Perfect Symmetry

I woke up groggily and groped for my iPhone to tell me what time it was. I finally grasped it and saw that it was eight o’ clock in the evening. I could hear muffled voices talking in the kitchen and I knew it must be Seabrook and Hailey, which irritated me to no end.

I sat up anyway and shuffled into the kitchen with a rather disgruntled attitude. To my immense surprise, it wasn’t Brent sitting at the kitchen counter; it was Kaner. I hadn’t seen him in weeks. I was immediately self-conscious. My hair had dried while I was sleeping, so it was unruly and I had thrown it into a messy bun and my face was bare.

“Jazz,” Patrick gave me a small smile. “How about some dinner?”

I crossed my arms across my chest. “No. I’m not even hungry.”

My damn stomach naturally chose this exact moment to rumble and I growled in frustration. “Why don’t you ever cooperate?” I poked my tummy irritably.

Patrick laughed at that and I shot him a look of anger.

“Look Jazz, Hailey’s told me what happened,” he started, getting off his chair and coming closer to me.

I evaded him and went to the fridge haughtily.

“Oh she has, has she? What makes you think she knows everything?” I questioned with a wry smile.

Hailey obviously couldn’t hold her tongue anymore, since she broke in abruptly.

“Tell me what else is going on, Jazz. You’re being a first class bitch, and I’ve done nothing to you,” she looked worried.

I rolled my eyes. “You’ve done nothing? Hailey, you’re abandoning me for some guy.”

“I’m not abandoning you! I’m just moving out! You didn’t think we were going to be roommates forever, did you?” she demanded.

I shrugged. “I didn’t think you would leave me to be with some guy.”

“Stop calling him “some guy.” It’s Brent; I’ve been with him for months now. I love him,” Hailey exclaimed in frustration.

I sighed. “You don’t understand. I’m going back to bed.”

Patrick grasped my arm firmly. “No you’re not. We’re going to dinner. Come on, get your shoes on.”

I groaned but allowed him to drag me out of the door while I pulled on flip-flops. We walked to some Indian take-out place across the street that I had only been to a couple times I sat sulkily at one of the tables while Patrick went up to the counter and ordered.

He joined me at the table and placed a glass of water in front of me slowly and gave me a knowing look.

“So what happened, Jazz?” he asked calmly. “We’re worried.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to talk about it, Pat.”

“Well I think you need to,” he countered quietly.

I closed my eyes briefly. “I...can’t. Not just yet.”

He looked exasperated, but he let the subject drop as our food arrived. I nibbled on naan and the tandoori chicken rather unenthusiastically.

“I came to invie you to Tazer’s birthday party by the way,” Patrick spoke up.

My eyebrows lifted. It seemed like ages since I had talked to Toews about his birthday.

I nodded. “When is it? This weekend?”

Patrick took a sip of water. “Yeah, at my place. It’s going to be a bit crazy; I’ve invited a ton of people and I’ve warned all my neighbors that it’s going to be pretty loud that night.”

I rolled my eyes. “How considerate. I might stop by for a while if I feel up to it. What time does it start?”

“We’re getting Jonny there by 8,” he answered.

I nodded dreamily. “I’ll see you around then.”
~
When the time came to actually getting ready for the party, I was most reluctant. Putting on make-up seemed like such an exertion, and Hailey was at Seabrook’s house and wasn’t there to do it for me. I found an old black mini skirt and pulled on a filmy cream blouse and put on heels. My make-up was sparse, but I managed some foundation and eyeliner before grabbing my purse and leaving.

I had bought him a watch, since I wasn’t really sure what to get guys for their birthdays. Come to think of it, I wasn’t good at buying gifts for anybody. I wasted a lot of time mulling things over at my place, so I arrived rather late to the party.

It was ten by the time I got there, and everyone was solidly into the groove of things. The drinks were flowing, eyes were bright, and the music was loud. An unfamiliar guy opened the door when I knocked and gave me an appreciative once over and grinned.

I gave him a sarcastic half smile and slid past him to enter a transformed apartment. Kane’s place had been outfitted for a rave, with lights, a thumping beat, bar, and crammed with people.

I felt claustrophobic as soon as I entered, and I made my way over to the gift table, where the pile of presents was growing. I put my small parcel on top and then turned around when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

There was Pat, looking surprisingly sober with a smile on his lips.

“I wasn’t sure you would show up, to be honest,” Patrick admitted, rubbing the back of his neck.

I shrugged. “Well I have to keep you guessing. Can’t become too predictable now.”

He smiled. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Please do,” I urged. “I could use one.”

He gave me a questioning look but went to get me something anyway. I stood awkwardly, smiling the few people I actually knew. I didn’t see Viktor, thankfully, and I hoped he wasn’t planning on showing up. I wondered if he had told people that we had broken up. Then I started wondering if he was hurting as much as I was. And then I started wondering what he was doing right now. I started wishing I were with him instead of at this loud, crazy party.

And then Pat returned with my drink so pulled myself back into reality and gave him a grateful smile as I continued to scan the crowd for a surprise appearance by Viktor.

“Looking for anyone in particular?” Patrick asked me with a smirk.

I tried not to look too bewildered as I replied, “Just the birthday boy.”

“Well he’s already pretty hammered. I don’t know where he’s gone. Which is bad, really, since I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on him.” Pat frowned and started scanning the room too.

