This Is Difficult

This time I was older, I was18 he was my teacher, Mr. Costello . He was the second person I’d ever had sex with. I was so desperate to pass that class, clearly. My parents had always been cold towards me I don't know why maybe I was born into the wrong family, you know like how some people say they feel like they’re born into the wrong body? That’s how I always felt with my parents. I thought that if I could at least graduate high school they'd actually have a reason to be proud of me. But my damn English grade was getting in the way of my dreams.

Persuading Mr. Costello was actually a lot easier than I expected. As I got older I had come to find that men are like that in general, they were typically pretty easy when it came to sex. All I had to do was stay after school, and ask for help on a project. I called him over to read my paper but I held it in my hand so he had to lean over me to read it. I winked at him and lifted up my skirt a little, then mumbled something about forgetting to wear underwear and he was on top of me in seconds. I was so surprised how fast it took him to drop everything. He dropped his wife, his kids , his future, his pride all in a matter of seconds for some pretty face. He was about to finish I could see it in his eyes, when the classroom door opened. That was when everything at school and home truly became hell. My parents never talked to me and kids at school kept calling me a whore. And the saddest part was that I really couldn't blame them.

“Becca!”

I drew my attention to Sara a girl I absolutely hated, me and her had gone to high school together. She made my life a living hell. She was some spoiled rich, beautiful brown haired goddess who knew nothing about me. But when high school was over I needed a place to stay, so I ended up rooming up with her in a small apartment. Why she had agreed to let me live here was sill a huge mystery, because there hasn't been a day that has gone by that she doesn’t let me know what garbage I truly am. I smiled at her.

“Good evening Sara, How are you ?”
She rolled her pretty blue eyes.

“Whatever, wheres the rent for this month?”

With out hesitating I pointed to the small round dinning table, on top of it was white envelope that bulged with money. I smirked a little at the annoyed face she made when she found all the money there.
I've been noticing lately that she's been raising the rent each time. Shes trying to get me to move out, don't know if what she's doing is even legal but I don't judge because what I do to get the money is worse than what she does by a long shot. She shoots a glare up at me, then puts her hands on her hips.

“How the fuck do you kept getting all this money huh? You off fucking guys like back in high school?”

I smiled at that, god she was such a bitch.

“Oh think it's funny? You shouldn't you bitch! you've got no respect for your self, you may be pretty but those guys don't really love you, they just know an easier fuck when they see one.”

I may be pretty huh?

I've always been told I was beautiful, Pretty long dirty blonde hair and huge Grey eyes. I've got a pretty good body too from what I’ve herd. I choose to hear the good things only in what people say to me, I choose to never really hear insults anymore there’s no need to, what people say I already know.
Everything Sara said was true, I was an easy fuck ,I do go around fucking random men for money I don't even try to hide it from people anymore, there’s no real point.
The sound of my phone vibrating pulled my attention from Sara, I quickly pulled my phone out of my purse and read the new text that had been sent to me. It was from Brad, that guy who had taken my virginity. Yeah me and him kept in touch.

Brad: I need you to work now, come on over.

I quickly sat up and walked out the door mumbling to Sara about the money being all there.
After the thing with Mr. Costello Brad hit me up with a job, all I had to was go to a party of his and have sex with his friends, it was $200 per person. After what had happened with my teacher the job had seemed pretty easy and it was I guess.
After that Brad had started giving me tons of jobs, and I still haven't said no so I guess it really isn't his fault it's mine, I guess I’m a terrible human being..or whatever.
Getting a taxi was pretty easy, it always was I wore the shortest dresses known to man. When I arrived at Brad's place I sighed slightly , he was super rich so his house was always overwhelming to look at after coming from my small apartment.
When I walked in to his house, he sat on his couch , texting. His large jawline hovering over his hands he always looked overtly facially structured to me. If that made any sense , he just looked like someone drew a picture of a man but over exaggerated all the features. He looked up at me and smiled as he stood up.

“Come on, clients over here”

I followed him, silently up the stairs to the guest room down the hall. When Brad opened the door there was some man sitting on the edge of the bed, he was well into his 40's. I'm 22 so I guess this is kinda gross but all I see is a job right now. I smiled sweetly at him and waved.

“Hey there...”

Brad laughed, not sure why though, sometimes he laughs when nothing is funny.

“Becca this Mr. Gourd he's a golf buddy of my father.”

I didn't need this information, but okay.

Brad gave us a smile, then left quickly. I watched him leave, but as soon as the door shut I turned back to Mr. Gourd and smiled.

“What do you want me to do for you today?”

“Shut the hell up and take off all your clothes, then lay down”

He did not in the least bit look amused, so I did what he asked quickly.
When I laid down, he immediately got on top off me. For awhile all he did was, suck on my tits I pretended to like it, I moaned loudly and begged for more like I was supposed to. He suddenly stopped and zipped down his pants, roughly he grabbed my waist and started thrusting into me. I gasped at how fast it had happened, I wasn't ready. He smiled and got more rough, as he leaned down slightly and whispered in my ear.
“Does it hurt, slut?”

I didn't answer, but it did hurt- whatever I’ll get over it. When he came he shouted loudly, It startled me.
He pulled out quickly ,and zipped up his pants and then with out saying anything, just left. I laid there for a minute to catch my breathe then slowly got dressed. When I walked out the room Brad was leaned against the wall, texting. With out looking up from his phone he handed me $300, I counted the money quickly before I started to walk down the hall, when I got down stairs I called a cab , waited 15minutes then went home.
When I walked through the front door, Sara and her best friend Jessy were watching some girly movie. It made me feel a pang of sadness looking at them two. I wish I had friends. But I had know one to blame except for myself. I quickly took a shower, then walked into my room which was a blank canvas, basic white walls and gray carpet. No posters, no pictures of family just a full bookshelf, a white dresser, a computer ,and computer desk ,and a large bed with daisy printed sheets. When I laid down for the night, I felt sick to the stomach .

What the fuck is wrong with me?