Anorexic Neighborhood
Anorexic Neighborhood (part twelve)
I was in my room still crying, when I heard a soft knock on my door. My sister poked her head in, and slowly entered my room, sitting across from me on my bed. I couldn't look at her when I was crying. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and tried to console me.
"Can I read the letter?" She asked me eagerly. I nodded and she started reading, looking at me every now and then. When she was done reading it, she looked as sad as I felt. "Mom loves you Ashley. She just doesn't want you to be mad at her." She told me. "I know Nikki, and I'm not mad at her."
"Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted any dinner." She looked at me seriously, and I decided to get up. I had to do it slowly, I was groggy, and weak, and I felt like I wasn't whole really. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and snuggled in it, walking out to the kitchen.
I could smell the Sphagetti, and especially the garlic bread. My sister Jessica was already eating, and my Mom was standing in the kitchen staring into space. She looked drained, and I immedeiately felt guilty for causing her the added stress. I walked over and hugged her. I don't remember us ever hugging each-other so long. If we had, It was a long time ago, because I couldn't recall it, and was thinking that while we were hugging.
"I'm sorry." My Mom told me meaningfully. "Me too Mommy. I read the note you left me. Thank-you!" I told her through my tears, and sooon enough she was straining to hold back her own. I ate a little of the dinner. My sisters staring at me the whole time. It was really awkward.
Afterward, I went to take a shower. I was feeling stronger, and was dancing around trying to burn off some of the calories from dinner, when suddenly my stomach completely gave, and all of the food I ate came splashing at my feet. I pushed it down the drain, thankful no one came knocking. I felt a little dizzy, but I managed to finish my shower, and moisturize, and throw on some pajamas and a heavy warm sweater.
I brushed my teeth, getting the icky taste out of my mouth. I then began brushing my hair. I almost screamed, when I was brushing out my hair, and noticed some of it was falling out! My hair was thick anyway, so it wasn't noticable, but it scared me.
I was in my room still crying, when I heard a soft knock on my door. My sister poked her head in, and slowly entered my room, sitting across from me on my bed. I couldn't look at her when I was crying. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and tried to console me.
"Can I read the letter?" She asked me eagerly. I nodded and she started reading, looking at me every now and then. When she was done reading it, she looked as sad as I felt. "Mom loves you Ashley. She just doesn't want you to be mad at her." She told me. "I know Nikki, and I'm not mad at her."
"Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted any dinner." She looked at me seriously, and I decided to get up. I had to do it slowly, I was groggy, and weak, and I felt like I wasn't whole really. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and snuggled in it, walking out to the kitchen.
I could smell the Sphagetti, and especially the garlic bread. My sister Jessica was already eating, and my Mom was standing in the kitchen staring into space. She looked drained, and I immedeiately felt guilty for causing her the added stress. I walked over and hugged her. I don't remember us ever hugging each-other so long. If we had, It was a long time ago, because I couldn't recall it, and was thinking that while we were hugging.
"I'm sorry." My Mom told me meaningfully. "Me too Mommy. I read the note you left me. Thank-you!" I told her through my tears, and sooon enough she was straining to hold back her own. I ate a little of the dinner. My sisters staring at me the whole time. It was really awkward.
Afterward, I went to take a shower. I was feeling stronger, and was dancing around trying to burn off some of the calories from dinner, when suddenly my stomach completely gave, and all of the food I ate came splashing at my feet. I pushed it down the drain, thankful no one came knocking. I felt a little dizzy, but I managed to finish my shower, and moisturize, and throw on some pajamas and a heavy warm sweater.
I brushed my teeth, getting the icky taste out of my mouth. I then began brushing my hair. I almost screamed, when I was brushing out my hair, and noticed some of it was falling out! My hair was thick anyway, so it wasn't noticable, but it scared me.
I put the brush down and weighed myself again. 87.6. I wasn't shocked this time. I even felt sort-of giddy about it. I decided to do Yoga in my room, then go to sleep. I had school the next morning, and I needed to be rested...
