You're Somebody That I Found Just in Time

It started, as many terrible things do, with a party.

It was a tradition at their high school. Every year over winter break, the entire senior class would break into the school and party. Jocks, outcasts, geeks, band kids, soon-to-be dropouts, snitches, good kids, everyone. It didn’t matter what circle they ran in, if any. They came and partied and had a good time. The administrators turned a blind eye to it on the condition that there would be no mess left when school started back.

Nobody ever got caught. There was never a mess. It was a beautiful arrangement.

“Come on, Gaskarth! Another shot!” Rian shouted, passing him a shot glass.

“Later. Don’t wanna get wasted too early. We only get one chance at this night.”

“Don’t get all sappy on me,” Rian groaned.

There was a tall, skinny, awkward boy sitting at the end of the hall they were on. Snorting, Rian asked, “Why’d he even show up? Not like anyone’s gonna talk to him.”

Alex said nothing, just kept from looking at him, even though he knew his stare was burning into him, that stare that always asked him why? And he never had the answer.

“Truth or dare!” a drunk girl shrieked, grabbing the nearest person—who just so happened to be the skinny boy—and dragging him with her. He was powerless to stop her, so frail and fragile, like a ghost. A thin matchstick tower just waiting for a spark to burn him down. “Come on,” she slurred. “We’re playing truth or dare.”

It was the one night in their entire high school career that the lines between cliques blurred or were erased completely. So after a bit of hesitation, he allowed himself to be pulled along. “Alex, Rian,” she squealed. “You’re playing, too! Everyone’s playing!”

‘Everyone’ actually meant a dozen seniors huddled in a corner of the library with a bottle of vodka. Besides Alex and Rian, none of them really knew each other very well. Every one of them knew bits and pieces of Alex’s business, seeing as he was the most popular guy in the school and by default, that’s who people talked about, and Rian was his best friend, so they knew his shit, but besides that, these were twelve virtual strangers.

“Riaaaan,” the drunk girl cooed. “Dare you to kiss me.”

He shrugged as if to ask, why the hell not? She was drunk and hot. So he did.

Another girl looked at the people before settling. “Um…Jake.”

Jack, Alex corrected mentally without even thinking about it. It was such an old habit from so long ago, but somewhere within him, it was still a reflex.

The matchstick boy looked up anyway. It was close enough to his name, after all. “Truth,” he mumbled, because he knew, he just knew how much the school hated him. Even tonight, the night of school unity, they would try something with him if he said dare.

“Who was your first kiss?” She giggled, assuming he’d blush and stammer about never kissing anyone.

“Alex,” he whispered, his voice quiet and just barely floating to all their ears.

“Alex who?” at least four of them asked at the same time. Jack had kissed somebody??

“Gaskarth.”

Rian busted out laughing, and most of the others followed suit. “You expect us to believe,” he gasped. “That Alex fucking Gaskarth was your first kiss. He’s straight, first off. And second, even if he wasn’t, I think he’d have some standards,” he added cruelly.

Jack looked at Alex with those eyes. “Are you going to tell them?” he asked him softly.

“Tell them what?” He raised an eyebrow in that look he’d perfected, the look that says I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. “That you’re lying?”

Jack’s eyes darkened as the group laughed at him even more. Rian poured a shot, making it seem like he was about to drink, but at the last second, sloshed it into Jack’s face. A few of the others who hadn’t downed their own shots yet seemed to like that idea, so they went along with it, throwing the alcohol in Jack’s face as he struggled to stand, wiping at his burning eyes.

Rian handed the bottle to Alex. “We’ve got plenty more,” he said to the guy protesting the ‘waste of perfectly good vodka.’ “Finish the job, Gaskarth.”

“I…” He took the bottle, unsure. Jack had turned away and was starting to stagger off somewhere.

“What? You’re not telling us he was right, are you?” Taylor, one of the already drunk girls, taunted. She smirked, almost daring him to stay put.

“Of course not!” he half-shouted, standing up and following Jack. He either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and was soon enough sinking to the floor on an unoccupied hallway, brushing his vodka-soaked bangs out of his face. He didn’t even look like he was about to cry, which a lot of people would expect after something like that. No disappointment or sadness or anger. Just pure resignation.

“Go ahead and get it over with, Alex,” he said without a trace of bitterness or resentment or anything at all.

That caught him off guard. “What?”

“You heard me. They sent you to pour the rest of that on me. Go ahead. I know how this works. You’ve gotta impress them, make them think you’re big and tough and have power over me. So do it. Show them.”

