Anorexic Neighborhood
Anorexic Neighborhood (part two)
I was always the bubbly girl at school. I may have annoyed some in this manner. Actually I'm sure there's a bubbly girl everywhere wearing on someone else's nerves. Still I was voted Most Positive, Best dressed, and Prettiest eyes. I never cared to be a part of any cliche' I hung out with whoever, and brought people from different groups together, because I would never stay in any particular one. I also was dating Neil for months, and I just adored him.
So.I was desperate to lose weight, for some reasons I barely understand now. Any Eating Disorder counselor will say mostly the same thing: "you want some form of control. I know you feel as though you don't have any in any other areas" or: "You were abused, you want to go back to being a little girl, so your not desirable" I didn't know if either of these were true. At the time I could care less anyway.
Looking back, I remember where it all got unhealthy. I had my own liitle goals, wanting to lose five pounds. To do this I kept a strict routine of things. I didn't eat breakfast in the mornings, Consumed coffee like crazy before school, and went along my bouncy way. I was always turning down food, or the boring doughnuts one of the teachers insisted on handing out every two weeks or so.
I ate lunch at school. I'd wind up crashing. I had P.E. 6th period and looked forward to it more than any other class. I could care less about it before I decided to lose all the disgustingness of my weight. Once I got home from school, I took a shower immediately. Trying to get rid of all the food I ate at lunch by purging it down the drain.
I was always super busy with friends, but soon enough I was passing them up, so I could excercise in my room for hours on end. Doing a thousand repititions for every little leg lift or crunches, and just a whole series of pilates, where I would have to finish more than the required amount of repititions before I'd allow myself One cup of hot chocolate, and go to sleep (sometimes not til three a.m.) Only to wake up and do the same routine the next day.
I was losing weight. I lost five pounds ASAP. People noticed, and I blamed it on being too tired to eat much.
Then one fateful day. I was to meet my new best friend. She was new at school, and we had very common interests. I guess that is where I spiraled out of control....
(to be continued)
So.I was desperate to lose weight, for some reasons I barely understand now. Any Eating Disorder counselor will say mostly the same thing: "you want some form of control. I know you feel as though you don't have any in any other areas" or: "You were abused, you want to go back to being a little girl, so your not desirable" I didn't know if either of these were true. At the time I could care less anyway.
Looking back, I remember where it all got unhealthy. I had my own liitle goals, wanting to lose five pounds. To do this I kept a strict routine of things. I didn't eat breakfast in the mornings, Consumed coffee like crazy before school, and went along my bouncy way. I was always turning down food, or the boring doughnuts one of the teachers insisted on handing out every two weeks or so.
I ate lunch at school. I'd wind up crashing. I had P.E. 6th period and looked forward to it more than any other class. I could care less about it before I decided to lose all the disgustingness of my weight. Once I got home from school, I took a shower immediately. Trying to get rid of all the food I ate at lunch by purging it down the drain.
I was always super busy with friends, but soon enough I was passing them up, so I could excercise in my room for hours on end. Doing a thousand repititions for every little leg lift or crunches, and just a whole series of pilates, where I would have to finish more than the required amount of repititions before I'd allow myself One cup of hot chocolate, and go to sleep (sometimes not til three a.m.) Only to wake up and do the same routine the next day.
I was losing weight. I lost five pounds ASAP. People noticed, and I blamed it on being too tired to eat much.
Then one fateful day. I was to meet my new best friend. She was new at school, and we had very common interests. I guess that is where I spiraled out of control....
(to be continued)