Iris

After pizza, we had gone back home to watch a movie before the couples would leave. I had barely made it twenty minutes into the movie they had chosen - I think it was Halloween - before I had passed out. When I awoke Sunday, I was in my bed and Jimmy was up and working in his office. We ate breakfast, which consisted of Eggos and bananas, before just relaxing around the house all day. Brian and Zack came by, Matt busy with Val and Johnny sick. It was a nice day. Very relaxing and lazy and I loved it.

But all that tranquility was gone today. Today was the big ‘family outing’. I would be meeting Jimmy’s parents along with their daughters’ families. You are right, that meant I was meeting my grandparents and aunts and everyone else in their family. To say I was nervous would be one of the biggest understatements in the history of mankind and should probably be documented for future reference. I had swallowed double the normal dosage of my meds before laying in bed an extra hour, trying to clear my head, but only making it worse.

“Time to wake up - ” Jimmy’s joyous voice slowly trailed off as he entered my room and took in my form. I was currently curled up with my knees hugged to my chest. My eyes were wide as I stared at him hovering in my doorway. “Iris?”

“I think I’m dying,” I admitted, my frown turning more prominent and almost becoming a pout. Jimmy smiled softly and crossed the room to sit down next to me. He began to hum under his breath as he rubbed his hand up and down my back. I couldn’t help but relaxing lightly under his touch.

“You’re not dying,” Jimmy finally spoke after a few minutes of just his humming filling the air. I was actually a little surprised, though I didn’t jump or tense up. I simply turned my head to look up at him. He was still smiling the same, small smile and gave me a wink. “You just letting the butterflies get to you.”

“More like bats outta hell,” I grumbled.

“Still, there’s no reason to get so stressed. They’re family and they’re going to love you.”

“Says you.”

“Exactly, says me. Must I remind you who knows them best of all? I’ve been with them since the day I was born. We kind of think the same,” Jimmy pointed out. I rolled my eyes and playfully moved my lips to mock him. He gently pushed my shoulder, making me stick my tongue out at him. “Just get ready. It won’t be as bad as you think it will. Trust me.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright.” Jimmy gave me one last reassuring smile before pushing himself off the bed. Once my door was shut behind him, I let out a huff as I rolled onto my back. I silently stared at the ceiling for a few more moments before pushing myself to a sitting position on the mattress. Nothing was going to get accomplished just staying here. If anything, Jimmy was going to pull me out of bed.

I stood to my feet before trudging over to my suitcase. I was happy I had made the last minute decision to pack a more formal looking outfit for the trip. I wasn’t sure why I would need it, but the fear of needing it and not having it scared me into shoving in the dress and nice shoes. I gathered all my clothes in my arms before heading into the bathroom. Thirty minutes later, I was showered, dressed, and applying the final touches to my hair. I gave myself one more look over before giving a soft sigh. That was definitely as good as I was gonna get.

I headed down the stairs, pills and phone clutched in my hands, before making a stop in the kitchen. I checked my phone for texts one last time before hitching up my skirt to place it in a pocket on the shorts I wore underneath. I had let the red material fall back into place right before Jimmy entered the room from down the hall. He pocketed his own phone as he smiled at me. “Ready to go?”

“Whoa.” I couldn’t help but gawk. Jimmy had cleaned up nicely. He wore black slacks, a light blue button up shirt (with the sleeves rolled halfway up his forearms), a black tie, and had even traded off his sneakers for a pair of big, shiny shoes. “You definitely know how to get all fancied up, huh?”

He smiled almost coyly and straightened up his tie with a small clearing of his throat. “Your grandmother doesn’t force it, but she does like for us to clean up instead of showing up in jeans and a shirt. So any outings we have are taken in stride.”

“And you just like to make the fans drool,” I teased. He brightened up, giving me a sly grin and a playful wink. I laughed before we headed towards the front door. After making sure it was securely locked, we climbed into his Camaro and began our thirty minute drive to his parent’s home. They had ended up moving to Long Beach a couple of years ago, which I pointed out was weird to me. I mean, he’s the big rockstar, wouldn’t he move to Los Angeles or Long Beach himself?

