I Scream For Everything That I've Loved

By the time this song was over I felt as if I were drenched in sweat. It seemed to be getting hotter on the dance floor, understandable considering the amount of moving bodies in the room. 

"I'm gonna go sit at our table, maybe get a drink."

I nodded at kaitlyn before replying "yeah, I was just going to go cool off at the bar." and she walked backed to our booth as I sat at the long island bar. All of the waitresses were busy, so I figured it'd be a while. I crossed my arms in front of me,laying my head on them. I wonder where Austin went.

Ah, wait, he went home. I wonder why he went home so early, though. I really wanted to hang out with him, it was just that Kait wanted to be 'alone'. That's when I remembered, I had kissed him. He was my best friend and I wanted to let him know how much he meant to me. But he said that I couldn't? I didn't understand. Did he not want to be friends? He did seem a little weird tonight, and I wonder who that girl he was hanging out with was. I invited him to hang out, but she just took him away.
Shit, I hoped to God he got a ride home and didn't drive himself. I looked behind me to see if Kait was at the table still. But she was already right next to me, moving a chair to sit down. She held my arm close, and for some reason I wanted to shake her off. I kind of upset myself thinking like that- that I wanted to be away from her. Maybe I'm just tired. 

"Are you ready to go home?" she asked. 

"Yeah but I think only one of the three of you should drive." I joked about my vision and she laughed, pulling me up with her. Okay I wasn't really joking about seeing three of her. 
But she got into the drivers seat, and drove us home and I was thankful of that. As soon as we got home she got in the shower, and I changed into my pajamas before sitting down to watch tv. At least what I could make out of it anyway. I wasn't really paying all that much attention to it. I couldn't stop thinking about Austin. Was he mad at me? Is that why he left? I was just trying to show my appreciation of him...

And plus, might I add, he looked really good tonight. I actually loved the shirt he wore even though I started to give him shit about it. Oh my God I hope he's not mad at me for that. 

Kaitlyn came out of the bathroom, dressed only in black undergarnments, her hair up in a towel. She caught me looking at her and gave me a wink before going into our room. She emerged a few seconds later without the towel. She sat next to me on the couch, leaning in my direction. I felt her hand warm on my leg as she kissed right beneath my ear. I turned my head to kiss her, as she climb to sit facing me on my lap. After a few short seconds I pulled away, but she just moved to my neck. 

"Kait..." 
She perked up, smiling at me. 

"What?" 

I rubbed the back of my head, thinking of what to say.

"I don't know... I just... I guess I just don't want to..." I didn't want to upset her, but I just wasn't feeling it tonight.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just not in the mood." she frowned, sitting back on my lap.

"Alan you were all over me at the bar, I thought that's why you wanted to go home?" 
I shook my head a little, shrugging. 

"I actually kind of just wanted to go to bed."

"Alright, are you okay? Do you want to talk about anything?"
She was actually starting to annoy me somehow and I really didn't want to get cranky with her, because she didn't deserve it; she was only being nice. I was just tired. 

"No I'm fine, I'm just tired. And I've got a headache from earlier. I'm gonna go to bed."

"Alright, I will too."

And she climbed off of my lap, and we went to our room. I flicked off the lamp, stripping to my boxers, and got under the covers.

"Night."