(to be continued)
"Can I read the letter?" She asked me eagerly. I nodded and she started reading, looking at me every now and then. When she was done reading it, she looked as sad as I felt. "Mom loves you Ashley. She just doesn't want you to be mad at her." She told me. "I know Nikki, and I'm not mad at her."
"Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted any dinner." She looked at me seriously, and I decided to get up. I had to do it slowly, I was groggy, and weak, and I felt like I wasn't whole really. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and snuggled in it, walking out to the kitchen.
I could smell the Sphagetti, and especially the garlic bread. My sister Jessica was already eating, and my Mom was standing in the kitchen staring into space. She looked drained, and I immedeiately felt guilty for causing her the added stress. I walked over and hugged her. I don't remember us ever hugging each-other so long. If we had, It was a long time ago, because I couldn't recall it, and was thinking that while we were hugging.
"I'm sorry." My Mom told me meaningfully. "Me too Mommy. I read the note you left me. Thank-you!" I told her through my tears, and sooon enough she was straining to hold back her own. I ate a little of the dinner. My sisters staring at me the whole time. It was really awkward.
Afterward, I went to take a shower. I was feeling stronger, and was dancing around trying to burn off some of the calories from dinner, when suddenly my stomach completely gave, and all of the food I ate came splashing at my feet. I pushed it down the drain, thankful no one came knocking. I felt a little dizzy, but I managed to finish my shower, and moisturize, and throw on some pajamas and a heavy warm sweater.
I brushed my teeth, getting the icky taste out of my mouth. I then began brushing my hair. I almost screamed, when I was brushing out my hair, and noticed some of it was falling out! My hair was thick anyway, so it wasn't noticable, but it scared me.
I was in my room still crying, when I heard a soft knock on my door. My sister poked her head in, and slowly entered my room, sitting across from me on my bed. I couldn't look at her when I was crying. She placed her hand on my shoulder, and tried to console me.
"Can I read the letter?" She asked me eagerly. I nodded and she started reading, looking at me every now and then. When she was done reading it, she looked as sad as I felt. "Mom loves you Ashley. She just doesn't want you to be mad at her." She told me. "I know Nikki, and I'm not mad at her."
"Mom wanted me to ask you if you wanted any dinner." She looked at me seriously, and I decided to get up. I had to do it slowly, I was groggy, and weak, and I felt like I wasn't whole really. I grabbed a blanket from my bed and snuggled in it, walking out to the kitchen.
I could smell the Sphagetti, and especially the garlic bread. My sister Jessica was already eating, and my Mom was standing in the kitchen staring into space. She looked drained, and I immedeiately felt guilty for causing her the added stress. I walked over and hugged her. I don't remember us ever hugging each-other so long. If we had, It was a long time ago, because I couldn't recall it, and was thinking that while we were hugging.
"I'm sorry." My Mom told me meaningfully. "Me too Mommy. I read the note you left me. Thank-you!" I told her through my tears, and sooon enough she was straining to hold back her own. I ate a little of the dinner. My sisters staring at me the whole time. It was really awkward.
Afterward, I went to take a shower. I was feeling stronger, and was dancing around trying to burn off some of the calories from dinner, when suddenly my stomach completely gave, and all of the food I ate came splashing at my feet. I pushed it down the drain, thankful no one came knocking. I felt a little dizzy, but I managed to finish my shower, and moisturize, and throw on some pajamas and a heavy warm sweater.
I brushed my teeth, getting the icky taste out of my mouth. I then began brushing my hair. I almost screamed, when I was brushing out my hair, and noticed some of it was falling out! My hair was thick anyway, so it wasn't noticable, but it scared me.
I put the brush down and weighed myself again. 87.6. I wasn't shocked this time. I even felt sort-of giddy about it. I decided to do Yoga in my room, then go to sleep. I had school the next morning, and I needed to be rested...
(to be continued)