A Beautiful Mess

Do you want to go somewhere with me? Just for a few days?

I finished packing my bag and sat down on my bed. This was a huge thing for me. I hadn't ever thought about this, but over the past few weeks with not speaking to my parents, I realized something.

My parents had never mentioned anything about my birth parents. And they were the reason I was created. The only thing I knew about them was that they were young when I was born and my birth father was who I had one huge thing in common with; being deaf. And I knew that I wanted to know them. I wanted to know about everything. How they decided to give me up. Why they wanted to give me up. About them in general. I had to have something in common with them. Did I get my eyes from my mum? My brown hair from my dad? My sarcastic attitude from both of them? My love for music? I wanted to know everything.

Depends. Where we going?

Hanover, Germany.

I'll go but only if we can go to a pub and get completely pissed.

Deal. I have two first class tickets that leave this afternoon so get a suitcase packed. I'll pick you up at noon.

Could you possibly come over and help me pack? I'm shit at this whole packing thing.

Fine. I'll be over in a bit.

Over the past two weeks, I'd gotten insanely close to Niall. Ronnie had spoken to me a few times here and there, but nothing like we used to. We were both stubborn as hell and stood our ground. She didn't want me to continue being the way I was and I wanted to do my own thing and continue being the way I was. Niall had filled that void in a way. He was slowly becoming my best mate and who else to take with me then my best mate?

I had sent Kale and Finn a text saying I'd be gone for a few days and to have Dru fill in for me. That was yesterday. I knew yesterday that I needed to go snoop around my dad's house and try to find out enough stuff about my birth parents that I could. So that's what I did. Once they both left for work, I used my key and went inside. They had this big firesafe box in their offices. The key was in the top drawer under their scheduling book. I unlocked it and sifted through everything. It was filled to the brim. But the papers I was looking for were at the very bottom.

What adoption agency they went through. All the ultrasounds during the pregnancy. All the paperwork. My birth certificate. My birth mums name. My birth dad's name. Cards and letters. They had my name on them. But they were never opened. They sent me birthday cards and Christmas cards and Easter cards and letters. I remember asking my dad's about them and if it was an open adoption. They told me it wasn't and that they wanted nothing to do with me. They lied to me. After my anger bubbled up a bit, I bundled up the cards and made copies of all the papers I needed. Then once everything was put back in its place, I left. I took the cards and copies and left.

My parents lied to me. About something that played a big part in who I was. My adoption was a huge part of me. And the fact that they lied to me about the two people who created me and gave me life was something I would never forgive them for. There were papers that clearly said open adoption. They were supposed to be able to see me and watch me grow up. I would've loved them, but not near as much as I did my Dad and Pops. I could've had more family then just my Dad and Pops.

"So why are we going to Germany again?"

I shrugged. "Just thought I'd go visit. Haven't been there in eight years. Since I moved actually."


By the time we got there, it was just hitting four pm. We caught a cab and made the three hour drive from Frankfurt Airport to Hanover.

The place we were staying was a tiny little bed and breakfast. It was in the middle of a quiet street with buildings on either side of it. It was cute and quaint. Something different then I was used too. But I liked it anyway. From what I remember when I lived over here, it was in Berlin and it was always busy. Nothing was ever quiet. Similar to London. But in all honesty, I would rather live in a big city then a somewhat small one like this. It was what I grew up in and what I was used too.

"What in the bloody hell is this place called?" Niall questioned as we got our bags out of the boot of the cab. I paid the driver and thanked him, then answered my Irish friend. "Stern Über Liebhaber," I answered.

"Stern what?" He asked. His eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched up. I just laughed. "It means Stellar Lovers. It's called, Stellar Lovers Bed and Breakfast."

He nodded. "So can we eat dinner? Because 'm starvin'!"

All that kid thought about was food. And beer. "We can order room service when we get to our room."

"Praise The Lord!"


"Someone messed up with our room," I spoke into the phone. "I put a room with two beds."

"I'm sorry ma'am, but all we had left was a room with one queen sized bed. Our computers have been having problems and we are extremely sorry about the problem," the lady at the front desk spoke. "For your inconvenience, all room service is on us. Again, we're very sorry for the misunderstanding ma'am."

With a sigh, I ran a hand through my hair. "It's completely fine. Thank you for everything. Have a nice night." I hung up the landline they had in all the rooms and threw myself down on the bed.

Niall was sitting against the headboard with his legs spread out in front of him, crossed at the ankles. "So, what's going on? They find us a new room?"

I shook my head. "No. She said the computers are messing up and we can't get another room, but room service and everything else is on them."

His eyes lit up at that. "So endless amounts of food? For free?!" I replied with a nod. That made him lean over me and grab the phone along with the room service paper. "Hell yes! Want anything?"

The fact that his chest was touching mine and I could feel the heat from radiating from him left me a little dizzy. But I quickly shook that from my mind and said, "Uh, yeah. A double bacon cheeseburger with a large fry and Sprite."

He pounded in the numbers and it was almost immediately picked up. The person on the other end started speaking in German. Niall started stammering. I took the phone from him and told them to speak English. "Englisch bitte."

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry about that."

"Not a problem. Hold on one second." With that, I handed the phone back to Niall. "Go ahead. They're speaking English now."

He blushed. "Thanks."

"S'all good in the hood."

While he ordered basically the whole menu, my mind got the best of me. Tomorrow I would hopefully be meeting my birth parents. The man who put his little soldiers in my mum and the woman who's eggs gave my dad's little soldiers permission to try and create little babies. That was probably a horrible way to put it, but I had to make light of the situation sometime. And if I had to put it that way, then so be it.

