Do Ya Have a Lighter?

His hands were shaking, heart beating too fast, his breath was caught. Should he knock? Should he leave? Maybe he should have called before coming over.
What if she wasn't there? What if she didn't want to see him? Or worst, what if she was with somebody else?

Maybe he should wait, she would eventually show up, that was for sure. As he sat by the door his mind was taken by memories. He thought about her eyes, deep brown eyes, and they way the shine when she smiles. Oh, her smile, what a beautiful smile she has. He tried to remember every single time he had the honour to see her smile, it wasn't very often something like that happened. She was so hard to deal with. And, oh how, her mood swings drive him insane. It was so easy to drive her mad, from the way his cellphone sat on the table to the smell of his car. She was not normal and she was definately not perfect.

Also she wasn't the prettiest girl in the world. Maybe her nose was a little bit big and she didn't have a super model body, you could even see her tummy when she was sitting, but he didn't mind. He liked her like that.

He liked the crazy, mad, not-super-model-like her. She was his and that was what mattered to him.

Or was she?

He didn't know anymore after the last night.
He wondered if he would taste her lips again, if he would love her again. He wished he would.
A loud noise got his attention. It came from inside the house. Standing up quickly he rang the bell. He quickly checked his breath and dried his sweaty hands on his jeans. Again he could feel his heart racing.

The door opened.

- Duff?

His eyes traveled her face. She looked tired and her red eyes betrayed her, letting him know how much she had cried.

- Mel... - he said in a sigh.
- What are you doing here? - the girl asked, the surprise left her and she was already taken by impatiance.
- I came here to talk.
- I tought after last night we had noth...
- Just... Just let me talk to you, ok? Let me explain! - he cut her off. Duff had his eyes locked in hers, pleading for a chance to turn the game around. He needed this chance almost as much as he needed her.

Mel didn't want to listen to him. She knew it all to well. He would say how much he loves her, how much he needs her and that he is sorry for being such an ass and she would melt into his arms. So weak, she was so weak... In two weeks they will be fighting again for the same goddamn reason. He will leave and she will yell it's over, she would spend the night crying, only to find him at her door again by the next morning.

That made her wonder if it was all worthy.

- Mel... - Duff called her, noticing she was lost in her thoughts. She looked at him. - Did you even listen to what I just said?
- No... - her browns frown. He let out a little laugh and shook his head. He knew her so well.
- Baby, I'm sorry. I don't know why or how I became like this, I'm an asshole.
- That you are.
- I know and I wanna change, I'm gonna change, but I need you. - he said honestly.
- Duff, look, - she took a deep breathe. - I know you wanna change and maybe you've been trying, but nobody changes. And I'm with you for what you are.

He opened his mouth and tried to argue.

- No! Mckagan, stop it! I don't want to hear it anymore and I'm sorry, but it didn't work out. WE didn't work out. It's time to move on with our lives.

His heart missed a beat, eyes wided, breath caught in his throat. What? He couldn't believe his ears.

- WHAT? NO! Are you breaking up with me?
- Yes. - she said. Mel sounded and looked confident, but inside she was falling apart.

'It's the right thing to do' she thought.
He shook his head.

- No... no no no. We can't end up like this! We love each other... don't we? - Duff looked at her.

Maybe she didn't love him anymore. The thought freaked him out and his heart seemed to get smaller inside his chest.

Mel looked at him, it was her turn to be shocked.

- What? Of course we do! - she sounded offended.
- Then why are you breaking up to me?

Why?

In her mind there was a movie with good and bad memories. Their movie played making her feel overwhelmed. When their best moments came to mind she wondered if it was really right to throw such an story away.

But then, again, they were both hurting themselves with this.

- Because I'm tired, I can't take all this fights anymore. Can't you see it's wasting us? - she could see his eyes sparkling because of the tears. - Duff... - she touched his face.
- Are you unhappy?

She sighted. She knew it would break his heart and she didn't want it to happen. Mel loved him way too much and the thought of causing him any pain made her feel terrible, but maybe it was for the best. She was conviced they needed to move on with their lives, even if it would hurt in the begining.

- Yes. - she said in a whisper.
- What?
- Yes. - she said out loud.

Duff could feel his heart being crushed.

There was only one thing he believed to be his mission in this life, and it was making his girl happy, making her feel loved and now that he realized he was in incapable of doing so he felt like shit. He should have known better. After everything he did to her, how could she possibly be happy by his side? How could she possibly be proud of belonging to a guy like him?
He was an asshole.

- I'm sorry... - he said weakly.
- Me too. - she responded honestly.

They stayed silent looking at each other for the last time in a long time. None of them had the guts to turn away.

Duff thought about what she told him. He wanted her to be happy, even it that meant he had to sacrifice his own happiness, he'd do anything for her. With that in mind he looked in her eyes for what he believed to be the last time and turned away quickly walking towards his car.

Mel watched the only guy she ever loved walking out of her life with tears in the eyes. She wanted to chase after him, to tell him she was sorry and she loved him, but that was not the right thing to do. So she just stood there.