Sequel: The Pros and Cons of Living ›
The Pros and Cons of Breathing
Part 9
Gerard’s POV
We were at the hospital all day and I felt my heart break every time I looked into Frank’s sad and miserable eyes. The doctors did different things, asked different questions, and wrote down different answers. All I knew was Frank was alone on that cold bed and I couldn’t hold him, kiss him, hug him. All I could do was hold his clothes and think about what Bert had done and what I would do to Bert if I ever saw him again.
The list began with castration. Somewhere later, I pondered, a gun would be involved.
I called Ray on my cell phone and told him what was going on and that he could pick us up in about an hour. He said they would be there, to keep strong, and that everything would get better.
Frank was past crying. He just stared ahead, answered their questions, and stayed completely blank. His hands didn’t shake. He seemed to be dead inside.
“We’re all done here, Mr. Iero.” The doctor said before nodding at me and leaving.
I stood up and crossed the room to the bed, Frank’s clothes in hand. “Here, babe. Let’s get you out of that robe.”
He nodded and allowed me to dress him. He was on painkillers so maybe, I thought, that was why he was acting weird.
We made our way out of the hospital and I knew that, since the doctors had gotten done early, we would have to wait a bit for Frank. What happened shocked me. Reporters jumped out at us, all shouting questions. I shielded Frank with my body and pushed him back into the hospital.
“Is it true, Mr. Way, that you and Mr. Iero are engaged?” One shouted at me.
“Did Bert McCracken rape him? Will he be arrested?”
“Is it true Frank tried to commit suicide?”
“Are you and Mr. Iero to pick up your adopted baby?”
I shoved through them and made my way into the hospital as well. Frank was sitting in a chair farthest away from the door, his legs pulled up to his chest. I sat in the chair next to him, sighing.
“How are we gonna get out?” He asked in a hollow voice.
“I don’t know.” I answered, taking his hand in mine. His eyes met mine and he looked so miserable that I almost had to look away. But I couldn’t, I had to be there for him.
“Is this how you felt after your dad raped you?” he whispered. “Like you can’t even breathe?”
I slid an arm around him.
“I feel dead… I feel like I should be hysterical or something… but I can’t feel anything.” He whispered, not breaking our eye contact.
“It’ll hit you in a few hours.” I said, wishing it wasn’t true. Soon I knew Frank would be back to crying hysterically.
“Guess we aren’t driving out to meet Davey.” Frank continued in the same whisper.
I smiled at him. “No, babe.”
He scooted close and put his head on my shoulder. “Is he in jail?”
“The officer said he’s in holding, whatever that means.” I said. My cell phone began to vibrate and I ignored the “Please turn all cell phones off.” Sign and answered it. “Hey, Mikey.”
“We’re out here but there are reporters all over the front. Go to the back.”
“Okay. Bye.” I hung up. “C’mon.”
“I can’t walk through all of those people, Gerard. I just c-can’t.”
I stood and helped Frank up. “Let me carry you.”
He reached his hands out and I scooped him into my arms, trying not to cry because he was hurting so much even if he didn’t know it yet. It took forever to get to the van and when I did I laid Frankie in the back then sat in the passenger seat, wiping my eyes. Mikey and Ray were back with Frank and Bob was driving. He looked over at me, taking my deep breaths and wiping tears from my cheeks angrily.
I knew I should be with Frank but I couldn’t handle this. Everything was supposed to be right now, damnit. He wasn’t supposed to get fucking raped!
We got to the place where our bus was and Frank laid on the couch, still. I sat down on the floor, reached a hand to his cheek, and stroked his face. He closed his eyes and relaxed.
There was a knock and Ray went to answer the door solemnly. AFI ran in excited and had opened their mouths to begin their greetings when Davey held up a hand. “What’s going on?” he asked slowly.
The van fell silent and Frank began to sob, rolling away and facing the back of the couch.
“What happened?” Davey asked.
Mikey and Ray led all of the guys out of the bus. I scrambled onto the couch and took Frankie in my arms. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until he couldn’t anymore, then sobbed just a bit more. I laid with him rubbing his back and kissing his face until he quit sobbing.
The guys hadn’t come onto the bus and I stayed with Frank, who was quietly sniffling.
“I’m always going to be here for you.” I promised him.
“Am I ever gonna feel right again?” he whispered.
“Yes, baby.” I assured him, pulling him onto my lap and rocking him. “And until you do you’ve got so many people here for you. We’re gonna get you back, baby.”
He nodded and wiped his eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I said and led him to his bunk. We both got in and laid there until, eventually, both of us fell asleep.
Frank’s POV
I woke up the next morning sore all over. I raised a hand to my pounding head, or tried. Gerard was holding my hands so I couldn’t lift them very far.
I kissed his pale cheek and relaxed into him, feeling safe.
Why didn’t you fucking wait until someone got water? This is your fault. You let him do this! You didn’t fight back.
I tried. I tried to fight back. He’s bigger than me.
You didn’t try hard enough. You might as well have waltzed into his bus and screamed “FUCK ME”.
“Shut up! Shut up!”
Gerard’s eyes snapped open and he looked at me. “What?”
“Nothing.” I snapped, burrowing my head into his chest. He rubbed my back and I bolted up. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Frank, I won’t hurt you.”
I stared at him before realization hit me. Why was I doing this to Gerard? He would never hurt me. I relaxed on to him and he began rubbing my back again, softly singing in my ear. I felt a small smile on my lips and I curled into him, head on his chest once again.
There was a knock on the wood outside of our bunk, then Ray pushed it open a bit. “Are you two hungry?”
Gerard looked at me and I nodded, sitting up again and almost hitting my head. Gerard quickly put his hand over my head though so his head was rammed into the bunk above and my head only hit his soft hand.
“Fuck!” I shouted, tears filling my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry.”
I blinked and nodded, wiping my eyes. We got out of the bed and I saw everyone else was awake. I checked my watch. 8:00 AM. No one should be up until at least noon.
“Why the fuck are you all up?” I shouted.
Bob looked down, Mikey sighed, and Ray began making waffles.
“Why the fuck can’t you just act normal?” I continued to shout, now crying. “It isn’t as if it isn’t obvious enough as it is!
“Frank, they didn’t do anything.” Gerard said, wrapping his arms around me. “They’re just worried.”
I stormed over to the sink and buried my head in my hands, elbows resting on the cool sink. I pulled at my hair taking deep breaths and trying to quit crying.
I knew I was in Ray’s way because the bus is so fucking small, but I didn’t get a damn. I stayed there because I could and no one could make me leave until I wanted.
“Frank…” Gerard began again.
“Just shut up!” I moaned, pulling at my hair again.
Gerard fell silent and Ray put some Waffles on a plate and handed it to me. I threw it against the wall and ran out into the day. I kicked our tires angrily, then slumped against the bus. Everything was going to change now. Gerard was gonna leave me, they’ll kick me out of the band, I don’t know.
I don’t know anything, except that someone just stepped off of the bus. Suddenly I was wrapped in Gerard’s arms and he was rubbing my back.
“You can keep running away but I’m always gonna come back.” He whispered in my ear.
I clung to him, weak and exhausted.
“I’m always going to be here.”
Gerard’s POV
I don’t know how we got past without Frank slipping into another coma, but we did. We got a call from the hospital saying it might happen, but it didn’t. My theory is it’s because Frank’s been sleeping all week.
He’s on painkillers for the physical damage done to his body (Bert wasn’t too gentle, obviously.) and he had been put on sleeping pills from lack of sleep. Now all he does is sleep unless he’s up for eating.
“Are you two gonna be okay?” Mikey whispered one day, sitting next to me at our small table.
“Of course we are.” I said automatically.
Mikey opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded.
“Look, within the week he’ll start acting a bit more normal. You’ll see.” I promised Mikey. I was the one promising everything lately. The guys were too nervous to talk to Frank, because they didn’t want to upset him. But they didn’t get that anything upsets him. Even when I talk to him he gets upset, but I don’t just run off. I try to make him feel better.
I think that Frank wants them to be there but he’s also happy they aren’t bothering him. Frank’s starting to doubt he’ll ever be happy again. He told me that yesterday when he was half asleep.
I really didn’t know what to tell him, though, so I just hugged him and told him to sleep.
Almost Thanksgiving…
Mikey’s POV
Things hadn’t improved much over the last month and a half and even though the wedding had been planned for Thanksgiving week it didn’t seem as if a wedding was near.
No plans had been made and Gerard and Frank were having problems anyway. They weren’t fighting, it was more Frank refused to talk to anyone and Gerard was desperately trying to bring him back. It wasn’t working exactly. The most communicating Frank did was to Gerard when he was yelling for Gerard to leave him alone.
Gerard’s getting ready to lose it, it’s obvious. We hadn’t been touring since the rape but we’d thought that things would be better by now. They aren’t getting better, but they aren’t getting worse. They did get better for a while until Frank hit rock bottom two weeks after the rape when Bert was declared innocent and freed with no punishment whatsoever.
Gerard was back with Frank and Ray, Bob, and I were sitting in the living room of their house waiting.
“Fine! The damn wedding is off!” We heard Frank yell. “Just get the fuck out of my life!”
Ray put his head in his hands and sighed. Bob tilted his head to stare at the ceiling and I massaged my head.