I raised my brow. “Wow, Jonathan’s drunk and you’re looking after him? Talk about a role reversal.”

He shot me a guilty look. “Well, it’s his birthday after all, so I told him to have at it. I thought it was my turn to be responsible.”

I smiled. “Well I approve. Is the whole team here?” I asked casually.

Pat shrugged. “Some. Haven’t seen Stally, though. I thought he’s be coming with you.”

My heart throbbed. “Um...he wasn’t feeling up to it,” I lied.

“Too bad. Come on; let’s go for a wander around. I’ll see if I can find Burish. He’s been asking about you,” he said with a smile.

I gave him a grateful look. “You don’t have to chaperone me, Pat. Go ahead and mingle...or go find Jonathan. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Even as I said it, I regretted it. The last thing I wanted right now was to be on my own, but Patrick didn’t know why and I was certainly not ready to tell him.

Pat rolled his eyes. “I’m not chaperoning you, I’m escorting you. And I know something is bothering you and even if you won’t tell me, I know you don’t want to be alone right now. So I’m your escort for the evening.”

My eyes watered. “You’re the sweetest,” I told him.

Pat looked bemused. “Come on, Jazz.”

We maneuvered around a lot of people before finding Burish and a couple of other people I didn’t recognize.

“Jazz! Haven’t seen you in ages,” Adam greeted cheerfully, giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I smiled genuinely. “I know; I’m sorry, I’ve just been so busy. How are you?”

Adam was studying me carefully. “I’m okay. But you’re not, are you?”

I gulped and averted my eyes. Pat squeezed my shoulder and took control of the conversation, steering it away from me. Adam went along with it, but kept his blue eyes on my expression.

Pat led me away and we mingled together for a couple hours, causing a couple of pretty drunk people to ask if we were dating.

We laughed, but my stomach clenched and I wanted to leave. I didn’t even see Jon until about midnight, when I found him surrounded by a few girls and a couple guys, laughing uproariously. He spotted me, and stumbled over to say hello.

“Jazz!” he yelled. “You came!”

I struggled to keep my balance as he threw himself into my arms. I patted his back awkwardly.

“Happy birthday Jonathan. Although I think it’s technically tomorrow now, so I’m a bit late,” I said breathlessly.

Jonathan laughed again and grabbed onto my arms to steady himself.

I gave Patrick a worried look. “He’s pretty out of it,” I explained.

Pat bit his lip. “I think it’s time to shut this party down anyway. People are getting a little antsy and I don’t want my apartment to get trashed.”

“HEY IT’S MY BIRTHDAY KANER,” Jonathan announced with a big grin on his face.

Pat rolled his eyes. “Can you take him home while he’s still conscious? I’m going to try and empty out this place.”

I nodded. “Sure. Come on, Jon, it’s time to go home.”

Jonathan gave me puppy dog eyes. “Yes mum.”

I took his arm and pulled him out of Patrick’s apartment, and he high fived and patted people’s backs the whole way.
~

The good thing about drunken Toews is that he wasn’t as observant as he usually was. If he were sober right now, he would have instantly known that something was wrong and would have demanded I tell him. As it was, he was quiet in the car, hummed along to one of the songs on the radio and then fell silent.

When I got to his place, he was asleep. I cut the engine and reached over to wake him up.

“Jon?” I whispered. “Jonathan, you’re home.”

He mumbled something unintelligible before opening his eyes slowly. A smile spread across his face.

“Jazz,” he sighed, as he sat up, rubbing his neck.

“Come on; let’s get you in bed,” I whispered.

He got out of the car on his own; thank God, because I never would have been able to get him out on my own. Then I wrapped an arm around his waist awkwardly and he leaned on me as we walked into the lobby and into the elevator.

“I’m so tired,” he mumbled as I pressed the button for the penthouse.

“Well I’m not surprised, birthday boy,” I replied soothingly.

I got him to open the door and then I followed him inside. The view captured my breath again. I had never been here at night, and the sight of the city lit up next to the serene shores of the lake was just perfect.

Jonathan had collapsed on the sofa and was watching me.

“Pretty, right?” he called out.

I nodded and came and sat next to him. “Why don’t you go to bed in your actual bed, Jon? You look shattered.”

He ignored me. “You haven’t given me my birthday present yet.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s in the pile of presents back at Kaner’s place.”

“He better not touch them,” Jon growled.

I laughed. “I don’t think you have to worry about that. Now come on. Get your ass to bed.

Jonathan allowed me to shove him in to his bedroom and he crawled into bed and covered himself with the duvet.

“I’m going to feel like shit tomorrow, aren’t I?” he groaned.

I kept my face serious. “Yes.”

“Thanks for getting me here, Jazz,” he yawned. “You’re the best, you know? I’ve always thought you were the best. And you’re so nice. And so pretty. You’re perfect, you know? God... if you just knew....” his voice trailed off.

“Knew what?” I asked sharply.

There was no answer.

“Jonathan? If I just knew what?” I repeated.

I looked over at him, but he was asleep. Conked out. Gone. I was almost grateful, but I was dying to know what he was going to say. I sighed deeply and then left his apartment and drove home.

I couldn’t sleep for the longest time and ended up crying into my pillow before finally drifting off.