Apologies

The sun beat down on my head as I woke up in the normally dark apartment. The musky air I had grown so accustomed to had been replaced by.. is that fucking lavender? I threw my covers off of my body and opened the door to my bedroom, grabbing a bat simultaneously. When the door was open wide enough, I was surprised to see about 12 middle aged women moving about my apartment. They were like hens, chirping to one another and rearranging all at the same time.

The bat fell from my hands in shock, echoing a sound throughout the room. The women paused for only a moment before continuing with their business.

"John, dearest baby." My Mother's voice cooed as she grabbed my shoulders pulling me in for a hug. I was very shocked by her demeanor and dress. She wore an odd combination of prints and her hair was a blinding blonde color. She looked like a Stepford wife.

"Mom?" I choked out, mainly because we hadn't spoken since I had thrown dishes at her. She took my hand, and offered a warm smile.

"Through Jesus, you will find your savior." She said, running a finger through my bedhead. She sat me down at the plastic chair and table I had scored for twenty bucks, and set a plate piled high with food in front of me. She gave me a cup of coffee then sat across, playing with the veins of my arms and looking proud.

"We have all missed you so much." She carefully spoke, choosing her words. She backed away from me and brought her hands to a cross in front of her. I continued eating the food in front of me, my appetite wasn't there though. I fiddled with my fork, before setting it down.

"Why are you here?" I said, making direct eye contact with this odd Church-oriented version of my mother. We went a few times here and there, but never to the point where she was quoting the bible in normal conversation. The women around us slowed down, as if they wanted to hear the gossip better firsthand. I inwardly groaned.

"Well, sweetheart, I haven't seen you in such a long time. You haven't even come over for Christmas or any holidays." My mother looked embarrassed to have admit that aloud, but soon a smile was playing at the corner of her bright pink lips yet again. "I figured, hey, maybe what John needs is a good wholesome girl. So why not set you up with one of the bible club's daughters. It didn't take much convincing, though, my son is quite the catc-"

"What the hell, mom?" I said, cutting off her lunatic talk. She looked shocked, and I could see her eyes spring from corner to corner of the room, trying to make sure no one's attention was on us. However the ladies' ears were hot, and they nearly were at a halt when I spoke to my mother in such a tone.

"Honey, keep your voice down." My mother began, grabbing at my hands.

"No, Mom. You haven't seen in me in 2 years and the first thing you try to do is set me up. I don't want to be set up." I yelled now, anger rushing through my bloodstream.

"John, honey, please. Just lower your voice." She said again, lowering her head. When she looked back up at me I could see tears in the corners of her soft eyes that resembled my own. I cringed. I had already been a terrible son for the past 2 years, the least I could do was make her happy for one night.

"I..I'm sorry, Mom. For everything. I don't know what my deal is. I'll go" I said softly, releasing the tension I had balled into fists, and grabbing for her hands. Hopes sprung onto my Mother's face. The ladies in the room looked mock surprised at my sudden nice demeanor.

"Oh, John, she's just the loveliest gal. I would give you all the details on her, but blind date. Oh, sweetheart, I'm so happy you are home." She got up then and pulled me into a hug. I could feel her tears on the front of my hoodie. I grabbed her back and held her tightly.

This would be a long road to recovery, but making her happy was the most important thing in that moment.

I was stuck for the second night in a row wearing a tight tie around my neck. Only this time, I had no alcohol to diffuse the ever present gloomy nature about me.

I sat across from Margo So-and-so from Tennessee, daughter of my Mother's church friend. She had a nice accent but was the least bit interested in me. Every five seconds she would check her phone and this weird thing about her where she constantly looked like she was on the brink of tears. Seriously, I couldn't eat a breadstick in peace without her staring into the pit of my soul then her phone and so forth. It seemed as though this blonde with a southern accent hated me for no apparent reason.

Naturally, we had sex in the back of her Range Rover.

After we finished, she curled into my side and started crying about how much she'd rather be in Tennessee with the love of her life. After she had had her crying spell, she looked.. almost normal.

"Ya reckon we all will find true love one day, Johnny?" She drawled out, before taking a long hit from my cigarette. She blew the smoke at the roof and we watched it disperse, growing invisible.

"I don't believe in that kind of thing anymore." I truthfully said, closing my eyes.

"I heard about ya girlfriend. I'm sorry." She said, kissing my cheek. I cringed. I couldn't go to any place in this town without having Alice's death thrown right back in my face.

"Why did you want to fuck when you're so in love with this other guy?" I questioned.

"Sex numbs pain." She said, as if that explained it all. I let her words float in the air for a moment, pondering over any deeper meaning.

"Were you numbing my pain or yours?" My words hung there as if suspended. She turned towards me with a sad, pitying smile and crashed her lips against mine. There I had my answer.

I came back home to an empty and very feminine apartment. My Mom's church friends had gone out of their way to clean it just in case I brought Margo back home.

No need, right? Because she fucks in the back of expensive cars.

I sat on the tiny couch after grabbing a beer. Suddenly there was a loud banging noise on my front door. I set the beer down and went to look out the peep hole. To my surprise, there was Alexandria standing on my doorstep.

What the hell is she doing here? Her voice in my memory was hardly above a whisper but I could feel the venom in every syllable.

"One second." I called, unlocking the door for her. She smiled at me, raising her hand in a small wave.

"SoIknowwedon'tknoweachotherwellbutcanIcrashheretonight?" Her words came out so fast, I could hardly recognize them.

"What?" I said, looking around the complex for hidden cameras.

"We don't know each other well but I really got into it with my roommate and we live in the same complex and can I just crash here?" She said, slowing her words down.

"Uh, why me? And how do you know where I live?" I said.

"I didn't, I just saw you like 5 minutes ago getting out of your car while I was smoking a cigarette thinking of what to do and we're friends."

"We're not fr-" I began.

"So is that a no?" She said, looking defeated.

"No, if you have no place to go, just whatever. Come in." I said, moving out of her way. She waltzed in carrying a large bag. She was wearing short pajama shorts that showed off her pale, toned legs. I swallowed, catching myself in a stare. That was when I noticed her mucus green shoe choice.

"Are those fucking crocs?"

"What? Huh? Oh, yes. Yes I wear crocs."

"Nobody wears crocs.." I said, baffled and entirely amused. This was the first time Lex had not seemed, I don't know, put-together since I had met her. She looked down at the ground and laughed sheepishly, running her toe into the floor.

"They're a sensible shoe." She said.

"Sensible shoe? Are you like 90?" I laughed. She laughed along at me, eventually pushing my shoulder and muttering a 'shut up' that sounded like she didn't really mean it.

"Someone's in a good mood tonight. What did you get laid?" Lex asked, giggling as she said it. My laugh died down and I looked around the room for something else to focus on. Eventually, Lex realized that what she said had more than a little truth to it. I could feel myself blushing intensely which was surprising because normally, I was proud of my triumphs. Lex just made me feel like a little boy that had been caught redhanded.

"You DID get laid. Oh my god, give me all the details." She said, suddenly springing into an excited state. She dropped her bag on the floor and hopped onto the small couch. Her long brown hair wildly created a shield from view of the rest of her body and she wore the brightest grin. I wonder if she used whitening strips. I cautiously took a seat next to her, keeping space between us. She moved in closer holding a pillow to her chest.

"Tell. Me." She repeated.

It was going to be a long night.