Iris

“Y’know, I used to be bullied in school too.”

I looked up at Jimmy with my eyebrow raised. We hadn't spoke to each other since I asked him to take me to get lunch. We were quiet until our waiter at IHOP took our orders and disappeared. We were in the more empty part of the restaurant after Jimmy had been recognized by someone who had been leaving. He wanted to make sure no one else brought attention to him and the owner was more than willing to be of assistance

I decided not to reply to him, just continue to tear up the napkin on the table in front of me. I still wasn't too willing to talk to him about the whole ordeal. In order to do that I would have to tell him why everyone picked on me. About how I was a mental case and couldn't do anything right and how I was just...stupid. I didn't want to make another person shun me away. I felt different about Jimmy on multiple levels, but this topic was something I would always believe wouldn't change.

“I mean, I was weird kid. I had big, poofy hair and wore a orange kimono for a majority of my high school life,” Jimmy chuckled, making hand gestures as if it would help me visualize it better. He noticed I still wasn't staring at him and sighed, dropping his hands into his lap. “Look, Iris, all I’m trying to say is that it will get better for you.”

“But for now I have to suffer for a few years?” I mocked, glaring at him. He kept silent, his lips forming a thin line. “Sorry if I’m not overcome with joy. I don’t care about how I’ll be a few years from now, I care about the fact that no one likes me right now. It’s the now that hurts.”

“Well I really don’t know what else to tell you Iris.”

“Then don’t try. I've heard this speech plenty of times and I’m tired of it.” Jimmy nodded, stirring his Coke with his straw. He looked beaten and I felt guilty. I sighed, running a hand down my face. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s a sensitive spot for me and I don’t really care for sharing the details. I’m dealing with it in my own way.”

Yeah, by hating yourself.

“I understand,” Jimmy spoke, causing me to stop from snapping at my inner voice. “I just wish I could help you. This is the second time that I've witnessed you after being harassed and I feel helpless.”

Second time? Oh, right. That time he saw me before I went to the counselor. I was kind of hoping he forgot that, but it seems like he stores a shit load of information in that head of his. “I need to help myself before I let anyone else help.”

Good cover. I totally believe that’s going to happen.

I hated my inner voice. It was one of the main reasons I was considered a freak. I had that thing for as long as I could remember and it never seemed to leave me alone. If someone in real life wasn't ridiculing or mocking me, that stupid voice was. I told my parents about it and all they did was accuse me of not taking my medicine. Great parents, huh?

“Iris?”

“Huh?” I looked up to see Jimmy giving me a concerned frown. I feel people decide to do that too much. It doesn't matter how much or how little I talk, it seems something is wrong with me.

“I was asking if you were sure you still wanted to come stay the weekend with me.”

“Of course!” I exclaimed, confusion etched on my face. I know I was being kind of cold for telling him I didn't want to talk about my problems, but to assume I wouldn't want to be near him? I knew it probably sounded reasonable to assume in his shoes, but it was ludicrous to me. “I wouldn't trade that for the world.”

He got a dorky kind of smile which let me know I had just made his day. Seems all thoughts about my problems were gone and I preferred it that way. “Well, then, I kind of have a big question for you.”

“What?”

“Would you like to meet my friends? Well, more like brothers, but you get it.”

I paused, thinking it over. I had decided to look more into their music and was actually shocked about how many songs I actually recognized from them. I skimmed a picture to see how the rest of them also looked and was pretty surprised by my discovery. They were all muscular in their own ways and heavily tattooed. It was so strange to see Jimmy all dressed up for stage and photo shoots and then see him looking normal.

It was like a total different person.

This reassured me in the fact that they probably weren't really as scary as they were made out to be. From what Jimmy told me, they all seem perfectly harmless. Yet I knew that I was going to be nervous nonetheless when I met them. Finally I looked up and smiled. “I would love to.”

“Great!” Jimmy coughed shyly as the few tables around us turned to look at him since he had been a bit loud. They slowly looked away again and he was back to smiling at me. Quieter he said, “That’s great. They've been really excited to meet you.”

“Really?” That was strange. Why would they be excited to meet me? I know I was Jimmy’s daughter but I had pretty much been MIA for the last thirteen years. I wasn't really anyone special.

He nodded firmly. “ They've heard a lot about you. Actually - ” he rubbed his neck with a nervous chuckle. “All I've been talking about the last couple of days was you.”

“Oh, I see.” I blushed deeply, turning my attention back to the napkin. I hope he didn't make me up to be a perfect person with superhuman abilities. It was still cute though that he was so excited to meet me he blabbed to his friends. Hopefully they really did want to meet me and weren't just saying they did so Jimmy would stop talking about me. It would be terrible to meet them and they already dislike me.

“Don’t worry, it’s only good things. There’s nothing bad for me to say anyways.” I frowned, my lips pursing together. I guess it was better to keep it that way. I could tell Jimmy was opening his mouth to say something, but at that time is when our waiter brought us our food. After assuring him we only needed a refill on my tea, he disappeared again.