They weren’t around anymore, but Jack was right. He had to do this. “Jack…”

“I know you’re gonna do it. Don’t pretend like you’re thinking it over. I know you.”

“No you don’t,” Alex hissed, suddenly angry. Why was Jack claiming to know him?

“Right. Not anymore. I used to know you.”

Without warning, Alex overturned the bottle, letting it pour onto Jack’s head. He spluttered a little, but he’d seen it coming. He didn’t move a muscle.

For some reason, that pissed Alex off. “Not gonna fight back?”

Jack shook his head, wringing his hair out, letting droplets fall to the floor. If Alex looked closer, he’d see that there were tears mixing with the alcohol.

They stayed in the same position for what felt like hours, though it was under two minutes. Alex rolled his eyes and walked off, planning on getting wasted to shake the uneasy feeling building in the pit of his stomach. In the back of his mind, he knew that he was experiencing guilt, but he just pushed it away.

Jack waited a few more minutes before brushing himself off and standing up. “You okay?”

He didn’t have to look to know that the voice belonged to Zack. Zack, who toed the line between popular and outcast; he had friends in both groups. Zack, who stood up for him at times like this, when he was getting drinks poured on him, or when he was thrown against the lockers. Zack, who knew the story that nobody else had a clue about. “Don’t answer that, Jack. What happened?”

Jack shrugged. “Same as usual. I crossed a line and—”

“No! Jack, god damn it!” Zack yelled. “You didn’t cross a line. When are you going to see that he’s pathetic and a dick and that everything that’s happened was his fault and you didn’t do anything wrong? Do you seriously blame yourself, after all this? Come on, you’re better than that. He’s not worth it..”

“Not worth what?”

“Not worth all the tears. You think I don’t notice the way you look at him? Every time he walks past you in the hall, making a point not to look at you, you’re staring after him like, like you’re still in love with him.”

“I-I-I—” Jack stuttered.

“Can you look me in the eye and tell me you’re not?”

Jack’s silence was enough of an answer for him. Zack sighed. “Jack, I love you to pieces, but it’s time to move on.” He shoved his shoulder in an affectionate kind of way, then stalked off. He had something to take care of.

That ‘something’ was storming up to Alex, drink in hand. “Merrick!” Alex crowed. He’d had a few drinks since leaving Jack. “How ya doing?”

“Alex, I’m about to say something I’ve been holding back saying for a very long time. You. Are. An. Asshole.”

“Are you drunk?” Alex laughed.

“No. I’m not. I’m sober. I’m sober and I’m sick of you treating Jack like shit. I know what happened. He told me everything.”

For a fleeting moment, a look of fear crossed Alex’s face. “We all know that Jack is a path… patholo… patho-something liar.”

“No. You’re a liar and an asshole and that’s all you’ll ever be.” It was childish to retaliate, but Zack couldn’t resist throwing the drink in Alex’s face, and he enjoyed the look of shock it caused. “That one’s for Jack.”

Zack left, presumably to go find Jack again.

Alex wiped his face, confused and angry. What the hell just happened? “Dude, what was that about?” Rian asked, leaning against the wall and wiping away tears of laughter.

“No idea,” Alex said. But he did have an idea. Even drunk, he knew what it was about. And he was so done with this party. It was so stupid, wasn’t it? Gathering all of these people that secretly hate each other at the school? School was the place they all wanted to escape, where people were tormented on a daily basis.

He walked out to his car. He hadn’t had that much to drink, right? His house was only a couple miles away. He could make it that far. Not like he hadn’t driven drunk before.

He was so wrapped up in thoughts of getting home that he smacked right into someone. “Watch where you’re going!” he snapped.

“Sorry.”

“Oh. It’s you.” Alex had run into Jack. Just perfect. “What do you want?”

“I was just leaving,” he muttered. Even in the dark, he looked so breakable. Like Alex could tap his arm just right and he’d crumble.

“Me too.” He started to get in his car.

“Wait. Alex, you’ve been drinking.”

Alex didn’t like the tone of his voice. It wasn’t accusatory. It was concerned. “Yeah. So? Everyone’s been drinking.”

“Not me.” Then he said, “You can’t drive like this. You could wreck.”

Alex chuckled, but not in an amused way. “I can drive.”

“Please? Just, just let me give you a ride home.” He still knew where Alex lived.

“Why do you care so much?” He slammed the door and drove off before he could hear Jack’s answer.

Stupid Jack and stupid memories and stupid past and stupid Rian and stupid Zack and stupid school and stupid traditions and stupid drinks and stupid parties and stupid people and stupid twisty road and stupid car and stupid—

Oh shit.

