American Idiots

Growing up in little New Jersey, life was pretty crazy at times. In the area where I lived, people were rather stuck up and had to conform to the social norm all while pretending like they weren’t conforming at all. Now, my parents were pretty cool when I was just a small child. I had the world and I fit in but it just wasn’t enough for them. I was still different. I played with instruments and cars unlike the other little girls who played with cheap ass make up and matted hair Barbie dolls. So I could make my parents happy, I would still be a little girl like they wanted me to be and attempted to do what the other girls were doing all throughout elementary and middle school.
As I grew into my teens, I found myself growing more into the woman that I would be in the future and it wasn’t exactly what my parents liked. I learned guitar and played hardcore songs that gave my parents headaches. I had joined a couple of bands but more often than not, the guys in them couldn’t understand me.

I had a dark brown head of hair and a blonde peek a boo, wore heavy makeup, had a nose ring, and dressed a little too covered up for my friends. As hard as I tried to be one of the guys, they tried turning me into their personal sex slave. They always tried to get me into drugs and alcohol. It really didn’t matter though. I wouldn’t have any of that. Mind you, I would have done it if I wasn’t so worried about being kicked out of the house.

At the end of my high school career, I got sick of all the bullshit. Everyone in the state pissed me off, including my parents who had tried to love me. Deep down, I knew they had the best intentions for me but they weren’t just caring parents. They were Catholic Nazis. I was their Atheist Jew and had there not been my two closest guy friends, John and Alex, I would have cracked and started anarchy in the state. I would have burnt it to the ground.

John was the one who got me to parties and got me drinking like the good friend he was. He wasn’t a doctor and he was no alcoholic, but he helped me erase any pain I had felt. Alex was the guy who kept me sane with music. The three of us always enjoyed going to Alex’s to play music and pretend we were complete rock-stars. It crossed our minds that we could start a band together, but we didn’t want something as stupid as a band to break our friendship up at some point in time. They already knew my history and could understand that it was a bad idea.

Take all these pieces and you’ll puzzle together what brought me to where I am today. Back in the day, we did anything to go against the law. We loved to graffiti the town and play harmless tricks that for some reason, are illegal. Now, we spend most of our time near the lake and drink, play our guitars, and just forget about life. And this day, only a few weeks after graduating high school, would be the one that changed my life forever.

What usually happens during the Summer is we would fuck around and go to Split Rock, a Weird New Jersey location, and go swim in the reservoir and have policemen yell at us but it was different today. We just went near the smoke stacks. Johnny brought out a couple of beers and gave one to me.

Alex would have taken one, but he was oddly quiet today and didn’t dare looking us in the eye. Seeing how upset he was, I sat beside him with my guitar and played something for him in hopes it would cheer him up. It didn’t though. He hit his head against the tree and was groaning.

I rested my guitar on my legs and gently put my hands on his cheeks. “Alex, why won’t you tell us what’s wrong with you today?”

He didn’t respond. Johnny took a beer and put it in Alex’s hand. “It’ll make you feel better. It’s the best medicine in the world.”

Alex must have had a fire raging inside him actually. He stood up and bashed the can against a tree. “You guys are idiots. You know that? Do you think I buzzed my hair because I think it looks cool? Truthfully, I hate it but I did it because there are people out there fighting for my freedom to be able to have the haircut that I want.”

“Dude.” Johnny laughed. “You make it sound like you plan on joining the army.”

“Is that such a bad thing, Johnny? Are we meant to waste away in this God forsaken place? I want to fight.” He looked at me and calmed his voice. “I want to travel.”

Johnny walked up to Alex and punched him so hard that blood dripped from Alex’s mouth. After he saw what he did, he dropped his hands and wiped his eye. He was more distraught that Alex would do this behind his back more than anything. “That’s not what we do, Alex. We hate this goddamn, fucking country. Why should it be you or me to protect it?”

“Because we can be lazy asses because we have people fighting for that right!” He turned to me. “It’s too late anyways. I leave for basic training today. I didn’t want to tell you guys.”

Johnny’s face was red. “Go fucking leave then, Alex. While you’re off fighting for this piece of shit, I hope you get your face fucking blown off.”

“Johnny!” I screamed at him as I stood up and rested my guitar on the ground.

“It’s true! He’ll get what he deserves. What should I do? I don’t have a place to stay.”

Alex closed his eyes and dropped his head. “I don’t feel any shame. I won’t apologize when their ain’t nowhere you can go.”

I fell to the ground and cried upon my guitar as my tears became hers.

He kneeled down to me and kissed my forehead and then he just left. Johnny took a beer and chugged it but he still wasn’t satisfied. No amount of alcohol was going to make him feel happy. He packed his stuff up and left me alone.

I guess I couldn’t take much more of the state and Alex was just the cherry on top because I bolted back home. After shoving my life into a suitcase, I decided to write my parents a little note.

‘Dear Mom and Dad,
Are you happy now? You have your dream of not having me in your life. I hope you don’t worry about me. I know that I’ll be alright. No, I have no idea where I’m going but that’s beauty in itself. It’s an adventure that I never had in this damn state. I won’t call you when I get to wherever I’m going and I highly doubt I’ll ever come back. Well, Alex left for the army and Johnny is about to pop. There’s nothing I can do for Johnny so he doesn’t even know I’m leaving. Anyways, I better get on my way. The world awaits me.

P.S. I’m sorry that I’ve never been the daughter you wanted me to be. I only did my best, but it just couldn’t weigh out to who I really am.’

I thought about leaving the letter but I just couldn’t. Sometimes the best thing to do is to leave without a notice. Maybe that’s what Alex did. He didn’t want to ruin our friendship before he left. In conclusion, I cut the letter out and glued it to the inside of my guitar. Once that was done, I picked up my suitcase and guitar and threw them in my car and headed out, grabbing all the money I could that I had left in my bank account.

I drove for over six hours, I couldn’t really comprehend just how long. However, I had stopped a few times to get gas. My stomach, heart, and brain wouldn’t let me even consider eating though. I was upset and I didn’t really understand why. I’ve had family in the army before and although it’s made me upset, it never made me this depressed. As I drove, I realized that I was in love with Alex. He had been my best friend since the beginning of high school and he had been my Superman ever since then.

Getting exhausted from the day, I pulled into a little alleyway, turned off my car and fell asleep.