Burn it Down

~Megan's POV~

Why were they screaming at me now of all times? Someone took naked pictures of me, and was spreading them around, and instead of condemning him, they were condemning me!

I flopped down on my bed and buried my head in the pillows.

I heard a knock on my door not too long after.

"What do you want?" I yelled.

My door opened and I rolled my eyes. It was my dad.

I sat up and got on the edge of my bed.

"Hey, sis." He said to me. My face dropped. I hadn't been called that in so long. Not since Kevin died. Tears welled in my eyes a little.

My dad sat next to me on the bed. I turned and looked at him. He had graying hair now, and I had just noticed. I suddenly felt bad that it felt like I suddenly hadn't seen my dad in years.

"Are you here to yell at me some more?" I asked him, looking down and fiddling with my hands.

"No." He told me gently. "I'm not."

"Well?" I looked up at him again.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on? It seems like forever ago since I last knew what you were about."

"Nothing's going on!" I sighed dramatically. "I've already told you everything. I told you when we first moved here that this place, the school, all of it was shit. That there were bullies targeting me and my friends. But you guys didn't ever do anything about it. I told you that when we first moved here, and every day after, but nothing changed. I didn't get any help. No one cared."

If I needed to vent, I was glad my father was here. He usually just stayed quiet until I told him I was finished.

"So when I try to escape this hellhole I call my life, I don't mean to be bad or do stupid things. I just for one moment want to be in a place where I can be happy with who I am, and what my life is. Luke gets it really bad. Luke and Tyler both used to get it so bad. They've stopped picking on Tyler so much since Tyler got really tall and big. But you've seen Luke. He's like a giant neon sign that flashes 'Fight Me!'. It's hard to handle all of that. To handle abuse all the time, and to continue a relationship and try to go to college and keep my grades up, then come home to you guys and pretend everything is okay when it isn't. When Luke left me, I felt like I had not one good thing to look forward to and hold onto to keep me going. So I took Tyler and his girlfriend to the abandoned house in Littleton so that I could cut loose and not feel like I was drowning so much. I didn't do it because I think drugs are awesome or that I have a problem. I just wanted to feel like a normal kid with a normal life in a normal place. And that's all." I was so glad to get that out, although I honestly didn't expect my father to understand it much since he was my age a long long time ago, and things were different for kids then.

"I'm sorry that you've not been able to flourish here, like your mother and I had wanted for you. I only took the job here because I thought it'd be good for everyone to have a new start. I guess we didn't realize that things were so bad at your school. You'd get into fights, but I guess I always chalked it up to kids being kids. I didn't realize that you were an outright target of abuse and that you didn't even get a chance to fight back."

"Dad, I don't think I could tell you. That it wasn't just fights. I was being jumped, by whole groups of people, and that even if I could fight back, what would that do? There'd be like 5 of them. I'm just one person. What always made it worse was the administrators at the school saw what was happening to us and did jack shit about it! They'd literally look the other way as if there were something so intriguing about a fucking mural on the cafeteria wall."

"Would you feel better if we sent you to another school to finish your senior year? If you need to, we can do that. Whatever you need, we'll figure it out." My dad told me, wrapping one arm around my back and squeezing my arm a little.

"There's no point." I admitted wistfully. "I can't get started again this close to graduation. Besides, who'd watch out for Luke? Sure as hell wouldn't be Tyler."

"Are you sure that you should think of Luke's safety above your own? His happiness and wellbeing above yours?"

"At this point, dad. My happiness is his, but I've been feeling him slip away from me somehow. He just seems angry and secretive and it's not like him. He's changing in front of my eyes, but I don't know why. I'm hoping that it's just because he's ready to graduate and move on from this shitty place."

"Well, it'll happen soon. And don't worry, kiddo. You never remember much of high school anyways. Best thing I ever learned was that high school popularity doesn't follow you after you leave it. So you just watch and see."

"I'm trying, dad. But how am I supposed to handle this? They're taking pictures of me naked and passing them around, and making obscene gestures at me! It gets so frustrating that I just want to explode. Today, that kid, when he told me he was the one who took the picture of me, I just got so mad that once again they found a way to make me feel like shit that I just unleashed on him. They told me I didn't break anything, but that it was surprising because he was bruised really bad. I never thought I could do that. That's not even me and I don't like who I am because of this school. Mark my words though, something's going to change before the end of the school year. This shit can't keep up."

"What do you mean, sweetie?" My dad asked, referring to my last statement.

"They literally play bowling with freshmen. They line them up and then throw another into the group they have lined up so that they all fall to the floor. It's fucking insane. Once, I had gone out with Luke on a walk, and one of them threw a cup out of the window as they drove past. It was nothing, since we managed to avoid getting hit by the cup, but it was filled with shit. Dad, I don't mean like shit as in stuff. But actual shit. Poop. It's fucking disgusting and I can't wait to get out and away from it."

