But Loving Him Was Red...

[Three Weeks Later]

“What are you doing for Christmas?” Sidney asked. I popped back into reality and looked at him, taking in his features. He finally got that damn haircut he so desperately needed and of course he was wearing his ball cap backwards, so part of his cowlick was sticking out the hole of his cap.

He sipped his lemonade through the straw obviously awaiting my answer.

I played with the straw in my glass of iced tea. We were at our usual meeting spot, and Lucia was sitting in the highchair between us. I was picking her up from Sidney, while he had her for his weekend.

“I’m not sure actually,” I continued twisting the straw. “I mean, I can take her for Christmas Eve and you can have her on Christmas,” I offered. She deserved to have both of us.

Christmas was two weeks away, so we were talking about the plans we had and deciding what we were doing with her.

“No,” Sidney shook his head. So I’ll take her on Christmas? I was confused. “Emily, I can’t do that to her. She deserves a family Christmas, with the both of us,” What? I was floored. I arched an eyebrow and he smiled, putting his hands out. “What if… you and Lucia come over on Christmas Eve, you spend the night and we can bake and have our dinner with my parents on Christmas Day?”

“Seriously?” I was so unsure if we should spend the night in the same house together. He nodded his head. “My Dad is out of the country and won’t be back until the New Year anyway, so I guess we could swing it,” Dad and I already were planning a Christmas dinner together when he comes back from Japan, so I was free.

The pre-schooler was due anytime now, they were expecting a little boy and she was due in January.

I wasn’t that excited about it, but I always wanted a little brother.

Mom was talking with Farrah and this year, Farrah will be holding the dinner at her house, but won’t until the end of January when she’s back in town from Australia.

She had Aubry on February 9, last year and this is the first time that Jeff’s parents are going to be meeting her. I’ve seen her, and she is so cute. Already looks like Jeff, and she definitely has him wrapped around her little finger.

“Good, you’ll both be attending the Classic aswell,” He tossed in casually. He obviously assumes that I have no plans. “We face off against the Capitals, it’s going to be good, I can tell,”

“What if I have plans?” I spoke up.

“Oooh hot date with Seth,” Sidney chuckled, like it was some kind of inside joke. “Cancel, because now you have a hot date with me,” Hot date? Oh Sidney.

“I can’t cancel, he wants to go out to a New Years party; his Mom’s going to watch Lucia,” I smiled. Sidney rolled his eyes. “Unless you want to take her?”

“Oh yeah, just pawn the turd off on me so you can go out with your boyfriend,” Sidney laughed, which in turn caused me to start laughing. “You going to rock the casbaw?” I couldn’t even answer him; I was seriously dying of laughter.

When I could finally speak without laughing, I looked up at him “Maybe… depends how much wine I have,” I twirled my straw.

“Well, you’re going to cancel, say you have TB and you’re going to come to the Classic, watch us kick the Capitals asses and then you’re coming to the New Years party that Bennie is throwing,” I shook my head. “If he has a problem with it tell him to call me, or better yet, bring him along,”

“Sidney,” I smiled. “I can’t just cancel; this party is reservation only,”

“Emily, I make one phone call and you’ll be at my party,” He patted my hand. “Trust me,”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do,” I put my hands on top of his. “I am making no promises,”

“Great, my sister will watch the turd,”

“Her name is Lucia,” I smirked.

“Speaking of that, you and I will be doing the Christmas shopping, my Mom will be down for a couple weeks but she demands to stay in a hotel, so she said she’ll watch Lucia while we shop,”

“We?” What the hell is this ‘we’ business? He’s been putting this ‘we’ stuff out a lot lately. Of course I go right to it like a moth to a flame, but still.

“Yeah, it’s a noun for two people,” Sidney explained. He was so sassy today. I smirked. “You and I should do her shopping together, but the only day I can is the 15th because I have the entire day off, and Mom is in town,”

“I think I’m out for break then anyway, but I’ll check my schedule and I guess I can let you know,” I turned my eyes to the table and began tracing a circle into the wood of the table from the condensation off my cup. “DO you know yet what to get her?”

“I’ve been thinking about this Barbie dream house thingy, I don’t know, it’s huge and it can go in our- I mean, my backyard,” Sidney smiled. “I think she’ll love it, or this Barbie Jeep, is she to young to ride a bike? Iwas thinking about getting her rollerblades, but I don’t want her to fall off of them and get hurt,” He was talking a mile a minute. It was their first real Christmas together, so he was probably wanting to make it a good one. “Maybe a sandbox? Do you have any ideas?”

I simply smiled. “She’s turning three in April, she is okay to ride a bike,” I briefly explained. “I’ve even been thinking about going to the arena and signing her up for hockey,” She was a pretty decent skater, she was no Michelle Kwan, but she was definitely picking it up fast. I know that came from Sidney and not me, I couldn’t skate to save my life.