“Frank, that isn’t what I want!” We heard Gerard yell back a few seconds later.
“Well thing are never going back to how they were so you better fucking get over it!”
“If you would try, Frankie! You don’t do anything! You lay here in bed doing nothing! You won’t talk to anyone! You’re hurting people, Frank!”
“If I’m hurting so many people then I’ll just leave!”
“QUIT TWISTING MY WORDS AND LISTEN TO ME!”
Ray jumped and Bob and I exchanged glances.
“This isn’t good.” Ray muttered.
I took a deep breath.
We couldn’t hear what else was said because they lowered their voices. Ray went as far as to listen outside their door with a cup held to his ear but that didn’t work.
“The silence is either really good… or really bad.” Bob said.
Ten minutes later Gerard came out. “The engagement is off.” He said, then got his jacket on and left.
“I’ll go.” Ray stood and followed Gerard.
“You can go with Ray. I’ll take Frank.” I said, standing up.
“Are you sure…?”
“I can handle it. I know everything he can throw at me.” I said, heading towards Frank’s bedroom. I stepped in.
“Go away.” He said.
I came in farther and pulled a chair up to the bed. “I know you’re hurt but Gerard’s only trying to help.”
“This isn’t your fucking business, Mikey.”
“He’s my brother and you used to be my best friend. I think it is my ‘fucking business’.” I said quietly.
“Well you thought wrong.”
“It’s time to move on. People are raped and their rapists are let go all of the time, Frank. It sucks but you can’t just… do whatever the hell it is you’re doing.”
“Why the hell not?”
I sighed. “Frank, Gerard loves you.”
“Then why did he call the wedding off?” Frank sniffed.
“What?”
“He’s the one that wants it called off. Who am I to keep him from his happiness?”
“Frankie…” I stood and went over to the bed, then sat down. “He isn’t thinking right now. At least, not straight.”
“Why does all this shitty stuff have to happen to me?” he whispered, putting his head on my shoulder. “Is God punishing me?”
“No, God isn’t punishing you. You’ve taken it too far.” I said, sighing. I looked at him. “A week of grieving, yeah. Understandable. A week of silence, yeah. A month and a half? Frank, you should be having the time of your life! You were engaged! If you hadn’t let this get in the way you and Gerard would be getting married next week!”
“I know that!” Frank began to cry. “But he hates me now!”
“Gerard doesn’t hate you, he doesn’t know how to handle you. He doesn’t take well to confrontation and that’s what you need right now. Confrontation is easy for him if he gets to punch someone. But confrontation where he has to talk? He isn’t so good with that.”
Meanwhile….
Gerard’s POV
“I just don’t know what to do.” I moaned, sitting on the steps outside of our back porch. “I was supposed to be getting married next week and I just fucking broke up with my fiancé.”
Ray put a hand on my shoulder. “Just give him time to cool down.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “He isn’t Frankie anymore.”
“He’s somewhere in there and you can’t let him get away.”
“I’ve tried.” I moaned.
“You’re gonna have to try again, Gerard.”
Frank’s POV
Gerard came into the room looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. I sighed and sat up in bed. Mikey had left about ten minutes ago and I’d been here, just thinking. I liked what I’d retreated to. Nothing, no one, could hurt me. But I could tell I was hurting Gerard and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I love you.” I whispered, so quietly that I was amazed he could hear me.
“I love you too, Frankie.” He whispered back, sitting next to me on the bed.
I scooted close to him and laid my head on his shoulder.
“I’ve got two tickets to Canada… the plane leaves in four hours.” He whispered, stroking my hair. “We can go now or we can wait until this all blows over.”
I stood up, the first time in a while for a reason besides using the bathroom, and headed towards my closet. “I’ll be ready to leave in an hour.” Gerard’s POV
I don’t know why we boarded that plane but we did, without telling anyone we were leaving. We left a note, packed some stuff, and headed to the airport.
It’s crazy because we’ve barely spoken in weeks, but we’re on the plane and Frank’s all snuggled up to me and holding my hand— more affectionate than he’s ever been since the rape.
By laws of reason this must go wrong. Two people can’t go from fighting to married in a day. It doesn’t work. We haven’t talked much since the rape. Why were we going through with this?
I can’t quit thinking. Sometimes it’s good thoughts—like maybe the tornado is over and Frankie and I can be happy again. Sometimes it’s bad—what if things don’t get better and we end up divorcing or fighting… This sure wasn’t how I pictured my wedding week. It had been crazy and our moms would be disappointed we didn’t show up for Thanksgiving Dinner. My mom was still, somehow, clueless Frank and I were together. I could only imagine her reaction. ‘Yeah, mom. Can’t make it to dinner because Frank and I are up here in Canada getting married. How’s the weather?’ Huh, yeah.
Frank squeezed my hand and I kissed his cheek, feeling content and at ease. This must mean that everything was going to be okay, right?
Frank’s POV
We’re really doing this… I can’t believe we’re really doing this. We’re off the plane now and Gerard’s on the phone with someone about coming legal citizens in Canada!
It isn’t going bad. Last night our flight got in late. Gerard and I slept together in the same bed in a hotel last night and when I woke up we made out like nothing had ever happened.
I just don’t believe this is happening. I’ve felt miserable these past two months and now… just wow… I mean, I don’t feel great. I’ve got jetlag from the trip, the bed isn’t too comfortable, and I’ve got the hugest butterflies in my stomach. But over all I feel great because I’m in Canada, soon I’ll be marrying Gerard, and everything is just…. Great.
Gerard’s sitting on the bed next to me and I crawled to him, and then slid my arms around his waist. He was still on the phone and I kissed the back of his neck, seeing him close his eyes.
"Hurry." I whispered.
"I'm trying. I'm on hold." he whispered back.
I pounced on him, laughing...
Gerard’s POV
“Mr. Way?”
I sat up, knocking Frank over. “I’m here.”
“If you can come down to the building at four o’clock today we can have the papers ready.”
I glanced at my watch. Only twelve. “Alright, we can be there.” I assured the man, surprised I hadn’t been on hold for hours. Just long enough to make out with Frank and get a hard on. Maybe I should have brought him to Canada to get married the day after the rape.
“We’ll see you at four o’clock, sir.”
“Thank you.” I hung up and pounced on Frank playfully. “In four hours we will be legal Canadians.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so… psychotic lately.” He smiled up at me.
“Sorry I wasn’t more patient with you.” I said, crawling off of him and lying next to him. “Man, we’ve been through some shit in our time.”
“You make it sound like we’re old. I’m only barely 21.”
I nodded. “It doesn’t seem real… I mean… wow.”
Frank sat up and sighed. I knocked him back down and we wrestled for a bit until Frank decided he was hungry.
“So, when do we get married?” he asked as we sat in the small restaurant inside the hotel.
“I didn’t figure you’d want to today, unless you want to just do it in a courtroom.”
“I don’t need a service.” Frank shrugged. “Plus, the longer we wait the more chance the paparazzi finds out.”
“I don’t care if the paparazzi find out. The fans will find out eventually.”
“They’ll use their stalking powers. But you know all about that, right?”
I felt my cheeks go red. “Don’t bring Christina Ricci into this.”
Frank laughed. “Oh, why not? It’s funny. Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance lead singer, stalks Christina Ricci. I can see the headlines now.” He raised his hands over his head as he said this.
“I’m sure I can get some dirt on you.”
“There is no dirt on me, babe. I don’t stalk people unlike SOME people.”
“Hey, I’m paying for it with all those girls stalking me now.” I pouted.
“Kiss me, Gerard.”
I leaned over the table to kiss him.
Three Hours Later…
Frank’s POV
We signed the papers and everything to become legal citizens of Canada. I can honestly say I had never been more bored in my life. I mean how many times can they possible ask you to “initial here” or “sign here”? Haven’t they heard of one signature at the bottom of the document? Not only is it much easier but I’m sure it would save at least a page. Damn tree killers….
We’re now official Canadians but since I haven’t heard one person say ‘eh’ I think I’ll refrain from saying it myself. But now at the end of all my sentences I add it in my head, and then laugh. No wonder the government dudes keep looking at me like I’m high. They’ll probably put me on a mental disability list. Hahaha. Mental.
Apparently boredom does drive you insane. Kaylie asked me once a few months ago over the phone. I’ll have to tell her.
I was sitting alone while Gerard talked to someone about something. He came over and kissed my cheek. “Do you want to get married today?”
I nodded excitedly, taking his hand. “More than anything.”
Later That Day
Frank’s POV
“I’m married mom!”
“What? Frank, is this you?”
“Yes, it’s me!” I said. Gerard had gone to get ice from a machine and I’d grabbed his phone (I always forget mine. I hate technology anyway… well, besides for my iPod.) and called my mom. “I’m married!”
“Honey, gay marriages are ill— where are you?”
“I’m in Canada!” I was getting more excited with each word I spoke. “I’m Canadian, but they don’t really say ‘eh’ at the end of every word, did you know that? I didn’t until we got here. No one’s said ‘eh’ once! Gee says I probably shouldn’t say it because it’s being stereotypical so I’m not because he’s right…. Woah, Skittles are so much better in Canada!”
“Frank, are you drunk?”