“Alex! Alex! Alex!”

Someone was shaking him.

“Alex! Wake up! Holy fuck, open your eyes!”

The voice was familiar, but then it transformed into one he’d never heard before.

His eyes opened and he was laying in the middle of the road. A man he’d never seen in his life was leaning over him. He moved to a seated position. “I don’t mean to be rude, but who are you?”

“Name’s Matt,” he said gruffly. “And you’re Alexander William Gaskarth. You just left a party at your high school after a lot of drinking and thought it’d be smart to drive—which, by the way, is unadvisable—and you crashed into a tree.”

“How…how do you know all that?”

“I know everything about you, Alex, and don’t bother telling me that that’s creepy as fuck, because I already know it sounds creepy.”

“But who are you? My stalker?”

At this, Matt actually smiled. “Not exactly. I guess that I’m what humans would call a guardian angel. We each have people assigned to us that we watch after. You’re one of mine.”

Alex took a second to process this. “So,” he stated slowly. “Does that mean I’m dead?”

“Not quite. But you could easily slip away. I have some things to show you. Let’s start with the present.” Matt vanished.

“Huh?” Alex stood up and looked around, searching for Matt. Instead, he saw his own body, sprawled on the ground, surrounded by broken glass. It looked like he’d flown through the windshield. Because he was eighteen and invincible and never wore a seatbelt. The front passenger side of his car was against the tree. He must have hit it full force. There was another car parked off the side of the road. Somebody was screaming his name, bent over him, desperately trying to wake him up.

He didn’t even have to get closer to know who that somebody was.

“Alex, please, god damn it! I know you hate me, but fuck…just get up and I swear to god I’ll leave you alone. You, you can’t die on me,” Jack wailed, shaking Alex’s shoulders and checking for a pulse.

“What’s going on, Matt?” His voice betrayed how scared he was.

“Jack followed you. He knew you weren’t fit to drive and wanted to make sure nothing happened to you. He saw you crash.”

Jack was now performing CPR, his hands pumping into Alex’s chest. “Why would he do that?”

“I’m about to show you. Back to the past.” The world started to spin, and Alex wanted something to hold onto, afraid he would fall over. Matt’s explanation’s didn’t do anything for him and he was confused and why the hell was he now standing in his bedroom?

Except, it was his room from years ago, when he was in elementary school. “Is this like A Christmas Carol?” he asked rhetorically.

“Sort of,” Matt answered anyway. “Who are those kids over there?” He gestured to the little boys sharing a beanbag and watching a movie.

Alex knew who they were. “That’s me and Jack,” he responded fondly.

“Exactly. Weren’t you best friends?”

“I…yeah. We were.” He couldn’t tear his eyes away from him and Jack.

The scene began twisting and morphing again, but Alex was more prepared for it this time, and knew he wouldn’t get dizzy. Now they were at the middle school and Alex and Jack were grinning like idiots, walking to their next class together.

Someone rammed into Jack hard, purposefully slamming him against the row of lockers. “Hey!” Alex yelled. “Watch it!”

And everyone looked up to Alex, so the guy muttered an apology and sprinted away. People listened to what Alex said, even when he said to leave the loser alone. He helped his friend up and smiled. “I won’t let them bother you anymore,” he promised, how much he meant what he said obvious in his voice.

Matt looked at Alex. “See that? See how you defended him like a best friend should?”

“For my guardian angel, you sure seem to like sticking up for Jack,” he commented, watching the friends disappear down the hall.

“I do what’s best for you.” He said it firmly, not giving Alex a chance to ask what he meant before snapping his fingers and allowing the world to change again.

They were in Jack’s bedroom now. It was the summer between eighth and ninth grade. More specifically, Alex knew without thinking about it, it was June 19th. “Have you ever kissed anyone?” he asked Jack, turning off the TV and Xbox in defeat after losing to Jack for the eighth time in a row.

The question took Jack by surprise, but he shook his head. “’Course not. Who’s there to kiss?” He wrinkled his nose in mock disgust.

“Yeah, me neither.” The next question came quickly; he didn’t want to freak out and not do it. “Wouldyouliketokissme?”

“What was that?” Jack asked, laughing. Usually, he could figure out what Alex had said when he spoke that quickly. But not this time.

Alex’s cheeks turned an impossible shade of red and he asked again, slower this time. “Would you like to kiss me? I mean, I know it sounds weird, but I’d like to try and who better to try with than—”

And then Jack’s lips were on his.