I watched Sidney’s face turn white. “I don’t think so, Emily, that might not be a good idea, I mean, I play it and it’s a rough sport, she’ll get herself killed,” He put his hand on the back of her head. “I am fine with figure skating, just not hockey,”

“Why not?” I laughed. “She’ll be fine,”

“That’s what my Mother told me and I’ve got slashed on my legs a billion times, bruises and cuts and sliced my wrist open, took a puck off the cheekbone, it’s harsh and I don’t want to see my baby all beat up and mangled,” He sighed. “If I didn’t love hockey so much, I probably wouldn’t be playing it,”
“Will you give it a chance?” I pleaded with him. I had a feeling that he would never be okay with Lucia playing hockey, but if he had a son, he’d be okay with it. “If you had a son; you’d be okay with it, I know you,”

“She’s my daughter, Emily, any father doesn’t want to see their daughter hurt,” Sidney used a harsh tone. “Yeah, if I did have a son, I’d probably teach him,”

“That’s a double standard,” I growled. “The same thing with my Dad, he taught my brother how to play football, but when I asked to be taught, he wouldn’t do it,” I pointed my finger on the table. “It’s not fair, just because I am a girl,”

“You’re not a Dad, you don’t understand,” Sidney smiled. “It’s complicated. A son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life. I mean, when she starts dating, I am going to lose my shit on any little boy,”

“God, I can’t wait to see this,” I giggled. “You flipping out on a 12 year old boy for taking out your daughter,”

“12? Oh hell no, that’s only 9 years away, I don’t think so. No dating until she’s at least 30,” He waved his hands out. “I forbid it,”

“You can’t stop her from growing,” I smiled. “She could start dating earlier,”

“Emily, please… no kid dates until they are around 16, I know I didn’t,” I blushed, trying to hide my face. Fuck. Now I’ll really come off like a whore. “When did you start dating?”

“Didn’t we already go over this?” I asked lightly, looking at Lucia reading her book and eating bits and pieces of the cookie Sid bought her. He shook his head ‘no’ and I sighed, knowing I can’t lie to him. “I was 13 when I started, oh let’s call it dating,”

“Call it dating? What did you do?” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ME and my big fucking mouth. “Emily?” I guess there was no turning back now. He was going to find out the truth.

“Fine, I didn’t date… you were my first real boyfriend,” I frowned. “I just slept around with different guys, some I’d meet at parties, some just because I felt like it,” I interlaced my fingers together. Sidney remained quiet and that right there got me angrier and angrier by the second.

“What do you mean you slept around?” Sidney asked, his tone changing. “Like, with more than one guy?” I nodded my head. “Fuck Emily, you were thirteen,”

“My parents were never around, what did you expect?” I countered. “I wanted some kind of attention and I didn’t care how I got it,”

“Emily, you were a child, please tell me at least the guys you slept with were thirteen too?” He asked, obviously not really wanting to know. I lightly shook my head ‘no’ and he huffed. Is he seriously judging me? “I can’t even believe this,”

“Now you think I’m some kind of cheap whore?” I stood up away from the table and grabbed Lucia in my arms. He stood up with me and I had no idea what could happen. “Go ahead, you can deny Lucia now,” He didn’t say anything and I just turned and walked off .

I got to my Jeep and was loading Lucia into the back. “Emily,” I heard Sidney shout as he came running up to the truck. “I am not denying Lucia; you can’t even think I’d do that,” He put his hand on the backdoor and stared into my eyes.

I frowned. He was right. “I am sorry Sid, I was feeling threatened. I kept that from you the longest time, so I knew at some point you’d find out,” I huffed. “And part of me thought if I told you when we were dating; you’d flip out and break up with me,”

“Like I did when you said you might be pregnant?” Sidney asked. I slowly nodded my head. “Look, it came as a shock that’s all. I had no idea that you… I mean, I always thought you were a virgin when we got together, I mean that’s what my Mom loved about you,”

“YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER I WAS A VIRGIN?!” I screamed in his face. He nodded his head. “What the fuck? Why did you tell her that?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugged. “And to be frank, I don’t believe it,” He didn’t believe me? But wait, I was telling him the truth, this made no sense. “You told me you were a virgin when we got together, and now all of a sudden, you are not…”

“I spared your feeling Sid, because I knew you’d flip your shit,” I grumbled. “Look, it shouldn’t matter now because you are engaged to Carly and I am with Seth, we are both happy,” I knew that was a lie, at least on my part. I wasn’t happy with Seth… I wasn’t even with Seth… but was Sidney happy with Carly?