It's Complicated

A few days later, Maria played with the hem of her blousy shirt as Harry skirted around the kitchen, preparing her favorite strawberry and banana smoothie before she had to go to her first college class of the day. Normally, Maria hated wearing loose shirts, but she could swear that, at just under two months along, she was starting to show. She felt bloated and awful, and she knew the pregnancy was going to be an absolute nightmare.

“You’ve seen a doctor, haven’t you?” Harry asked as he brought in the light pink mixture that was contained in the tallest glass he owned. “To get prenatal vitamins and everything?”

“Of course I saw a doctor,” she snapped back, taking her breakfast from him. “I wouldn’t have told you if I didn’t make sure first. I’m not an idiot.”

Harry took a step back in defense. “Okay, whatever you say.” There was a short pause before he continued, “I’m going to be at the studio today with the lads, so if you need me, just give me a ring on my mobile, okay?”

“I’m not going to need you, Harry,” Maria replied, taking a short sip of her smoothie. It was a little too chunky for her taste, but, for once, she decided to use the brain filter that she usually ignored and didn’t say anything about it. “I’m not as big as a house yet, so I don’t think I’m going to have any problems getting around.”

“I meant about anything, not if you’d fallen,” Harry argued, getting to his feet. “You know what? Forget it. Give me a ring if you want. I’m leaving now.”

“Bye,” she said with a snippy tone, giving him a short, haughty wave.

He rolled his eyes in an irritated fashion and went out the door, slamming the door just a little too hard behind him.

Maria sighed and stretched out on the couch, putting her glass down on the table in front of her and looking down at her stomach. It had always been flat and toned, with abs that would make Taylor Lautner jealous, thanks to the hours she spent in the gym. She never told Jess, but seeing her older sister live her life overweight made her scared of the same fate. Although Jess had always been comfortable with her body as far as Maria knew, Maria was still frightened about what people would say about her or think about her if she was the same. So to the gym she went.

But the prospect of being pregnant scared the shit out of her. She wouldn’t be able to help the weight she gained because it would go toward nurturing the baby. She couldn’t afford to be completely body-conscious.

A little voice in the back of her head started nagging her that she wouldn’t be the same after a baby. Her boobs would sag and become the food source for a little creature that had lived like a parasite for forty weeks, and her stomach would carry extra pounds that she wouldn’t be able to get rid of, no matter how hard she worked.

Maria swallowed. She didn’t want a baby. She never wanted a baby. It was why she’d always been on the pill, until her mother decided that Harry was unfit for her youngest daughter. And look where that got them.

She leaned her head against the arm of the sofa and sighed. She still hadn’t told anyone that she was pregnant, not even Jess, mostly because she was afraid of what they’d say. And she was still unsure whether she was going to keep the thing or not. Harry seemed convinced, but she couldn’t be so certain.

Taking a glance at the clock, Maria got to her feet and pulled down the bottom hem of her shorts so they weren’t bunched-up. Anytime Maria could show off her long, lean, toned legs, she took the opportunity. They were the part of herself that she was most proud of, and if other girls wanted to scoff at her and say that it was too early in spring to wear shorts, then she just flipped them off and continued living her life the way she wanted.

It wasn’t like any of them mattered, anyway. And she was pretty sure they were just jealous because she was prettier than them and was shagging Harry Styles.



When Maria got back from her class, her only one of the day, she retook her place on the sofa and sighed. Although she hated to admit it, she wished Harry was in the flat. He was forever cooking something or cuddling with her, running his hands through her hair and planting sweet kisses on top of her head or on her cheek. Those were the days she loved him most, when he just wanted to be with her instead of wanting to have sex with her.

Not that she didn’t love the sex. Because she did. Harry was definitely the best that she’d experienced, so loving and caring and gentle, touching her like she was made of the most delicate of glass. She could easily tell that he loved her, that he fell for her very early on. He may not have noticed the change, when the sex went from lustful to loving, but she definitely did.

Maria got to her feet and ran a hand through her hair, grimacing at the fact it felt slightly greasy. She needed a shower, pronto.

So she disappeared inside Harry’s room, going through the bureau that he’d officially given her. For all intents and purposes, she was moved into his flat. It felt weird, having someone else there almost all the time when she was used to being alone, but she was sure that she’d be thankful for the company soon enough.

After pulling out a pair of knickers, her favorite polka dot bra, and a long black Halo t-shirt, she disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. It shouldn’t have mattered much, whether the door was unlocked or not, because Harry would never waltz into a closed bathroom uninvited, but Maria was someone who valued a bit of privacy. The thought of people having sex in the shower slightly disgusted her. How could couples stand to be with each other all the time? The shower was the one time where she was completely alone, where the only sound was the warm, rushing water spilling onto her body and the tub, and she was allowed to think.

Which is exactly what she did after she stepped under the hot spray. She washed her hair without too much introspection, but as she shaved her legs, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander. And, of course, her thoughts could only go to one place: the baby.

It was growing more and more every day inside of her. If she wanted to terminate the pregnancy, then she had to do so soon. Harry may have hated the idea, but it was her body, right? And if she didn’t want to turn into a beluga whale to bring a baby into the world, then it was her decision.

A sinking feeling took over her stomach as she thought about it. How could she even think about killing the baby? Harry clearly wanted to raise it and thought they would be perfectly fit parents. It was just Maria who was unsure. She was young, only nineteen years old, and she was still figuring out how to raise herself. How could she possibly bring up a child?

When she stepped out of the shower, she stood in front of the mirror, carefully examining her lower stomach. In her mind, she felt bloated and heavy, like she’d already gained ten pounds, but the mirror was trying to tell her differently.

“The lighting,” she decided out loud, squinting, examining her stomach from a different angle. “Definitely the lighting.” There was no way her mind would lie to her about her body.

What if Harry didn’t love her anymore when she was heavy? When her stomach was the size of a beach ball, her ankles swelled, and she got that freakish cross in the middle of her face in the couple weeks before she delivered? What if he got disgusted and left her, leaving her alone with a baby that she’d only kept for his sake?

She had too many doubts. Way too many doubts. She knew the two had to talk about it more, very soon, before they made any official decisions. Of course, she couldn’t reveal any of the worry that she was feeling inside of her. She’d have to act like her normal self, snapping at anything he said, rolling her eyes, pretending like it was no big deal. It was what she’d always done. It was her personality to avoid touchy, sensitive subjects. She was pretty sure it bothered Harry, but she couldn’t seem to care.

Maria dressed quickly and stepped out of the hot, dense air of the bathroom into the much-chillier flat. Harry still wasn’t back from recording, but when she picked up her mobile, she saw that he had texted her.

Do you want me to pick up any food on the way home? Im kind of feeling chinese. :)

Go ahead, fatty, she responded. She knew that she’d have to talk to him over supper that night, and she just hoped that he’d keep an open mind about the whole thing instead of shutting her down completely.

Offensive. :( Hahaha. Love you babe. See you in a few.

Without responding, she threw her phone onto the coffee table and massaged her temples. She still hadn’t told him that she loved him because she hated being serious and vulnerable. People got crushed that way, and she wasn’t about to let that happen to her.

Ever.