Iris

When I woke up the next morning I couldn’t help but feeling a tad bit sick. I knew the instant I woke up that I was going to miss Jimmy’s home. I was going to miss all the guys and girls and I was going to be sad. But at the same time I was kind of happy that I was going home. I would be able to seek solitude in my own room and I would feel more at ease in my own layout. The comfort I felt here was nice, but my room was all mine and mine alone.

But that thought didn’t make me want to get out of bed. I still felt like laying there until I slipped into a coma. I did continue to lay there, but I never did make it back to sleep. It wasn’t until around one that Jimmy finally knocked on the door. He knew I never slept in past ten so it was kind of a surprise he didn’t come any sooner. Two short rasps announced his arrival before he pushed open the door. He tried giving off his normal smile, but I could tell it was slightly off. He didn’t want me to leave earlier. This was probably the liveliest his home had been in a long time.

“Hello sleeping beauty,” he greeted, stepping out from behind the door. I gave a ‘mm’, making him frown as he stepped further into the room. He eased himself onto the edge of the bed, his hands interlocked on his lap. He sat stiff backed and poked at his labret spot with his tongue. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just tired,” I lied. Jimmy didn’t argue with it or even agree with it, he knew to just leave it alone. It was obvious neither of us wanted me to leave very badly, but I would have to go anyways.

“Well, the guys wanted to have lunch before I dropped you off. Just a simple meal at Matt’s. Val and Michelle wanted to cook anyways so.” Jimmy just finished with a small shrug as if to say ‘so no one is going to deny them that’.

I nodded, hesitantly pushing the comforter off my body. It suddenly felt extremely cold and I had half the mind to burrow back under and never come over. Instead I just let a single shiver dance over my body before straightening myself up next to Jimmy. “I just need to shower and make sure I have all my stuff.”

“Alright. Take your time,” Jimmy spoke, patting my thigh softly. He paused a moment before leaning over and kissing my temple. He quickly stood to his feet, as if embarrassed by his actions, before leaving the room and shutting the door softly behind him. I blinked a few times before shrugging it off, though I had a small smile on my face from the interaction.

After showering and dressing, I plugged in my straightener before packing up my bathroom necessities. Once they were secured in their bag, I slipped it into my duffel bag. I paused for a moment, looking around the room and feeling a pretty painful pull in my chest. Only five days and I felt at home in this place, in Jimmy’s guest room. I sighed to myself before placing all my items into my duffel bag and made sure my violin was secure in it’s case. I then decided to buy myself more time by making the bed. After that I headed into the bathroom to deal with my unruly hair.

Once it was pin straight and my beanie was finally placed on my head, I heard music tinkling through the house. I cocked my head, trying to hear as much as I could. A piano? I carefully placed my straightener into my bag before hoisting it over my shoulder, my violin case in my hand. The sound led me to the first floor of the house. I placed my bags at the base of the stairs before continuing to follow the sound. I ended up in the music room.

Jimmy was sitting at the piano, his back towards me. His fingers flew across the keys and he was swaying with the beat. I couldn’t see his face, but I knew this passion and ease came to him without the use of his eyes. I leaned against the doorframe, wrapping my cardigan tighter around my body and letting my eyes slip shut. I didn’t recognize the song but it was beautiful either way. Beautiful, but so sad. So extremely and unbelievably sad. I could feel myself tensing up, a telltale sign that I was probably going to burst into tears soon, but that was just when the music stopped.

My eyes snapped open as I took a short, sharp intake of air. Jimmy had only begun to turn at that moment and smiled shyly at me. I could feel blush building on my cheeks and I awkwardly looked at my feet. “Sorry to intrude.”

“No, no. It’s fine. Just don’t tell any of the guys about this. They’ll flip shit,” Jimmy chuckled as he placed the cover on the keys. He then pushed off of it to face me again. He noticed my quirked eyebrow and laughed softly. “That song’s a work in progress. None of the guys even know it exists yet. I’ve been playing with the idea for a while now.”

“So I’m the first?” He nodded. I couldn’t help the grin spread across my face. “Awesome.”

“Well let’s go get some food,” Jimmy chirped, rubbing his hands together. “I’m starving.”

“Same.” Jimmy flipped off the room’s light before we headed down the hall. I paused to grab my things as Jimmy slipped into his Vans. One he had his keys, wallet, and pack, we headed out to the Camaro. This time we stored my things in the trunk, though I did fuss a bit about the heat making my violin’s wood warp. He agreed to put it in Matt’s home while we eat and then into the backseat on the ride back.

