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Chapter 1

Vampires really like their candy bars.

Tany would have never known this if she had left city hall two minutes earlier that day. There she was, six foot two, gray skin with pants that were falling far too low down her back side. The vampire was shaking the poor helpless machine, demanding that the inanimate object to give her dollar back else it would pay. Tany wanted to laugh and make fun so bad, but then she would be drawing attention to herself. Tany wasn't Freya. She was a pretender. She was pretending to be a helpless little secretary in order to find these hidden vampires. For some reason they had it out for The Mayor, who asked specifically for Tany to come in and patrol the facilities.

She would have declined, but she had taken a vow to protect that man with her life many years ago. It was her duty to serve this fine city as a monster hunter. Yeah, sure, she hated those words with passion- they seemed to turn to soot on her tongue whenever she spoke them- but they were the only things to keep her distracted from the reality of things.

The vampire now was kicking at the machine in attempt to keep her transformation in control. Sure she could try all she wanted to be a human, but even The Mayor knew that was impossible. They were all monsters who were trained assassins from birth. No matter how many times the world had tried to take any children from these monsters in hopes to rehabilitate them to our standards, nine out of ten times this has failed. The one percent that actually are captured either kill themselves or turn out to be corrupted beings who must be watched twenty-four seven.

Tanya should know, her side kick is one of these. It's amazing how he survived five years by her side, she probably would have killed him by now if she had her way, but that would mean a month's worth of suspensions and very angry higher ups. She had to keep a reputation now, so a simple curse turned out to be the best option to keep that idiot under her control. He was currently locked up in her room back at the hide out, but she even knew that wouldn't hold his fury.

Tany pulled out her smart phone and snapped a picture of the monster shaking the helpless square machine. Beside's a hatred towards a mechanical box, this vampire was doing nothing shady or wrong. This was one reason why she was glad that Freya wasn't there for she would have forgotten their mission and ran up to the woman and stabbed her with a stake by now. Tany's job was to observe and report back to The Mayor. That was another reason why she didn't her partner to be there that night. Freya would non stop be dropping obvious innuendos and jokes in both of their directions just to make them shutter with embarrassment. Somehow in her mind the early thirties man and Tany were somehow meant to be. The stars must have forgot to tell her that he is married.

So what if Tany decided to spruce up a little bit, wearing that nice dress which she felt that any secretary would wear and some bright cherry red lipstick, she was a pretender. That is her job no matter what Freya would think. Tany took one last picture before the woman turned around. Tucking some of her short hair behind her left ear, she held up the phone to her face in charade as she walked back towards the main offices.

///

The Mayor was busy in his board meeting when Tany got done with her report. She slipped the few pages, paper clipped together, just how he liked it, in his mail box as she made her way out. Passing by some metal cabbies, she opened the one that was chained shut. Inside laid everything that she took there that day, four different kinds of guns, a gas mask and of course her purse. The police station down stairs always make a big deal as she walks into the building. She could never understand why. Monster hunters are trained from the start never to hunt civilians. Besides, they knew by now that if she really wanted to go rouge and kill them, she wouldn't shoot them. That was far too messy.

Throwing her purse and M16's holster over that, she was half way out of the building when Freya's stupid ringtone started singing off in her purse. Ever since she convinced Tany to get the new smartphone, she hasn't stopped messing with it. One of the first things she did was made sure that whatever phone she used, Tany apparently needed to know that it was her calling. The embarrassing pop song quickly disappeared as Tany answered the phone.

“What?”

“Aw... come on... at least listen to the song!”

“What?”

Some shots rang off in the background along with plenty of dog barking and zombie groans, “I'm running low on ammo. Can you work your secret warehouse magic and get me some out here on the West Side of town ASAP??”

Tany gave a grown as she looked down to her watch, it would take her ten minutes just to walk home. She would have to change and then go find the warehouse. This all would take at the least thirty minutes.

“How much do you have left?”

Click... Click...

“Two grenades.”

“That's it?!”

“Well, sorry, I was attempting to find the key, but that devil bird of yours was blocking the way.”

Tany pinched her brow in frustration. She really was going to give that bird a beating when she saw him again. Freya's sidekick, a young werewolf who still hadn't learned how to transform yet, was barking in the background. I.e. he was completely useless. She needed to leave now or they both were in trouble.

“You got Louie with you?”

“When do I don't?”

“I'll be there in ten.”

Hanging up, Tany picked up her feet and ran as fast as she could towards the hide out. It was only a few blocks away from City Hall, another thing to add to Freya's obsession for her to hook up with The Mayor. The hide out, actually wasn't that special. It was a typical house, a mix of a bungalow style with a 1970s feel to it. The two story house actually extended far underground and hooked up with a plentiful maze of tunnels that lead to other hunters homes, at least the friendly ones.

Tany raced up the stairs to the second floor library where she hid the keys to the warehouse. This was also where the “devil bird” was locked in. His name was Zane, but “devil bird” was quite fitting for the abnormally large crow who hated everyone. Tany opened the door in a manner that was waiting for him to fly out in a furious rush, though nothing happened. Almost expecting to enter the room with him sitting in a corner, plotting his revenge, she entered a completely quiet room. Any books that were in some sort of order were all on the floor and a window that was originally sealed shut was creaking in the wind.

A fear flooded Tany's mind as she raced over to the bookshelf where the key was hidden in one of the books. The book was on the floor, cover missing and exposing the carved out interior. The key was gone. The air grew thin as Tany stood there, still dressed in her disguise with hopeful smeared red lipstick. Freya's tune filled the air as she let it play to the last beat of the song.

“Now's really not the time for you to finally start listening to my complaints, Tany. Where are you?!”

“I think I'm going to be a bit longer than ten minutes...”

“What? How long are you thinking?”

“Maybe two weeks...”
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I know I know I have plenty of other stories I need to finish or get back to... but this spawned from a text message silliness I was doing with Of_Clumsy_Words the other night. I had to write it!

I didn't know how to end it, so I just ended it like that.

Hope you like it!