A Beautiful Mess

"Can I have a venti hot chocolate with extra whipped topping?"

"Yes ma'am! Anything else?" I looked at the display case to my right and instantly felt my mouth start watering. "Can I have two slices of the lemon pound cake?"

"Sure can!" The barista at Starbucks rang up my items and told me a total. I scanned my phone and slipped it back into my purse once I was done. "Ill have your order out here in a bit. Have a nice day!"

I went and stood by the display shelf that had all the coffee mugs and whatnot. My phone started buzzing in my purse, so I took it out and answered it. "'Ello?"

"Hey Spence!"

"Kale?"

"Whatcha doin?"

"I'm getting coffee," I replied slowly. "Why? Shouldn't you be asleep? It's like three in the morning there."

"Well, about that," he started. I immediately cut him off. "About what, Kale? What in the bloody hell did you do?"

"I'm in LA! I came to see you!"

Of all the damn luck. Jesus Christ. God seriously had it out for me. I haven't spoken to Kale, Finn, or Ronnie in three months, and out of the blue, Kale decides to come visit me. In LA. Where I haven't been for three months. I've barely talked to my parents since Jerry and I made the move. Just a random text here and there. They didn't even know I was in Seattle. The only person who did was Jerry.

"You're in LA? Like, right now?"

"Yeah! I'm trying to find a cab to take me to your place, but finding one is a thousand times worse then finding one in London."

Oh god. I let out a big sigh as the barista called my name. I picked up my drink and put my bag of pound cake in my purse, then headed out of the building onto the busy streets of Seattle, Washington. "Kale, I'm not in LA anymore," I replied. It seemed as if he stopped breathing on the other end.

"You aren't in LA anymore?"

I shook my head. "No. Haven't been for three months."

"Then where are you? Where have you been for the last three months?" Before I could answer, he started talking again. And he sounded mad. "You're fucking pregnant, Spencer! What if something happened to you? Nobody would know where in the bloody fucking hell you were!"

I sighed once again. "I'm with Jerry." I weaved in and out of people on the sidewalk. I had just a few blocks until I reached mine and Jerry's flat. People seemed to part as they saw my pregnant self heading toward them.

"Well whoopty fuckin doo, you're with Jerry! He doesn't care about you, Spence! He's only looking for money!"

"Kale, you don't know him," I spoke. "You can't just say that stuff about someone you don't know."

"But I can, so don't fucking say I can't. Are you going to tell me where you are so I can come there or am I going to have to tell Finn and Ronnie that we wasted our money flying down here?"

"Finn and Ronnie came with you?" Jesus Christ almighty. Crap on a cracker. "Get a hotel and sleep and I'll be there tonight."

"Please don't bring Jerry. I don't like him."

I bid him goodbye as I opened the door to my flat building. I got in the lift and hit the button that would take me to floor five. As soon as the door dinged and I stepped off the elevator, my phone buzzed with a text. I ignored it and quickly unlocked and opened the door to my flat. "Jer?" I hollered.

"Yeah, love?"

I walked in the living room to see him sitting on the couch, eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. Of course, it was only the Peter Pan brand and it could only be the creamy kind. I shook my head with a chuckle.

"We need to go to LA," I stated. "Like, right now."

"Um, why?"

"Kale, Finn, and Ronnie flew there to see me. They thought I still lived there," I explained. He shrugged, nodding his head. "Okay. Need me to drive?" I nodded, taking a sip of my hot chocolate.

"Let's go then."


"Yeah, can you ring the room that Kale Vincent is in and tell him Spencer Faust is here?"

The lady at the desk nodded with a smile and picked up her desk phone, calling his room. A few seconds later, she hung up and grinned at me. "They'll be right down, ma'am."

"Thank you," I spoke, resting my hands on my protruding belly. The lady leaned against the counter and eyed my baby bump. "How far along are you?" She asked.

It was a question I was asked often, and I still hadn't got use to it. I didn't know how to react when anyone asked me questions about it. I called the baby an "it", for Christ's sake. I couldn't refer to it as Dawson James Kennedy, the baby I made with a one, Niall Horan, the man I loved. I couldn't tell people I wasn't fit to be a mum. I couldn't tell people the only reason I was pregnant was because I'm a slag. I couldn't tell people that I didn't want a baby. I couldn't tell people that I knew it would be better off without me. I couldn't tell people that I had no bond to the tiny human growing inside of me.

"Um... Six months."

She let out a happy sigh. "Oh, I remember when I was six months along. I was the size of a beached whale. But boy was the baby moving around like crazy. I couldn't sleep most nights. But I didn't mind. My Millie was an active one. She hasn't slowed down since. She's four now and she's in gymnastics. She was crawling when she was six months and walking when she was ten months. I barely—"

"I'm not keeping the baby!" I blurted out. Jerry apologized and quickly pulled me towards the big glass doors. He instructed me to go sit in the car and that he'd get the guys and Ronnie. It took him all of a few minutes to come back out to the car. He insisted on putting the luggage in the boot while the three of them got situated in the car. When he got in the car, he buckled his seatbelt and started the car.

"We need to stop for gas, so if you need anything to eat or drink or to use the loo, do it then, because I'm not stopping until we make it back."

Everyone gave a quiet nod. It was quiet the whole twenty minute ride to the nearest gas station. When he got out to pump the gas and run in and get us snacks, was when we spoke.

"I told you not to bring him," Kale grumbled. I shook my head, trying to push back the tears. Damn hormones.

"Kale, don't fucking start with me," I spat, my voice breaking.

He snorted. "Or what?"

I managed to turn myself just a tiny bit, to where I could look him in the eyes, from the front seat. "Why the fuck are you doing this? Why now? Why'd you decide to fly over here now? I didn't ask you guys to come here. I didn't want you to come here. I had a fucking reason for not telling any of you where I was."

"Spence—" Ronnie started. I cut her off. "No, don't even. I didn't want to tell you guys where I was because I knew if you did, you'd tell him. And I don't want him to know. I don't want him to know that I'm pregnant with his child and I don't want him to know that I'm not keeping it. I'm giving the baby up for adoption. It's a boy you know that. The couple that's adopting him is a real nice family. They'll be able to give him a better life then I ever could. The wife will be the best mum on this planet, and the husband will be the best dad. I mean, I knew when I first found out I was pregnant that I wasn't keeping it. I'm nothing but a fucked up mess. I can't put a kid through that. I don't want the baby to be anywhere near any of us. Especially you guys. I know if you knew when I was due, you'd be at the hospital and you'd be calling him and giving him a play by play. You aren't going to fuck this babies life up. We aren't going to fuck this babies life up."

Before anyone could say anything, Jerry came back with two bags full of food. "I got one of everything!" He handed me a Naked smoothie and a twin pack of 3 Musketeers. I gave him a half assed grin and thanked him.

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "No problem, love."

Kale scoffed. "Are you fucking him now, too?" He signed.

"Don't fucking start!" I signed back.