The Hand of Destiny

ANDY’S POV

With all the contradicting thoughts flooding my confused head right now, I didn’t expect sleep to come as easily as it did. I wrapped myself in my duvets, feeling surprisingly lonely without anyone by my side.

The first night I lived with Jinxx was not easy, I tossed and turned for ages, stray tears dripping from my eyes occasionally until Jinxx appeared in the doorway around 1am and said I could sleep with him for tonight. He’s my best friend, it was nice to have him comfort me. Unlike when I was in my own room I fell asleep in Jinxx’s room within minutes, comforted by my friend’s arms and soothing words.

Luckily, sleep wasn’t so evasive today and it didn’t take me long to drift off. However, the dream - or more accurately memory – wasn’t necessarily what I wanted to think about right now.

~

I stood in an all too familiar room, a room I hadn’t stood in for over three years…

I wasn’t here in present date though, I wasn’t on my own either.

Around me in various seats were my ex-band members – fellow band members at the time, people who for just over a year were like my family. I knew why I was here and what memory it was almost immediately by my ex-bandmates sad expressions and the sinking feeling in my stomach. The person nearest to me, Craig, glared at me. His choppy blond hair fell over one of his brown eyes, his white cheeks flushed pink. He was the only one of my ex-bandmates to be standing up and the only person to be showing an emotion other than sadness. His face was contorted in anger only.

“What the hell do you mean you’re ending it Andy?!” Craig yelled, just like the first time.

“I mean I’m ending it, it’s over Craig.” I found myself saying, quietly but forcefully.

“What the fuck! Why? Let me guess, you have someone else! Well your mine Andy, MINE! No one else’s!”

He was wrong, I didn’t have anyone else. I just didn’t want to be with him, he didn’t seem to be able to understand this though…

“No Craig, there isn’t someone else, I just can’t stay in this relationship anymore…”

I could feel his gaze burn into me like fire, full of anger and hate.

He started walking towards me and I immediately backed up, I didn’t like him near me when he was angry.

He reached out and gripped my arm hard, hard enough to leave blue and purple bruises which I would discover the next morning. I could feel his jagged nails dig into my exposed skin, leaving indents.

“You. Are not leaving me. You. Will. NOT. You are MINE!” Now I started to get scared, the dominance and control in his voice making me internally shake even though I tried to keep my stance strong and un-submissive.

Even though I had already experienced this once I was still surprised when his hand connected with the side of my face, the sound of his harsh slap ringing through the room. My ex-bandmates and supposed friends just sat there shocked, un sure what to do with the situation.

Something inside me snapped and I yanked my arm out of his grip.

“No! I am not yours! I am not a piece of property you controlling dick! We’re over, just accept it.” I started towards the door and only stopped when I remembered the other people still sitting in the room.

“I’m sorry guys, I can’t do this anymore. I hope you have success with the band but you’re gonna have to do it without me, because I can’t stay in a band with HIM.”

I stormed out the house, leaving my ex-boyfriend and now ex-bandmates behind. We had all been so close, me and Craig especially. Hell we were best friends! Then everything went to shit after we got together, the first few weeks we were fine but then… then he changed.

The first time I walked away from this house I had no idea what was going to happen. As this is the second time I have experienced this though, I know that that will be the last time I ever properly see them. I started heading towards the nearest coffee shop, which would soon become my favourite chill out place and where I meet Jinxx. Before I could continue in my memory though I felt the edges of my vision start to fade and blur.

The dream ended and I returned to reality, feeling no better than before. I sat up in my bed, my sheets sticking to my sides slightly from the heat. I sighed and rubbed my hands over my eyes to wipe away an unwanted tear, and thought back to earlier. I had told Ashley it would end badly and I knew that from experience but he didn’t seem to understand fully my reasoning. Then again, you probably couldn’t fully understand unless you’d been in the same position.

The thing I realise now is that I said we have to keep our relationship to friends only because I didn’t want to lose him, but what if in doing that I pushed him away?

But I can’t have a repeat of Craig…

But Ashley is nothing like Craig! My brain screamed at me.

I can’t lose Ashley, which is why I said we couldn’t be together, but what if by doing that I’ve managed to lose him completely?