Shadowed

I trip in my rush to escape, careening forward into the girl in front of me. I back up apologizing feebly, trying to regain my fallen bag as she turns to me. I recognize her as one of the Circle; a dim group of attractive women who monopolize the entire male population of my school. I curse my luck silently, lowering my gaze automatically to avoid confrontation.

“Watch where the fuck you’re going.” She says, kicking my bag from under her. A few girls behind her giggle behind their hands, nudging one another like they’re watching a comedy show. I nod, reaching for my pack with numb fingers. I keep my eyes down cast, knowing better then to defend myself.

The girl snorts as I shuffle through the seats, kicking at me when I finally manage to grasp the straps of my bag. When she kicks the stark pain sets me off balance, causing me to tumble to the side. I reach for the nearest seat, crumbling under my own weight on my injured ankle feeling needles running up my spine. My bag pulls one way and my body follows. I know I’m falling before I’ve actually begun to fall, and the realization is a miserable one. I avoid the thought of Dari behind me, watching my humiliation. I stretch out to brace myself, to lessen the physical pain if not the emotional one of being tossed like a toy by this girl. I feel tears welling up at the backs of my eyes, hurt and embarrassment running up my neck as I clench my eyes shut.

“Sorry,” I feel warmth engulf me. In one fluid motion I am swept away from the floor and clutched against a chest. I gasp as arms envelope me, a warm hand against my back. “she was helping me with my homework. We weren’t paying attention really. I don’t think she actually meant to run into you.” My eyes are closed but I know who’s arms are encompassing me.

I will myself to see the confusion on the faces of the students, to see the hatred emanating from that useless bitch. When I open my eyes I know I could look at them, at the petty girls the looks of disbelief on their faces. I could see their hate and confusion, their misery and jealousy. All I can look at though, all I care to see once I open my eyes is the look on Dari’s face as he holds me. Dari’s beautiful eyes glaring down above me. Dari focusing his strong jaw, and soft expression for my concern. I am not beautiful, not clever or coordinated, not witty or gentle. No, I’m not the perfect, beautiful blond idiot before me, but it’s me Dari is standing up for, it’s me Dari is holding, not you. Suck on that bitch.

The girl gushes, her face runs red but her eyes show her astonishment. “Dari! I didn’t know you rode this bus. You should have said something, I would have sat with you…”

“Sorry Claire, I keep to myself outside of class.” Dari says shortly, cutting her off. Claire begins to open her mouth as though to respond but Dari continues. “The crowd’s moving. You better get going, we’re going to be late to class.” Dari says. Claire attempts in exchanging a few more words before giving in, silenced only by the promise of meeting up in class. I try not to look as disappointed as I feel, watching her go with a seething feeling of hate knotting my stomach. “Kaylin,” Dari says, “Are you ok?” It is at this exact moment I remember I am still leaning on him. I straighten far to quickly, straining my ankle and flushing with embarrassment.

“Thank you, sorry, sorry. I can stand fine, I’m fine, fine. I mean…” I pause as I ravage my bag from under a seat. I hunch down holding it to my stomach feeling a bit nauseous as I try to calm my nerves. “You didn’t have to stand up for me, but… thanks for trying.” I hold back the tears welling at the corners of my eyes. I know that this was a once in a life time occurrence, that after a few weeks Dari will be theirs. He won’t remember me any more, won’t care whether Claire kicks me or spits on me any more. I’ll be just another nameless girl, just another useless girl that the Circle doesn’t like. I know it’s inevitable, I know he doesn’t mean it badly. But just this once, just once I want to have someone that’s just mine. I want someone to care about me too, and why not Dari?

In an instant I am in the air, arms wrapped around me and being borne through the bus. Dari drags my back pack along side his own, cradling me in his arms as he carries me through the school. People blatantly stare at us, moving aside as Dari politely asks directions to the nurse’s office. I squirm stunned and embarrassed, asking to be put down under my breath as Dari very politely ignores me. In one fluid motion he swings me down onto an empty cot and, much to the nurse and my horror; sweeps down and kisses my bruised ankle.