Alex watched them, remembering how it felt. Amazing. He swore he could still taste the grape Rockstar in Jack’s kiss. No matter how many people he’d kissed since then—and let’s face it, the number was pretty high—he always compared it to that one. None of them measured up.

“What was it you said earlier this evening?” Matt inquired. “What was that about Jack lying about his first kiss?”

Alex looked at his feet, ashamed. “I don’t know. I couldn’t just let them know the truth.”

Matt sighed. They were at the high school. First day, to be exact. Jack bounded up to Alex, all smiles and laughter and energy. Alex, however, was cold, turning away without a word and heading in the direction of the other popular kids, leaving Jack confused.

Instead of following freshman Alex like he assumed they would, Matt led him in Jack’s direction, to his first class of the day. Jack’s lip was quivering and he looked like he was about to break down any second. All because Alex ignored him.

The scenes changed more quickly now. Alex leaving Jack’s texts and calls unanswered. Jack putting away Home Alone because he couldn’t watch it without thinking about Alex, which sucked because it was his favorite movie of all time. Alex brushing past Jack in the hall without a second glance. Jack staring wistfully after him. Alex sitting with his cool friends at lunch, laughing at their jokes, some of which were about Jack. Jack sitting alone or with Zack, sometimes crying, rarely even cracking a smile. Alex boxing up old photo albums, not looking at any of the pictures in them. Jack looking at his own copies of those same photographs and wiping away tears at what used to be. Alex’s friends treating Jack like shit and him not doing anything to stop it. Jack taking it and looking at Alex with wounded eyes.

And now they were just a few hours back in time, at the party. “Please don’t make me watch this,” Alex begged Matt.

“I have to.” He sounded sad, but not sorry. “You have to see all of this to fully understand.”

“Understand what?” he asked, watching as his asshole self denied kissing Jack and then, to add insult to injury, followed him and overturned a bottle of vodka onto him.

Zack showed up, comforting Jack, yelling at him about how Alex wasn’t worth it. And damn it, that kid was right. But what was that about still in love with him that Zack was going on about?

Wait, no. Jack couldn’t possibly be in love with him.

Especially not after everything he’d put him through.

“Time for the future,” Matt said solemnly.

They were outside a funeral home.

“What the fuck, man?” Alex yelled. “Am I—”

“Before you start freaking out, no, you’re not dead. Not yet. This is just the possibility. What would happen if you do end up dying from that accident.”

Right.

Because that made perfect sense.

“O-kay…”

It seemed like everyone in their high school showed up for the viewing, which wasn’t much of a viewing. The casket was shut. He must have looked pretty awful. Alex was touched. “This many people came?” he asked Matt, smiling in spite of himself.

“Don’t let it get to your head, Gaskarth. It’s not over yet.”

There was a small chapel next door, with the cemetery stretching out behind it and the funeral home. A few people, mainly Alex’s relatives, started filing out of the funeral home and into the chapel. Most of his classmates got back in their cars, driving off. Matt didn’t have to guide him this time; he walked into the chapel of his own volition.

There weren’t as many people in there as there were at the viewing. His parents were in the front row, along with his grandparent,s and aunts and uncles and cousins were in the next two. A few family friends and neighbors were scattered throughout the other pews.

In the very last pew, there was one person.

Jack.

He was crying, his head in his hands, not making any effort to quiet his sobs as the minister cleared his throat and started saying sweet words about Alex that probably weren’t even true.

It was like a train wreck. Alex wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. When the service was over, Jack hung to the back as Alex’s family stood around the hole in the ground, watching the casket being lowered into it slowly. When they’d all cleared off, Jack approached the spot, holding a picture, tears streaming down his face. Alex inexplicably found himself wanting to wipe them away.

He dropped to his knees in the dirt. “Alex, I’m so sorry,” he cried. “I should’ve forced you to get in the car with me, taken your keys or something. I couldn’t save you and I wish I could’ve.” He let the photo drop into the hole. “This is my favorite picture of us. I know it’s from a long time ago and that we weren’t even friends anymore, but I still love you and I fucking miss you.”

Matt was next to Alex, observing Jack’s meltdown. “He blames himself, Alex. He will spend the rest of his—admittedly short—life thinking it was his fault you died.”

“What do you mean ‘admittedly short’?” He didn’t want to hear the answer…

“He dies at age twenty-three.”

“How?”

“He shoots himself.”

NO! No, no, no, not Jack. Jack can’t kill himself. He just can’t. He’s Jack.

Alex realized he’d said it out loud and closed his mouth sheepishly. He opened it again to ask, “But why does he care? Why does he feel so guilty about not being able to save me? I was such a jerk to him…”

“Yeah, you were,” Matt agreed. “But he loves you, Alex. He really, really loves you, and even if you’re a dick to him, he still doesn’t want there to be a world without you in it.”

