This Is Difficult

The first time it happened I was 17. I was at a friends house party piss ass drunk , the music was starting to make me feel sick . So I ran to the bathroom, and puked for a while it made my chest hurt so bad and I didn’t want to move so I just laid there. I was so out of it I didn't hear the bathroom door open, I did however feel something cold snake up my skirt. But by the time realization hit me I was too late, too fucking slow. Because he was already on top of me, quickly pulling my skirt up and my panties down. I wanted to fight back, but my body moved like jello. I couldn't stop him from shoving himself inside me tearing me apart. I know I said stop, I know I cried, I know I begged I don't think he listened. Instead he just kept shoving deeper and deeper, and the pain never really stopped not until I passed out. But when I woke up everything about me had changed, I could feel it there was no going back for me.

And maybe this doesn’t explain all my actions now , but now at least you know where it started now at least you know.