The Hand of Destiny

I think I’m the only person in the world who is interested by their front door.

You see, the apartment block I live in is not the most… friendly or well cared for block in the neighbourhood. My front door was used as a message board long before I moved in and no matter how many times I white wash over it, more and more people just come by and graffiti on it. Only one new thing had been written since I left this morning. Just above the handle someone had written very neatly in a black sharpie: ‘Crying doesn’t mean your weak, sometimes it means you’ve been strong for too long’.

It’s oddly funny really, how the place when people are their deepest seems to be when writing an anonymous message on the door of someone they don’t know.

I ran my finger over the wood before turning the key and pushing the door open. The heating in my apartment engulfed me like a wave as I stepped in the door. Perfect. It’s the one thing I love about my apartment - the heating and electric is all included in the set monthly price; hence I can use as much as I want without being charged more.

I threw my keys onto the small living room table, not bothering to pick them up when they landed on the coffee-stained surface and skidded off the other side. I’d get them later when I wasn't practically dead on my feet.

I dragged myself towards my bedroom, resisting the urge to just pass out on the floor. I hadn't realised just how tired I was until I had nothing to distract me anymore. I fell onto the cheap cotton sheets fully dressed, not bothering to kick my shoes and jeans off before crawling into bed. For once, insomnia let me be and I fell asleep relatively peacefully.

****

It’s too warm… my body feels uncomfortably hot and sticky. I can hardly move, something is restraining me, holding me here. There’s a faint ringing coming from somewhere – shrill and repetitive. It’s too hazy... I can’t see properly, where am I? Just oranges and reds - dancing, crashing like waves, flooding. I’m drowning.

My vision changed and I felt my eyes open, I wasn't aware I had them closed…

The heat was still pulsing against me, sticking to my skin and making me uncomfortable. Then my mind fully woke up and registered the ringing. The fire drill. I tried to jump up only to fail miserably; the covers of my bed had wrapped around me in the night and were obviously what I could feel in my half-dream. I kicked the cream sheets away from me and stood up on shaky legs. I hurtled towards the door of the apartment, not stopping to grab anything as I skirted around the table. As soon as I stepped out into the hall way the smoke hit me; I couldn't see anything, just endless grey that seeped into my lungs making me choke.

Orange and red flames danced, intertwined and grew from one end of the hallway. It was beautifully depressing really. So visually amazing yet so life destroying. Fire - it's just one of those things.

I would have choked out a curse, but I couldn't get any air to my lungs. I yanked up my shirt and pressed it over my mouth, keeping my head down as I sprinted to the other end of the corridor. I pushed against the door at the end with my shoulder and kept running, leaving the brown door to slam into the chipped wall, probably leaving a mark.

The main reception area was a mess - everyone was running and screaming, pushing to get out the small exit. Outside lights blared as fire engines and police cars arrived. I burst outside, inhaling as much clean, cold air as I could. It made me feel faint and light headed though; I only made it a few metres from the building before I dropped to the cold pavement.

Deep breaths...

A fully uniformed police man got up on the front of one of the stationary police cars and held a megaphone to his mouth.

“Please remain calm. I repeat, please remain calm. We need you to check your name off from a list of tenants and then we need you to leave in a calm and orderly fashion. You will all need to find accommodation for a while as this building will not be inhabitable for a few months. You will be contacted sometime over the next couple of days when the building has been checked for immediate danger to retrieve any possessions which have survived the fire. Thank you.”

The next few minutes went in a blur as I checked my name off the list and walked to the side of the road, where I sat staring at my phone. Thank God I was too lazy to get undressed or it wouldn't have been in my pocket. While rummaging around for my phone, I felt my fingers brush against something paper in my jeans pocket.

Andy’s number!

I should call my family…

Then why don’t I?

A voice in the back of my mind answered my own question: because I want to call Andy. I want his comfort, like he gave me in the bathroom and outside the house.

I tried not to think too much into it as I punched his number into my phones keypad before tapping the green telephone icon..

“Andy?” I breathed as he answered on the fourth ring.

I can’t remember most of the conversation, too shook up from the fire I guess. I’m not sure how long I sat at the side of the road either as people ran around me, checking each other’s safety. I just remember sitting there - cold with tear stained cheeks from tears I don’t remember spilling – until someone’s arms wrapped around me and held me tight.

“Oh My God Ashley! Are you okay?” Andy's voice was heavy with concern as he addressed me.

I nodded, even though every fibre of my body was telling me no.

He didn't let go of me as we stood up, even as he lead me over to the cab he took over here. He told the guy driving what I presumed to be his address and got in the back with me, instead of the front.

I buried my head into his shoulder and squeezed my eyes shut, praying that this is all a dream and I’m not really homeless now. I did what they always did in the comics and movies and pinched myself. Even after several tries I still felt pain. Fuck. Still if there is one bright side, it’s that I’m currently in the back of a cab cuddling Andy - who came out at 1am in the morning to help someone he met at a party earlier that night.

“Thank you so much for this Andy, I don’t know what I’d have done without you” I admitted, my voice muffled slightly against the jacket he was wearing.

“Don’t worry Ash, I’m just glad you’re safe”

Ash. He gave me a nickname! Okay, it probably wasn't normal to be that happy about a nickname but screw that i'd had a shitty day and if it made me happy then I was going to revel in it.

The cab pulled up outside another block of apartments across town, a lot nicer than mine.

Andy grabbed some money out a pocket in his leather skinnies (wait those things have pockets? How is there room?!) and gave it to the driver (Don, as his name tag so kindly informed us).

He shuffled me out of the backseat and put his arm around me as he led me inside the building and up a flight of stairs. He unlocked the door (void of all graffiti) and flicked a switch on the left wall. The lights flicked on and the apartment was bathed in artificial brightness that was strangely welcoming. There were three more doors adjoined to the living room/ kitchen area that you entered into straight away. One was open and revealed a bathroom while the other two closed ones were presumably bedrooms. I was proved right as Andy led me towards the one on the left and opened the light brown door.

Inside was a double bed with Batman sheets, a desk covered in notebooks and paper, a pin board and a wardrobe (though a fair amount of clothes seemed to be stacked next to it rather than in it, but hey I’m not judging, if you can’t be bothered to hang stuff up use the oh so convenient floor-drobe).

“You can sleep in here and I’ll take the couch” He offered.

“No” I protested, he’d already done so much for me. “I’m fine on the couch, you don’t have to be uncomfortable for me”.

“I really don’t mind Ashley. You've had a bad night, it's probably best for you to get a good night’s rest” he told me, looking at me like a doctor would do a patient.

“Okay, since I don’t want to argue about this for the next fifteen minutes...” Andy smiled at my fake ‘it’s not worth the fight’ tone. “It is a double bed, why don’t we just both sleep in it?” I suggested.

Andy looked at me.

Whoops, might have just crossed the line…

“As long as that’s not weird for you or anything…” I hurried to add as he just laughed.

He moved forward and pulled back the edge of the cover. I took this as an invitation to kick my shoes off and climb in. He did the same and settled down next to me, his left arm wrapped protectively around my waist.

Instinctively, I tucked my head down against his shoulder, enjoying his warmth.

You’d think after all that had happened today I would lie awake for most of the night. I think Andy’s my lucky charm though, for it only took a few minutes for me to drift off, wrapped up safe in his arms.