“Quite possibly but it doesn’t matter because I’m happy, finally! I’m in Canada, I’m a legal citizen, and I am married to Gerard Way!” I laughed happily.
“I’m happy for you, sweetie. But please tell me you aren’t drinking in front of Gerard.”
“No.” I giggled. “I’m not drunk. I’m just happy.”
She laughed. “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie. Will you not be here for Thanksgiving dinner the day after tomorrow?”
“No.” I sighed happily and laid down on the bed. “I’m sorry.”
“You sure don’t sound sorry.” She laughed.
“Thanksgiving is just an excuse to kill turkeys. Do you know those turkeys are raised on cruel animal farms and—.”
“I don’t need the specifics, Frank…. Trust me. I remember from last Thanksgiving. I think everyone who was at the table remembers.”
“Well they should. I better go though, mom, because he’ll be back soon and roaming minutes will be fucking ridiculous and he’ll have to call Mikey and his mom.”
“Have fun, Frank. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thanks, I will.”
“I love you, baby.”
“Love you too, mom. Bye.”
I hung up just as Gerard came in with ice.
“Skittles here make me hyperer.” I told him when he walked in.
He laughed. “Here’s your ice, love.”
I took the cup of ice from him and poured Vanilla Coke into it. I took a big sip and sighed. I was trying not to think about the wedding night, though. Much as I loved Gerard I wasn’t sure I could do it yet. After what Bert did sex kind of turns me off. Way off.
“What?” Gerard asked, looking at me.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and drank more of my Vanilla Coke. “Just can’t believe we’re married.”
“Defying the system.” Gerard cackled evilly.
“Not scary in the least.” I giggled, going over to where he was sitting on a chair in our hotel room. I sat on his lap and he rubbed my back, kissing my neck. Looking at my watch I saw it was eleven thirty at night, meaning bed time would be soon.
But would it really be bed time or sex time?
I had to have sex on my wedding night. I had to.
Gerard stood, me in his arms, and led us back to the bed. We fell onto it, me under him.
Here it is…
He continued to kiss my neck and my hands roamed his chest through his black T-shirt. I moaned quietly as he gently bit down on my neck, arching into him. Our crotches pressed together, causing him to moan.
“I… I don’t know if I’m ready.” I gasped out, tilting my head as he kissed the other side of my neck.
He nodded and continued to kiss my neck. I reached to unbutton his shirt, then pulled it off. He quit kissing my neck to pull my shirt off, then ran his hands down my chest and stomach.
I kissed him on the mouth, bringing his head down to mine as I fought to unbutton his pants. We were soon naked and under the covers, hands roaming and stroking.
Gerard’s POV
The Next Day…
I woke up with Frankie naked in my arms, curled up to me. I ruffled his hair, yawning. I was very surprised but last night we actually had sex. It was like this trip was exactly what we needed.
I managed to crawl out of bed without waking Frankie and picked up my cell phone. I pulled on boxers and went into the bathroom and dialed Mikey’s number.
“Hello?” he asked in a groggy voice. I had forgot about the time change.
“Oh, sorry Mikey.” I said. “You can call me—.”
“I’m up now.” He said and I heard rustling, probably him sitting up. “What’s up? You two get married?”
“Yesterday.”
“Wow.” Mikey said. “Is it… any different?”
“Being married?”
“Yeah, and… are you two still fighting?”
“Would we be married if we were fighting?” I laughed. “Nah, it doesn’t feel too different. I mean, now we know we’re married. But that’s it.”
“Mmh.” I heard him stretching. “Sweet, man. That’s awesome.”
“I know. Hey… can you just not tell mom? I wanna tell her in person.”
“I’d tell her over the phone.” Mikey laughed. “You’ve got more guts than me. She’s gonna be pissed. You know she doesn’t like Frankie too much, for whatever reason.”
“I couldn’t give a shit what she thinks, quite frankly. But that’s why I’m waiting. I don’t want anything to ruin our few days away.”
“When will you two be home?”
“Three days. That okay with you?”
“Yeah.” Mikey yawned.
“What time is it there?”
“3:30.” He answered, yawning.
“Hey, I’ll let you get some sleep. Call me if you need anything, okay Mikey?”
“Alright. And Gerard?”
“Yeah?”
“Have a good Thanksgiving tomorrow.”
“You too.” We said our goodbyes and love yous and I hung up then went out into the room. Frank was still sleeping, curled under the blankets.
Maybe we hadn’t approached this trip best but it sure was turning out great.
Frank’s POV
The next three days went by too quick and soon we were on a plane heading back to America. We weren’t talking about setting up to continue the tour because I didn’t want to think of that yet. I just wanted to enjoy my new marriage a while before touring and being up 21 hours a day and exhausting myself. For once the band wasn’t my top priority.
I’m scared to think of what will happen when we get home. Gerard’s telling him mom about our relationship and, to put it bluntly, she hates me. She always did and she’s always going to, I’ve accepted that. I’m just afraid of what she’s going to say to Gerard.
He took my hand in his and we curled together best as we could in the seats, the armrest separating us.
“Two hours until we land.” A flight attendant announced.
I squeezed Gerard’s hand and kissed his cheek. He smiled and squeezed my hand back.
“I’ve gotta pee, mummy!” Some kid behind us whined in a thick British accent.
“You just peed five minutes ago, Erin.” A irritated mother responded.
“No. Last time I took a poopie.” The kid responded.
Gerard stuffed his hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. I giggled.
“Not right now, Erin.”
“It’s coming, mummy. Honest this time. It’s going down my leg.”
“Yuck, yuck.” Gerard whispered and we quietly laughed.
“Erin, why didn’t you wait!”
“It isn’t down my leg yet, mummy. But it will be soon so c’mon. I gotta peepee.”
The woman sighed and we heard them getting up. The kid ran down the aisle to the bathroom.
“That was entertaining.” Gerard laughed.
“She sounded slightly annoyed.” I laughed, squeezing his hand again.
“I love you, Frankie.”
“Love you too, Gee.” I kissed him gently on the lips before drifting to sleep.
I woke up as the plane was landing. Landing was always the worst part. I squeezed Gerard’s hand and he squeezed back as the plane began to descend.
Soon we were on the ground and we ran to baggage, laughing. We got weird looks but I didn’t give a fuck, I just threw my arms around Gerard’s neck and kissed him passionately as we waited for our bags. Soon they did come and we got them, and then headed out to find Mikey and his new girlfriend Alicia.
“Hullo.” Gerard said, waving. “Nice to see you again, Alicia.”
She smiled and waved. “Hi, Gerard. Hi, Frank.”
I waved and grinned at her. Gerard took my bag from me as we walked out to Mikey’s car.
“Thanks for picking us up.” He told Mikey.
“No problem.”
Everyone piled into the car and the ride to the Way household was silent. First stop would be Gerard’s mom’s house. It took about fifteen or twenty minutes to get there and even though Gerard appeared calm I was nervous.
When we got inside, however, it appeared we didn’t need to be nervous about telling her. Because she already knew.
“How dare you!” She shrieked at Gerard. “I got a call from Linda two days ago! Married, how nice!”
Gerard’s eyes widened.
“Gerard, why on Earth would you marry this boy? He’s five years younger than you, he’s Catholic—.”
“What the hell has that got to do with anything? Just because our families have separate religions—.”
“HE’S A BOY!” she shrieked.
“I’m fucking gay, mom! I don’t believe in going to church every fucking Sunday! I don’t believe boys can’t marry boys! I don’t believe in abortion or any of this shit!”
She looked like he’d slapped her and then turned on me. “How dare you seduce my son?”
“Oh you don’t know the half of it, Donna!” I laughed.
“Frank.” Gerard snapped.
“Hey, she went at me.” I said defensively and then shut my mouth.
“You sick pervert, corrupting my son.” Donna continued.
“Mom, I’m older okay? I corrupted him. I’m the one who kissed him when he was sixteen and in the hospital.”
“Now my son is a rapist?”
“Oh my fucking God!” Gerard threw his hands in the air.
“You are a disgrace.”
“Yeah, fine. No point in listening to this, Frank. C’mon.” He turned to leave.
“Don’t you leave this house, Gerard. Your father is on his way.”
“Oh and it keeps on fucking coming.” I moaned. “C’mon, Gee.”
We began to walk out but Mikey was following his dad up the walk. I was the only one in the room that knew Gerard’s dad had raped him when he was about fourteen. I took his hand.
“Gerard, I’d like a word with you.” His father said.
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“What would your grandmother think?”
Fuck. He had to bring up Gerard’s grandma. I ran my hand up and down his arm.
“C’mon. We can leave now. They can’t keep us here.” I whispered.
“Michael, did you know your brother was getting married?” Donna asked.
“Yup.” Mikey said cheerfully. “I helped him pick out the engagement rings and ordered the plane tickets in case they wanted to go.”
“So you believe this is okay, do you, Michael?”
“I’ve got no problem with it.” Mikey shrugged. “As long as Gerard books my plane tickets and helps me pick out my engagement ring.”
I couldn’t help but laugh but then Gerard’s dad turned to look at me. He had Gerard’s eyes, was tall and slender, and looked a bit like Gerard. Only mean. His eyes were full of life, but mean. I felt sick looking him in the face knowing what he did to Gerard.
“Leave Mikey the hell out of this.” Gerard snapped.
