Status: Slowly but surely updating c;
I Scream For Everything That I've Loved
5-Austin
/ Austins hand slid comfortably into my own, as we sat up on the balcony, his eyes reflecting the white of the moon. With his brown irises turned silver, it felt like his gaze was digging, boring, tearing right through me to my soul- like he could read my mind and just know every thing about me.
And I enjoyed every second of it.
"You really mean it, Alan?" A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he refused to let that smile show until I answered, "Yes, I absolutely mean it. More than anything, this is what I know. All I know." His lips spread over his beautiful white teeth to grin, as we both leaned in gradually. And as soon as it was about to happen, as soon as all of my fears were about to be washed away, there was a large 'crack'; and when I looked down between our feet, what I saw terrified me.
"Well that's too bad because I've waited too long for you." His whisper came out as soft as the breath that came with it, barely brushing past my ear.
"W-what... Austin, what do you-" My words were cut off as the balcony was split in half between where our toes almost touched. As his body dropped through the floor, I reached out, trying to hook my hands on his shirt, his arm, even his hair, anything to pull him up again. But he was gone, after I watched him fall to the darkness that had been beneath us. My eyes blurred with the overwhelming amount of tears that flooded over their rims. "No...no,no,no" was all that my mouth could register as I slid down to my knees on the cold cement floor./
-AUSTIN-
I was taken aback when I felt a burning sensation on my chest, and pulled my face away from Alan's hair to assess my state. The nausea I had at this feeling died down when I realized it had just been Alan, his fingers digging into my skin. But as soon as I was calm again he was writhing in his seat, throwing himself forward at me with a whimper, and the look on his face as he laid back down on my chest was enough to make me cry. But I didn't, only placed my palm to the side of his face to turn it towards my own.
"Alan, Alan, it's okay. Wake up, Alan."
An almost-sob escaped his lips and my chin quivered at the sound, a frown pulling at the corners of my mouth.
"Alan, wake up!" I tried a bit louder but he still had a grip around my waist, his face half buried in my shirt. As I watched him a tear slid from under his lashes to fall to my lap.
"Alan! Wake up!" I gave him a shake and he opened his eyes with a gasp, sitting straight up pretty much in my lap. His eyes were full of tears as he stared at me.
"A-Austin...?" He just stared and stared, wiping beneath his eyes.
"Ye-yeah, it's me. Did you have a... A nightmare?"
He was now looking me all over, as if I weren't real. Just then he reached a hand out, stroking the side of my face with his finger tips.
"You're here. You're okay. Okay. Everything's..." He buried his face in my shirt, gripping it's sides. I just sat there, my chin rested in his hair, rubbing his back gently.
"Are you okay, Al? You can talk to me about it you know." I whispered. I heard him let out a long sigh and he shook his head with a sniffle.
"No, no I'm fine. It was... Nothing." He gave me a reassuring smile, but it wasn't all that convincing. But that was okay, I wasn't going to force him into doing something he didn't want. If he wanted to talk about it I'd listen on his terms. For the next few minutes we sat in silence and for some reason it felt very awkward. Which was weird because I never felt awkward with Alan, and plus nothing happened to cause eachother's presence to be awkward. The silence was broken when Alan left the room to talk to Kait who was wondering why he hadn't gone home last night. That really pissed me off because Alan had a right to go wherever the fuck he wanted, he didn't have to always go right back to her.
"Yeah, I'll be there." Alan spoke into the phone as he returned to the living room. His words caused a fluttering in my stomach, almost to the point where I felt like I could throw up. I didn't want him to go home I wanted him to stay here another night where I could sit and laugh with him and cuddle with him in our sleep. I wanted him to stay here forever.
"A-are you going home?" I tried not to let the worry slip through my voice but it seemed pretty apparent to me. He sat back down next to me and shook his head quickly, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his shirt.
"I don't need to go home yet, she's at work right now. She was just upset that I didn't tell her where I was or come home last night but I told her I was here and she seemed okay with that. But she's got a reservation somewhere tonight so... Shit I gotta get my car. Do you mind driving me?"
"Of course not, and I was thinking about getting pizza on the way back, sound good?"
"We just ate but sure." He smiled.
"You know how much I eat, man." I laughed and stood to grab my keys off the table and we went to get his car.
-&-
We both pulled into the pizza place at the same time, him right behind me. We went inside and got our food and drinks then sat down to eat in one of the booths. I was starving by the time we got there, I was always hungry, but when Alan was done his third slice I was not even completely done my first. I had been so hungry but when I took a bite my stomach had done the same thing as when Alan got off the phone, feeling like I was going to throw up. No, it wasn't really that I felt that I would throw up, it's like it gave me massive butterflies. Like when you drive over a small hill and it feels like your stomach does a flip. I suddenly didn't want to eat anymore and I pushed my plate aside, taking a drink.
"I thought you were always hungry?" Alan teased, jabbing at my plate with a straw. I shrugged, just staring at it.
"My stomach just feels weird right now, I don't know why."
"Do you feel sick? It's probably all the food you eat." He laughed, and I gave a small smile in return, looking down at my lap.
"No I don't feel sick, just... Weird. I don't know."
"Well if you're not gonna finish that, I will. "
I laughed at him, pushing the plate towards him.
"Says the one who criticized how much I eat?"
"Eh, you know how it is Carlile." He shrugged, taking a bite.
When we were done at the pizza place we drove back to my apartment and did pretty much the same thing we had done before we left. Nothing. We just sat around, talking and joking with eachother until it was about 4:30 and Alan complained he had to go back home before Kait got there.
"Ah well, I'll see you soon, right, Al?" I could feel the worry slowly overcome my face, my mouth set in a frown.
