The Hand of Destiny

The guys were just as shocked about Andy’s voice as I was. Friends for years but they had never heard him sing, apparently he thought he wasn’t any good at it… How could he think that, his voice is beautiful!

Thunderous applause had broken out as Andy had finished the last note (flawlessly by the way) and he seemed to have gained some more confidence. He relaxed his guard again (which he had put up as soon as I mentioned him singing).

We all just chilled after that, they all seemed really enthused about maybe starting a band and it was with unanimous agreement that we should get together more and play as a group, maybe even write some stuff on our own.

We lay spread out on the couches, arms draped over each other in a friendly fashion. C.C –who had his head on Jake’s lap – sat up and looked around at his friends, all who tiredly met his gaze with slight confusion, wondering why he was suddenly studying them all.

“You know what we should do?!” he exclaimed suddenly.

“Is it going to end us up in jail?” Jinxx asked, automatically assuming that any plan C.C is excited about is probably not what a sane person would do on their Friday night.

“No! I was thinking of a game! It’s like spin the bottle, but more hard-core, I call it: SPIN THE DRUMSTICK!”

A few seconds of movie-like silence followed, I resisted the urge to look for tumbleweed.

“Um…No.” Jinxx said, breaking the silence.

To his credit, C.C lost none of his enthusiasm.

“Why not? We could have forfeits if you don’t do it, it’ll be fun!”

“Because we’re all guys?” He replied in a disbelieving tone.

Unless Andy told them about me there’s little to no chance they know I’m gay. What about Andy though? Is he even gay? Or is he bi? He must be one of them if he kissed me, but what do his friends know? After all, they only just found out he could sing today after being friends for years, what else does he hide?

“Everyone here either likes guys or isn’t homophobic so it shouldn’t matter” He said simply, the corner of his mouth curling into a smile, daring someone to disagree.
So, at least one people he knows well in here likes guys, though he could be referring to himself.

Well… that got me no closer to an answer.

Jake spoke up then.

“I don’t see why not” He said hesitantly, C.C beamed at him.

He turned his gaze to Andy, who nodded in consent as did I when C.C turned to me.

We all turned to Jinxx who just rolled his eyes before smiling and half-heartedly putting his hands up.

“Okay then!”

“Yay!”

Andy looked over at C.C with an eyebrow raised.

“I swear that when you’re excited your vocabulary matches a five year old girl’s C.C”

“Don’t care!” he shouted as he bounded over to his drum kit in order to retrieve the stick he said we needed.

I shook my head lightly to myself and smiled before looking at the rest of the guys.

Jake was watching C.C – eyes content and bemused.

Jinxx looked slightly worried though he was covering it with a smile, only his eyes showed a bit of guarded caution, but he also looked a bit… curious?

Hmm, interesting…

I looked at Andy out of the corner of my eye. He appeared almost hopeful for a second, then I saw his face drop, like he had just got bad news. Though considering no one was talking to him it must have been something he thought of.

I opened my mouth to ask him what was wrong but closed it again when I realised C.C was waving his drumstick about in an effort to get attention.

“Alright. Sit down. In a circle. Jake you’re starting. Go.” He commanded with mock assertiveness and a smile.

“Oh, dominant, I like it” Jake joked rather flirtatiously.

“God…” Andy rolled his bright blue eyes at his friends.

“Here, catch” C.C threw the drumstick at Jake who caught it easily in one hand.

Jake audibly exhaled and smiled crookedly.

“Let’s do this”

He placed the stick on the mahogany coffee table that Jinxx had cleared their glasses off of a minute ago. The stick spun like a propeller on the shiny surface, round and round until it lost it’s momentum and slid to a stop.

I smirked thinking about C.C’s earlier flirting, as innocent as it may have seemed, I think there’s something more there.

If I’m right I guess C.C’s rather happy right now, after all, Jake’s spin did land on him.

Jake moved over to where C.C was sitting, and stood with his legs on either side off his. The lower part of his legs brushed against the front of the soft armchair. Jake lent down and put his hands on C.C’s shoulders before pushing his lips to his. He moved forward again and leaned onto C.C’s chest. The other boy wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down closer until he was practically lying on him in the chair and kissed him harder. Andy whistled at them but I don’t think they acknowledged it, too busy with other things. After a little while longer it was getting a bit uncomfortable to watch this to Jinxx coughed rather loudly.

Jake pulled back, his face flushed. If it wasn’t already red from kissing you would probably have been able to see him blush. He walked back to his chair and sat down like nothing happened.

“Your turn C.C” He smirked, evidently pleased with himself.

C.C spun quickly, still looking rather shocked and actually very pleased. His spin landed on Jinxx, who now looked rather scared, probably hoping he wasn’t about to be involved in what he just witnessed.