Gerard’s dad’s eyes peered into mine and I stared right back. Yeah, I know what you did. He seemed to know that’s what I was thinking because he looked away and to Gerard.
“What you are doing, Gerard, is a sin.”
Gerard laughed at this. “You’d know all about that, right, Dad?”
“Being gay is sick—.”
“Gerard, let’s go. Please.” I whispered.
“You’re going straight to hell, Gerard.” Donna said. “And you, young man, are going with him.”
“At least we’ll be together.” I said, squeezing Gerard’s hand.
“The police will hear of your relationship with this boy, Gerard.”
“He’s 21, Dad. What are they going to do?”
“He wasn’t 21 when you began seeing each other. He was just a boy. You, however, were 21. A legal adult.”
“Bite me, Dad.” Gerard said, pulling me out of the house.
“Don’t you ever come back!” His dad yelled.
I pushed Gerard towards the car before he could get angry and march back in.
“In the car, baby. In the car.”
“I’m gonna kill him.” Gerard moaned. “One of these days I’ll have my revenge.”
I kissed him passionately, squeezing his hand.
Gerard’s POV
All of us guys lived together in a four room apartment while we were on our break from tour. After the rape, however, I had retreated to sleeping on the couch. Now, it seemed, that wasn’t going to happen.
When we got in, Mikey and Alicia behind us, we were greeted with whoops and cheers.
“Way to get Frankie back, Gerard. Next time Mikey gets angry can you take him to Canada?” Ray laughed.
“No but we can send you there.” Mikey grumbled. There was somewhat of a celebration when Frankie and I got home. If you can call this a celebration since it’s just us joking and laughing.
“So who wore the dress?” Bob laughed.
“Probably Gerard…. But then again Frank’s too small for a tux.”
Frank pouted and I wrapped my arms around his thin waist from behind.
“How was Thanksgiving?” Frank asked.
“Better than last year without you guilt tripping us about the turkeys.” Bob said.
“Don’t let Frank see the leftovers in the fridge.” Mikey called, then dragged Alicia off and into his bedroom.
“Someone is gonna get lucky.” Frank said in a sing song voice, before going into the kitchen with Bob.
“How’d you do it?” Ray asked in amazement.
“What?”
“He’s… normal. Well, normal without a sugar high.”
“He just needed to get away, I guess.” I shrugged. “He was pretty much fine on the plane trip there. Not much talking, but he wasn’t being… stubborn.”
Ray nodded. “Weird… the kid confuses me at times….”
“Yeah well he confuses everyone, calling himself ‘Princess Frankie’.”
“Has he started that again?”
I nodded, looking mock annoyed. “Indeed he has.”
“Should we upset him and tell him that he isn’t a princess?” Ray laughed.
“Nah. I’ve learned that when Frankie is happy its best not to disturb the happy.”
“Or?”
“Or you’ll be taking a trip to Canada to marry him.” I grinned evilly. “But you won’t mind what happens that night at all.”
“Ew, could you keep your sex life to yourself?”
“Don’t lie, Ray. You think it’s hot.”
“Yes, I do, Gerard. I dream about you and Frank fucking every night.”
“I know. Me too.”
Late That Night…
Frank’s POV
Gerard got into bed about an hour after I had fallen asleep and I woke up to his lips on the back of my neck and his arms sliding around me from behind. I stretched and rolled to face him.
“What took so long?”
“I took a shower and all that good shit.”
I leaned forward and buried my head in his chest, taking in his scent.
“Sorry I woke you up.”
“No you aren’t. You think you’re gonna get some.” I giggled.
“No, I don’t…. but am I?”
“No cause mom called my cell phone about two hours ago.”
“And?”
“She’ll be here at noon.” I yawned for effect.
“Wet blanket.” Gerard laughed quietly in my ear.
“She’s more excited than I was when we were getting married I think.” I kissed him gently. “Goodnight, babe.”
“Night, Frankie. I love you.”
“Love you too, Gee.”
Gerard’s POV
“Look at you two!” Linda cried, hugging Frankie and then me. Ray, Bob, and Mikey had left to give us privacy or something for our “family moment”. Hopefully this one would go better than our family moment yesterday. “Oh, married! Just two years ago, Frank, you were in a hospital bed in a coma and now this…”
“Don’t cry, mom.”
“And then the incident the month before last. Oh, you boys.” She hugged both of us again.
“Mom, Kaylie won’t quit poking me.” A girl around seven came into the house, pouting. She had on a Children’s My Chemical Romance T-shirt.
She was followed by another girl in a Disney’s Princess nightgown with a tiara on.
Okay. Princess nightgown-Kaylie. Totally awesome T-shirt I designed-Liz. I can remember this.
“I did not poke you, I prodded you. There’s a difference, right Frankie?”
“Sure, Kay.” Frank said absent mindedly, grinning at me.
“Frankie, are you really married to a boy? Cause that’s not how it works, you know. Unless you’re a girl too but I walked in on you in the bathroom once and you had a peepee. Didn’t you?”
I bit back a grin.
“Kaylie, don’t talk like that.”
“He did have a peepee, mommy. I don’t have one. Why not? I want one!”
“Oh my goodness.” Linda sighed. “Just a few more years and they’ll refuse to speak to me. Just a few years.”
“Only boys have peepee’s, Kaylie. And they’re called a geebis.”
“New word for it.” Frank coughed, laughing.
“Well I want one.” Kaylie said stubbornly. “Frankie, can I have yours?”
“Nah, I need it, sis.”
“Why? You can still pee without it, right?”
“I need it for other things.”
“FRANK!” Linda cried. “She’s barely six!”
“She doesn’t know what I’m saying.” Frank shrugged.
“Did you marry a boy, Frankie? Is that him there? Are you the boy that my brother married? I remember you! Your in that band with Frankie! You’re the drummer, right?”
“No, Kaylie, he sings!” Liz said, sounding highly annoyed.
“I know. The drummer sings, right Frankie?”
“Wow. It’s like… two hyper little me’s.” Frank said. “Yes, Kylie, this is my— my husband. Wow, that’s the first time I’ve said that. Cool.”
“But he isn’t a girl, Frankie.” Kaylie giggled. “You’re silly.”
“I know he isn’t a girl. I love him, though.”
“That’s funny.” Kaylie looked at me shyly. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I said back, waving.
She giggled. “Are you nice?”
“I think so.”
“Do you like Cinderella?”
“Erm…”
“Kaylie, you’re the ONLY one who likes Cinderella in the world.” Frank said, pulling me over to him because I’d managed to drift astray. He squeezed my hand.
Liz plopped on our couch and began watching TV.
“Girls, be good. Mommy, Frankie, and Gerard are gonna be in the kitchen.” Linda said.
Frank and I walked towards the kitchen.
“Mommy, Gerard’s a boy right?” We heard Kaylie ask.
“Yes.”
“So why is they married?”
“Because they love each other. Just like I love you.”
“Does Frank give Gerard bubble baths?”
“Wow, they’re something. Mikey never asked that much questions.” I laughed.
“Do you want me to give you bubble baths?” Frank laughed, bringing his lips by mine.
“Maybe.” I grinned and pressed my lips to his. I could vaguely hear Linda explaining that boys could like other boys as well as girls.
“Does that mean I can marry my friend Samantha when I grow up, mommy? Cause I love Samantha. She shares her chips with me when you give me the icky kind.” Kaylie responded.
“If you want, sweetie.” Linda laughed. A few minutes later she came in, just after me and Frank had pulled away. “Those girls are a riot sometimes.”
I smiled at her, suddenly feeling awkward and shy which is weird because how many times have I talked to Linda? Tons.
She smiled and sat down. Frank handed her a cup of coffee and we both sat down too, Frank on my lap.
“How was Canada?”
“We didn’t see too much of it.” Frank said, and then grinned innocently.
Linda laughed. “And your trip home yesterday, Gerard?”
I blinked several times.
“Uh… not good.” Frank said, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Oh no.” Linda said, her face falling. “What happened?”
“A lot of shit.” I shrugged.
“Your parents will come around. I mean when I first heard about your relationship I admit I freaked. But the more I thought about it the more okay I was with it. And if your parents don’t come around, it’s fine.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Linda.”
“You’ve got us.” Linda smiled at me. “Now your father, Frank….”
“I don’t even give a fuck.”
“Look, Frank, he feels awful about what happened.”
“He should.” Frank said stubbornly.
“If you ever want to get a hold of him just let me know. I better get the girls home, though. It was nice to see you, Gerard.”
“You too, Linda.”
She hugged us both, said her goodbye’s, and then left. The house was silent with them gone and unsettling. Frank ran to our CD player and began blaring the Misfits “Astro Zombies” screaming every word with it at the top of his lungs and dancing. He pulled me close to him and kissed me hard, pressing himself against me.
The door opened and the guys stood there, looking embarrassed and confused.
“This whole living with a married couple is going to be interesting.” Bob said, walking in and past us.
“It’s called the bedroom.” Ray laughed, heading towards his.
“Ewewewewew. Bad images, bad bad bad images.” Mikey moaned running towards his room with his hands covering his eyes.
Frank shrugged and pulled me back to him, kissing me again….