"Of course! " He leaned over to wrap his arms around me in a friendly hug, but for some reason I felt as though that hug had more meaning behind it than he was letting on. I hugged him back and then he left. For hours after that my stomach did those little flips off and on.
And I enjoyed every second of it.
"You really mean it, Alan?" A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, but he refused to let that smile show until I answered, "Yes, I absolutely mean it. More than anything, this is what I know. All I know." His lips spread over his beautiful white teeth to grin, as we both leaned in gradually. And as soon as it was about to happen, as soon as all of my fears were about to be washed away, there was a large 'crack'; and when I looked down between our feet, what I saw terrified me.
"Well that's too bad because I've waited too long for you." His whisper came out as soft as the breath that came with it, barely brushing past my ear.
"W-what... Austin, what do you-" My words were cut off as the balcony was split in half between where our toes almost touched. As his body dropped through the floor, I reached out, trying to hook my hands on his shirt, his arm, even his hair, anything to pull him up again. But he was gone, after I watched him fall to the darkness that had been beneath us. My eyes blurred with the overwhelming amount of tears that flooded over their rims. "No...no,no,no" was all that my mouth could register as I slid down to my knees on the cold cement floor./
-AUSTIN-
I was taken aback when I felt a burning sensation on my chest, and pulled my face away from Alan's hair to assess my state. The nausea I had at this feeling died down when I realized it had just been Alan, his fingers digging into my skin. But as soon as I was calm again he was writhing in his seat, throwing himself forward at me with a whimper, and the look on his face as he laid back down on my chest was enough to make me cry. But I didn't, only placed my palm to the side of his face to turn it towards my own.
"Alan, Alan, it's okay. Wake up, Alan."
An almost-sob escaped his lips and my chin quivered at the sound, a frown pulling at the corners of my mouth.
"Alan, wake up!" I tried a bit louder but he still had a grip around my waist, his face half buried in my shirt. As I watched him a tear slid from under his lashes to fall to my lap.
"Alan! Wake up!" I gave him a shake and he opened his eyes with a gasp, sitting straight up pretty much in my lap. His eyes were full of tears as he stared at me.
"A-Austin...?" He just stared and stared, wiping beneath his eyes.
"Ye-yeah, it's me. Did you have a... A nightmare?"
He was now looking me all over, as if I weren't real. Just then he reached a hand out, stroking the side of my face with his finger tips.
"You're here. You're okay. Okay. Everything's..." He buried his face in my shirt, gripping it's sides. I just sat there, my chin rested in his hair, rubbing his back gently.
"Are you okay, Al? You can talk to me about it you know." I whispered. I heard him let out a long sigh and he shook his head with a sniffle.
"No, no I'm fine. It was... Nothing." He gave me a reassuring smile, but it wasn't all that convincing. But that was okay, I wasn't going to force him into doing something he didn't want. If he wanted to talk about it I'd listen on his terms. For the next few minutes we sat in silence and for some reason it felt very awkward. Which was weird because I never felt awkward with Alan, and plus nothing happened to cause eachother's presence to be awkward. The silence was broken when Alan left the room to talk to Kait who was wondering why he hadn't gone home last night. That really pissed me off because Alan had a right to go wherever the fuck he wanted, he didn't have to always go right back to her.
"Yeah, I'll be there." Alan spoke into the phone as he returned to the living room. His words caused a fluttering in my stomach, almost to the point where I felt like I could throw up. I didn't want him to go home I wanted him to stay here another night where I could sit and laugh with him and cuddle with him in our sleep. I wanted him to stay here forever.
"A-are you going home?" I tried not to let the worry slip through my voice but it seemed pretty apparent to me. He sat back down next to me and shook his head quickly, his fingers fumbling with the hem of his shirt.
"I don't need to go home yet, she's at work right now. She was just upset that I didn't tell her where I was or come home last night but I told her I was here and she seemed okay with that. But she's got a reservation somewhere tonight so... Shit I gotta get my car. Do you mind driving me?"
"Of course not, and I was thinking about getting pizza on the way back, sound good?"
"We just ate but sure." He smiled.
"You know how much I eat, man." I laughed and stood to grab my keys off the table and we went to get his car.
-&-
We both pulled into the pizza place at the same time, him right behind me. We went inside and got our food and drinks then sat down to eat in one of the booths. I was starving by the time we got there, I was always hungry, but when Alan was done his third slice I was not even completely done my first. I had been so hungry but when I took a bite my stomach had done the same thing as when Alan got off the phone, feeling like I was going to throw up. No, it wasn't really that I felt that I would throw up, it's like it gave me massive butterflies. Like when you drive over a small hill and it feels like your stomach does a flip. I suddenly didn't want to eat anymore and I pushed my plate aside, taking a drink.
"I thought you were always hungry?" Alan teased, jabbing at my plate with a straw. I shrugged, just staring at it.
"My stomach just feels weird right now, I don't know why."
"Do you feel sick? It's probably all the food you eat." He laughed, and I gave a small smile in return, looking down at my lap.
"No I don't feel sick, just... Weird. I don't know."
"Well if you're not gonna finish that, I will. "
I laughed at him, pushing the plate towards him.
"Says the one who criticized how much I eat?"
"Eh, you know how it is Carlile." He shrugged, taking a bite.
When we were done at the pizza place we drove back to my apartment and did pretty much the same thing we had done before we left. Nothing. We just sat around, talking and joking with eachother until it was about 4:30 and Alan complained he had to go back home before Kait got there.
"Ah well, I'll see you soon, right, Al?" I could feel the worry slowly overcome my face, my mouth set in a frown.
"Of course! " He leaned over to wrap his arms around me in a friendly hug, but for some reason I felt as though that hug had more meaning behind it than he was letting on. I hugged him back and then he left. For hours after that my stomach did those little flips off and on.