The Boy Who Could Fly

(I feel so under pressure right now as I write this okay??)

"MAMMA!" Justin yelled as he shut the door behind him. I was surprised he yelled like that. So, loud.
"In the kitchen." She said. We tossed our bags to the love seat and walked in and down the hall to the kitchen.
"Justin, I need you to get me some clothes I sent to the cleaners."
"We'll be back." I replied nodding to Justin to get his keys from the hook where he just hung them.
"No Kellin I need you here."
"okay?" Justin shrugged it off and left with no word or hesitation.
"So, what'd you need?" I rolled my chair over next to her to talk, assuming she just wanted to talk about my legs or school. She let out a sigh and mumbled something incoherent.
"Mom?" I asked. She didn't reply, instead she burst into tears.
"Mom! Mom what's wrong are you okay?" I jumped up from my wheelchair and slung an arm around her shoulder an squeezed her. She looked up at me and snapped back.
"Get back on your chair Kellin!" I dropped down right away.
"What happen mom?" Again she mumbled something, but I couldn't hear it.
"What?" She did it again, I heard it but now I couldn't understand what it was.
"Sorry mom can you repeat that."
"Your fathapasaway"
"What?" I snapped.
"Your father is dead!" She finally raised her voice and looked me dead in the eyes. Four words was all it took to give me a mix if emotions like this.
Should I be sad he died? He was my dad, the man who made me and gave me a home.
Or should I be happy this happened? He ruined my childhood, he made my mother and I go through hell and everything horrid with him. This means he'll never come back or hurt us again.
He's never coming back.
He's dead.
"Good." I slipped out.
"I know,"
"Then.. Why are you crying?"
"Kellin, there was a point in life where your father loved me. You were so young when he turned into a monster. He couldn't stand the fact of growing up. But that doesn't matter know. He will never again hurt you my little Kellin. My boy, I love you so much. I'm so sorry I let him hurt you.."
"Mom don't cry, I love to too mommy." I took her hands from her face and squeezed them. She let out a laugh and pulled away to wipe her tears.
"So, how'd it happen?"
"Oh just a car crash."
"Sounds right, he couldn't drive."
"Yeah, except it was outside the airport. San Diego airport."
"WHAT! How did he? Who told him!" How the fuck did he find us? We left no trace what so ever. He should have never known we came what if he made it here..
"No one, I guess he tracked my credit card here." She shrugged and looked over at her purse at the far end of the table and thought about it.
"He's gone." She muttered before standing up and walking up to her room. For a few minutes I just stayed there, just...
"Mom! You owe me $48." I snapped my head up when Justin slammed the door. He came into the kitchen and with out being asked, rolled me over to the living room to see him.
"Holy crap Kellin who died?" He walked over to me and pulled my chair to the couch so I could stay next to him. I looked in the mirror and saw what he meant. My eyes were puffy around the edges and red, my hair was messy, I was sweaty. I might have blacked out.
"My dad." I answered blankly.
"I'm so sorry Kelly."
"Don't be, he was a monster who deserved it. He was never there, and when he was it was always bad." I started to feel it.
It was a mix of emotions from hating him. Just happy he was gone and never coming back again.
And wishing he could have been there for me, raise me as a son and not just a piece of shit he always called me. Wondering what if he was a GOOD father to me?

I can't handle it. The only thing I can do about it is write about it. My emotions, feelings, and thoughts.
"Hey Justin can you get me my song book from my bag?"
"I smell a hit single." He chuckled as he leaned to the bag and tossed me it.
"Yeah I'm gonna need to go to my room." He moaned in frustration and took me away.
"You don't need to act like this."
"Excuse me? Mom said you have to help out okay. Blame her."
"Okay but if I hurt myself you better be my nurse."
"Yes Justin I'm gonna wear a little apron and be your maid." I wrapped my arms around him tighter and placed my head on his chest like a hopeless damsel in distress.
"The fuck you are!" He snapped. I really do owe him one. He's carrying me upstairs so I guess I should do the same for him. When I got to my room he jumped back down to his room so it left me pure silence and nothing to distract me.

"Let's do this dad." I said aloud. It wasn't towards him, but more of what I felt of him. It began to click together as I wrote more and more, erased and scribbled. It was pure and heartfelt. I didn't want to make it sound too personal. Leaving out my self harm, suicide attempt, and other personal issues we had in our past. I had a song, a good one i had to give to the guys. And I know where to show everyone.

"Okay class today Kellin is gonna sing us a song." She gave me an uplifting smile and patted my shoulder. I had told her about my father today during lunch. She seemed understanding how I felt confused over what I felt of the situation.
"Okay guys do any of you know who the Beatles are?" She got a few claps from the other classmates and walked to her desk to fetch me the music sheet.
"Kelly's gonna sing for me." Kenaded giggled. Jolie's surprise guest for today was her daughter, so far it was my favorite of the week. She was so cute and anything she did or said made everyone happy. She's an angel.
"Let it be?" I furrowed my eyes and looked it over. As I read the lyrics my heart felt warm. I knew she would choose something like this for me. Make me feel better.
And I needed it. I could see Kenna sitting in her mother's chair staring at me as I sang to the class.

"There will be an answer, let it be." And that's what I was doing. Everything that has happened to me is now on the past. I can't change it, only accept it happened and move on. Just let it all be and move on in life to make myself better than what I was in Michigan. It's still a struggle someways but with my family and friends, I'm getting there.