“I prefer to keep a closer attachment to Huntington,” Jimmy explained, trying to sound sophisticated as he merged into the right lane to exit Pacific Coast Highway. “Mom and Dad just kind of settled there. They prefer Long Beach, but hadn’t been able to afford it prior.”

“I see.” I just told him that so I wouldn’t have to speak anymore. By the turns we were taking, I could tell we were probably close to their home. I was feeling my nerves get dramatically worse causing my hands to tremble in my lap, and I was pretty sure if I talked anytime soon the words would shake.. I tried to hide it by clasping them together and looking out my window, but I knew my whole body would be in convulsions if I didn’t calm myself soon. It wasn’t until I was lightly being shaken that I realized we had pulled to a stop in front of a large house, the engine off and Jimmy frowning with concern.

“Are you okay? I don’t think you’ve heard a word I said in five minutes,” Jimmy pointed out. He was trying to smile, to pretend it hadn’t worried him, but his smile never quite reached his eyes. In fact, it was almost painful to see him attempting to play it off.

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be nervous and all that jazz. I just need a minute to breathe,” I confessed. I didn’t want to shy around it. I finally accepted the fact Jimmy knows the general basics of my disorders. He likes to think I didn’t know he was on his phone most of Saturday when we weren’t taking his attention, looking up all the symptoms and how to help someone cope with them. I got curious to what he was staring at the entire day when he went to use the bathroom. It was very thoughtful of him to do and it took me until today to come to terms that he was trying to help me and I didn’t need to shut down.

All my life I have just shut down from people asking me about the anxiety or depression. They didn’t truly believe me. We were in an upper class community, I got everything I could want, I lived in a luxurious home (though after seeing the guys’ place, kids in my area obvious had no idea what ‘luxury’ really meant). It was like it was physically impossible for a kid like me to have any kind of problems. No one tried to understand my problems. The most I got was my family knowing how to avoid attacks and keep harmful things from me incase I ‘swooped too low’. The closest to coping was drugging me up all the time. And I know I needed the pills to function properly most days, but it bothered me that they just left it at that, figuring it will sort out soon. Y’know, with how much schooling they went through for their designated fields, you would think my parents were smarter than that.

“Okay.” I took a deep breath through my nose, straightening my back, before slouching back over a bit as my cheeks physically popped out a bit from me slowly breathing out all the air again. Turning to Jimmy I offered a short nod. “I’m ready.”

“Then let’s get this party started,” Jimmy spoke as he slid out of the driver’s seat, keys being shoved into the pocket opposite of where he had put his phone. Soon enough we were standing on the porch in front of the door. On the left was a white porch swing that looked so inviting that I almost decided to lay across it. Jimmy pressed his finger to the doorbell before placing his hands behind his back, intertwining his fingers together. I, personally, didn’t know what to do with my hands. It was rare that I didn’t have front pockets to put my hands in when I got nervous. I was about to scold myself for not wearing a cardigan or something when the door before us opened.

The woman was younger than would be expected of being my grandmother, so I was left to assume it was one of Jimmy’s sisters. She was quite tall, roughly 6 foot even, with long, dark brown hair. Her body was feminine but with just enough muscle to show she was active in some form or way. She was dressed in a form fitting, lilac dress with an sweetheart neckline. She suddenly grinned widely, practically flinging herself forward to wrap her arms tightly around Jimmy’s neck. “Slim Jim!”

“Kelp!” Jimmy exclaimed, his own arms wrapping tightly around her waist as he spun her in a small circle. As soon as she was on her feet again, she was playfully smacking his arm and scolding him for the name they ‘don’t use anymore after the incident in Reno’. Her eyes turned to me and a wide smile took over her face. Jimmy pulled me forward, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, giving my left arm a short squeeze. “Kelly, this is Iris. Iris, this is my little sister, Kelly.”

