It's Complicated

Harry had his hands hidden inside of his sleeves of his sweatshirt, trying desperately to make the cotton fabric soak up some of the sweat from his palms, a product of his constant worry that Maria was at the doctor’s office right then, going through with the abortion she so desperately had wanted.

He tried to focus on Liam in the booth, singing his solo for the upcoming single, but it wasn’t working. He could feel Louis stealing glances at him, wanting desperately to ask about his mental state, and Zayn and Niall had left to give the best friends some space, making up some excuse about getting some coffee and food in the cafeteria down the hall.

Really, Harry could have admitted the truth at any time. It wasn’t like the sound mixer would hear anything, since he was wearing massive noise-canceling headphones and was completely absorbed with the tiny intricacies of Liam’s various takes. It was his job to make sure the song sounded perfect, and he knew that he wouldn’t jeopardize that for a chance to eavesdrop on some mundane drama. Or what the man would view as mundane, anyway, since it didn’t involve him in any way.

Harry could see Louis open his mouth from the corner of his eye, and he gritted his teeth, bracing himself for the world’s most uncomfortable conversation, when his phone rang. He had been, quite literally, saved by the bell.

Louis let out an almost inaudible groan as he answered the phone, “Hey, babe.” Although he’d started out annoyed, his expression quickly morphed into one of concern, and he went out into the hallway to talk more freely.

Leaving Harry by himself, alone with his thoughts and stresses.

He sighed and dug his elbows into his knees, plopping his chin down on his closed fists. He hoped that everything was okay with Jess and the baby, since he could sense how incredibly elated Louis felt about the situation. He wanted his friend to be as happy as possible, especially considering that Harry wasn’t allowed to feel the emotion himself.

When Louis reentered a few minutes later, he looked worried and somber. So Harry asked, “Hey, is everything okay with Jess?” as his friend retook his seat.

“Jess is fine,” he replied bluntly, not even glancing in Harry’s direction, a drastic change from a few minutes earlier. “Don’t worry about it.”

Harry opened his mouth again to ask a follow-up question, but he quickly surmised that Louis didn’t want to hear it. Whatever had happened was none of Harry’s business, and the sooner he learned that, the safer his well-being was.

And then the thought entered his mind that something had gone wrong with Maria. What if, like he’d predicted, Maria had gone through with the abortion, but there had been complications? What if Maria was bleeding out on a table somewhere, and she was going to die believing in her soul that Harry didn’t give a shit about her?

He tried to swallow back the emotion, but it stayed wedged in his throat, making it difficult for him to breathe. “Louis, where is Maria? Is she okay?”

Louis turned to him with stony, sad blue eyes. “I don’t think I can tell you anything about Maria. Jess told me not to say anything.”

For a split second, Harry hated Jess before he remembered that she was just protecting her sister. “Then just tell me where they are. Please, Louis.”



Harry didn’t wait until the recording session was over to burst out of the room and run all the way to Louis’ house. It wasn’t close by any means, and the rain was painful as the icy drops landed on his face and hands, but he had to get to Maria. The only thing Louis could divulge was that they were at the house, but his tone was conflicted and upset. Whenever Harry felt his muscles getting tired or his lungs threaten to stop supplying air, the only thing he had to think about was Maria, and he was renewed with energy.

Finally, after what seemed like a hundred years, he reached the front door. He was nearly hyperventilating, struggling to keep from bending over, since he knew the position cut off the airway instead of keeping it open for oxygen. It seemed entirely possible to him that he would die right there on the stoop, but he needed to stay alive until he saw what kind of state Maria was in.

With the smidgen of energy he had left, Harry reached up and rapped his knuckles against the door, still struggling to get back his breath. He’d run close to five miles, he guessed, and he hadn’t done as much conditioning or cardio training as he should have.

Jess finally pulled the door open, her dark eyes looking at Harry critically. “Is she okay?” Harry burst out.

“Who?” Jess questioned, her face blanching. “Maria?”

“There…” Harry took a deep breath and tried to get enough air for the explanation. “There was the phone call, and Louis looking worried, and Maria…abortion.”

Her expression softened as things started making sense. “Harry, she’s fine, but I really think you should leave now.”

She’s fine. Well, at least there was that. But he didn’t run five miles to turn around and run back. “Can’t I just see her? Even for a second?”

“I don’t think that’d be…” Jess’ voice trailed off as she closed the door partway, whispers carrying through the small space left behind.

Harry shoved his hands in his pockets and nibbled on his lip, finally breathing somewhat normally again. He made a mental note never to run that far again unless he was in a gym setting, and his feet, which were stuck inside a pair of boots that weren’t good for running, throbbed in agreement.

“Harry.”

His heart started at the sound of his name, spoken by the woman he thought he’d never hear from again.

She looked so small and innocent, standing there, one hand clasping onto the door like she was ready to slam it in his face at any second. And Harry was floored to see that her eyes were red, and her face was tearstained. He’d never seen her cry, and as far as he knew, she never had. Until then.

“I, um,” Harry started uncomfortably. “I came to make sure that you were doing okay. So…are you?”

“I’m fine,” she responded coldly before letting out a breath and stepping out onto the porch next to him, closing the door behind her. “Look, Harry, I want to talk to you, and I don’t want you to interrupt me, no matter how ridiculous I sound.”

He nodded and sat down on the steps, patting the empty space next to him.

Maria planted her bum onto the concrete and immediately started her monologue. “So I went to do it today, you know, the abortion? And I was sitting there, and the doctor was just about to do it. I was basically having a panic attack, and I think she noticed, which is why she was moving so slowly to do the procedure.

“But anyway, I was mostly just thinking about you and about us. And I realized what a fucking moron I am. I don’t know why I’m so ignorant or why I distort reality so much, but I actually had myself convinced that you were just in love with what you saw on the outside. That’s what everyone’s always been attracted to, and that’s why no one cared about me before I started dressing like a slut.

“It took me being in that position to realize that you actually, truly, genuinely love me. And when you said that I had to choose my own vanity or you and the baby, you were hoping more than anything that I’d choose you, while I heard that you only wanted me to stick around so I could have your baby.”

“No,” Harry breathed, wanting more than anything to wrap his arms around her and take away her worries. But he didn’t want to be inappropriate, so he kept his hands clasped between his knees. “No, that’s not what I meant at all.”

“I know that now,” Maria responded. “And I’m sorry that I ever walked out, and I’m sorrier than anything that I actually walked into that place with every intention of getting rid of this baby.”

“Does…” Harry cleared his throat, trying desperately to get rid of the weakness in his voice, “does this mean that you didn’t go through with it?”

She shook her head. “I told her to stop.”

Finally letting his emotions overcome him, he pulled Maria against him, letting out a small sob against her shoulder. She’d seen the light, and she’d chosen their relationship and her trust in him in the end.

“Thank you, baby.” Harry’s voice was muffled in Maria’s shoulder, but he knew she could understand him. “I love you so much.”

“I know.” And then, after a short pause, she said the words Harry never thought he’d hear from her in his entire life: “And I love you, too.”

God, he couldn’t wait for the perfect time to propose to that woman. But at the time, the most he could do was press a sweet, emotional kiss against her lips and feel his insides soften when he realized that she was crying, too.