I busied myself for a couple of minutes by eating my chicken tenders, but I knew I was going to have to talk to him eventually. For the life of me I just couldn't decide what to talk about. Having no friends kind of makes you rusty on small talk. So, finally, I asked, “What’s your family like? Like, the blood one.”

“Oh.” He seemed taken back, as if he wasn't expecting the conversation to take that kind of turn. We had discussed all about his band family, I figured it was time for the regular one. “They’re nice. There’s my mother Barbara and my father Joe. Well, I guess they’re also your grandparents.”

“Really?”

“Yup." I had never met my parents' parents. They passed away a few years after I was born. That made me excited to meet them. Well, if I got to meet them. "And then my sisters. They’re a few years younger than me. Oh, well, I guess they’re also your aunts. Huh, it’s weird to think about them that way.”

“Did they all support you?” Jimmy raised an eyebrow and I got flustered. “With your band and all.”

“Oh, of course! They all helped us out in their own ways as we worked towards our goal as a band. Given I used to get in trouble a lot and got kicked out once or twice, but they always took me back. They could never be angry with me.”

I was silent, nibbling on fries. It must be nice to have parents and siblings who support everything you do. Trevor was the only one I had, but sometimes - like with meeting Jimmy - he was too strong against whatever I wanted to do to support me.

And Jimmy's family had helped him too. Not even Trevor helps me with the things I’m concerned with. Not with my schoolwork or my mental problems or anything I considered important. My parents were more worried about how I looked for the family name. Trevor tried to change the way I looked at myself, but not trying to help the cause of why.

Yeah, my family isn't too good at this ‘supportive’ thing.

“Were you any good in your school work?” He adapted a confused look and tilted his head slightly to his left. Our waiter came back and placed down my tea before disappearing again. In this time Jimmy regained his composure and shook his head. “I barely made it to passing in all of my classes to be able to graduate. All of my friends’ girlfriends had to tutor me. It was so bad I was sure I’d have to flunk out and take GED classes.”

That made me feel a bit better. He wasn't a good student either, but had managed to make something out of himself. I wanted to ask him if he just never tried or if it was just difficult or just seemed impossible. But if I asked him that he’d probably just do his own digging and wondering why I’m so concerned with it and I didn't exactly want to answer that. So, instead, I steered away from it. “Why did you guys even start the band?”

“Why did we...?” Jimmy shook his head at me with a small smile. “Why do people do anything? We couldn't imagine our lives without it.”

“But you guys had your whole lives open, why a band?”

“We loved music. We wanted to make our own and inspire kids just like we had been inspired by our own favorite bands. It makes our day, everyday, to know what we change people’s lives. Every show we are told all these stories of how we've helped them - possibly saved them - and it’s what I live for.” He paused, looking around himself, before looking towards the table and rubbing his neck. He had gotten loud again and everyone was staring at us. I glared at them all and they turned back to their tables, whispering. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Usually having everyone’s attention on me, or around me, would freak me out, but it was different with Jimmy. While I’m still receiving a lot of attention, though it’s not exactly trained on me alone, I just feel like I’m the middle of an extraordinary conversation only a madman would be ashamed of. There was just something about how passionate he got about some things. “Have you ever thought about going back to school? College or something?”

“I know it’s probably the bad choice, but no. People tell me all the time, ‘Well, music’s not going to last forever. You need a fallback plan.’ I just doubt it’s going to happen. Again, it’s kind of childish of me, but I don’t think it will happen to us. We’re not invincible but we’re pretty strong to keep making music and do it for a long time, no matter how the music business might change.”

“What if it did, what would you do?”

Jimmy sat in silence for a few minutes. I finished eating within this time and then just sat, watching him curiously. Finally, he spoke. “I have no clue. I know people go back to college in their fifties, but I just don’t see myself being one of those kind of people. I’d probably have to be a drum tech or just a bum.”

“Those are fantastic ideas. I’ll keep that in mind,” I joked.

Jimmy smiled, shrugging slightly. “Like I said, its not the greatest plan, but I can’t see myself doing anything but making music. I love it too much. I’d feel like a part of me was missing if I didn't have that.”

I smiled, nodding. I wish I had an intense love for something like that. I had my violin, but it was simply more of a hobby than anything. I couldn't see myself making a life out of it. I wasn't good enough. My teacher and the kids in my class (we have to perform a different song three times a semester) tell me I’m good, but looking up other violinists I know I’m not that good. I was actually thinking of just dropping the class next year. I was tired of embarrassing myself by having people say I’m good when I’m clearly not.

“What about you, what do you want to do when you graduate?” Jimmy asked.

“Be happy.” I flinched as soon as I said it, ready to physically smack myself. That didn't sound absolutely stupid and corny at all. Jimmy had this kind of look that told me he was saddened by such an answer, like it had hurt him. “Pretend I didn't just say that. I know you meant for a job. Yeah, I have no clue. Anything big would involve college and I’m just not good at this schooling thing.”