We were at the hospital all day and I felt my heart break every time I looked into Frank’s sad and miserable eyes. The doctors did different things, asked different questions, and wrote down different answers. All I knew was Frank was alone on that cold bed and I couldn’t hold him, kiss him, hug him. All I could do was hold his clothes and think about what Bert had done and what I would do to Bert if I ever saw him again.
The list began with castration. Somewhere later, I pondered, a gun would be involved.
I called Ray on my cell phone and told him what was going on and that he could pick us up in about an hour. He said they would be there, to keep strong, and that everything would get better.
Frank was past crying. He just stared ahead, answered their questions, and stayed completely blank. His hands didn’t shake. He seemed to be dead inside.
“We’re all done here, Mr. Iero.” The doctor said before nodding at me and leaving.
I stood up and crossed the room to the bed, Frank’s clothes in hand. “Here, babe. Let’s get you out of that robe.”
He nodded and allowed me to dress him. He was on painkillers so maybe, I thought, that was why he was acting weird.
We made our way out of the hospital and I knew that, since the doctors had gotten done early, we would have to wait a bit for Frank. What happened shocked me. Reporters jumped out at us, all shouting questions. I shielded Frank with my body and pushed him back into the hospital.
“Is it true, Mr. Way, that you and Mr. Iero are engaged?” One shouted at me.
“Did Bert McCracken rape him? Will he be arrested?”
“Is it true Frank tried to commit suicide?”
“Are you and Mr. Iero to pick up your adopted baby?”
I shoved through them and made my way into the hospital as well. Frank was sitting in a chair farthest away from the door, his legs pulled up to his chest. I sat in the chair next to him, sighing.
“How are we gonna get out?” He asked in a hollow voice.
“I don’t know.” I answered, taking his hand in mine. His eyes met mine and he looked so miserable that I almost had to look away. But I couldn’t, I had to be there for him.
“Is this how you felt after your dad raped you?” he whispered. “Like you can’t even breathe?”
I slid an arm around him.
“I feel dead… I feel like I should be hysterical or something… but I can’t feel anything.” He whispered, not breaking our eye contact.
“It’ll hit you in a few hours.” I said, wishing it wasn’t true. Soon I knew Frank would be back to crying hysterically.
“Guess we aren’t driving out to meet Davey.” Frank continued in the same whisper.
I smiled at him. “No, babe.”
He scooted close and put his head on my shoulder. “Is he in jail?”
“The officer said he’s in holding, whatever that means.” I said. My cell phone began to vibrate and I ignored the “Please turn all cell phones off.” Sign and answered it. “Hey, Mikey.”
“We’re out here but there are reporters all over the front. Go to the back.”
“Okay. Bye.” I hung up. “C’mon.”
“I can’t walk through all of those people, Gerard. I just c-can’t.”
I stood and helped Frank up. “Let me carry you.”
He reached his hands out and I scooped him into my arms, trying not to cry because he was hurting so much even if he didn’t know it yet. It took forever to get to the van and when I did I laid Frankie in the back then sat in the passenger seat, wiping my eyes. Mikey and Ray were back with Frank and Bob was driving. He looked over at me, taking my deep breaths and wiping tears from my cheeks angrily.
I knew I should be with Frank but I couldn’t handle this. Everything was supposed to be right now, damnit. He wasn’t supposed to get fucking raped!
We got to the place where our bus was and Frank laid on the couch, still. I sat down on the floor, reached a hand to his cheek, and stroked his face. He closed his eyes and relaxed.
There was a knock and Ray went to answer the door solemnly. AFI ran in excited and had opened their mouths to begin their greetings when Davey held up a hand. “What’s going on?” he asked slowly.
The van fell silent and Frank began to sob, rolling away and facing the back of the couch.
“What happened?” Davey asked.
Mikey and Ray led all of the guys out of the bus. I scrambled onto the couch and took Frankie in my arms. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed until he couldn’t anymore, then sobbed just a bit more. I laid with him rubbing his back and kissing his face until he quit sobbing.
The guys hadn’t come onto the bus and I stayed with Frank, who was quietly sniffling.
“I’m always going to be here for you.” I promised him.
“Am I ever gonna feel right again?” he whispered.
“Yes, baby.” I assured him, pulling him onto my lap and rocking him. “And until you do you’ve got so many people here for you. We’re gonna get you back, baby.”
He nodded and wiped his eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I said and led him to his bunk. We both got in and laid there until, eventually, both of us fell asleep.
Frank’s POV
I woke up the next morning sore all over. I raised a hand to my pounding head, or tried. Gerard was holding my hands so I couldn’t lift them very far.
I kissed his pale cheek and relaxed into him, feeling safe.
Why didn’t you fucking wait until someone got water? This is your fault. You let him do this! You didn’t fight back.
I tried. I tried to fight back. He’s bigger than me.
You didn’t try hard enough. You might as well have waltzed into his bus and screamed “FUCK ME”.
“Shut up! Shut up!”
Gerard’s eyes snapped open and he looked at me. “What?”
“Nothing.” I snapped, burrowing my head into his chest. He rubbed my back and I bolted up. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
“Frank, I won’t hurt you.”
I stared at him before realization hit me. Why was I doing this to Gerard? He would never hurt me. I relaxed on to him and he began rubbing my back again, softly singing in my ear. I felt a small smile on my lips and I curled into him, head on his chest once again.
There was a knock on the wood outside of our bunk, then Ray pushed it open a bit. “Are you two hungry?”
Gerard looked at me and I nodded, sitting up again and almost hitting my head. Gerard quickly put his hand over my head though so his head was rammed into the bunk above and my head only hit his soft hand.
“Fuck!” I shouted, tears filling my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry.”
I blinked and nodded, wiping my eyes. We got out of the bed and I saw everyone else was awake. I checked my watch. 8:00 AM. No one should be up until at least noon.
“Why the fuck are you all up?” I shouted.
Bob looked down, Mikey sighed, and Ray began making waffles.
“Why the fuck can’t you just act normal?” I continued to shout, now crying. “It isn’t as if it isn’t obvious enough as it is!
“Frank, they didn’t do anything.” Gerard said, wrapping his arms around me. “They’re just worried.”
I stormed over to the sink and buried my head in my hands, elbows resting on the cool sink. I pulled at my hair taking deep breaths and trying to quit crying.
I knew I was in Ray’s way because the bus is so fucking small, but I didn’t get a damn. I stayed there because I could and no one could make me leave until I wanted.
“Frank…” Gerard began again.
“Just shut up!” I moaned, pulling at my hair again.
Gerard fell silent and Ray put some Waffles on a plate and handed it to me. I threw it against the wall and ran out into the day. I kicked our tires angrily, then slumped against the bus. Everything was going to change now. Gerard was gonna leave me, they’ll kick me out of the band, I don’t know.
I don’t know anything, except that someone just stepped off of the bus. Suddenly I was wrapped in Gerard’s arms and he was rubbing my back.
“You can keep running away but I’m always gonna come back.” He whispered in my ear.
I clung to him, weak and exhausted.
“I’m always going to be here.”
Gerard’s POV
I don’t know how we got past without Frank slipping into another coma, but we did. We got a call from the hospital saying it might happen, but it didn’t. My theory is it’s because Frank’s been sleeping all week.
He’s on painkillers for the physical damage done to his body (Bert wasn’t too gentle, obviously.) and he had been put on sleeping pills from lack of sleep. Now all he does is sleep unless he’s up for eating.
“Are you two gonna be okay?” Mikey whispered one day, sitting next to me at our small table.
“Of course we are.” I said automatically.
Mikey opened his mouth, then closed it and nodded.
“Look, within the week he’ll start acting a bit more normal. You’ll see.” I promised Mikey. I was the one promising everything lately. The guys were too nervous to talk to Frank, because they didn’t want to upset him. But they didn’t get that anything upsets him. Even when I talk to him he gets upset, but I don’t just run off. I try to make him feel better.
I think that Frank wants them to be there but he’s also happy they aren’t bothering him. Frank’s starting to doubt he’ll ever be happy again. He told me that yesterday when he was half asleep.
I really didn’t know what to tell him, though, so I just hugged him and told him to sleep.
Almost Thanksgiving…
Mikey’s POV
Things hadn’t improved much over the last month and a half and even though the wedding had been planned for Thanksgiving week it didn’t seem as if a wedding was near.
No plans had been made and Gerard and Frank were having problems anyway. They weren’t fighting, it was more Frank refused to talk to anyone and Gerard was desperately trying to bring him back. It wasn’t working exactly. The most communicating Frank did was to Gerard when he was yelling for Gerard to leave him alone.
Gerard’s getting ready to lose it, it’s obvious. We hadn’t been touring since the rape but we’d thought that things would be better by now. They aren’t getting better, but they aren’t getting worse. They did get better for a while until Frank hit rock bottom two weeks after the rape when Bert was declared innocent and freed with no punishment whatsoever.
Gerard was back with Frank and Ray, Bob, and I were sitting in the living room of their house waiting.
“Fine! The damn wedding is off!” We heard Frank yell. “Just get the fuck out of my life!”
Ray put his head in his hands and sighed. Bob tilted his head to stare at the ceiling and I massaged my head.
“Frank, that isn’t what I want!” We heard Gerard yell back a few seconds later.
“Well thing are never going back to how they were so you better fucking get over it!”