God. Now Alex felt even worse. “I…I don’t even know what to say.”

“You’ve been given a second chance; you survived the accident. But I hope what you’ve seen tonight has helped you understand some things about yourself and what you need to change. I also hope that it will be a long time before we meet again.”

Alex felt the weirdest sensation, felt the air rushing past him, felt himself falling, and slamming back into his body.

He sucked in a huge gulp of the cold December air, eyes flying open and meeting Jack’s petrified stare. His hands were still on his chest. Alex didn’t have time to speak before he heard the sirens. Everything was happening so quickly. He was put in the back of an ambulance, leaving Jack behind talking to the cops. But when he closed his eyes, he could still see the look on Jack’s face, that cross between fear and relief.

No one came to see him in the hospital, not even Rian, who claimed to be his best friend. He was in there for three days, with not a single visitor except for his parents. He was most disappointed by the fact that Jack didn’t stop by, even for a few minutes.

But why should he? Alex had been a dick to him for nearly three and a half years. And he remembered the words I swear to god I’ll leave you alone. He couldn’t have been serious, could he?

Unlike his car, Alex was very fortunate. He had a concussion, three broken ribs, a fractured wrist, and lots of cuts that required stitches, but he wasn’t too bad as far as drunk-driving-not-wearing-a-seatbelt-crashed-into-a-tree-pitched-through-the-windshield accidents usually went.

As soon as he was released, Alex knew where he was going.

At first, nobody answered when he knocked and rang the doorbell. But he must have worn them down, because finally, Jack’s mother opened it. “Hi Alex,” she said shortly. “Long time, no see.”

“Hi, Mrs. Barakat. I know, and I’m sorry, but I really need to talk to Jack. Right now.”

She sighed and opened the door wider, allowing him in. “I don’t know why I’m doing this,” she mumbled, mostly to herself. She hated seeing her son in pain like he’d been since high school started, and she had a hunch that Alex was the cause.

Alex took the stairs two at a time and burst through the door to Jack’s room.

He looked astonished. “Alex, what are you doing here?”

“I’ve got a lot to say and you’re not going to say a word until I’ve said everything I need to,” Alex instructed. Jack nodded consentingly, so he launched into the speech he’d sort of prepared. “Thank you so, so much for following me after that party and saving my life. I owe you a lot for that. Now that that’s out of the way, here come the apologies.”

This was the biggest part, everything he had to be sorry for. “I’m sorry for yelling at you in the parking lot. I’m sorry for pouring the vodka on you. I’m sorry for denying that I was your first kiss. I’m sorry for letting my friends be total assholes to you. I’m sorry that I was a total asshole to you. I’m sorry that I’ve stood by while people pushed you around and made fun of you. I’m sorry that I never tried to stop them. I’m sorry that once high school started, I quit being your best friend. I’m sorry that I’m such a horrible friend. I’m sorry that I was so scared what other people think that I ignored you. I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done wrong since freshman year. I’m sorry that it’s taken me this long to tell you all this.”

Jack looked like he was about to speak, so Alex put a finger to his lips. “I’m not done yet. I know I’m late with telling you this and that I don’t have a good explanation for why I ditched you, but when I almost died, I realized something. You’re the greatest friend I’ve ever had. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me. I was a fucking idiot for, well, everything I did. There’s no reason that you should believe me or even still be listening, but while I was hovering between life and death, I realized that I’m in love with you.”

Jack was quiet, and Alex was just sure he was trying to figure out how to politely tell him he didn’t like him like that. But finally, he whispered, “I’ve been waiting so long to hear that. But how do I know you’re not just saying this, that when school starts back you won’t just fall back into the same old routine and ignore me and claim this never happened?” He wanted to believe what Alex said, but how could he?

“You don’t. But I do. I know that I won’t ever do that again. You’d be surprised what all suddenly becomes clear when you think you’re dead. I’m going to prove to you how much you mean to me this time around. I’ll tell the entire world how much I love you.” His eyes were filled with sincerity.

Jack weighed the options briefly. Option one: don’t accept Alex’s apology and go back to being miserable. Option two: believe him, even on the off-chance that he doesn’t mean it and risk getting hurt, and possibly finally be happy again. Yeah, option two was more appealing. He genuinely smiled for the first time in who knows how long and asked, “To quote this crazy guy I used to know, wouldyouliketokissme?”

Alex grinned, obliging and kissing him. “Like you even have to ask.”