“It’s great to meet you,” Kelly spoke, holding out a hand. When I shook it, I could tell she wanted to pull me in for a hug, but refrained from doing so. I quick side glance at Jimmy let me know he had probably advised against it since I still wasn’t too good at hugs with people. I still don’t know how I survived all the hugs at the carnival without having an anxiety attack. I wanted to thank him, but I figured he’d be too bashful around his family or something dumb like that. Men.

“You, too,” I spoke as we let out arms drop to our sides.

“Oh!” Kelly suddenly stepped to the side of the doorframe, holding out her arm as a way to usher us in. “We should probably get to the kitchen. Mama and Katie are going to throw a fit if I hog you guys for too long.”

“They are too needy,” Jimmy playfully scoffed as Kelly shut the front door behind us before leading the way down the hallway branching off from the entrance foyer. After crossing through a sitting room, we were in a hardwood room with granite counter tops everywhere.

“I agree,” Kelly spoke, making the two women at work to turn. The two looked so alike it was practically mind boggling. They both had chubbier faces but not in an unhealthy way. Like they had permanent baby cheeks.

The younger woman with shorter hair, and a black dress with three-quarter sleeves, scowled, pointing at the two siblings with the kitchen knife she had been using to cut up tomatoes. “Stop talking bad about us.”

Jimmy made a noise suggesting that he was hurt by such a remark. “Now, would I really do something like that to my own flesh and blood, Katie?”

“Yes. Wanna know how I know? We both do it to Kelly when she’s not around.”

“Oh, so you talk about me behind my back, huh?” Kelly demanded, the entire family trying to fight off their smiles.

“You should hear the things Mom says,” Jimmy remarked. That’s when the oldest woman in the room turned off the faucet which she had been using to clean off some celery and cucumbers.

Drying her hands on a dishrag, she scolded, “Not even two minutes and already you three are trying to start a family feud. And Jimmy, spilling all my secrets. That’s it girls, we’re having a long talk about his faults.”

“Pshhh. I am a perfect angel. I have no faults,” Jimmy scoffed as he took his mother into a hug. She smiled, kissing his cheek when he leaned down so she could do so. As they parted, she patted his chest lightly.

“Whatever gets you through the day, honey.” She then turned to me, smiling widely. “Oh, Iris, you’re so grown up now. And you’re a stunning image of your mother.”

“Thank you,” I spoke softly, blushing deeply. I still felt the doubt creeping in me that people would openly compare to such a beautiful woman that I felt made me look inferior. Katie shoved forward, introducing herself, before everyone went back to work. Katie and Kelly chopping up the vegetables while Jimmy’s mom, or Barbara as she asked me to call her, checked on whatever was in the oven.

“Go ahead and go see Joe and my parents. We have it all covered,” Barbara piped up when she noticed that we hadn’t left, me trying to figure out if I should help out and Jimmy just standing there being only what I could qualify as useless. Jimmy had to physically pull me away, my politeness arguing with my common sense. Soon enough he was leading me into the backyard that was located through the living room. As we stepped outside, all that was heard was soft music playing in the background of laughter.

At a small table underneath a large umbrella was an older couple with gray hair and a younger man, a little older than Barbara, with short, brown hair. All three turned to us as we approached the table with grins. Jimmy easily leaned down to kiss the elder woman’s cheek as he gave all three adults short hugs. The youngest of the three leaned forward in his seat, smiling widely at me. “And this is the beautiful Iris, huh?”

“I don’t know about that, but I am Iris,” I spoke bashfully, my cheeks turning pink as I tucked a loose hair behind my ear. Jimmy motioned for me to take the seat next to the older woman, who was still smiling at me, as he sunk into the one next to that, placing himself between me and his father.

“Well, I’m Joe. This is Barbara’s mother and father, Louisa and Gregory.”

“But just call ‘em Gram and Pop. They’ll never reply if you don’t,” Jimmy remarked, causing Gregory to narrow his eyes at him.

“Callin’ us old, boy?”

“Simply stating that you fail to recognize your own names nowadays,” Jimmy spoke without a moment of hesitation. I went to scold Jimmy, but Gregory took me by surprise.