However, C.C simply pushed a quick kiss to his lips and sat down again before nudging the stick towards him.

The relief evident on Jinxx’s face from the briefness of the kiss was almost comical. Then something clicked into place in my brain and I realised why Jinxx was so nervous, he’d probably never kissed a guy. C.C seemed to know this as when he pulled away he lightly squeezed his hand and murmured “See? It wasn’t that bad” in his ear.

Then it was Jinxx’s turn to spin, he still looked a little nervous though nowhere near as much as earlier. His pale hand set the stick spinning again but not with much force, so it only span round a few times before stopping. It took me a second to register it was pointing right at me.
At least I know he’s not going to attack my mouth like Jake (though I’m pretty sure he’ll only do that to C.C).

He moved towards me, curled his hand around my right bicep and pressed a kiss to my lips. It wasn’t like when Andy and I kissed, there wasn’t much electricity. I don’t mean that Jinxx is a bad kisser though, he was definitely better than the few people I’d kissed before Andy. It just wasn’t quite the same spark.

My turn, and yes, of course a part of me wanted it to land on Andy for obvious reasons but another weird part of me prayed it didn’t. It took me a second to realise why my brain was screaming no.
If I kissed Andy and pulled away really quickly I might hurt his feelings or look like I had a problem with him. I mean, I just kissed Jinxx with no problems so it would look weird to act different with Andy.

But if I kiss him for too long then I would be awkward and everyone would know something’s going on. Whether it lands on Andy or not isn’t my choice though, it’s fate’s, so I hope she knows the right decision.

I grasped the drum stick in my hand and set it spinning, it seemed to take longer to stop this time than it did on the other spins but when it did I still didn’t know how to feel.

Yeah, it landed on Andy.

My worries about the appropriate amount of time to kiss him for were un-necessary though, as when it stopped on him he jumped up.

“I have to uh…make a call…” he mumbled as he made his way towards the door. I stood stunned until I heard the door click shut, the noise loud in the now silent room.

No one spoke for a minute, then Jinxx said “What the actual fuck?”

I shrugged lightly because I actually had no clue, my stomach suddenly felt very heavy.

If he didn’t want to kiss anyone he wouldn’t have agreed to play the game, so it’s just me then.
C.C reached out and put a hand on my arm,

“I doubt it’s anything personal Ashley” he whispered, low enough that Jake and Jinxx couldn’t hear. I swear, if Jake and Jinxx were guitar legends in their past lives C.C must have been a mind reader. No one else has just been able to tell what I was thinking about without really knowing me before.

I made an incoherent noise and looked across the living room to where Jinxx was heading towards the door, probably to find Andy.

To be honest I just wanted to go home, I just wanted to go home and try to forget that the boy
I’m falling for (yes, I admit it okay!) just publicly rejected me.

“I’m gonna go, guys. I’ll see you later…”

I heard Jake start to say something in protest but C.C shook his head at him which I was grateful for.

I grabbed my bass which I had thankfully put in it’s case earlier and put it on my back before leaving. When I stepped out into the hallway I could hear Jinxx shouting.

“I get that Andy but how do you think that made him feel?!”

I didn’t want to listen to this. I walked down the hall quickly, passing another corridor which I’m pretty sure Jinxx and Andy were standing in, and started down the stairs.

Once again, I heard footsteps behind me, I hoped it wasn’t either of the guys right now but if I had to choose I would prefer to see Jinxx.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Andy though.

Apparently the world doesn’t give a shit about what I would prefer.

I would walk on, ignore him and try to leave with my pride intact if it wasn’t for the fact that I wanted to hear what he had to say and the fact I wasn’t ready to remove him from my life so easily.

He didn’t waste any time when he approached me, he just started talking.

“Look Ash I’m sorry, when I walked out it wasn’t because I didn’t want to kiss you, okay? It’s just, okay, we didn’t meet that long ago but in the while we’ve known each other I’ve felt like we’ve become close quickly. And I’m just going to be honest and say that I love being with you and hanging out with you and kissing you, but the first two of those are the reason I can’t do the third. I like you Ashley, I really do but every time I kiss you I want something more, I want us to be together. It’s just that you’re special to me Ash, regardless of how long I’ve known you, and being in a relationship could screw it all up. If we broke up and things ended badly I’d lose you Ash and I can’t bear the thought of that happening. Plus we’re talking about a band now, what if this thing really kicks off and things got ruined between us, then the whole band fails?”

I took in what he was saying and I understood his point but who said it wouldn’t work out?

“Ashley, I like you but I don’t think this can work at this point in time, maybe someday, just not now”

“Andy, you can’t let fear stand in the way of something you want…”

He sighed and looked down the street, gazing at nothing in particular. I felt his fingers link and entwine with mine.

“It don’t think this way is best because of fear Ash, I know this way is best because of experience…”