You're My Infinity

I actually flinch at Ronan’s words, knowing somewhere in the pit of my stomach that he’s right. Ever since that day eleven years ago, my perspective somehow changed and I stopped being like everyone else. I felt closer to nature, closer to its creatures, and it was about that time that I started leaving the jar with the fireflies near the forest- to light a path for the Pharisees I had thought.

I can’t bring myself to just accept what he’s telling me though, even if with the way he keeps looking at me -especially when I say his name- makes me want to believe that there’s truth behind his words. And as I cast a secretive glance towards him, something makes me think that he might actually be crazy enough to be telling the truth…and that’s why I had tried to persuade him to leave. Obviously he can’t take a hint.

Forcing myself not to run a hand through my hair nor pace, I look him in the eyes openly, figuring it will do me no good anyway to try and hide, especially at this point. And as I do, I try to measure my words out carefully. First I’ll answer his last argument, and then try to figure out a way to deal with this. “Yes, I’ve dressed like this every year since we met,” I admit with the barest hint of a sigh. “This is how Pharisees are supposed to look though, right? And isn’t that the point of the festival? This is the one day of the year where we’re supposed to be closest to nature. It isn’t anything else, Ron-“ I stop myself because of the look that had started to come over his face when I began to say his name.

It seems even though saying someone’s name will usually get their attention and get them to listen to you, it doesn’t quite work on him. It just seems to make him more distracted and less willing to listen to my arguments. And if this doesn’t dissuade his little quest, I’m not sure what will…maybe if I just offer to spend the rest of the festival with him, he’ll be happy. If I’ve understood correctly, this is actually the only day that Pharisees are allowed amongst humans, so he’ll be back home by tomorrow.

Still holding onto my wrists though, he didn’t show any signs of letting go any time soon, his eyes seeming to burrow into me in a way that nearly brought goosebumps to my arms and caused me to shift uncomfortably. “It’s more than that though; I know it is, even if you don’t want to admit it.” His voice is so imploring and low that it strikes a small chord in me. It’s almost like he’s trying to wear down on my will, and suddenly I feel my body’s stiffness unwind and suddenly I’m mostly unresisting. Shaking my head quickly, I gather up my will again, wondering what exactly that was as I give him a look. “I can’t just leave now that I’m here, Emilee.”

The sound of my name on his tongue almost sucks me back in for a moment, and then I wish I wouldn’t have forced myself not to pace. Pacing would have been good right now… I glance at him from under my eyelashes for a moment, before my shoulders slump in a small sigh. It was obvious he wasn’t planning on leaving without something from me, though I was afraid to ask what exactly it was that he wanted. Looking up at him while straightening my shoulders, I once again pull my wrists from his hands. “You’ll have to leave before morning anyway but…” Here I pause. “Since you’re here, I guess I might as well show you around the festival. Unless I’m wrong, you’ve never been here before.” I raise my eyebrow at him for a moment, but I’m not sure he even saw it.

The reasoning behind this thought is because of the wide smile that has suddenly overtaken his face. Because of my slightly hostile attitude towards him thus far, I’m sure I’ve given him quite a bit of a surprise. But hey, it really can’t hurt, right? I mean, we were friends once before, for a day if nothing more, and he’s probably over-exaggerating a lot when he claims to ‘love’ me, and since I usually just watch the festival from a distance anyway, I’m sure one night can’t harm me either. The worst that could happen is the evil stares I’ll attract.

For a few long moments, Ronan just stares at me, not even saying anything as the gigantic grin covers his face, and then he takes my hand without warning, looking like he’s resisting the urge to pull me close again. Just in case he does decide on this, I dig my heels into the ground as a precaution, but apparently it isn’t needed because after a moment, he just starts leading me off the roof and towards the festival taking place. I hope Annah’s having more fun than I am. “Where are you taking me?” I call out as he starts to navigate through the crowd. Odd looks are cast our way, and I can only imagine how red my face must be as he eventually stops.

It’s all I can do not to run into him, and as I step forward to look around, unconscious of the fact that my hand is still captured in his, my eyes widen a bit as I see where he’s led us. It’s a cleared out area for dancing, with a band playing cheerful music nearby and the scent of alcohol on the air. There’s barely anyone dancing at the moment, but the more people drink, the more will gather, I know.

