Secrets

Since I had started thinking about him during second hour, he was still on my mind after fourth. Causing me to come out of fourth period angrier and sadder than usual.

I walked to the cafeteria yelling at and sometimes setting small fires on the people in my way.

When I finally got there, it made my mood worse. My idiot friends had decided to sit with Lavi.

Great.

I slouched over to the long line and started to wait but then I got too impatient and just shoved myself to the front of the line.

"Hey James!" my half fairy friend Sofia. “Haven’t seen you all summer!”
I glared at her and said nothing. She sighed and ran a hand through her dark blue hair.

"You want some jelly?"

"Bowlful" I commanded looking at her through my hair. She handed a bowl of jelly over along with some corn, beets and dressing to put on my salad.

Fucking school and it's fucking health craze.

I walked slowly toward the table were Angel, Toni and Liza are seated with Lavi. When I got to the table, Lavi's face was really red. Angel said something about him being really good at art. I looked over to see him drawing something amazing.

just like he used to. I swallowed back the pain and felt it settle in my stomach. But I still sat down and scarfed my food, trying to think about anything but that.

Then I made the mistake of looking up. My eyes fell on Lavi. He was contentedly drawing, a look of calmness on his face. The pain swelled up from my stomach and I lost all interest in eating.

I stood up from the table and stalked angrily to the trash bins, throwing away the rest of my food.
When I got back, I made a mistake and looked over Lavi's shoulder. He noticed me watching and blushed. Just. Like. Him. Then he looked up and covered the page with his arm. I felt tears prick at the corners of my eyes and I swallowed back a sob.

Thank god Liza had been listening to my thoughts. There’s no need for me to randomly start crying and have to explain myself.

"Lavi! Come paint walls with me!" Liza commanded. “They took off all the paint from last year and I miss the pretty colors.”

Lavi nodded and shoved his things back into the backpack he seemed to carry everywhere. Then he followed Liza from the cafeteria. As they left I thanked Liza for taking him away. In theory, she was still listening to my thoughts. I saw her nod her head slightly as she and Lavi walked out of the lunchroom.

Thankful that the boy was gone, I started to leave as well, I plan on finding something sharp.

That plan didn’t work, as Angel pulled me down on to the bench.

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, actually sounding worried.

"Nothing" Lie.

"Is it Ta-"

"SHUT UP!!" I screamed at her. I don't care that everyone is looking at me. No one would be stupid enough to bother me.

I felt tears starting to pool in my eyes, so I got up and ran as fast as I could. Just needing to get away.

I was planning on going back to my room to find a sharp, but then I remembered that Angel had taken everything away.

So I changed direction and kept running, not paying attention to were I was going, just the feeling of my legs pumping and blood rushing through my veins.

Somehow my body knew what I wanted and I ended up at the armory.

A smile spread across my features. Weapons are sharp, sharp means pain. And blood.
There's a pad lock on the door but it only took me a few seconds to heat the metal for it to be weak enough for me to pull off. The metal was hot as I ripped the lock from the door, but I didn’t care.

I stepped into the armory and let my eyes roam over all the sharp metal. I scanned over the weapons and finally decided on the combat daggers. Daggers like this are more similar to knives and are used for cutting, not stabbing. Perfect.

I slipped one out of its slot on the wall and sink down to my knees holding out my right wrist clenching my fist so more blood will flow. I made a long incision up the inside of my arm all the way to the pit of my elbow digging it in there and holding my breath, hoping to cut an artery.

Then I do the same to my other forearm. I realized that I’ve only made a few cuts in the last three months, so I take the blade and run it over my arms, digging it in as deep as I can where ever I feel like it. Everywhere

I watch as my blood flowed freely from my arm onto the concrete. Only when there's a large pool of blood on the floor does it occur to me that I have nothing to stop the bleeding with. But I don’t care.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and die this time

Then the tears come. Filling my eyes pooling on the floor, mixing with my blood. I look down at my pool of blood and tears. Dropping the combat dagger, I stick my right hand in the blood letting it pool in my hand then I stand up and walk outside my eyes still blurry. My arms are still bleeding and I just wander, waiting to pass out.

I ended up in the woods behind the school. Near the tree Liza lived in last year. I stumble around eventually sinking to my ground, still crying. I close my eyes and the unwanted memories flood my mind.

He's sitting there on the ground in front of me and I'm looking down.
When he looks up I see his beautiful deep red eyes.
He's holding his sketchbook to his chest.
"Do you wanna see what I was drawing?"
He asks with his sweet voice.
I nod still caught in his eyes.
He turns the book around and-

It's too painful to remember. I push the memories out my head. They make me sick and I lean over, the food in my stomach spilling onto the forest floor

"FUCK!" I scream to the sky. "WHY AM I STILL HERE?!" Why can't I be with him? Why am I here? Why couldn’t I go too?

I lay down on the Forrest floor my eyes toward the sky. Looking up at the first stars poking through the black.

I wonder how long I've been gone? I wonder if there looking for me. The stars are fuzzy because I'm still crying.

Right, we were supposed to meet Estella at the train station. So, they’re not looking for me. I lie there not wanting to move and then drift off succumbing to the blackness.