle jolted into the locker room after 3rd period was over. "Flat, flat, flat, flat."

"How many times do we have to go over this!?" his voice grew louder. "Stay in your own zone! Defend the fucking net! Find a guy, block him, open your eyes and wake the fuck up!" he threw his marker on the ground.

Most of us just sat there on the benches, removing our jerseys and equipment quietly and slowly. He circled around with his eyes, glaring. None of us dared to make eye-contact with him. An angry coach is scarier than anything.

"I don't want to see any of this bullshit tomorrow in Long Island when Reims is back in net." he shook his head and left the room.

"Good effort, boys." James Reimer finally sighed gently, trying to make us feel better about ourselves. But we all knew the effort was insignificant.

"Un-fucking-believable game." Clarke MacArthur stormed out of the locker room once he was done changing out of his blue and white uniform.

There's nothing worse than losing to a rival team and hearing their fans annoyingly chant 'Ole, Ole, Ole' in your own building after the Habs scored the final goal. The 5-2 loss was hard to sink in.

After changing, I went out to my car and got inside. I didn't turn on the lights once I got home. I just went upstairs and powered on the lamp by my dresser. I lied down on my bed in my clothes and sighed.

I flipped on my phone, went through my contacts and clicked on Brownie's number.

"Hello?" Mike Brown answered.

"Hey man. McFlannigans?"

"Already here with Bozie." he said. "We'll be waiting."

I quickly grabbed my keys and headed out the door. The short 5 minute drive to the bar was enough to make me start thinking again. Perhaps, over-thinking. What if it was some sort of business meeting? What if her intentions were different than his?

I finally arrived at the parking lot behind the bar. I needed to escape these thoughts. I needed a break from my own mind, and alcohol was always the best solution. I found Tyler and Mike sitting on the bar stools by the counter, with one beer in front of them both.

"What can I get for ya?" the bartender asked once I sat down. The small blonde with curly hair and brown eyes wiped her hands with a cloth and smiled lightly at me.

"Molson Canadian 67." I requested.

"Comin' right up!" she went over to the side and began pouring it into a large glass.

"Tough night." Tyler said once my drink arrived.

I took a couple long sips of my beer and exhaled. "What did she say?"

"Huh?" Tyler looked confused as he and Brownie glanced at me.

"Mia." It took more air than I thought to let that name out of my mouth.

"Oh, Mike can tell you first." he handed the explanation over to Brownie.

"She came up to me after that game with her friend Lena or whatev-"

"Lana." Tyler corrected shyly.

"Right, Lana." Mike looked at Tyler weirdly. "Anyway.. she asked me why you weren't on the ice. I was just about to tell her what happened with your knee but Sarah entered with the other WAGs."

"So then she noticed me looking at her," Tyler added. "She came while I was getting changed and I smirked and told her I was listening in on the convo." he ran his fingers through his hair. "She acted like it was nothing and then her reaction when she saw you was hilarious. She gave me the death stare when I laughed-- so I called you over."

"Smart." Brownie lifted his bottle up and drank the rest of his beer.

"Doesn't matter, now." I murmured.

"What if you misunderstood the whole situation on Saturday?" Tyler finally blurted out.

"I bought flowers." I stared at the counter. "10 Peruvian lilies, 6 multi-colored roses. I searched all over Ottawa for an open Florist shop. It took me 2 hours to find the right bouquet." I closed my eyes, suddenly frustrated with myself. "The lady said they are symbolic of devotion and are sure to warm her heart." I remembered the quote clearly. "I stood there, watching her stand still and look directly at me with a faint smile on her face." I shook my head and opened my eyes. "I dropped them and gave her a few words before walking away to my room. What was the point of 'warming her heart' when she couldn't even let the coldness out?"

"Wow." Tyler exhaled deeply.

"I'm so sorry, man." Mike comforted me. "I had no idea."

"Yeah.. I had no idea either." I laughed. They stared at me with worried eyes. "I had no fucking idea someone could be like that." I said more firmly.

They didn't say anything for a minute after that. There's nothing I needed more than a way to get my mind off of her for good. To get my life back to the way it used to be. I was done chasing after her.

"She has done nothing but show that she doesn't give a shit." I drank my 6th beer. "Fuck."

"Ease up on the drinks, Orr." Mike said carefully. "Don't let this get to you."

"I'd like to take her home." I ignored him and pointed to a brown haired girl who was sitting at one of the tables, looking at me. They both turned their heads over to look at who I was talking about.

"Colton don't." Tyler gulped.

I got up from the stool and with blurry vision I walked over to her. "What's a fine girl like you doing here alone?" I smirked.

"Just having a drink." she smiled seductively.

"That's boooring." I rolled my eyes. "What's your name?"

"Casey." she licked her lips.

"I noticed you lookin' at me over there, Casey." I winked.

"I know hockey players when I see 'em."

"How 'bout we have some fun?" I put my finger under her chin. "My house isn't too far."