“I’m sure that you can do it. You’re just too hard on yourself.” I guess the look I gave him was a bit more cold than I had intended. Jimmy shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took back up his habit of stirring his Coke. I felt bad but I would never admit it. Maybe if I didn't apologize he would realize to just stop talking about my school life in general.

“So when are we leaving tomorrow?” I finally ask after the waiter left our bill on the table. Jimmy shrugged as he pulled out two bills from his wallet and stood, swooping up the paper. He dropped a five on the table before leading the way to the register. “Whenever you’re ready, really.”

“Well, I plan to pack tonight. I’ll just need to stop by home after school and I can go,” I replied. I knew my parents would want me to wait until they got home to leave, but who knows when that'll be. And I also know they wouldn't take off from work early so it looked like they’d just have to see me when I returned next week.

“Perfect.” This was when he was forced to stop talking to me to make idle chat with the manager who was ringing up our check. As Jimmy was doing this I decided to excuse myself to the bathroom to wash my hands. As I was wringing them dry with a paper towel, the door open. As I turned to leave I noticed two girls, a little older than me, whispering excitedly.

“Oh, it is him! I just know it!”

“But what’s he doing alone in an IHOP in L.A.? Where are the other guys?”

“I dunno, maybe he has family here,” the first girl suggested as they stopped in front of the mirror above the sinks, messing with their hair. I swallowed hard and hurried outside. They had recognized Jimmy and it was only a matter of seconds before they came back out again to try and woo him. Sadly, other people had too, begging him to sign an assortment of things. A phone case, a notebook, the people’s own skin. I impatiently waited until the last person left before tugging on his shirt.

“C’mon, we gotta go. There’s two girls - ” And that was all I could get out before someone cleared their throat behind me. I slowly turned around to see the two girls who had been in the bathroom smiling at Jimmy.

“Sorry to disturb you, but can we get autographs?”

“Sure,” Jimmy spoke, a wide smile on his face. Oh, he was just eating it up. Was this what it was like every time he was in public? As he signed one of their phones, the other girl stared at me curiously. Suddenly she had a face that resembled a scientist having a breakthrough.

“You’re Iris Kingsley!” My eyes grew wide and I blinked a few times. She recognized me? Oh God. “Yeah, you’re that freshman who started a fight with Stephanie!” She looked between Jimmy and I and a sly smirk took her face. “I see why you finally grew a backbone! You know The Rev! What are you, his niece? His cousin?”

“Sorry ladies,” Jimmy interrupted, handing the other girl back her journal and pocketing the Sharpie he, apparently, carried around with him. “We were just leaving. Nice to meet you.”

He grasped the upper part of my arm and hurried me out the door. It was silent as we climbed in his car and got on the freeway. Finally he let out a sigh. “I’m sorry. We should have left when we had the opening. I didn't really want anyone to know unless you gave the okay.”

“It’s fine.” In reality, it wasn't. I had been terrified of someone from school recognizing me while being out with Jimmy. There were two options of what would happen. One, everyone made my school experience worse by teasing me even more. Two, people will try to befriend me just to get close to Jimmy and his band mates. Either way I didn't want any of it to happen.

Before I knew it we were pulling to a stop in my driveway. It was empty, as always, but I noticed the entertainment room’s curtains were drawn. This only happened when someone was watching a movie, letting me know that Trevor must be home. I gathered my backpack and hesitated, my hand resting on the door latch. I slowly turned to Jimmy and offered a weak smile. “Is there any way that, maybe, I could just miss school tomorrow?”

“I have no say in the matter, Iris,” he spoke, shaking his head lightly. “You’ll have to ask Joce - I mean, your parents about that.”

I frowned. They hardly let me miss when I was sick, why would they now? Especially if they knew I just didn't want to face the kids at school. ‘You’ll have to see them eventually, Iris. Besides, you have a five day weekend. They’ll forget all about it.’ That’s exactly what they’ll tell me. They didn't care how I felt, I would have to go.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Alright. Want me to pick you up from school?”

I hesitated. Would it really be best to have him show up there again now that people recognized him? I was sure those girls were pretty gossipy, probably spreading the news about him all over Facebook and Twitter. Well, I would already have to deal with the bus in the morning, might as well save the return trip. They’re more riled up after school anyways. “Yeah, sure. Just don’t get out this time.”

He opened his mouth to object, but decided against it. He nodded. “Okay. Bye Iris.”

“Bye.” With that I climbed out of the car and walked to my door. Once I unlocked it and stepped over the threshold, I waved. Jimmy waved back before driving off. I shut the door and locked it again, sighing. I headed to the entertainment room to see a gory, zombie movie on the TV. I shed my backpack next to the couch before sitting next to Trevor. I rest my head in his lap and he began to pet my hair.

“How’d it go?”

I simply groaned and buried my face into his legs. He chuckled and just continued to pet my hair with a little more pressure and in longer strides.