I Scream For Everything That I've Loved

Why am I so stupid.
That's all I could think as I sat at the kitchen table, in the middle of Austin's kitchen, with my best friend, whom I should be happy with. 
Why wouldn't he just agree with me that I had been mean? Why does he always have to be so nice and not just accept that people aren't a walk in the park all the time?
He was staring right at me the whole time, which was weird; he was always looking away from people when they were speaking to him, he got uncomfortable with eye contact. But again, I was given the chance to really look at his eyes. 
I think I really like looking at his eyes. They were kind of beautiful. Okay, really beautiful. 

"Alan Anthony. It's fiiiinnneee" he dragged out, " I'm fine, you're fine, everything's fine. Don't you think if I was upset I would be crying or something? Do you think you'd be here?" 

"No, you wouldn't be crying because I'm here and you think it'd upset me. And no, I would still be here because you wouldn't kick me out." 
He sighed. He knew I was right, I knew I was right; I was right. 
"Don't even try to argue, because you know I'm right." I grinned at him. 

-&-

"We should go somewhere soon." I lifted my glass to take another drink. 

"Yeah? What do you have in mind?" 

"I don't know. We've got a lot of time before were back on tour. We could go camping-"

"That'd be fun." Austin smiled. 

"Yeah, or we could go back to that water park. Except you can't really enjoy it so we could go somewhere else, like maybe th-" 

"Alan! We can absolutely go to the hotel again, I loved it." 

"But you couldn't go on the rides?" 
I didn't want him to go just for me and then end up being bored the whole time. 

"Well yeah, but I di-didn't not have fun. I loved the stuff I did and I was fine just watching you have fun." 

His cheeks lit up a little as he raised his hand to his hair, his fingers twisting through the brown fibers while covering his face. He was so adorable sometimes. 
Oh. 

"Well I'll still stay with you, then." 

"Mm, fine. We can do both." He grinned at me and I grinned back. 

"Really?" 

He nodded. 

"When are we gonna do it?" I asked, and he just smirked back at me. 
And then I realized what I said. 

"Uh, when are we gonna go camping and to the hotel?" I coughed down a laugh, taking another drink. 

"We can...Well, we could go camping next week, if you want? I know I'm not doing anything." 

"Yeah, that sounds great! Say...Thursday? Is that a good day?" 

He nodded and we both went back to our simple conversation.

-&- 

"Alan, stand up." 

I could feel arms on either side of me, holding me up. Why was he trying to get me up? I just wanted to sleep. No, I had an unfinished drink, I just wanted to drink. 

"N....No. It's b-bed time, Austin. I just- I want t-to drink, I'm...thirsty."  

"Alan, you are in the middle of the bar. Stand up." 

"Put me down! I'm heavy!" I moaned. 

I was lifted up again but it really wasn't that bad, Austin's arms felt a lot better than they should have around me. 

"You're n-not heavy, Al, just will you help me and stand up so we can get to the car?" He grunted, holding me on my feet. 
Why were we going to the car? 
Wait. We aren't leaving yet, are we? It seems like I just got here, I don't want to leave yet. 

"What? I'm not le...leaving. I'm f-fine I'm fine I'm..." 
So maybe everything just got quite a bit darker, maybe I almost fell down again, but I could handle it, I was fine. 

"Alan we're not doing this. Please come to the car." 

Why was he being so whiny? Why wouldn't he ever let me stay until I wanted any more? 
I hate to say it, but I got annoyed when he made me stop drinking. I tell him I'm just having fun and he wants me to stop? Ain't happening. 

"Let go of me!" I threw his arms off of me, stepping back away from him, running into the guy behind me. 

"Get out of my fucking way, you dick." I glared at him. 
I turned back around to see Austin with his mouth hung open, his face slowly turning into a glare. He actually looked mad, or upset, something I'd never really seen before. 

"Let's go." 

Something about the tone of his voice was enough to get me moving and I made my way to the front of the building and out to his truck. I'd figured enough that he wasn't actually mad, that he was just trying to scare me to leave the whole time 

I had to wait for him to unlock the doors, and thought how great it was that it wasn't cold outside. 

 I pulled the handle on the door and climbed in, almost falling into the seat. 

"Thank you, Alan." 

-&- 

"I'm gonna go to bed, I don't know if you are so just... Come in w-when you're ready, okay?" 

I nodded back at Austin from the couch as he scratched at his neck awkwardly. I hadn't said three words since we had gotten back to his apartment. 

