And Don't Forget To Take Deep Breaths

Matt McCun will be the death of me. Between his perfectly straight, white teeth, his long brown hair, the curves that give him that feminine charm and those wide gleaming green eyes. He’s flawlessly gay. He’s just so … perfect. And not knowing how perfect he is makes him a little beyond perfect. And me. Being the insanely obvious gay man I am, I pine after him. Who couldn’t stare at that? But there’s a problem. A couple of them actually. For one, I never actually talked to him. I always got to shy, my face turns red and I stumble on my words . The most interaction we ever had was when he ran into me (yes I blame him for the collision) after lunch one day and sent my books flying (literally) down the hallway. He apologized and when I went to say “its okay” or “sorry,” I tripped over my tongue. So I never talked to him, more or less only stuttered in his direction.
Another problem is his boyfriend. Ugh, all the good guys are always taken or to old. It infuriates me to no end! Anyway. Him and Timmy have been dating for months now. And I’m no one, I wont just saunter on over there and steal Timmy’s man. I can’t even talk to the guy for fucks sake! But I want him! Yea that’s right, I whine. I want Matt and I want him now. But I never believed in cheating and think its awful. So its not like I can tempt Matt while he still has a boyfriend. Somehow, in someway, I have to erase Timmy from the picture…but how?

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“Charlie! Charlie! Come ‘mere! Come ‘mere!,” Rebecca called from our lunch table, swinging her arms frantically above her head as if she was afraid I wouldn’t see her.

But how could I miss her? She’s kind of screaming

Rolling my eyes at my friends stupidity, I started my way towards our table, lunch tray in hand.

Before I could sit down, Rebecca pulled harshly on my arms. Not only making me stumble into a sitting position but also making me spill my corn.

She giggled, “Sorry”

I smiled. I was use to this by now, we’ve been friends for ages

“Its alright angel, it happens everyday that’s why I buy two corns now,” I told her, patting her head affectionately

A chuckle sounded across from me. Turning my head away from the bouncy loudmouth, I faced Kyle, Charlie and Jenny. Also the best people you will ever meet.

“hey guys,” I say, not bothering with separate greetings.

“hey boo-bear”

“Heylo”

“Morning Charlie”

I smiled crookedly at Chris

“it’s the afternoon, doll” Yea, I have pet names for my friends

He only shrugged, proceeding to shove three fries into him mouth. Pigs. =]

I smiled happily at my friends while taking a bite of my grilled chicken sammich and looking around the lunchroom.

Yea, I smile a lot, I have no reason not too, I love my life. Its amazing.

I was knocked out of my admiring thoughts as a French fry smacked me.

“hey!” I squeaked, throwing the alleged fry back at Becca who happily at it

“He’s looking at you again,” she said, staring straight ahead

I rolled my eyes through she couldn’t see it through my bowed head

“No he’s not, Becca. You say that all the time”

“But he is! He always is! Your just too slow at picking your head up so he has time to look away!,” She says loudly, as if he wasn’t only a table away!

“Becca, Matt is not looking at me,” I mumbled through a blush, taking another bite of said sammich.

Why blush? Because the though of Matt makes me red and knowing that it is possible that he stares makes me redder!

“No seriously! He’s looking over here still! And god knows he can hear me! So come on and lift that pretty little head of yours!” Becca insist, tugging lightly on my hair

I only look up enough to plead for help silently from the others at the table.
They only smiled

“He really is looking, Charlie.” Jenny says lowly, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

I think my face is going to self combust

Chancing it, I lifted my head to normal height, looking past Chris’s and Kyle’s shoulders and at the next table

I caught someone’s eyes. But not just any ones eyes. Wide, gleaming green eyes. Matt’s eyes. They were right, he was staring over here…at me?

When our eyes met, his small smile turned into a smirk as he winked. I think I just died.

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Rebecca and Jenny walked me home that day, talking the whole way there. Mostly about lunch, a conversation which I did not participate in. How could I talk? I pretty much lost my tongue. And I bet anything that I’m still red. Did I mention that I died?

***

The next few days were uneventful and Matt stare free. He hasn’t been in school since that day. Yea I know, stalker much? But I cant help myself. He’s just so…Mattish. And Matt’s never absent. Not to mention he missed his championship game. Yea I know the baseball teams schedule because of him. I, however, hate sports and don’t even enjoy watching them. But I must say I’ve been to a few games since freshman year. I guess you could say I’m a bit obsessed, but you would to if you saw him! Anyway. I’m getting a little worried. This just isn’t like him/ Maybe ill ask one of his friends what’s up? Ha-ha, like that would ever happen.

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Friday rolls around and here we are again at the mall as usual. As much as I love being here and seeing the people I rarely get to see , it gets hella boring after awhile. But nevertheless I still go. I wouldn’t trade a day with my friends for anything, besides the weekend with Matt. And speaking of that fine specimen of a man, he’s walking this way. Not towards us per say but in this general direction. The closer he gets the harder it is to ignore Becca who is currently tugging on my sleeve and pointing at Matt dead-on.
God this girl is insane

“No! Becca down! Down girl!,” I harshly whisper as she started to yell out his name.

Jenny, Chris and Kyle only snickered quietly, continuing to puff on there cancer sticks and acting as if they don’t know what’s going on

“Ugh! Becca! I’m going to freaking kill you!”

“Matt! Matt! Mattie Mattie Matt Pants!!” She squeals excitedly, clapping as Matt finally starts to walk over.

“Oh…my…god” I groaned breathlessly.