“If you would try, Frankie! You don’t do anything! You lay here in bed doing nothing! You won’t talk to anyone! You’re hurting people, Frank!”
“If I’m hurting so many people then I’ll just leave!”
“QUIT TWISTING MY WORDS AND LISTEN TO ME!”
Ray jumped and Bob and I exchanged glances.
“This isn’t good.” Ray muttered.
I took a deep breath.
We couldn’t hear what else was said because they lowered their voices. Ray went as far as to listen outside their door with a cup held to his ear but that didn’t work.
“The silence is either really good… or really bad.” Bob said.
Ten minutes later Gerard came out. “The engagement is off.” He said, then got his jacket on and left.
“I’ll go.” Ray stood and followed Gerard.
“You can go with Ray. I’ll take Frank.” I said, standing up.
“Are you sure…?”
“I can handle it. I know everything he can throw at me.” I said, heading towards Frank’s bedroom. I stepped in.
“Go away.” He said.
I came in farther and pulled a chair up to the bed. “I know you’re hurt but Gerard’s only trying to help.”
“This isn’t your fucking business, Mikey.”
“He’s my brother and you used to be my best friend. I think it is my ‘fucking business’.” I said quietly.
“Well you thought wrong.”
“It’s time to move on. People are raped and their rapists are let go all of the time, Frank. It sucks but you can’t just… do whatever the hell it is you’re doing.”
“Why the hell not?”
I sighed. “Frank, Gerard loves you.”
“Then why did he call the wedding off?” Frank sniffed.
“What?”
“He’s the one that wants it called off. Who am I to keep him from his happiness?”
“Frankie…” I stood and went over to the bed, then sat down. “He isn’t thinking right now. At least, not straight.”
“Why does all this shitty stuff have to happen to me?” he whispered, putting his head on my shoulder. “Is God punishing me?”
“No, God isn’t punishing you. You’ve taken it too far.” I said, sighing. I looked at him. “A week of grieving, yeah. Understandable. A week of silence, yeah. A month and a half? Frank, you should be having the time of your life! You were engaged! If you hadn’t let this get in the way you and Gerard would be getting married next week!”
“I know that!” Frank began to cry. “But he hates me now!”
“Gerard doesn’t hate you, he doesn’t know how to handle you. He doesn’t take well to confrontation and that’s what you need right now. Confrontation is easy for him if he gets to punch someone. But confrontation where he has to talk? He isn’t so good with that.”
Meanwhile….
Gerard’s POV
“I just don’t know what to do.” I moaned, sitting on the steps outside of our back porch. “I was supposed to be getting married next week and I just fucking broke up with my fiancé.”
Ray put a hand on my shoulder. “Just give him time to cool down.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I shook my head. “He isn’t Frankie anymore.”
“He’s somewhere in there and you can’t let him get away.”
“I’ve tried.” I moaned.
“You’re gonna have to try again, Gerard.”
Frank’s POV
Gerard came into the room looking like he wanted to be anywhere but here. I sighed and sat up in bed. Mikey had left about ten minutes ago and I’d been here, just thinking. I liked what I’d retreated to. Nothing, no one, could hurt me. But I could tell I was hurting Gerard and that was the last thing I wanted to do.
“I love you.” I whispered, so quietly that I was amazed he could hear me.
“I love you too, Frankie.” He whispered back, sitting next to me on the bed.
I scooted close to him and laid my head on his shoulder.
“I’ve got two tickets to Canada… the plane leaves in four hours.” He whispered, stroking my hair. “We can go now or we can wait until this all blows over.”
I stood up, the first time in a while for a reason besides using the bathroom, and headed towards my closet. “I’ll be ready to leave in an hour.” Gerard’s POV
I don’t know why we boarded that plane but we did, without telling anyone we were leaving. We left a note, packed some stuff, and headed to the airport.
It’s crazy because we’ve barely spoken in weeks, but we’re on the plane and Frank’s all snuggled up to me and holding my hand— more affectionate than he’s ever been since the rape.
By laws of reason this must go wrong. Two people can’t go from fighting to married in a day. It doesn’t work. We haven’t talked much since the rape. Why were we going through with this?
I can’t quit thinking. Sometimes it’s good thoughts—like maybe the tornado is over and Frankie and I can be happy again. Sometimes it’s bad—what if things don’t get better and we end up divorcing or fighting… This sure wasn’t how I pictured my wedding week. It had been crazy and our moms would be disappointed we didn’t show up for Thanksgiving Dinner. My mom was still, somehow, clueless Frank and I were together. I could only imagine her reaction. ‘Yeah, mom. Can’t make it to dinner because Frank and I are up here in Canada getting married. How’s the weather?’ Huh, yeah.
Frank squeezed my hand and I kissed his cheek, feeling content and at ease. This must mean that everything was going to be okay, right?
Frank’s POV
We’re really doing this… I can’t believe we’re really doing this. We’re off the plane now and Gerard’s on the phone with someone about coming legal citizens in Canada!
It isn’t going bad. Last night our flight got in late. Gerard and I slept together in the same bed in a hotel last night and when I woke up we made out like nothing had ever happened.
I just don’t believe this is happening. I’ve felt miserable these past two months and now… just wow… I mean, I don’t feel great. I’ve got jetlag from the trip, the bed isn’t too comfortable, and I’ve got the hugest butterflies in my stomach. But over all I feel great because I’m in Canada, soon I’ll be marrying Gerard, and everything is just…. Great.
Gerard’s sitting on the bed next to me and I crawled to him, and then slid my arms around his waist. He was still on the phone and I kissed the back of his neck, seeing him close his eyes.
"Hurry." I whispered.
"I'm trying. I'm on hold." he whispered back.
I pounced on him, laughing...
Gerard’s POV
“Mr. Way?”
I sat up, knocking Frank over. “I’m here.”
“If you can come down to the building at four o’clock today we can have the papers ready.”
I glanced at my watch. Only twelve. “Alright, we can be there.” I assured the man, surprised I hadn’t been on hold for hours. Just long enough to make out with Frank and get a hard on. Maybe I should have brought him to Canada to get married the day after the rape.
“We’ll see you at four o’clock, sir.”
“Thank you.” I hung up and pounced on Frank playfully. “In four hours we will be legal Canadians.”
“I’m sorry I’ve been so… psychotic lately.” He smiled up at me.
“Sorry I wasn’t more patient with you.” I said, crawling off of him and lying next to him. “Man, we’ve been through some shit in our time.”
“You make it sound like we’re old. I’m only barely 21.”
I nodded. “It doesn’t seem real… I mean… wow.”
Frank sat up and sighed. I knocked him back down and we wrestled for a bit until Frank decided he was hungry.
“So, when do we get married?” he asked as we sat in the small restaurant inside the hotel.
“I didn’t figure you’d want to today, unless you want to just do it in a courtroom.”
“I don’t need a service.” Frank shrugged. “Plus, the longer we wait the more chance the paparazzi finds out.”
“I don’t care if the paparazzi find out. The fans will find out eventually.”
“They’ll use their stalking powers. But you know all about that, right?”
I felt my cheeks go red. “Don’t bring Christina Ricci into this.”
Frank laughed. “Oh, why not? It’s funny. Gerard Way, My Chemical Romance lead singer, stalks Christina Ricci. I can see the headlines now.” He raised his hands over his head as he said this.
“I’m sure I can get some dirt on you.”
“There is no dirt on me, babe. I don’t stalk people unlike SOME people.”
“Hey, I’m paying for it with all those girls stalking me now.” I pouted.
“Kiss me, Gerard.”
I leaned over the table to kiss him.
Three Hours Later…
Frank’s POV
We signed the papers and everything to become legal citizens of Canada. I can honestly say I had never been more bored in my life. I mean how many times can they possible ask you to “initial here” or “sign here”? Haven’t they heard of one signature at the bottom of the document? Not only is it much easier but I’m sure it would save at least a page. Damn tree killers….
We’re now official Canadians but since I haven’t heard one person say ‘eh’ I think I’ll refrain from saying it myself. But now at the end of all my sentences I add it in my head, and then laugh. No wonder the government dudes keep looking at me like I’m high. They’ll probably put me on a mental disability list. Hahaha. Mental.
Apparently boredom does drive you insane. Kaylie asked me once a few months ago over the phone. I’ll have to tell her.
I was sitting alone while Gerard talked to someone about something. He came over and kissed my cheek. “Do you want to get married today?”
I nodded excitedly, taking his hand. “More than anything.”
Later That Day
Frank’s POV
“I’m married mom!”
“What? Frank, is this you?”
“Yes, it’s me!” I said. Gerard had gone to get ice from a machine and I’d grabbed his phone (I always forget mine. I hate technology anyway… well, besides for my iPod.) and called my mom. “I’m married!”
“Honey, gay marriages are ill— where are you?”
“I’m in Canada!” I was getting more excited with each word I spoke. “I’m Canadian, but they don’t really say ‘eh’ at the end of every word, did you know that? I didn’t until we got here. No one’s said ‘eh’ once! Gee says I probably shouldn’t say it because it’s being stereotypical so I’m not because he’s right…. Woah, Skittles are so much better in Canada!”
“Frank, are you drunk?”
“Quite possibly but it doesn’t matter because I’m happy, finally! I’m in Canada, I’m a legal citizen, and I am married to Gerard Way!” I laughed happily.