Soon enough we were pulling into yet another extravagant house’s extravagant driveway. This one was a semi circle surrounded by the house’s walls on half of it, another had a large gate, and the last had a full garage. Jimmy looked at me out of the corner of his eyes as he parked behind Johnny’s vehicle, obviously expecting a reaction. I sighed and unclipped my seatbelt, my hand following it as it retracted into the wall of the car. “Honestly, I’m so over being in awe of your houses. You’ve broke me.”

“Well that takes care of the awkward gawking.” Jimmy’s eyes went wide as he saw the obvious panic in my eyes. “I - I didn’t mean that. I was just kidding.”

I let out an unsteady breath as I closed my eyes. I had forgotten my pills today and was probably going to react over everything today. I missed my scheduled block of time to take it and the last time I took it later, I was feeling nauseous. Mom said after taking my pills for the same time for so long, my body just freaks out if it is given the medication too late. So instead today was a day to suffer through my overreactions and pretend nothing was wrong.

Yeah, this is going to be terrible.

I huffed a little before climbing out of the vehicle. I waited by the trunk until the latch released it. Once I had my case secured in my hand, I shut the trunk again. I even winced when I heard how hard it actually closed. I glanced at Jimmy to see him avoiding my gaze, instead he was typing on his phone. I frowned. Did he really think I was mad at him? Probably.

I let out a soft sigh before clearing my throat. “I’m not mad at you, okay?” Jimmy turned to me and gave me one of those dopey puppy eyed looks that little kids tend to give when you tell them that spilling their milk is okay, just an accident. I could feel blush on my cheeks as I turned my head away from him. “Don’t look at me like that. I didn’t take my meds at the right time so I’m a bit off, okay?”

A slow smile spread across his face. Teasingly, he asked, “Is this an apology?”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes as I led the way up the walkway. “Please, with the mood I’m accidentally in? Heck no. That’s for when I’m not worse than a PMSing teenager.”

“Whatever you say,” Jimmy chirped as he rang the doorbell on the front door. I couldn’t help raising my eyebrow at the polite action. The guys weren’t exactly known for being normal human beings when it came to one another. Was it really because it was Matt’s house? I mean, I know he’s the singer and the frontman of the band, but surely that’s where it stopped. At Jimmy’s stance of clasping his hands together behind his back and rocking from the balls of his feet to his heels, I realized that it wasn’t. The guys all seemed to look up to Matt and respect his wishes, or at least Jimmy did.

When the door pulled open to reveal Val, I instantly amended my last thought. Nope, it was not Matt that the guys made sure to keep on the good side of. It was Miss Valary Sanders. I couldn’t help the small smirk I tried to hide by ducking my head. It didn’t work. Val was soon smirking too, her hands firmly on her hips. “Well, Jimmy, I’m proud of you. Acting like a big boy and whatnot.”

“Only for you,” Jimmy spoke with a grin. They gave each other a hug, Jimmy leaning his head down to whisper something to her. I didn’t even have to guess what he was telling her. And now a small light bulb was going off in my head. When he had been typing on his phone, it was probably a mass text letting everyone know I was a bit testy and to probably go easy on me. While it was considerate of him to do, it also annoyed the hell out of me. It wasn’t like I was some fragile doll, I was just anxious for no reason.

After giving a painfully forced smile, I hurried into the house. I didn’t even really bother to look around at the interior. I just found a safe corner for my violin before maneuvering through the house towards the backdoor. I found it through a sliding glass door and took a deep breath of the ocean air. Matt and Val had chosen to get a house right on the oceanfront and I wasn’t too worried in arguing. I steered around Johnny and Zack, who were in a deep conversation on something, and ended up right on the white sand. I plopped down, pulling my knees to my chest and resting my chin on them. I glared across the blue waves, feeling my annoyance go away slightly.

I groaned to myself, firmly placing my hands over my face. Here I am in my last few hours of visiting the city for now and I’m having a fricken’ temper tantrum right now. I am one of the worst people alive. I felt a presence settling next to me, but I kept my eyes covered, refusing to face this person. They cleared their throat before letting it drift silent for a few moments. Then they asked, “Is this a new form of therapy?”

“Might as well be,” I grumbled. He chuckled and I finally placed the voice. It was Brian. This was kind of a surprise to me. Besides when he randomly popped up in Jimmy’s backyard we didn’t talk much. I talked more to Johnny and Zack out of the four friends of Jimmy’s. I took my hands away from my face, raising an eyebrow at him as I sniffed the air. “Dude, why don’t you smell like...”

“Cigarette smoke?” Brian supplied. I thought for a moment before nodding. “Michelle asked me to quit, so I did.”

“Really?” Brian nodded. “Miss it?”

“Yes. No. Err, kinda?” Brian scratched at his cheek with his left index finger. “I think it’s mostly because I’ve just be smoking for so long. I know I don’t really need it, but it’s weird suddenly having a bad habit missing.”

“Whelp, I’m proud of you, Bri.”

