Taking a Chance

Jeremy kisses your throat, his hands occasionally wandering to your side. The pads of his fingers are rough and the dry skin scrapes your skin, sending shivers up and down your spine. You can feel his hard member on your thigh and as you groan, he sucks hard on where your pulse is.
His hand massages your breast through your t-shirt, a soft and needy groan from Jeremy makes you smile as you move your thigh, unintentionally. His lips connect to yours and you suck on his bottom lip, your hand disappearing down the back of his collar as you scrape your nails down his back.

"You taste so good" He says into your mouth. Thinking about it, he tastes like wine and cigarettes.

You breathe in his scent and feel totally overwhelmed by him. You kiss him passionately and move your thigh again. This time deliberately.

"Urgh" he groans, covering your mouth with his, thrusting his tongue in.

"Sounds like someone's getting excited" You grin up at him, his forehead pressed against yours. You move your thigh again and laugh as his head drops, he's moaning.

"It's your fault" he looks at you.

You move your thigh against him and bite on your lip as his eyes roll into the back of his head.
You finally stop and kiss him again.

Panic rises in your chest as you feel Jeremy's hand against your crotch, trying to slide his hand down the front of your jeans.

"Jeremy..Stop!" You say, pushing him off.

His face is lined with confusion as he sits back. You bury your face in your hands and shake your hand.

"Mama?" He touches your knee, leaning over to look at you.

"I'm sorry" You say, physically shaking."I shouldn't have led you on"

"You didn't lead me on, mama. I wanted to" His tone goes quiet."Did you?"

You feel like such a jackass, stupid.
"Yes" You sigh."More than anything."

You can tell he is confused by your sudden reaction. He is just looking at you like a rejected puppy, hurt pooling in his eyes.

"I'm sorry." He says."I went too far"

"You didn't. I just got scared"
"Why would be scared?" He asks gently."I wouldn't make you do anything you didn't want to"

"I know you wouldn't" You answer, giving him a weak smile.

"You can tell me, Susie" He says softly, supportive. You bite on your bottom lip, nervously."You can tell me anything"

"Jeremy, I need you to understand something. It's been a long time since I've been with anyone."You say quietly."It's been eight years since I ever felt safe with a man"

Jeremy just nods quietly before speaking.

"Do you feel safe with me?" He looks straight into your eyes and nod."What happened that made you feel unsafe?"

You should have known he was going to ask. Licking your lips, you run your hands through your hair.

"When we-"You pause."When we started to get...intimate..I freaked"

You feel him taking your hand in his own.

"I should have told you why I really moved out here" You begin.

You were only thirty-two when it happened and it had destroyed everything. It's still destroying everything for you.

"I was walking home from work. I worked in a 24 hour supermarket to pay the bills. I didn't know what I wanted to do back then, just drifting and surviving." You sigh."I was walking to my apartment when I was grabbed from behind. I was pulled into some bushes and raped"
You hold back your tears.

"Mama, I'm so sorry. I had no idea" Jeremy puts his arm around you, his other hand tightly squeezing your hand.

"It's okay." You say.

"What happened?" He asks."Did they catch the guy?"

You shake your head. You go on to explain that your attacker never was found and after years of physical therapy and visiting psychiatrists had really changed you. It made you more determined to survive and simply get on with things.

"Living with people knowing, all those pitiful looks and fake concerns. I didn't need it" You say."I moved away, continued therapy and through therapy I realised I had a passion for photography."

Jeremy looks completely shocked. He rubs the small of your back and kisses your head.

"Do you still want to be with me?" He asks.

"Of course I do." You say eagerly

"We'll take things as slow as you
want,mama. You're in control. Just remember you can tell me anything."

"There's one more thing. I can't have children"

He kisses your forehead and wraps his arm around your shoulder.
You hug him tightly and kiss his cheek.

"Thank you"