Then suddenly he’s pulling me towards the circle and despite my best attempts not to get dragged in, he manages it anyway with a mischievous glint hinting in his eyes. “Come on, you love dancing. Just try to remember those dances I taught you.” With a wink from his part –yes, actually a wink- I start to open my mouth to disagree and argue, and not only because it’s been eleven years, but because I haven’t danced hardly at all since then either.

Before a single word can leave my mouth, however, he’s pulled me into a dance anyway. At first I stumble, practically clinging to him just to stay upright because he’s very unforgiving at the moment, but after a few minutes of this added with the laughter in his gaze and teasing, I begin to gather my footing and balance, and manage somehow to get the knack of it. I can feel eyes prickling my back, but with my mind concentrated on the task at hand, I come to forget about those stares.

And after an undetermined amount of time, my feet start to actually move of their own accord somewhat, and I finally actually look at Ronan, who is dancing in front of me. His intense gaze catches me off guard, making the smile fall from my face from the fun I found I had been happening, and I stumble, to a stop because he does as well. We just stare at each other for a moment, friction practically visible between us, and then I shake my head and start to walk out of the circle without a word. I hadn’t quite planned on him following me though, and before I know it, he’s in front of me, blocking my path. I give a frown.

“Where are you going?” he looks hurt. “You were just having fun- what happened?” He looks like he wants to come closer, but to my relief he doesn’t.

I just shake my head. “I’m sorry, I thought because we were friends, that I could do this, give you a night since you seemed so persistent but…”I trail off with a sigh. “I don’t know. The best way to explain it is that you throw me off balance.” I give him a look that I hope is perceived as apologizing. “I should go find my sister now. She’ll need to go to bed soon.”

I start to brush past him, for who knew what time that time, but this time instead of taking my wrist, he takes my arm and stops me, pulling me back in front of him, his sad and practically begging. “Okay, if you really feel that way, I’ll let you go, but at least let me get you a drink first.” There’s something hidden in his expression as he gives this offer, but I can’t quite place it. I find myself biting my lip for a long moment, considering this, before I sigh softly, and give a small nod of consent.

For a moment, he perks up immensely as I agree, and then he lets go of my arm, almost reluctantly it seems, giving me a nod in return. “Well then, I will be right back. Don’t move.” After leaving those instructions, he disappears into the throng of people, and for a moment I shiver, rubbing my arms as I try to think about what I’m doing, exactly. I should know to be careful around Pharisees, and this one especially considering his…personality, but it seems like my mind keeps abandoning all logic. It’s as if someone’s playing around inside it and manipulating it when it suits them. I find I don’t much care for the feeling either.

Before I know it, Ronan’s back, holding two cups which both appear to have a liquid in them that has a golden sort of tint to it. He hands me one of them with a smile, and appears to make a toast, though if he says anything, I don’t feel it. After he takes a sip, I glance down at my own drink for a moment before taking a small sip myself. My eyes widen almost immediately. The taste is sweet and tangy on my tongue, with a strong wave of warmth to it that burns first in my stomach then spreads to my limbs with a kind of electric tingle. I give a small shiver, but I have to admit that it tastes good, and I look at Ronan questioningly. “Where did you find this? It tastes great!” Already my tastebuds are begging for more.

A small grin appears on his lips as he gives a casual shrug. “Oh, you know, around the market place. I thought it looked good too,” he says, giving a small chuckle, which I can only assume is because of my reaction. I take another sip, much longer this time though so that almost half of my cup is drained.

A wave of a strange feeling passes over my body and for a moment it sways a little, the warmth going to my head and making it feel a bit dizzy. It’s a funny yet…sort of amazing feeling, and without even realizing it, I find myself giggling softly. Geez, I never giggle. Stifling a blush, or at least I hope I managed to, I see Ronan smiling as he watches me. By this point, the logical part of my mind seems to have slipped away, and all that I can think of is wanting to do something fun, Annah completely forgotten. I start to raise my cup to my lips again when he stops me for some reason, amusement in his eyes.

“If you drink too much at once, you’re going to fall over,” he advises, but I still try to anyway, wanting to whine like a little kid about how it tastes so good. Before I receive the chance though, he’s put both of our cups aside and taken both of my hands again.

This time my body is pretty much unresisting as he starts to pull me back towards the circle of dancing again, and almost immediately, I fall into rhythm with the music and with him. My head still feels light with warmth, and I’m surprised I don’t stumble, but for once, I actually feel like I’m having fun at this stupid festival, and I’m loathe to ruin the moment, which is probably why I keep the sane and logical part of my mind away as I let Ronan twirl me in dance.