It's Complicated

Harry needed to get out of the flat. The walls surrounding him seemed to alternate between closing in on him and towering over him, glaring down at his smaller figure and laughing at his misfortune.

When he’d stormed away from the argument with Maria, he wanted her to follow him. It may have been a feminine notion, but he wanted Maria to realize that she’d upset him and come into the room and tell him that everything would be okay. That she wouldn’t murder the child that the two of them had managed to create.

Telling himself that it was her body, so she had the right to make the final decision, was no longer working for him. Every time he thought about the possibility of her getting an abortion, he felt sick to his stomach. He wished there could be some way that she wouldn’t have to deal with carrying the child, that it could somehow be transferred over to him, and the baby could be carried to term without a hitch.

The only problem was that Harry had no uterus, no vagina, no ovaries…nothing that could keep a baby alive. If there was any hope for the child, it was that Maria would come to her senses and realize that they could raise a child, that he would still love her, no matter what she looked like, and that there were bigger things at stake here than her obsession with vanity.

Harry tried to calm down his raging thoughts by taking a few deep breaths, but hurtful statement after hurtful statement flashed through his mind, and he knew he needed fresh air.

Without another thought, he stalked into the living room and pulled his jacket off the back of a kitchen chair, sliding it down one arm without skipping a beat.

“Where are you going?” Maria snapped from the couch, where she was probably seething about Harry not falling for the display she probably spent all afternoon creating. Her last-ditch effort to try to make him see her point of view had failed, and there was no way she was okay about the way things turned out.

“Out,” Harry replied shortly, punching his arm through the remaining sleeve in his jacket and storming into the hallway, pulling the door shut behind him.

He wandered the streets aimlessly without any kind of destination in mind. He didn’t want to be seen by anyone, to get hit on by anyone, to sign any autographs. He just needed to burn off his anger, and he couldn't figure out a better way to do it than speed-walking through the relatively chilly night.

Finally, he remembered how he wanted to call Jess and tell her to tell Louis the truth, so he pulled out his mobile and dialed the number he knew by heart. While he didn’t really want to discuss a pregnancy that would turn out perfectly, with two parents that loved him (or them, if Jess’ hunch about twins turned out to be right), at least the situation would get his mind off Maria for a few minutes.

“Harry?” Jess’ friendly voice came over the receiver. “Hi! Is everything okay?”

“Sure,” he responded noncommittally. “What about you?”

“I haven’t been feeling too well.” Her answer was hesitant, almost like she was trying to tread over the truth to see if Maria had told him the state of the union with her or not. “But other than that, everything has been okay.”

“Jess, can you tell me one thing?”

He could almost see her face contorting with worry as he heard her go into the next room through the earpiece on his mobile, followed by the sound of a door shutting. “What’s wrong?”

“Maria told me that you’re pregnant, but at rehearsal this afternoon, Louis made it pretty clear that he has no idea. Why haven’t you told him? He’s your husband, and he deserves to know.”

She swallowed audibly, and the next words she spoke were in a soft whisper, “I don’t know, Harry. I’m just scared.”

“Scared about what?” Harry snapped back. “They are his, right? You didn’t go whoring around with other guys, did you?”

“Harry!” Jess hissed with as much venom in her tone as she could muster. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Of course I didn’t cheat on Louis.”

“Then why didn’t you tell him that you’re pregnant already?”

“Because I was going to, and right before I broke the news to him, he said that he was thankful that luck had worked out that we hadn’t gotten pregnant yet, with the tour coming up and all.”

Harry stopped in his spot on the sidewalk and stayed silent while Jess sighed loudly. “I just don’t want to disappoint him.”

“You’re not going to disappoint him,” Harry encouraged, forgetting about how they’d been arguing a few moments before. “He’s going to be glad he knows. But if you wait too long before telling him, he’s going to get suspicious. I just don’t want you guys to fight.”

She let out a breath, her way of expressing that all of her anger had disappeared from her body. “We’re not going to fight, Harry. Louis will understand, I’m sure. I appreciate you trying to look out for us, though.”