Then he was gone, disappeared into his bedroom. I figured I should probably go too, and followed a few seconds after him. 
He was just about to pull the blankets up, but then waited for me to climb in when he realized I was there. 
I scooted up against him, longing for the warmth of someone else next to me. He didn't seem to mind, so I took hold of his wrist and pulled his arm until it rested over my waist, remembering how nice it felt when we were at the bar. He didn't seem to mind this, either, so I guess it was fine and not weird. 

"Are you mad at me?" I spoke in his direction through the dark. 
I felt his chest rise in a silent sigh before he answered me. 

"No. I'm just...I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it, maybe tomorrow. But right now I'm tired and I just want to sleep." 

"Yeah. Night, Austin." 

"Alan I can barely tell what you're saying." He laughed and I felt it rumble through me. 

I thought I was making perfect sense, what did he mean he couldn't tell what I was saying?

"I'm making perfect sense, you just can't hear." 

"I know you had a lot of beer." 

What? 

"What are you talking about?" 

He laughed again, squeezing my hip.

"Go to bed, princess." 

"Austin I am making perfect sense, what are you saying here?" 
Was I really that drunk? I don't think I had drank too much tonight. 

"There we go, I got that. You're slurring. A lot. Let's sleep." 

I rolled over, yawning. 
"Okay." 

-&- 

"Wake up, lazy-butt." I was nudged in the side. 
Where Austin had barely nudged me, a pain was shot up my side and I groaned, clutching at it. 

"Don't do that. Hurts." I spoke into my pillow. 

"Not my fault." I heard a grin in his voice. "You're the one that wanted to go out last night." 

"Yeah, but you drove me. You might have more to do with it than me." I joked back with him. 

"On the contrary, I also made y-you go home when you didn't want to. Otherwise, you c-could have been dead in a ditch right now. So really, I think you should be thanking me for saving your life right now." I lifted my head up to find him smirking at me. 

How the fuck does he look so good in the morning? He sat on the side of his bed, gray t-shirt and blue boxers his only cover, his hair still in bed-head form but still looking completely hot. He looked so clean and...fresh, if you will.  When I woke up, I looked horrible. My hair disheveled, sticking up everywhere. Dirty face and five o'clock shadow. Ew. 

"I don't think so. Actually maybe if you hadn't brought me back home I could be having a good fuck right now, you cock-block." He knew I was joking still, and he just shot right back at me.

"You've got all you need right here, babe. No cock-block at all. I'm simply saving you from getting bad head." He laughed, giving me a cocky look.

I felt myself wince a little when he had said "babe", it made me think of Kaitlyn. I always called her that, always. But I brought a smirk back to my face so he wouldn't see how I had gotten a bit upset. 

"What are you saying, Carlile?" 

"I'm saying, screaming isn't the only thing this mouth is good for." He winked at me and jumped off the bed, yelling as he ran to the kitchen.
I yelled after him, laughing. 
"I thought you were straight?" 

"I am!"
Was He blushing? Oh that was cute. 
"Apparently not, mister I-give-good-head."
"I meant It's also good for eating!" He spoke around his fork as he shoved pancake in his mouth. 

Do you ever just want to eat something from someone else's mouth because both them, and the food look so good? 
Me too. 
Wait, what am I even thinking? 

"Right. So where's mine?" 

"I don't think you're good enough to eat these pancakes. You gave me a hard time last night." He picked up the plate which held all of the pancakes, keeping it from my reach. 

"I don't think that's fair." 

"Hm, and why not?" He leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest with a smirk on his face. 
Jesus he was so...so, hot. 

"Because. I'm sexy and I deserve pancakes."

"Yup, but is that all you've got?" 

"That's the only reason I need." 
Wait, did he just call me hot? 

Was I blushing? 

"I guess that's enough. But I'll have to feed it to you, naughty boys don't get privileges." He winked at me, cutting up one of the cakes on the plate. 
I rolled my eyes as he moved the fork to my face, waiting for ms to take it. 
As soon as I was about to close my mouth around the piece it was quickly pulled away, leaving me biting at air. 

"Ah, fuck you!" I pouted. 

He clutched his side with his free arm, leaning forward as he laughed, until he saw me frowning. 

"Okay, sorry, here." 
He held the fork up again, but I just shook my head. 

"Nope. Naughty boys don't get privileges." 

"And it's such a huge privilege to feed you, right?" He raised his eyebrows. 

"Damn right it is." 

He shrugged his shoulders and took the bite himself.