You're My Infinity

I felt a little better after telling her what she needed to know. It had been killing me to not share exactly what it meant with her, though I didn’t know how she would respond. I wanted her to respond well to it, so maybe that was my reasoning for hiding it so long. Well, it felt like so long… One day with her seemed like an eternity to hide something so big like that.

After kissing her knuckles for a moment, I hide my eyes from hers, waiting for her reaction. Absentmindedly my fingers reach up to slide along my mark on her skin, feeling more calm with her cool skin brushing against mine.

“Darling, say something,” I urge her after a few more moments of silence and I sigh. Maybe I was expecting her to be more upset and screaming right away; that would have scared me enough. I realized now that I was more scared of her silence than her anger.

I didn’t have much experience with girls, other than the few servants that we had and the girls I spent a few seconds with when they were trying to catch my attention, but I knew what silence meant. I knew that silence meant she was overthinking it. The silence meant that she was lost in her own thought – a deep abyss full of darkness that could cloud over the light if she gave the doubt a chance.

It scared me terribly; left me wandering in my own poisonous grasp of doubt and pain. It hurt to think that she didn’t like the idea, but I would love her all the same. She would come around; I knew she would… She was no different than I remembered from the time we were young – only that she had gotten quite a lot more beautiful and mesmerizing to me.

“What would you like me to say?” She asked in a soft voice that I knew was still carried only by the willing to answer me as I had asked. “You have just told me that there is no way out of this game with you.”

That hurt – quite a lot, I would say. It wasn’t like I didn’t expect it, considering this was a lot for her to take in, but it still hurt me. My finger was feverishly running over the mark on her back now; it was the only thing that was keeping me calm in this moment, even if it annoyed her. I grasped her hand and shook my head, wishing to kiss her but not so sure if she would like that.

“My Emilee, I’m sorry,” was all I could answer for a long time. The hand grasping hers began to tighten and pull her along. There was a misty cloud cover that was approaching and it foretold rain – something us Pharisees hated to get caught in. It was rather ironic, I felt; the weather was mirroring my emotion at the moment – or maybe I mirroring it.

“I didn’t do this to hurt you, you know?” I answered her after a long time of planning my words carefully. I was thinking of just how to put it all into the right words; hell, I had had a monologue that I had been planning for her since we had first departed ways, but now it just didn’t seem right… The words felt awkward and bitter, maybe lightly acidic, and I knew I was lost from planning and would just have to improvise.

“We were young,” she answered me rather unexpectedly and I turned to look at her in confusion. Her face was rather close to mine and so I half-smiled and half-frowned – knowing this wasn’t an invitation for the kiss I was hoping for, but a rather emotional scolding with such anger. “How could you possibly be stuck in the past like this – imagining all the time that we could somehow overcome our differences and be together?” She shook her head. “It’s madness; I don’t understand!”

I could only shrug and caressed her cheek while she was so willingly leaning against me. “You’re here, aren’t you?” I asked. “We’re not that different – except that you’re usually quit a few feet taller than me. I can show you that this won’t be so difficult!” I resumed a slow, leisurely pace, even as the rain began to fall. It made our specialty powers incapable, but I didn’t need them now; we weren’t that far from the tree anyways. And girls liked to dance in the rain – no? I had made her remember her youth the other night as we danced at the festival – and maybe I could remind her of it again.

I pulled on her arm in a short tug to pull her forward and twirled her in my arms so that I could grab onto her waist. It seemed like a good time now to dance – not to mention that I rather enjoyed having my arms around her. I had been satisfied by gaining some of her youth and energy through her mark, but now I wanted – no, needed – more of her touch. It had been driving me crazy without it.

“I never would’ve done this had I thought that you wouldn’t adjust to being a Pharisee well,” I assured as I began to lead a soft waltz. “There are such things as soulmates in this world, and I am sure you are mine! There are no words to describe how long I’ve waited to hold you in my arms and make you happy for all of my life.”

I could tell from the grimace on her face that she wasn’t so satisfied; I didn’t expect her to be. This was a lot to take in in the short time that we were spending together, but I was sure she would understand.

There was a growing list of things that I couldn’t expect. What did I expect from her anyways? Her love and her understanding. That was all I needed – and the rest would all fall into place in the right time.

We spent a long time swaying back and forth in the rain. Neither of us was talking, but we didn’t need to. It was a comfortable silence – unlike the previous one that had worried me so. I knew she didn’t understand all that I hoped for yet, but I was sure I could convince her. She was willingly in my arms, and that was enough of a signal for me. By now, we were soaking wet to the point that my shoes were sopping and it felt as if I was moving in a puddle, but it did not worry me; it shouldn’t have anyways – since we had previously been wet from wading into the water.

It probably really wasn’t that important, but it felt like a big deal to me… Here we were, dancing in the rain without fighting or complaining. She moved to lean her head on my shoulder but stopped herself, realizing what she was doing. I shook my head at her and lifted her chin so that she looked into my eyes.

“What is stopping you from letting yourself enjoy this?” I asked. I sighed and held her tightly, running my hands up and down her soaked back. I didn’t like her fighting it, but I also had to hold back my rage for that.

My Emilee put a finger to my lips and made a “shhh” noise between her teeth. “Just give me time,” she said softly and I nodded my head, kissing on top of her forehead.

“Come,” I finally said as the rain got slightly harder. “Let’s go inside and get you dried off…”