-CHAPTER 3-
-ALAN-
So I guess it wasn't that I was tired, because all the next day I was pretty short with her. I snapped at her all day. Even over the simplest things, like when she asked me how I wanted my coffee, and I replied 
"exactly how I always have it" in a bitter tone. She had given me a look and I instantly regretted it. I wanted to apologize, but stayed silent. I then followed her out of the coffee shop. Neither of us said a single thing on the ride home and I kept my eyes fixed on the coffee cup sitting in my lap. And when we got home, I literally sat on my ass watching tv for the rest of the day. She kept her distance for a while and I was kind of glad. Don't get me wrong, I felt bad about the way I was acting today. I honestly didn't know why I was being like this, but the more she kept her distance, the less chance of me snapping at her and her getting upset; which was the last thing I wanted. Scrolling through the TV guide, I came across the old kids show 'Whinie The Pooh' and it reminded me of the matching tiger suits Austin and I had gotten together. 
But the thought of Austin gave me an odd feeling, almost like I was nervous. I felt like he was mad at me for some reason. Was he? Had I done something last night? I couldn't really remember much of it. I could remember fragments of it, like I could remember talking about his shirt, ordering drinks. I could remember dancing with Kaitlyn. And I remembered a girl... I don't know who she was, I think she was a waitress. But that's all I've got.  
I thought about texting him, but what if I was right, and he really was mad at me for whatever reason? What would happen? I picked up my phone and stared at the screen that held his number. You know what? I'm not being a fucking pussy, it wasn't going to kill me to press a few buttons and hit send. So that's what I did, sending him a simple "hey" which I hope he didn't take badly. Maybe I should have put a smiley face or something. Too late now, oh well. I shoved the phone back in my pocket, but after waiting a while I got a bit edgy, and set it on the couch next to me so that if it lit up it'd be visible to me. But I waited all day, never getting a reply, and I was actually starting to get a bit worried. He ALWAYS answered, usually pretty fast, too. But I ended up forgetting about it, and for doing close to nothing all day, I was pretty tired. Though, I had to do something before I went to bed. I walked up behind Kaitlyn and tapped her shoulder. When she turned around I wrapped her up in a big hug, squeezing her to me. 
"I'm sorry I was such a dick today. I don't know why I was, I didn't mean to be." 
She sighed and returned the hug.
"It's okay, we all have days like that. So be prepared for when mine come." she laughed, pressing a quick kiss to my cheek. 
"Yeah I know, but I shouldn't be mean to you, you don't deserve it. Anyways, I'm going to bed. Night." I kissed her and went to bed, after checking my still unmessaged phone. 

-&-

When I woke up in the morning, it was about an hour before I even checked my phone. I had eaten breakfast with Kaitlyn but she had just left, being scheduled for work today. A few minutes after she left to go to work was when I found that I had gotten a message from Austin, and upon reading it, the weight was lifted from my chest. 
"hey, sorry I didn't get back to you earlier. My phone died and I lost the charger haha. Anyways. You're probably sleeping, so just get back to me when you can :)" 
I kind of felt like a dick for getting it so set in my mind that he was mad at me. He was the nicest guy I knew and it didn't please me to think of him like that. It didn't seem like anything was wrong, plus, he wanted to talk to me so that was a good sign. I texted him back. 
"haha, glad you found it. You up to anything today? I'm bored out of my fucking mind." I was, too, with Kait at work there was absolutely nothing to do but sit around and watch tv. Or I could play guitar. I should probably work on that piece I had shown Austin, but right as I thought of it his name appeared on my screen. I opened the message, scrolling through. 
"nothing here, wanna hang out?" 
I figured that would probably make me feel better about thinking he was mad at me and of course, said yes. He said he'd be here in about half an hour. 

-&-

I was completely ready by the time he got here, but as I opened the passenger door to get in his truck, he opened his own and got out. 
"What are you doing?" I asked as he walked around the front of the vehicle to stand next to me. 
"I thought...m-maybe we could walk? I-is that's okay?" He must have started to doubt himself, because he took a step back as if to turn around. 
"No, no, that's fine, we'll walk." and with that, he grinned and we started towards the sidewalk. 
"Where are we going?" I asked. He walked with a bit of bounce in his step, long arms swinging at his side. 
"Wherever you want to go, I don't care." 
I thought about where we could go for a minute, looking down the street both ways.
 I know where we could go... I started in on the opposite direction of the bar we had gone to last night, and Austin followed, a small smile permanent on his lips. Jeesh, it seemed like he never stopped smiling. It made me happy though. It made me want to smile,too, but I found that I already was and decided I probably looked creepy and wiped the smile off of my face. 

  He had no idea where we were going, so why was he so happy? I watched him through the dark lenses of my sun glasses as he shuffled his feet along through the little rocks, kicking up clouds of dust as he did. He had his hands shoved in the tight pockets of his skinny jeans, looking around. At the ground, the sky, the road, everywhere. But that little, barely noticeable smile never left his lips. It was... Cute. It's okay to say that's cute right? Because it was, it's fucking adorable. But of course I would never say that out loud; no matter how close we were, it'd still be kind of awkward. I tore my eyes away from him when he glanced my way, feeling self conscious even though I knew he couldn't see my eyes through the dark lenses. He obviously couldn't tell that I was now watching him, because he was doing the same with me, glancing back and forth between me and his feet. I almost smiled to myself but stopped before he saw and asked questions. 