“Thanks, Ig.”

“Wait, ‘Ig’? What in the world is that?” I snorted.

“You need a nickname. And, missy, do you know how hard it is to make a nickname out of Iris? Very! So you are now Ig and if anyone else calls you Ig, punch ‘em,” Brian order, crossing his arms over his chest defiantly.

“Okay, okay,” I laughed, waving a hand towards him. It eased into silence again, though the quietness of us seemed pretty comfy. But that was ruined when Brian opened his mouth again.

“So what’s going on?” I glared at the waves before us. I just wanted to strip and jump into the ocean. Maybe if I held my breath long enough I could grow gills and never had to come out. I’d rather live in the ocean than deal with explaining how stupid my anxiety and depression could get.

“Let me guess, Jimmy?”

“Well, when the guy gets worried, he practically falls apart at the seams. It makes it worse when the person he’s worried about tries to bite off his head.” I groaned, burying my face into my knees.

“I hate people worrying.”

“You shouldn’t, Ig. If we worry about you, it means we love you.” I tilted my head up just so my eyes were visible. Brian wasn’t looking at me though, he was too busy picking up sand and letting it glide out between his fingers. “I don’t think any of us, except Jimmy, are willing to admit it, but you have everyone wrapped around your pinky. Just...let us worry about you, okay?”

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” I grumbled.

“Nope.”

“Fine!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands over my head. As annoyed as I was, my heart did swell a little. So many people cared about me? That was new. I had so many people who loved me and I was barely here a few days. That was the best thing in the world to me. In my life, I had only three people total who seemed to give a crap whether I lived or died. But now, there were so many! Jimmy, Matt, Zack, Johnny, Brian, everyone wife/girlfriend, Jimmy’s family. Oh man, there were just too many people to keep up with. I had to forcibly fight off the grin I wanted to palster on my face.

“So Ig, are you going to stop pouting and come join us? Johnny keeps whining about wanting to talk BioShock. Whatever the fuck that is,” Brian added grumpily to himself. I snorted making Brian frown deeper.

“What are you, fifty? Shoot, dude,” I laughed.

“You dang flabbin’ whippersnapper,” Brian spoke, pretend to shake as he pushed himself to his feet. I started to sob as I laughed at him. I was pretty sure I was going to drown in the ocean and be swept out by the current, but Brian quickly helped me to my feet before the waves could crash over me. Soon enough we were plopping down with everyone else on Matt’s back porch, Johnny and I having a very animated argument over who was the more fucked up man, Frank Fontaine or Andrew Ryan. Of course I won by pointing out only a real jerk would control people by just using the phrase “would you kindly”, as if they are doing a great thing for the world.

“Okay, seriously!” Brian exclaimed, catching pretty much everyone by surprise. Michelle scowled and smacked his upper arm but he ignored her. “I can’t be the only one utterly lost here.”

“I get it,” Jimmy scoffed.

“Me too,” Matt and Val spoke in unison. Everyone else was soon nodding in agreement, including Michelle. Brian’s mouth fell open, blinking around the table.

“Are you serious? Everyone knows this game and I don’t?”

“Well, you aren’t the video game person, Brian,” Michelle reminded him.

“So?! Last I checked, the only one of you girls who were really into it was Lacey,” Brian almost whined. I looked at the couple next to me with a raise eyebrow and they nodded in agreement with Brian’s words. The three of us should definitely spend more time together.

“But we love movies and games are practically big movies,” Gena explained, shrugging slightly. Brian stared around the table again before sighing and standing to his feet.

“That’s it. I tapout.” He shoved his hands in his pockets as he began walking to the backdoor. He threw his right hand up over his shoulder as a ‘goodbye’ kind of thing. “I quit. You all win.”

“Of course we all win, we kind of all played the game,” Matt pointed out. Brian’s playful goodbye hand turned into his middle finger being held high. We all laughed at him as Michelle yanked him back into his seat. Once he was firmly in place, she leaned over to give him a quick peck on the lips, perking him up instantly.

As the table drifted off into mostly silence as we ate, a strange thought occurred to me. When I was at home and forgot to take my medicine, I was moody all day. I locked myself up in my room and the only time I was encouraged to leave it was for meals, and even then sometimes I was just brought up my food and they’d leave me alone. Here, everyone actually wanted me to cheer up. They distracted me and didn’t let me ponder over the stupid, unimportant things. They wouldn’t let me just sulk or they would be upset too.

I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my cheeks. I knew a few people noticed it, but chose not to comment on it. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to sound all mushy and shit my last day here. Jimmy wrapped an arm around my shoulders, giving my bicep a soft squeeze. I closed my eyes, leaning into his side. Everything was right in the world and I could finally breathe with feeling the anxiousness creep up on me.

It was nice.