I’m sure my face has turned a painfully brilliant shade of red because the nurse’s most certainly has. Both of us stare at Dari simply unable to comprehend or react to the situation. Dari gently smooths back my hair, rearranging the greasy strands away from my eyes. I stutter, trying desperately to talk, to tell him I’m fine, that I don’t need a nurse but I‘m silenced by the sheer impossibility of the morning‘s occurrences. Dari kneels by my side, shining a brilliant smile at the nurse as she stares open mouthed at us.

“This girl took a nasty fall on the bus, another girl got a shot at her ankle, could you give her something? I’ll tell her homeroom teacher she’ll be late if you don’t mind.” The nurse hardly gets the chance to nod before Dari turns to me and places a cool hand on my cheek. “What’s your home room teacher’s name Kaylin?” He asks innocently. I perch myself on my arms, finally regaining control of my limbs and grab at the hand on my face.

“Dari I’m fine, really.” I whisper ferociously. “I’ll be ok, this happens all the time, there’s no need to make a scene. You’re scaring the nurse.” I add, jerking my head in the direction of the nurse who balances between a phone and a note pad. I try moving from the bed, smiling politely up at her, but Dari pushes me back down grasping at my shoulders.

“If you don’t fix it, it’ll only get worse.” He says. His expression makes it perfectly clear that, that means he refuses to take no for an answer. I squirm uncomfortably under his grasp, not liking to be told what to do but silently enjoying his touch. “I’ll come to see you after class, just stay here and rest a bit, the nurse will wrap your ankle.” Dari brushes my hair back and I resist the urge to shiver, finding a guilty pleasure in his attention. I hesitate, looking up at him from under my lashes like a child. It’s true, he looks genuinely concerned. He fixes the sheets around me, leaving only my leg exposed for the nurse to examine. I turn from his watching eyes, starring at the wall as he works.

“You’ll come back though? To check on me?” I ask quietly. I know I’m being immature, that my want to monopolize Dari is ill founded and almost solely out of greed, but I can’t help myself. I look at Dari’s hands, beautiful and perfect, not a blemish or scratch to be had. I want to believe in those hands, I want to believe in the person who can wield such confident, perfect hands.

Without warning Dari reaches down to me and holds my head, pressing my forehead against his. Our noses touch delicately and I feel my heart flutter against my rib cage. I stare up into his closed eyes, and I find myself trying to memorize the curve of his lids. I bite my lower lip, pressing my eyes shut against my traitorous emotions. Damn it, I did just meet him how can I be sure I can trust him?

Against my will I have begun to enjoy the feeling of Dari’s skin against mine, the certainty of his hands. His heart beat is sure and steady against my cheeks, his breath hot on my skin. Complete stranger or not he’s the first person after Jillian to even acknowledge my existence, let alone treat me like a human being. Is it so terrible for me to want to reach out to someone, anyone? Even if the only person willing is a strange boy I hardly know. Why can’t Dari be real, why can’t Dari be different? There must be at least one person in the world I can trust, one person who won’t abandon me. Why not this person? Why not Dari? Pretty people like Dari don’t associate with jaded people like me.

“I promise.” Dari whispers pulling away. One hand trails down to my shoulder and I stare at it, meaning to memorize its shape. “Just stay here and get well.” He stands swiftly, exchanging a few words with the nurse before giving my hand one last squeeze and leaving. I watch him go, unsure if I believe him, but painfully aware that I can’t help but want to.

I settle back against the bed as the nurse instructs me, watching her examine the many cuts and bruises on my legs reaching all the way up to my thighs. She looks at me knowingly, placing ice on my ankle before applying a cool cream along my legs. I try not to watch her curious look at the even slices along the inside of my thighs, I’m sure she knows without asking. I remain still though, letting her apply the bandages along my legs without any protest. I said I would stay, I said I would stay and get well as long as he would come back.

So I close my eyes against the throbbing, I pretend the nurse isn’t writing down pretensions notes on my cut marks. I wait patiently in her office as the minutes take hours, counting the ceiling tiles and letting the cold seep into my bones. Promises can be broken, people can lie. For some reason though, just this once, I want him to be telling the truth.