Quickly, I put my hood up making sure it covered half my face while I put my hair in front of my eyes. I probably looked like some emo kid now but I don’t care. I am utterly embossed and nervous

“Hey Becca, Jenny, Kyle, Chris…Charlie?” He inquires, looking at me with a puzzled expression. I continue looking at him through my bangs, waving hello. I don’t trust myself to speak

“Right! So we’re going inside where its nice and warm to finish our lattes. Hold this” Jenny says, putting on her hoodie after handing me her cigarette.

I can imagine my face is a cross mix between disgust and helplessness. I cant believe they are leaving me!

Without another word they scrambled inside, leaving Matt and I alone in silence

Someone sat down next to me

“What you doing there, baby cakes? I cant see your pretty face with your hair like that” Came Matt’s angelic voice

Suddenly soft fingertips brushed against my forehead, pushing away my hood and bangs. I looked up to see Matt’s smiling face. I blushed

I could see Matt giggle

“Your cute when you blush,” he whispered sweetly, allowing me too see a hint of red lingering on his cheeks. I smiled

“Thank you…reds a good color fro you too”

A moment of silent passed

“Not much of a talker are you?” He asked

I smiled side ways at him, “Actually you cant get me to shut up half the time. This is really unusual for me”

“really?”

“Really really”

“How does one get you to talk, then?”

I thought for a few seconds, “I’m not to sure,” I tell him honestly, “I guess you just gotta pick a topic that I like and then BOOM. I don’t stop talking. I just go on and on and on and on and…kind of like now!”

“hehe” He giggled loudly, looking at me with luminous eyes. I cant believe I haven’t stuttered yet

Suddenly he looked down at my hand. His face dropping slightly with hesitation in his voice

“…you smoke?”

I unexpectedly let out a loud shriek, flicking the cigarette that had been in my hand as far as I could

“Oh my good lord! How long have I’ve been holding that! Ew, ew, ew ,ew ,ew ,ew ,ew EWW! I feel so dirty now, I’m contaminated. Oh god. I’m gonna get cancer! I just know I am. Eww”

I whined, continuously wiping my hands on my jeans. Trying to get the feel of cigarette off my hand

Matt only began to laugh, one that sounded of relief and amusement

“Aw, I guess I found a way to get you to talk. Just put cancer in your hand”

“AH! No! There are better ways then that. That will only make me spass out,” I inform him, replacing my hoodie over my head so my hair feel into my eyes again

Matt moved in front of me

“Hey now. What did I tell you about that? Its impolite not to look people in the eyes when you are conversating with them. Besides. I rather much see your pretty face then your emo ass hair,” He kidded, again softly removing my hoodie and placing my hair behind my ears. I wonder if I looked like a tomato yet

“Hey! First off, my hair is not emo. It is in the process of growing! And second, if I didn’t know any better, Mr. McCun, I’d say you were hitting on me, “ I smiled playfully at him, finally facing him fully

He shrugged grinning, “Maybe I am”

I couldn’t help but frown, “Well that would be wrong”

His face mimicked mine, “And whys that”

“Because you have Timmy” I sneered, spitting out his name with vulgar I didn’t know I had

Matt looked a bit taken back by this before he looked down into his lap were his hands were entwined

“ I use to have Timmy. He broke up with me on Tuesday. Caught me starring at you. Always was jealous…that’s why I was absent. I’ve never handled the break up thing to well”

I suddenly felt really bad. Who the hell would leave matt. Just because he was starring at some else…at me?

“Do you need a hug?” I asked him, holding my arms out to him

He smiled at this saying, “ I hear you give the best in town”

“Well I’m not sure if that’s true but they are pretty damn good,” I joked, bringing Matt to his feet as I stood

“We’ll see about that” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around my waist, his head finding a comfortable spot near my neck.

Smiling to myself I inhaled his scent, wrapping my own arms around his neck tight and securely before resting my head on top of his. I always hug people as if I haven’t seen them in years

We stood there for minutes in utter silence in a tight embrace . I could feel his heart beating against my chest. It was beautiful

“Wow,” he breaths out as he pulls away, “You really are good”

He said in a thankful tone, only pulling away enough to see my face but not letting go of my waist.

Like fuck that I minded!

But before I could respond a voice sounded from behind me, causing me to drop one arm from Matt’s neck and turn around.

“Yea?” Matt yelled back to a girl I know as Ryan

“We’re going to Ultra~ Zone. You coming?”

“Yea sure. Hold on!” He yelled back to her before turning back to me. I did the same (minus the yelling)

“Wanna come?” He asked shyly, still not letting go of my waist

AW! I love how she get gets! Its so fucking cute!

I thought about it for a moment before shaking my head

His face fell, his arms starting to slid off my hips

“Sorry. I cant,” I began to explain quickly, “I gotta go find my gang. We’re seeing a movie at nine,” I say apologetically, trying to get him to see that I wasn’t just rejecting his invite because I didn’t want to come

He nodded, seemingly understandingly. I hope he understood

“Alright. I’ll see you on Monday then, Charlie. Have a good weekend. And I expect to talk to you on Monday too, Oh, and if a hug just so happens to come with it, well I wont be complaining”

“Ha, will do. Goodnight Matt,” I pulled him back into a quick hug before letting go

But before I could pull away all together Matt had leaned up, planting a soft kiss on my cheek quickly before scurrying away. But I still had time to see his blush

I stood there in a stunned silence, a long over due red creeping onto my face.

This weekend couldn’t end soon enough.