Taking a Chance

As promised, Jeremy had called you every day and spent anything up to three hours on the phone. It was harder for him to grab a minute of privacy which resulted in the constant flow of text messages, back and forth between you. Sometimes, if his day had ended at a reasonable time he would set up the skype on his laptop and just seeing him made that ache in your chest worse. Even when he was tired, completely run down with various activities, you could see the exhaustion in his eyes.

Every time he spoke to you either on the phone or on skype, he promised to try and find a slot where he could fly back and see you. Every time you both said goodnight, you had to keep yourself composed until you had switched off th laptop. You didn't want him to see you upset and you know he felt guilty about leaving, about not being there and for dragging you into this chaotic lifestyle.

Every night since Jeremy's departure you had cried yourself to seep, hugging the sweatshirt that had kept his smell that you loved. You are walking round in a haze and it feels that you are constantly hungover, and people, particularly your friends have noticed the change in you. It feels like you've lost your arm or leg and every time you hear Jeremy's soft voice, you want to tell him to come home. But you know in your heart of hearts that you couldn't and simply just wouldn't. It would be like asking him to choose between you and his career, both of which you know he's in love with.

****

You sip at your sweetened coffee and focus on the email that is on your computer screen. Michelle is quite happily pottering around you, dealing with the customers. Your week has been easy going since the wedding season has reduced slightly and that suits you fine. You don't want to be around happy couples when you feel so miserable.

For the last few weeks your emotions had been like a rollercoaster, up one minute and down the next and everyone noticed.

You move away from your desk as the tears blur your vision. You escape into the back room and Michelle follows you.

"Are you okay?" She asks gently.

You wipe away your tears and let out a shaky breath, nodding.

"All I seem to do is cry these days"

"Here" She says, handing you a tissue."He won't be one forever"

"I know. It just feels like it. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't think it would be this hard"

Michelle hugs you tightly as you cry on her shoulder.

"I miss him so freaking much" You sob.

"I know you do" She grabs your upper arms and looks into your face."Tell you what, tonight you are coming over to mine and we are going to sit and watch some girly movies, eat junk food and just have fun. I'll get us some face masks on my way home"

"I don't know-" You start to say.

"Susie, you are coming over and that's it. End of discussion. Now, I want you to go home and take a long soak in the tub. Go on and get out of here"

You feel like an idiot for crying over Jeremy in front of Michelle and like a true friend, she totally supported you. Asking for a better friend would be totally impossible and you feel as if you don't deserve her. You make a note to really show her your appreciation once you have come up with a good way to thank her.

Somehow, three bottles of wine and a gigantic tub of ice-cream has been consumed and as Michelle pours you another glass of wine, you flick through the movie channels.
Neither the two of you want to watch a romance or a horror, given the reason that both of you are as skittish as each other when it comes to that sort of thing. Your cell buzzes across the coffee table.

"It's Jeremy" You say, feeling your emotions bubble.

"I'm going to go and get some air" Michelle says and leaves you some space to take Jeremy's call.

"Hey" You say, giving it your best shot at trying to sound a little happier.

"Hey, mama. Are you okay?" He asks."You sound like you've been crying"

"I'm fine. Michelle and I were watching some romantic movie. How's Chicago?"

Jeremy groans on the other end of the line. You remember vaguely that he's two hours ahead of you. It's eleven here and one am there.

"It's going good. It's a bigger project than I imagined it would be."

"I'm glad that something is keeping you of trouble" You tease and hearing him giggle makes your knees go weak.

"I'm always well behaved. You know that" He laughs along with you."Always the gentleman"

"Yes, you are." You agree."I miss you"

"I miss you too,mama." His soft whispering voice sends chills down your spine."Not being with you is driving me crazy. I hate waking up and not seeing your beautiful smile"

A stray tear rolls down your cheek.

"Are you woking this weekend?"

"I'll just be at the shop. It's pretty quiet and nothing's booked in with us" you answer.

"Good." He says."I was hoping you could maybe fly out here and I could show you the sights."

"I can't afford it" You reply. Turning down a weekend with Jeremy is crushing you and you hate it.

"I'm paying for it. Will you come?"

"I can't let you do that, Jeremy. You know how I feel about you spending money. Especially on me" You answer.

You remember the last time you had anything saved in the bank and you had put it all into your business, a risky move.

"I don't care." He says "I want you
here, mama. Please?"

Hearing him beg makes your stomach flip.

"Okay. Let me know which flight"

"That's my girl." You can tell he's smiling. "I'll email you everything for the flight."

"Okay. I guess it will be nice to hear your goofy laugh again"

"You're going to hear it all weekend" he says laughing.

"You better get some sleep or you will be like a zombie tomorrow"

"I already am" he says and you both go through the routine goodbyes.

"Susie?" He says suddenly.

"Yes?"

" I love you." He says softly."I really
do love you"

Your heart skips a beat at those three little words.

"I love you too, Jeremy. Goodnight"

"Goodnight, mama"