My dad sighed deeply and as I looked up at him, I saw in his eyes that he had no idea that things were like this and that he was finally starting to understand that when I told him this school sucked, I wasn't exaggerating. It was the look of guilt. He felt guilty that he hadn't taken me or Luke or even Tyler seriously. My dad had only met Tyler a handful of times, and never met Tiffany, or she could have told him too. He felt guilty that he assumed we were just semi-uncool teenagers wishing for popularity that was out of our reach.

"If you think you can tough it out, kiddo, go for it. I'll try to be here more, and more supportive of you, and if you want us to transfer you to a different school, I'll have you out of there the same day. I mean it. The. Same. Day. Will that work?"

I nodded to him subtly.

"I'm going to get my lawyer on the kid who took those pictures of you. I'll see what we can do about that. I'm going to give the school a call and tell them that I don't appreciate that you are being jumped and that the administration is doing nothing to abate the fights. I'm going to ask them what they are doing to protect their students, and that if it's not fixed or already sufficient, I plan on having my lawyer look into what kind of liability they can face for not taking better care to ensure the safety of their students."

I just stared up at my father, who for the first time in many years, once again became my defender.

"Thanks dad." I told him almost inaudibly.

"I'm sorry I didn't look out for you sooner, Megan. I won't make that mistake again."

With that my dad walked out and left me reeling and confused on my bed. The dim beams of light shining in through my blinds coming in streaks across my bedroom. It was overcast outside, so there wasn't much of the light to spread. This left my room bleak and dark and I was thankful, because all I wanted to do was curl under my blankets and cry.

When I felt my throat tighten as if I was about to start crying, my mother walked in, her head down.

I looked up at her, hunched over myself.

We sat there in silence for a long time before my mother raised her head.

"I don't know who you are anymore, Megan. And all I want to know is just that; who you are."

My mouth dropped open. How could my own mother say she didn't know who I was?

"I'm sorry." She said quickly, sitting on my bed beside me. In her hands laid a tiny wooden box with carved details. "What I mean is, I've neglected you for so long that I didn't realize you weren't a copy of me anymore. I'm sorry that I've never listened to your problems. I'm sorry that I've lost track of what you like, and what your motivations are, and what your life is like."

"My life is shit right now, mom. I'm in over my head and I don't have the slightest idea of what to do about it."

My mom sat quietly, fiddling with the wooden box in her hands, which I watched.

"Either did Kevin, and I'm sorry for what happened. If I had paid more attention to him, maybe we wouldn't have lost him." Swallowing hard, she sighed so softly you almost couldn't hear it. "But I don't want to make the same mistake with you. I heard some of your conversation with your father, and I didn't know you had to handle all of that alone. You're right. You've been in very little trouble, and you've been a very good daughter to us. You deserve to have some liberties."

My eyebrows raised in astonishment. My own mother was saying she was in the wrong as a parent. This was not like my mother either. She always had to be right about everything.

"That boy shouldn't have taken pictures of you no matter what. Intoxicated, drugged, or not. That was not fair, and that was not your fault. I know you're struggling to keep up with everything asked of you, and I never realized that we were asking too much. You never even complained, and I do thank you for that. Like I told you. You're a good daughter. And an adult now." My mom laughed softly, one tear rolling down her cheek. "I didn't even realize that until just today. You're a grown up, and you deserve to get to act like one. Luke has also been very good to you, and I'm happy that you at least have him."

I just stayed quiet and let her finish. She was quiet again and I looked up at her, urging her on.

"I want you to have this." Her voice was quiet, but quick and she lightly placed the carved wooden box into my hand.

I slid off the top, and inside was one silver key.

"Mom, what is this?" I asked her, taking the key into my fingers.

"Do you remember your grandmother's house?"

My eyes widened. "Mom, no!"

"The one a bit outside of Allenspark?"

"Mom..." I welled up.

"I have been fixing it up so that your father and I could move into it after you go off to college and have your own place. Your father wants to retire in a few years, so I thought it'd be nice to have a smaller house ready for us to move into. You and Luke can spend the weekends there, if you want. I only ask that you keep it clean and try not to break anything. Wash the sheets and make sure you shut off the water and all the electronics before you go."

"Mommy..." I started crying, reverting straight back to being 4 years old and getting a trip to disneyland.

"Sweetie, don't cry. You're a big girl, you deserve it. You could use an escape on the weekends, and there's not much to get into out there so I know you'll be safe."

I continued to sob, holding the key to my grandma's old house. This was a place I hadn't visited in years, and suddenly it was fixed up and mine for the weekends. I already knew I'd be calling Luke and first thing out of school on Friday we were going to head there.

"Thank you mom." I sucked in my snot and tried to take a deep breath.

"You're welcome, Megan. As long as you don't stay out too late, I'll stop taking your keys on the weekdays. I need to trust you more, and I figured if I can give you more, then maybe things won't be so bad for you. This is your senior year, and I want you to do well."

I gave my mom a hug, and she pet my hair for a few minutes before she finally laid me down on my bed and tucked me into the blankets.

It wasn't long before I finally cried myself to sleep.