God. I was possibly going to be meeting my birth mum and birth dad tomorrow. That thought alone was terrifying.


I was literally hours possibly minutes away from meeting my birth parents. All I had to do was get up the nerve to actually have a cab take us to the last address on the letters and cards they sent me.

The letters and cards. I hadn't even opened them. I was too scared. What the put in them was what scared me more. What if they started a new family? What if I was just someone they took pity on? They probably felt sorry for me. I was the illegitimate child that they had when they were young teenagers and gave up for adoption. I was honestly nothing to them anymore.

"God, this was an awful idea," I mumbled.

Niall stood with me in the lobby of the small bed and breakfast, looking out the window but looked down at me with furrowed brows. "Why? I thought you were just coming to visit?"

My head hung and my shoulders dropped. "I came to see my birth parents." I said it so quietly that I almost didn't hear myself.

"German/British DJ lass say what?"

My muddy brown eyes rolled up to meet his bright blue ones. "I came to see my birth parents." His eyebrows shot up. "'M fighting with my best mate and she would've come with me, but you've become a really good friend over the past few weeks so I invited you since I'm fighting with her. And I need moral support and a shoulder to cry on if they don't want anything to do with me."

Take a deep breath, Spence. After I rushed that out, I took a much needed deep breath. He was quiet for a few seconds, looking as if he was soaking in all that I just told him.

All of a sudden a small grin took over his face. "I'd be honored to be your shoulder to cry on if your birth parents don't want anything to do with you, but I say this with all the love in the world, they'd be damn fucking stupid if they did that. You are literally the most gorgeous, smartest, and wicked cool girl I know," he spoke, staring down at me with a sparkle in his eyes. "And if they have a problem with that, I'll personally hit them in their ugly mugs."

I don't know what came over me, but I pushed up on to my tip toes and pecked his cheek. "Thank you, Niall. It means a lot," I murmured.

"Not a problem." It might have been the lighting, but I swore I saw his cheeks turn a rosy red color. Was he blushing?


"Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nodded. "Ready as I'll ever be."

He all of a sudden reached down and grabbed my hand. His warm, calloused fingers laced with mine making a small shiver rack my body. Instead of waiting for me to ring the bell, he did.

"Nur eine Sekunde!" Just a sec! I would be meeting my birth parents in a mere second. That made me want to barf. What felt like hours later, the door was jerked open to reveal a teenage boy with a clean shaven face and light brown, maybe dirty blonde, hair. I couldn't really tell. My mind was going a mile a minute with thoughts of my birth parents.

"Hi, um, is there a Magdalena Autenburg or Markus Hahn here?" Niall gripped my hand tighter when my voice shook and I silently thanked him. The kid nodded, this time speaking in English. "Yeah, hold on. Mom! Someone's at the door for you!"

Mom? My eyes shot up to meet Niall's and started watering. Niall sent me a sad smile, only moving his thumb over the top of my hand. Before I could make a run for it, a woman with long, wavy redish brown hair walked up and greeted us with a grin. "Hello, how can I help you?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Oh god. Now I couldn't even speak. Bollocks. Niall nudged me with his arm. That snapped me out of whatever was wrong with me. "Um, are you Magdalena Autenburg?" I managed to squeak out.

She nodded, resting her hand against the doorframe. "Yes ma'am. And who are you?"

Oh god. Swallowing loudly, I glanced down at my Converse clad feet. "Uh, my uh, my names Spencer," I paused for a second. "Faust. My name is Spencer Faust."

I wasn't one for meeting new people. Nor was I one for meeting parents. Parents that weren't mine -my Dad and Pops- freaked me out. Now I honestly had no idea what possessed me to want to meet my birth parents.

Her eyes lit up and her face beamed. My heart felt like it was about to burst out of my chest and not in a good way. It was a bad way. A very very bad way. This was a mistake. She had a new family. She didn't need me. "Come in! Come in!" She exclaimed, beckoning us in.

After a cautious look thrown Niall's way and an encouraging look sent my way, we crossed the threshold into their house. It was homey, but not like my dads. The walls were a soft coral color and scattered with family photos. This could've been my life, but instead I was given away and they started a new family.

"Max, Mat, get your father and come here! There's someone I want you to meet!"

We were in the living room and Niall and I were sitting on the love seat. I sat as close to him as I could. Our hands never separated. My birth mum sat down in a chair across from us and stared at us with a huge grin. It was rather creepy to be honest. A few minutes later three people walked in the room.

"Come here, come here," Magdalena spoke, signing as she did so. Markus sat down on the arm of her chair while the two teenage boys lazily threw themselves on the other couch. "I was in the middle of mixing, Mom," the clean shaven one griped.

She waved him off. "Markus, Max, Mat, this is Spencer and her friend," she trailed off.

"Niall," Niall answered.

"This is Spencer and her friend Niall. She's the baby I gave away when I was fifteen."

She's the baby I gave away. Just like that. Like it wasn't even that big of a deal. If I didn't think this was a bad idea before, I sure as bloody hell did now.

"Spencer, dear, this is your father Markus and your younger brothers, Maximilian and Mathias."

Father. Younger brothers. Dear. What? No. No. Just no. They weren't my family. Why did I think this would be a good idea? Obviously I had a lapse in judgment. I'm thinking I blacked out when I decided to make the trip. That or I was drunk. Maybe I was drunk.

"You had a kid and gave it up?" Max or Mat or whatever their names were looked at Magdalena with disgusted faces. They then moved their gaze to me and it was even more disgusted. "Smart move."

It? Smart move?

"I think this was a mistake," I rushed out, standing up. "I'll just be going. Come on, Ni."