“I’m happy for you, sweetie. But please tell me you aren’t drinking in front of Gerard.”
“No.” I giggled. “I’m not drunk. I’m just happy.”
She laughed. “I’m glad to hear it, sweetie. Will you not be here for Thanksgiving dinner the day after tomorrow?”
“No.” I sighed happily and laid down on the bed. “I’m sorry.”
“You sure don’t sound sorry.” She laughed.
“Thanksgiving is just an excuse to kill turkeys. Do you know those turkeys are raised on cruel animal farms and—.”
“I don’t need the specifics, Frank…. Trust me. I remember from last Thanksgiving. I think everyone who was at the table remembers.”
“Well they should. I better go though, mom, because he’ll be back soon and roaming minutes will be fucking ridiculous and he’ll have to call Mikey and his mom.”
“Have fun, Frank. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
“Thanks, I will.”
“I love you, baby.”
“Love you too, mom. Bye.”
I hung up just as Gerard came in with ice.
“Skittles here make me hyperer.” I told him when he walked in.
He laughed. “Here’s your ice, love.”
I took the cup of ice from him and poured Vanilla Coke into it. I took a big sip and sighed. I was trying not to think about the wedding night, though. Much as I loved Gerard I wasn’t sure I could do it yet. After what Bert did sex kind of turns me off. Way off.
“What?” Gerard asked, looking at me.
“Nothing.” I shook my head and drank more of my Vanilla Coke. “Just can’t believe we’re married.”
“Defying the system.” Gerard cackled evilly.
“Not scary in the least.” I giggled, going over to where he was sitting on a chair in our hotel room. I sat on his lap and he rubbed my back, kissing my neck. Looking at my watch I saw it was eleven thirty at night, meaning bed time would be soon.
But would it really be bed time or sex time?
I had to have sex on my wedding night. I had to.
Gerard stood, me in his arms, and led us back to the bed. We fell onto it, me under him.
Here it is…
He continued to kiss my neck and my hands roamed his chest through his black T-shirt. I moaned quietly as he gently bit down on my neck, arching into him. Our crotches pressed together, causing him to moan.
“I… I don’t know if I’m ready.” I gasped out, tilting my head as he kissed the other side of my neck.
He nodded and continued to kiss my neck. I reached to unbutton his shirt, then pulled it off. He quit kissing my neck to pull my shirt off, then ran his hands down my chest and stomach.
I kissed him on the mouth, bringing his head down to mine as I fought to unbutton his pants. We were soon naked and under the covers, hands roaming and stroking.
Gerard’s POV
The Next Day…
I woke up with Frankie naked in my arms, curled up to me. I ruffled his hair, yawning. I was very surprised but last night we actually had sex. It was like this trip was exactly what we needed.
I managed to crawl out of bed without waking Frankie and picked up my cell phone. I pulled on boxers and went into the bathroom and dialed Mikey’s number.
“Hello?” he asked in a groggy voice. I had forgot about the time change.
“Oh, sorry Mikey.” I said. “You can call me—.”
“I’m up now.” He said and I heard rustling, probably him sitting up. “What’s up? You two get married?”
“Yesterday.”
“Wow.” Mikey said. “Is it… any different?”
“Being married?”
“Yeah, and… are you two still fighting?”
“Would we be married if we were fighting?” I laughed. “Nah, it doesn’t feel too different. I mean, now we know we’re married. But that’s it.”
“Mmh.” I heard him stretching. “Sweet, man. That’s awesome.”
“I know. Hey… can you just not tell mom? I wanna tell her in person.”
“I’d tell her over the phone.” Mikey laughed. “You’ve got more guts than me. She’s gonna be pissed. You know she doesn’t like Frankie too much, for whatever reason.”
“I couldn’t give a shit what she thinks, quite frankly. But that’s why I’m waiting. I don’t want anything to ruin our few days away.”
“When will you two be home?”
“Three days. That okay with you?”
“Yeah.” Mikey yawned.
“What time is it there?”
“3:30.” He answered, yawning.
“Hey, I’ll let you get some sleep. Call me if you need anything, okay Mikey?”
“Alright. And Gerard?”
“Yeah?”
“Have a good Thanksgiving tomorrow.”
“You too.” We said our goodbyes and love yous and I hung up then went out into the room. Frank was still sleeping, curled under the blankets.
Maybe we hadn’t approached this trip best but it sure was turning out great.
Frank’s POV
The next three days went by too quick and soon we were on a plane heading back to America. We weren’t talking about setting up to continue the tour because I didn’t want to think of that yet. I just wanted to enjoy my new marriage a while before touring and being up 21 hours a day and exhausting myself. For once the band wasn’t my top priority.
I’m scared to think of what will happen when we get home. Gerard’s telling him mom about our relationship and, to put it bluntly, she hates me. She always did and she’s always going to, I’ve accepted that. I’m just afraid of what she’s going to say to Gerard.
He took my hand in his and we curled together best as we could in the seats, the armrest separating us.
“Two hours until we land.” A flight attendant announced.
I squeezed Gerard’s hand and kissed his cheek. He smiled and squeezed my hand back.
“I’ve gotta pee, mummy!” Some kid behind us whined in a thick British accent.
“You just peed five minutes ago, Erin.” A irritated mother responded.
“No. Last time I took a poopie.” The kid responded.
Gerard stuffed his hand over his mouth, trying not to laugh. I giggled.
“Not right now, Erin.”
“It’s coming, mummy. Honest this time. It’s going down my leg.”
“Yuck, yuck.” Gerard whispered and we quietly laughed.
“Erin, why didn’t you wait!”
“It isn’t down my leg yet, mummy. But it will be soon so c’mon. I gotta peepee.”
The woman sighed and we heard them getting up. The kid ran down the aisle to the bathroom.
“That was entertaining.” Gerard laughed.
“She sounded slightly annoyed.” I laughed, squeezing his hand again.
“I love you, Frankie.”
“Love you too, Gee.” I kissed him gently on the lips before drifting to sleep.
I woke up as the plane was landing. Landing was always the worst part. I squeezed Gerard’s hand and he squeezed back as the plane began to descend.
Soon we were on the ground and we ran to baggage, laughing. We got weird looks but I didn’t give a fuck, I just threw my arms around Gerard’s neck and kissed him passionately as we waited for our bags. Soon they did come and we got them, and then headed out to find Mikey and his new girlfriend Alicia.
“Hullo.” Gerard said, waving. “Nice to see you again, Alicia.”
She smiled and waved. “Hi, Gerard. Hi, Frank.”
I waved and grinned at her. Gerard took my bag from me as we walked out to Mikey’s car.
“Thanks for picking us up.” He told Mikey.
“No problem.”
Everyone piled into the car and the ride to the Way household was silent. First stop would be Gerard’s mom’s house. It took about fifteen or twenty minutes to get there and even though Gerard appeared calm I was nervous.
When we got inside, however, it appeared we didn’t need to be nervous about telling her. Because she already knew.
“How dare you!” She shrieked at Gerard. “I got a call from Linda two days ago! Married, how nice!”
Gerard’s eyes widened.
“Gerard, why on Earth would you marry this boy? He’s five years younger than you, he’s Catholic—.”
“What the hell has that got to do with anything? Just because our families have separate religions—.”
“HE’S A BOY!” she shrieked.
“I’m fucking gay, mom! I don’t believe in going to church every fucking Sunday! I don’t believe boys can’t marry boys! I don’t believe in abortion or any of this shit!”
She looked like he’d slapped her and then turned on me. “How dare you seduce my son?”
“Oh you don’t know the half of it, Donna!” I laughed.
“Frank.” Gerard snapped.
“Hey, she went at me.” I said defensively and then shut my mouth.
“You sick pervert, corrupting my son.” Donna continued.
“Mom, I’m older okay? I corrupted him. I’m the one who kissed him when he was sixteen and in the hospital.”
“Now my son is a rapist?”
“Oh my fucking God!” Gerard threw his hands in the air.
“You are a disgrace.”
“Yeah, fine. No point in listening to this, Frank. C’mon.” He turned to leave.
“Don’t you leave this house, Gerard. Your father is on his way.”
“Oh and it keeps on fucking coming.” I moaned. “C’mon, Gee.”
We began to walk out but Mikey was following his dad up the walk. I was the only one in the room that knew Gerard’s dad had raped him when he was about fourteen. I took his hand.
“Gerard, I’d like a word with you.” His father said.
“I don’t give a fuck.”
“What would your grandmother think?”
Fuck. He had to bring up Gerard’s grandma. I ran my hand up and down his arm.
“C’mon. We can leave now. They can’t keep us here.” I whispered.
“Michael, did you know your brother was getting married?” Donna asked.
“Yup.” Mikey said cheerfully. “I helped him pick out the engagement rings and ordered the plane tickets in case they wanted to go.”
“So you believe this is okay, do you, Michael?”
“I’ve got no problem with it.” Mikey shrugged. “As long as Gerard books my plane tickets and helps me pick out my engagement ring.”
I couldn’t help but laugh but then Gerard’s dad turned to look at me. He had Gerard’s eyes, was tall and slender, and looked a bit like Gerard. Only mean. His eyes were full of life, but mean. I felt sick looking him in the face knowing what he did to Gerard.