“Well with your grandmother having a habit of calling me ‘God’ in bed, I get a bit confused.” My eyes went wide and I could feel my entire head turn red. Jimmy was cracking up, Joe was groaning in embarrassment, and Louisa was smacking him upside the head while chiding him like he was a child. It’s definitely safe to see where Jimmy got his smart remarks from.

“Guys, lunch is about - Oh, Dad! Don’t embarrass me,” Barbara snapped, placing her hands on her hips as she stood on the back porch of the house.

“How do you know I did something embarrassing? When have I ever done that?” Gregory demanded, giving Jimmy a soft wink. Jimmy just continued to grin with his twenty watt smile.

“All the time, Dad. Besides, Jimmy never looks that excited or Mom that angry unless you do something inappropriate.” She took in my look and frowned. “And you just met Iris. Good way to make her avoid you from here on out.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Iris loves me,” Gregory argued.

Louisa rolled her eyes, standing to her feet. I jumped up, deciding to assist her, making her give me a grateful smile as we shuffled to the backdoor. Joe said to Gregory, as they began to follow us, “Just because you think you’re hilarious, Pop, doesn’t mean everyone else thinks so.”

“You see, Barbara? He’s never appreciated my humor,” Gregory whined like a seven year old. Barbara shook her head as she led us into the dining room where Kelly and Katie were setting the table.

“It just skipped a generation, Pop,” Katie piped in as she pulled out a chair for Louisa to sit in. Once settled and after thanking Katie, Louisa pointed at the chair next to her to Gregory who playfully glared, huffing at he sat next to her. He inclined his head, though, to smile up at Katie a moment later.

“Thank you, hun. It just warms my heart to know that you won’t toss me in the old people’s home for a little while longer as long as I make good jokes.”

“As soon as they run out, you’re gone though,” Jimmy teased as he settled into the seat across from his grandfather. He patted the seat next to him, placing me across from Louisa. The three females returned with the multiple dishes, placing them around the table before taking their seats, along with Joe who had fetched the drinks. Katie sat next to me with Kelly across from her. Joe sat next to Jimmy and Gregory’s end of the table while Barbara took the opposite head of the table.

“Thank you for the meal,” I spoke to the three as they began to bustle around and serve out the dish.

“Oh, it’s no problem, Iris,” Kelly replied as she scooped out some salad onto my plate after getting an affirmative nod. She moved onto Jimmy, frowning slightly. “She’s so polite, where did you go wrong?”

“Y’know what, Kelly?” Jimmy sighed out. He never finished, but the two were smiling and not seeming to care that she probably didn’t know ‘what’. I didn’t realize until that moment that my mouth had permanently been in a smile this entire time. It wasn’t forced and I didn’t feel uncomfortable, which was odd seeing as how there were so many new faces. Is this was a real, close family was like? I enjoy it.

“So how do you like Los Angeles, Iris?” Louisa finally asked me after awhile of everyone having small talk. I forced down my bite of mashed potatoes and gave a half smile.

“It’s alright.”

“But which do you prefer, Huntington or L.A.?” Katie asked, her face grinning. It was obvious that the siblings decided to make up for their parents’ lack of honor by supporting it forever. I looked down at my plate, pushing my food around with my fork.

“I - uh...”

“Guys, would you give her some peace?” Jimmy sighed, playfully rolling his eyes. “I swear, you’re all trying to make her not visit you.”

“She obviously loves me the most. It’s you guys that should worry,” Gregory remarked. This caused the whole table to burst into playfully teasing and arguing. I fell silent, a soft smile on my lips as I listened to them all. I was glad Jimmy stopped them. I loved it here, I truly did. But to admit that out loud would feel like I was making my choice already. I didn’t want to accidentally get Jimmy excited if I was just going to back out in the end.

I turned to look at him to see him throwing his head back and laughing loudly as Joe and Gregory began an animated debate about why they thought their football team was obviously the best team in existence. I smiled, shyly turning back to my meal. No, this was a perfect moment. I couldn’t hope to turn this bad in the future. Tomorrow I was returning home and then I could think it over more completely. It’s not like I had to make a decision right when I got home.

Either way, I’m glad I have this family.