We were at my destination in a few more minutes of walking. When Austin realized that I had been heading to the park, he grinned, exclaiming "this is perfect, I'm so hot!" He laughed and sat down in the shade of one of the large trees. I was really hot too, but his shirt had longer sleeves than mine and plus, he was dressed in all black. I don't know why he keeps dressing like this, he's going to fucking bake out here. He was laying down, sprawled out in the grass with his eyes closed, and he looked so peaceful here. I sat back against the trunk of the tree and we stayed in silence for a few minutes. 
"it's fucking hot out." He said, wiping his face. It's no wonder he's hot, in his skin-tight black jeans and black t-shirt. 
"Maybe you should try wearing less clothing."
He chuckled, saying "I can't just walk around in my underwear." 
I laughed and joked with him. 
" I didn't say you had to keep your underwear on." 
He laughed at me, sitting up and running his hand through his dark hair. I had to say, my best friend was pretty attractive; with his long, thin body. His tattoos. His hair. His eyes. His smile. I don't know why he doesn't think he's good looking. I sighed. 
"So what do you wanna do now?" I asked. He thought about it for a minute, then his face lit up and he practically shouted. 
"Let's go get ice cream!" I had to laugh at this. 
"You are such a little kid sometimes." I mumbled, pulling myself off of the ground. 
It was a pretty long walk to the stand, but we passed the time joking around with eachother. I really miss hanging out with him so much. 

 When we got there almost an hour later, we ordered our ice-cream, but Austin refused to let me pay. 
"Dude, I don't care, I'm paying." I reached for my wallet. 
"No, you're not. I'm paying." He argued. 
After a few minutes of this, the cashier behind the counter was getting impatient, sighing frequently. 
"You know what? I'll pay for yours, and you can pay for mine. Deal?" 
He slumped his shoulders defeatedly, stomping a foot. 
"But mine costs more! I'll just get both of them." 
I sighed and nodded, but as he searched for the correct amount, I slapped a 10$ on the counter. The cashier picked it up, and passed me our orders. 
"Here's your change." they said in a flat tone, without even a "have a nice day," and I had to keep myself from laughing at their irritation. 
"What?! I thought we agreed that I was paying?!" 
I just stared at him, taking a lick of both ice-creams. This caused him to mimic a strangling motion at me.
"ALAN!" He whined. "you KNOW I hate eating after other people! You suck!" though he said it all with a smile. Then I darted out the door, still holding both orders. He ran after me, but I slid behind the corner of the building where he couldn't see me. I watched him run right past me, not even knowing it. He stopped feet away from me and I couldn't contain my laugh. 
"Here, dude." he whipped around as I spoke, and I held out the cone to him. But instead if taking it, he stepped forward, pushing himself against me so I was squished between him and the wall. He hooked his fingers into the collar of my shirt and glared at me, I admit I was a bit freaked out at first but then I realized he was just messing with me when he let a slight laugh slip from his lips.
"If you ever lick my ice-cream again," he threatened. "Ill beat you up." I just stared up at him. 
"You gonna bet on that?" I said, taking another lick. His face dropped dramatically, and he sighed a "no." 
I suddenly got a huge sense of dèja vu, with us standing so close, and as I looked to his lips that's when I remembered why I thought he was mad at me. I had kissed him. I suddenly got uncomfortable being so close to him. What if he remembers? Fuck.
"That's what I thought, now take your fucking ice cream before it melts all over me." I laughed, but it came out a bit shaky, as I slid out from between him and the wall. I could remember it all completely now, I remember kissing him, and him kissing back but then pushing me away. Why did he push me away if he was- wait, why was I worried about why he pushed me away? If I knew for sure that he remembered and if it wasn't such an awkward subject I would probably have thanked him. You don't just make out with your best friend, wether you're drunk or not. Especially if you have a girlfriend. I just hope he didn't remember. 

We were both done our ice cream within ten minutes, then we stayed sitting at the outdoor table talking for about an hour. It was when we started to walk back when I remembered, our friend Jack's birthday party was tomorrow. Well, his best friend, Alex, was throwing it for him, and he invited us. I forgot to tell Austin. 
"Oh, hey, I totally forgot, Alex is throwing a party for Jack tomorrow. For his birthday. You coming?" I hope he didn't have plans already, then I'd feel bad about forgetting to tell him. 
"Of course I am! They have great parties!" He laughed. "You?"
 I nodded in response. He looked off to his right, away from me, asking "Is Kait going?" 
I thought for a minute. I hadn't asked her yet, but I don't think she'd have very much fun hanging out with a bunch of guys, and probably a bunch of half naked girls. 
"I'll ask her, but I doubt she will. It'd be pretty awkward since she doesn't know them very well." He nodded, and we kept on until we got to my place.