Harry felt a light blush color his cheeks as he shrugged, even though he knew Jess couldn’t see the gesture. “I just want to see someone’s relationship work out.”

There was another long sigh from the other side of the phone. “Harry, did you and Maria break up again?”

“No,” Harry replied. “But she’s making it really difficult to stay together.”

Through the year of Harry’s and Maria’s tumultuous relationship, Jess typically refrained from choosing sides. After living with her sister for thirteen years, Jess was very aware of just how difficult Maria could be, and she understood the various troubles that arose between the two lovers. Harry could always depend on her to give him advice that he could use without being too critical about anything.

But she knew that if she tried to ask any questions, he wouldn’t be able to answer. He knew that the news of the pregnancy was Maria’s to tell to her sister, and he would just ruin everything if he stepped up to the plate and took on the responsibility. Plus, if he told Jess, only to have Maria get an abortion, it would do nothing but cause hostility and resentment.

“What did she do this time?” Jess asked in a gentle voice.

She reminded him so much of his mother, even though she was just over a year younger than him. She was so caring, so sweet, and he wanted more than anything to spill everything to her without worrying about the consequences.

But he couldn’t manage to do it. He knew the guilt wouldn’t be worth it if he did say anything, and he didn’t want to make the already rocky relationship between him and Maria any worse. “It’s nothing,” he answered finally, his voice weak. “I’ll handle it.”

She noticed the change in routine, but she was tactful enough to avoid asking any questions. “Okay, if you’re sure. I’m here if you need anything.”

“I know,” he replied. “Alright, I have to go, but will you please tell Louis? I swear he’ll be excited when you tell him. Especially if it’s a boy.”

“Maybe one of them is.” Jess’ voice had taken on her normal, conversational tone, and he knew that she was working to transition back into talking to Louis in a regular voice that wouldn’t make him worry about what had happened while she was in the other room. “But I’ll tell him. Send Maria my love, even if you guys are fighting. Goodnight, Harry.”

“Goodnight.” He pulled the phone away from his ear to press the end button, but Jess had already hung up, and his phone made a loud beep and went back the menu page.

Without much thought process, he turned around and headed back toward his and Maria’s flat, trying to think about what to say to her. He wanted to be understanding, but deep down inside, he wasn’t. He may have been an understanding, forward-thinking guy, all for women’s rights, but all his traditional thoughts flew out the window when it came to thinking about his child.

His child. God, the thought made his stomach turn. Maybe he was just a little bunch of cells sitting in Maria's uterus, but that bunch of cells was half him.

It was that little thought, that little trigger, that made him figure out what he was going to say.

Eager to let the thought escape his mouth at last, he hurried back to his flat, pulling the food of his jumper over his curls to hide him better as he ventured back into a more densely-populated part of town. With the pressing matter at hand, he really couldn’t afford to stop for even a second to sign an autograph or take an unattractive picture.

And soon, he was able to burst through the door of his flat. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was expecting Maria to be doing, but it certainly wasn’t sitting on the couch with her legs curled up beside her, watching what sounded like the first Star Trek movie.

She looked so calm, so relaxed. Like they hadn’t had an argument that forced him to leave the flat in order to be away from her, anywhere else but the place where he had to be in such close quarters with her.

Without saying a word, he marched over to the telly and shut it off. “Harry!” she scolded. “What is wrong with you?”

“I’m going to spell something out for you right now,” he continued, not even bothering to address why he’d shut off the movie without letting her pause it. “I don’t want to give you an ultimatum, but I have no idea how else we can do this.”

She groaned as she sat up straight and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What, Harry?”

“You have two options. One is that you keep the baby, you give birth normally, and we can stay together and raise him. Or, if you want, you can leave the second that baby’s born, and I’ll raise him myself. He won’t ruin your life like you’re afraid he will, and I’ll get the baby that I had half the role in creating.”

“And the other option?” she snapped, though Harry could tell her rough outer exterior was starting to waver.

“You get the abortion, and you get rid of the ‘problem’ forever.” She opened her mouth to say something, but before she could get a word in, Harry rushed, “But your bags better be fucking packed when you go, because if you get an abortion and kill my kid, I won’t want a fucking thing to do with you.”