With just a fast nod, she grabbed her purse and followed behind me. I was used to picking them up like this, easily. They were all puck sluts who would do anything to hook up with a hockey player.

"You're making a mistake." Tyler and Mike came up behind me.

I stopped and turned around, "I'm a free man. The mistake was thinking settling down was a good idea." I threw my hands up and then put one around her waist.

-

I flipped my keys on the kitchen counter and quickly took off my jacket. My lips were pressed against hers and we were trying to undress at the same time. I lifted her up and she put her legs around my waist and rested them behind while cupping my face in her hands.

I carried her, half-naked, upstairs as she moaned in my mouth. I couldn't stop comparing her to Mia even though I was too drunk to remember where my bedroom was. They both had the same brown hair and were about the same height. Moving on is going to be harder than I thought.

We jumped onto the king-sized bed, making out, and removed the last bits of clothing on each other. I slowly kissed her body and moved my way down.

...



"I'm a terrible person." I cried. I wiped my eyes with a tissue but the tears kept streaming. My head was in pain, my eyes were puffy, and I could have sworn my heart was aching.

"Please don't cry," Lana rubbed her hand on my back in a soothing motion. "It's been 3 days. I hate seeing you like this, still."

"We walked by each other at the ACC on Monday." I blew my nose and threw the used tissue on the ground beside the couch. "Right past each other without saying a word. He didn't even look at me."

"I'm sorry.." Lana pulled her arms out and wrapped them around me.

"I miss him." I let the tears dry on my face as Lana sat back and gave me a sad look that matched mine. "I miss his flirting, I miss his sarcasm, I miss his dumb smirks, his lame excuses for getting hurt in fights." I wasn't crying anymore. My face just stayed still and red.

"It'll get better I-"

"You can't promise me that!" I shrieked. "What if it doesn't get better?What if he hates me? What if he m-moves on?" The thought of him with another girl in a serious relationship already hurt me.

"He bought you flowers even though you always turned him away." Lana gulped. "Maybe he'll wait one more time."

"You don't understand the way he said it, in Ottawa." I whispered. "He looked so upset, so frustrated, so..." I let it trail off.

"What if.. a break is what you guys need?" Lana said gently.

"But what if he never comes back and the break goes on forever?" I bit my bottom lip. I had only been focusing on the negatives while Lana has been trying to make me feel better.

"Mia," she grabbed my hands. "He made you cry multiple times."

I shook my head lightly, knowing that she was thinking of suggesting I move on.

Lana sighed, "This has to stop." She stood up and grabbed my phone in one hand, and her phone in the other.

"What are you doing?" I asked. It looked like she was registering or adding something onto her phone.

"I need to do something in the morning.." she said. "You need to get sleep. Lots of it."

"I'm not working tomorrow so I won't need to wake up for any flight, anyway." I pulled my hair up in a light ponytail.

"Well it's 11 o'clock and you've been crying for 2 hours. You still need to sleep."

"Thank you for coming. Are you sure you don't want to sleep over?" I walked behind her to the front door.

"Nonsense, whenever you need me, I'll come." she put on her jacket. "I would love to but I think I'm headed home tonight. Another time, okay?" she smiled.

"Okay. Goodnight." I hugged her and she went out the door and drove out of the driveway.

I closed the front door with the lock and went upstairs. I cuddled in bed with Kabby, trying to keep myself from crying again. My eyes quickly shut while listening to the sound of the cars driving on a busy road which isn't too far away from my house. I let myself swirl away and fall asleep.

...

"What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"Colton.. I came to see you. How are you? Are you feeling better?" I sat on the chair and reached for his hand on the hospital bed.

"I was until you came in. Get out, Mia. I never want to see you again." he yelled.

"Please just hear me out. I never-"

"I'm married, now. I don't love you." he said firmly and moved his hand away.

"W-what? When did you get married?" I felt my stomach drop.

"Last year. The same year you and Kyle did. The same year you moved to Ottawa and had kids."

"K-kids? What year is it!?" I cried.

"2015. You chose to have kids even though the first birth almost killed you. You have a happy family.. 3 children with him. Why are you here?" his voice grew louder.

"Oh my god.." I shook my head and wiped the tears. I cupped my face in my hands, not daring to look at him when I asked, "What happened to us?" I then looked up at him.

He laughed but then stopped and placed his hand on his chest, trying to catch his breath. "You left me standing there, you heartless bitch. I moved on. I got traded to Florida, saw Kayla-- the girl I didn't sleep with because I wanted you, and I married her."

I wiped my eyes and began sobbing, "Colton.."

"Goodbye, Mia." he looked up at the ceiling and I saw tears fall from his eyes .

..

"I'm not going anywhere!" I jumped up. Sweat was dripping down my forehead and I was breathing heavily. I startled Kabby and he stared at me before leaving my room. "It was just a dream.." I was sobbing uncontrollably. Every inch of my body needed Colton.

I can't do this anymore.

I need to quit my job.