Wake Me Up and Let Me Know You're Alive

Kellin remembers everything about that night. He refuses to forget. He forces himself to remember every second, every sharp pain, the screaming, the flashing lights. They were all his fault. He couldn't forget. But most of all...
He didn't want to forget him.

***

It had started out as every birthday party should, innocent and happy. They had cake and Kellin opened up his presents. Kellin was sixteen now, and he got his permit already. His parents handed over the car keys as soon as he was done opening presents. "Be back by midnight," they had said. Kellin and his friends all piled into the car and drove around town. They ended up in a bar, and got drinks despite being underage. Vic wrapped his arms around Kellin's waist and purred into his ear, "You're so hot when you're drunk." Kellin had laughed at that, but he kept Vic right there and leaned into him. Vic smiled and touched his cheek softly. "I love you, Kells. Will you be mine?" Of course, Kellin said yes.

Soon, it was almost midnight and they had to head home. They all climbed into the car and Kellin drove. It wasn't the best idea, considering he was intoxicated, but no one seemed to pay attention. As Kellin drove, the road began to look smaller to him. The road twisted oddly and he drove along what he saw. His ears were suddenly filled with the screams of his friends.
"Kellin! What are you doing?!"
"Kellin, watch out!"
"Look out for the-"

The car spun and flipped over the safety rail of the road. By the time they had stopped falling, the car was completely destroyed and upside-down. Somehow through all of this, Kellin was still conscious. He was very injured, but he was alive and awake. He crawled over to Vic to see if he was okay.
"Vic?" he called.
No answer.
"Vic are you okay?"
Nothing.
He made his way over and got a good look at Vic. He was mangled and unrecognizable. Kellin quickly checked for a pulse. He couldn't find one.
"Vic!" he sobbed.
Vic didn't move and Kellin only cried harder. Vic was dead and it was his fault. He would never forgive himself. Ever.

***

Kellin sat in the tree in his backyard. He used to share this tree with Vic. "Kellin + Vic" was still carved into it from when they were in the second grade. Kellin traced his finger over it like he always did. It still hurt. He still missed him. He laid back against the branch of the tree and pulled out his sketchbook. He looked through all the pictures of Vic and it brought tears to his eyes like it always did. "Kellin." He jumped at the sound of his mother's voice invading his thoughts. He wiped his tears and looked down at his mother who was standing at the base of the tree. "It's your birthday, Kellin, you should be out with your friends and having fun, not sitting up in a tree and moping." Kellin just blinked at her. He hadn't talked at all since the accident. His mother sighed, "Kells.."
Pain took over Kellin's face. That was the nickname Vic had given to him, and everyone had avoided using that name in front of him ever since. Tears welled up in Kellin's eyes and he tried to blink them away. But it was no use, the tears streamed their way down his face. His mother apologized and left him there in his tree. Their tree. It still belonged to Vic too.

Kellin stayed in the tree until the sun went down and his mother called him for dinner. Kellin sat at the dinner table, but he didn't eat. He stopped eating a year ago. Just like when he stopped talking. Even though his mother knew he wouldn't eat, she pushed a plate of food in front of him anyway. Kellin only stared at it. Just like always. He got up after a while of just staring at the food and went up to his room. He locked the door and grabbed his pocketknife. He sat on the window pane and used the knife to cut all down his arm. Ruby red liquid ran down his arm and he looked out of the window. "Come back," Kellin whimpered to the night sky. He waited for an answer.

He never got one.