Tailspin.

His turquoise eyes were bright and clear as he laughed at something silly I’d said. His head fell back and he snorted a little, causing us both to laugh even harder than before. His strong arm rose so that he could pull at his short sandy colored waves. His chiseled face held a bit of red tint from laughing so hard. Eventually, we were able to calm down enough to breathe. With the remnants of a smile still grazing his lips, our eyes met. He grabbed me by the arms and pulled me down on top of him. His arms wrapped themselves tightly around me and I felt myself surrounded by his familiar scent: fresh and slightly sweet. One hand slowly slid down my body until it reached my lower back where he began kneading small circles there. Ever so slightly, he leaned his head down. His lips gently brushed my ear as he whispered, “I love you.”

I felt those all too familiar butterflies as I told him that I loved him too. A very comfortable silence filled the room soon after. We lay like that for a while, that is, until his phone vibrated. He tapped me lightly on my shoulder to get up.

He glanced down at his phone before rolling his eyes. “I’m so sorry. I have to take this. Do you mind?”

I rolled my eyes at him as I brushed my bangs out of my eyes. “Yes. I definitely mind you answering your phone in your own damn house. Go! It’s fine, I promise.”

He playfully glared at me before leaving his room and closing the door behind him. I plopped back onto his TempurPedic and snuggled into his quilt. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I remember is seeing his face, still beautiful but now very crestfallen. He sat on the edge of his bed, scrolling absentmindedly through texts on his phone. I crawled over to him and rested my head on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong, love?” He looked at me for a moment before shaking his head.

He sighed. “I just—I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I have so much to give and quite frankly, no one seems to give a fuck.”

“Was that Brian?” He looked down at his feet. “Landon, stop it. He’s playing with your emotions.”

He ran his hand over his stubble. “I know but I don’t care. I mean, I do but at this point, as long as I’m getting attention its fine.”

“I feel like you’re settling.”

His head whipped around in my direction. “Madison. What other option do I have? None of the girls I’m ever interested in want me. And when they find out about me, the girls that are become repulsed by me. And guys end up fucking over me. I just don’t understand what the problem is. I’m doing everything right. What’s wrong with me?”

I sighed before I pulled him into my arms. “Lan, nothing is wrong with you. I know you feel that way but it isn't the case. You are an amazing person. The person that you’re meant to be with will come eventually. It just--”

He snuggled his face into the crook of my neck. “Takes time I know, I know. I hear the same thing all the time.”

My hands wove into his hair as I began to stroke his scalp softly. “I do too. We’re in the same boat, remember? All you can really do is hope. Hope that it’s true and that the outcome will be better than what you’re going through right now. It’s either that or be miserable.”

I felt him sigh against my skin. “You’re right. You’re completely right. We’re perfect and everyone else is fucking weird.” I laughed a bit and the comfortable silence from before found its way back. “Is intimacy really that much to ask for?”

It was my turn to sigh. “No Landon. Not at all.”

Le sigh.

My name is Madison Alania Mills and I may or may not be in love with my best friend.