“Leave Mikey the hell out of this.” Gerard snapped.
Gerard’s dad’s eyes peered into mine and I stared right back. Yeah, I know what you did. He seemed to know that’s what I was thinking because he looked away and to Gerard.
“What you are doing, Gerard, is a sin.”
Gerard laughed at this. “You’d know all about that, right, Dad?”
“Being gay is sick—.”
“Gerard, let’s go. Please.” I whispered.
“You’re going straight to hell, Gerard.” Donna said. “And you, young man, are going with him.”
“At least we’ll be together.” I said, squeezing Gerard’s hand.
“The police will hear of your relationship with this boy, Gerard.”
“He’s 21, Dad. What are they going to do?”
“He wasn’t 21 when you began seeing each other. He was just a boy. You, however, were 21. A legal adult.”
“Bite me, Dad.” Gerard said, pulling me out of the house.
“Don’t you ever come back!” His dad yelled.
I pushed Gerard towards the car before he could get angry and march back in.
“In the car, baby. In the car.”
“I’m gonna kill him.” Gerard moaned. “One of these days I’ll have my revenge.”
I kissed him passionately, squeezing his hand.
Gerard’s POV
All of us guys lived together in a four room apartment while we were on our break from tour. After the rape, however, I had retreated to sleeping on the couch. Now, it seemed, that wasn’t going to happen.
When we got in, Mikey and Alicia behind us, we were greeted with whoops and cheers.
“Way to get Frankie back, Gerard. Next time Mikey gets angry can you take him to Canada?” Ray laughed.
“No but we can send you there.” Mikey grumbled. There was somewhat of a celebration when Frankie and I got home. If you can call this a celebration since it’s just us joking and laughing.
“So who wore the dress?” Bob laughed.
“Probably Gerard…. But then again Frank’s too small for a tux.”
Frank pouted and I wrapped my arms around his thin waist from behind.
“How was Thanksgiving?” Frank asked.
“Better than last year without you guilt tripping us about the turkeys.” Bob said.
“Don’t let Frank see the leftovers in the fridge.” Mikey called, then dragged Alicia off and into his bedroom.
“Someone is gonna get lucky.” Frank said in a sing song voice, before going into the kitchen with Bob.
“How’d you do it?” Ray asked in amazement.
“What?”
“He’s… normal. Well, normal without a sugar high.”
“He just needed to get away, I guess.” I shrugged. “He was pretty much fine on the plane trip there. Not much talking, but he wasn’t being… stubborn.”
Ray nodded. “Weird… the kid confuses me at times….”
“Yeah well he confuses everyone, calling himself ‘Princess Frankie’.”
“Has he started that again?”
I nodded, looking mock annoyed. “Indeed he has.”
“Should we upset him and tell him that he isn’t a princess?” Ray laughed.
“Nah. I’ve learned that when Frankie is happy its best not to disturb the happy.”
“Or?”
“Or you’ll be taking a trip to Canada to marry him.” I grinned evilly. “But you won’t mind what happens that night at all.”
“Ew, could you keep your sex life to yourself?”
“Don’t lie, Ray. You think it’s hot.”
“Yes, I do, Gerard. I dream about you and Frank fucking every night.”
“I know. Me too.”
Late That Night…
Frank’s POV
Gerard got into bed about an hour after I had fallen asleep and I woke up to his lips on the back of my neck and his arms sliding around me from behind. I stretched and rolled to face him.
“What took so long?”
“I took a shower and all that good shit.”
I leaned forward and buried my head in his chest, taking in his scent.
“Sorry I woke you up.”
“No you aren’t. You think you’re gonna get some.” I giggled.
“No, I don’t…. but am I?”
“No cause mom called my cell phone about two hours ago.”
“And?”
“She’ll be here at noon.” I yawned for effect.
“Wet blanket.” Gerard laughed quietly in my ear.
“She’s more excited than I was when we were getting married I think.” I kissed him gently. “Goodnight, babe.”
“Night, Frankie. I love you.”
“Love you too, Gee.”
Gerard’s POV
“Look at you two!” Linda cried, hugging Frankie and then me. Ray, Bob, and Mikey had left to give us privacy or something for our “family moment”. Hopefully this one would go better than our family moment yesterday. “Oh, married! Just two years ago, Frank, you were in a hospital bed in a coma and now this…”
“Don’t cry, mom.”
“And then the incident the month before last. Oh, you boys.” She hugged both of us again.
“Mom, Kaylie won’t quit poking me.” A girl around seven came into the house, pouting. She had on a Children’s My Chemical Romance T-shirt.
She was followed by another girl in a Disney’s Princess nightgown with a tiara on.
Okay. Princess nightgown-Kaylie. Totally awesome T-shirt I designed-Liz. I can remember this.
“I did not poke you, I prodded you. There’s a difference, right Frankie?”
“Sure, Kay.” Frank said absent mindedly, grinning at me.
“Frankie, are you really married to a boy? Cause that’s not how it works, you know. Unless you’re a girl too but I walked in on you in the bathroom once and you had a peepee. Didn’t you?”
I bit back a grin.
“Kaylie, don’t talk like that.”
“He did have a peepee, mommy. I don’t have one. Why not? I want one!”
“Oh my goodness.” Linda sighed. “Just a few more years and they’ll refuse to speak to me. Just a few years.”
“Only boys have peepee’s, Kaylie. And they’re called a geebis.”
“New word for it.” Frank coughed, laughing.
“Well I want one.” Kaylie said stubbornly. “Frankie, can I have yours?”
“Nah, I need it, sis.”
“Why? You can still pee without it, right?”
“I need it for other things.”
“FRANK!” Linda cried. “She’s barely six!”
“She doesn’t know what I’m saying.” Frank shrugged.
“Did you marry a boy, Frankie? Is that him there? Are you the boy that my brother married? I remember you! Your in that band with Frankie! You’re the drummer, right?”
“No, Kaylie, he sings!” Liz said, sounding highly annoyed.
“I know. The drummer sings, right Frankie?”
“Wow. It’s like… two hyper little me’s.” Frank said. “Yes, Kylie, this is my— my husband. Wow, that’s the first time I’ve said that. Cool.”
“But he isn’t a girl, Frankie.” Kaylie giggled. “You’re silly.”
“I know he isn’t a girl. I love him, though.”
“That’s funny.” Kaylie looked at me shyly. “Hi.”
“Hi.” I said back, waving.
She giggled. “Are you nice?”
“I think so.”
“Do you like Cinderella?”
“Erm…”
“Kaylie, you’re the ONLY one who likes Cinderella in the world.” Frank said, pulling me over to him because I’d managed to drift astray. He squeezed my hand.
Liz plopped on our couch and began watching TV.
“Girls, be good. Mommy, Frankie, and Gerard are gonna be in the kitchen.” Linda said.
Frank and I walked towards the kitchen.
“Mommy, Gerard’s a boy right?” We heard Kaylie ask.
“Yes.”
“So why is they married?”
“Because they love each other. Just like I love you.”
“Does Frank give Gerard bubble baths?”
“Wow, they’re something. Mikey never asked that much questions.” I laughed.
“Do you want me to give you bubble baths?” Frank laughed, bringing his lips by mine.
“Maybe.” I grinned and pressed my lips to his. I could vaguely hear Linda explaining that boys could like other boys as well as girls.
“Does that mean I can marry my friend Samantha when I grow up, mommy? Cause I love Samantha. She shares her chips with me when you give me the icky kind.” Kaylie responded.
“If you want, sweetie.” Linda laughed. A few minutes later she came in, just after me and Frank had pulled away. “Those girls are a riot sometimes.”
I smiled at her, suddenly feeling awkward and shy which is weird because how many times have I talked to Linda? Tons.
She smiled and sat down. Frank handed her a cup of coffee and we both sat down too, Frank on my lap.
“How was Canada?”
“We didn’t see too much of it.” Frank said, and then grinned innocently.
Linda laughed. “And your trip home yesterday, Gerard?”
I blinked several times.
“Uh… not good.” Frank said, taking a sip of his coffee.
“Oh no.” Linda said, her face falling. “What happened?”
“A lot of shit.” I shrugged.
“Your parents will come around. I mean when I first heard about your relationship I admit I freaked. But the more I thought about it the more okay I was with it. And if your parents don’t come around, it’s fine.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Linda.”
“You’ve got us.” Linda smiled at me. “Now your father, Frank….”
“I don’t even give a fuck.”
“Look, Frank, he feels awful about what happened.”
“He should.” Frank said stubbornly.
“If you ever want to get a hold of him just let me know. I better get the girls home, though. It was nice to see you, Gerard.”
“You too, Linda.”
She hugged us both, said her goodbye’s, and then left. The house was silent with them gone and unsettling. Frank ran to our CD player and began blaring the Misfits “Astro Zombies” screaming every word with it at the top of his lungs and dancing. He pulled me close to him and kissed me hard, pressing himself against me.
The door opened and the guys stood there, looking embarrassed and confused.
“This whole living with a married couple is going to be interesting.” Bob said, walking in and past us.
“It’s called the bedroom.” Ray laughed, heading towards his.
“Ewewewewew. Bad images, bad bad bad images.” Mikey moaned running towards his room with his hands covering his eyes.
Frank shrugged and pulled me back to him, kissing me again….