But Loving Him Was Red...

SID’s POV

“What are yah doing?” I climbed down the stairs, seeing Lucia sitting at the coffee table, sticking her fingers in her ears. She was so cute. Identical to myself as a kid, but showed so many traits of Emily, that she felt to me as a constant reminder of her.

As I headed out to her, she took her fingers out of her ears and looked up at me. I grabbed her empty cereal bowl off the table.

“Itchy, Daddy,” Lucia stood up and yawned. Daddy. My heart melted every time she said ‘Daddy’. It took her some time, but when she did at Emily’s, I left and climbed in my car, drove a block away and then cried for 20 minutes. I headed into the kitchen and stuffed her bowl into the dishwasher.

Because it’s just her and I here, I barely use the dishwasher because I can never get a full enough load to actually run it, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. “Daddy?” Lucia followed me into the kitchen. I set the handtowel on the counter and knelt down when she came around the breakfast bar. “Go outside?” She pointed at my backdoor. I had a sandbox out there, and a swingset with a jungle gym, her BarbieDreamHouse and various other toys out there.

“You do not leave the yard, I’ll be out in a few minutes,” I pointed at her, sternly. I knew I was protective of her, but I couldn’t help it, she was my baby and I wasn’t going to let anyone or anything hurt my child.

She hugged my arm and ran outside, letting the door shut behind her. I got up and began cleaning up the living room. I basically had to put all her toys back into the bin, for the third time today.

I felt like I needed extra hands when it came to raising kids, every time I turned around Lucia had made another mess. I loved that little girl more than anything. I closed the lid on her toybox and took in a deep breath.

“Hey Sid,” Geno chuckled, walking in my front door, a bouquet of TigerLillies in his hands. Those were Emily’s favorite, I knew that from day one. She said that Tigerlilies were beautiful and simple and the flower most overlooked, because everyone fawned over the roses. In her own words, I had a feeling she was talking about how she got overlooked.

I thought it was odd that a girl like her would get overlooked, she practically stole my breath when I first met her back in Cole Harbour. She was beautiful, had an amazing personality, could talk hockey with me which I find to be very important, she was independent, had her own life and I just fell in love with her from day one.

“Hey Geno,” I dropped into the arm chair and unmuted ESPN. “What brings you-“ I stopped when I seen Ben Lovejoy walk in behind him. Why was he here? He’s a good kid, so I really didn’t care, as long as he didn’t bring Tyler, that kid is driving me nuts.

He’s acting like he’s in love with my sister, first of all, you are 24 and she is 16, that is not right, second of all, you are the biggest manwhore on the planet. And when he came and asked me if it was okay to ask my sister to move in with him, I resisted the urge to pop him one in the jaw. “Hey Ben,” I meekly spoke under my breath.

Ben looked at me, a sideways glance on his face. He was a powerful defenceman, good puck-handling skills it crushed me that no one paid him any attention. He had a talent that people needed to see more of.

“Hey Sid, I hope you don’t mind, Geno and I met up at the coffeeshop and Geno wanted to come over and see Lucia and Emily,” Ben apologized, probably feeling the tension in the air. Him and Geno sat side by side on the couch and looked directly at me.

I knew the flowers were for her. “Emily’s not here,” I frowned, leaning my weight back in the chair. Emily left yesterday morning and I was still crushed over what happened. Firstly, I was shocked I actually was the one to start it, not to mention that it came out of fucking nowhere, secondly, she actually went along with it. “You can ditch the flowers,” I pointed to the garbage, on the end of the breakfast bar. “She probably wont be back here,” I probably wont see her again, I fucked this one up big time.

“Why?” Geno asked, setting the flowers down on my coffee table. Ben seemed equally interested in this conversation. Personally if I was on the outside like him, I probably would find this interesting too. “What happened?”

I huffed, really not wanting to get into this, but I wanted to talk to someone about it. Maybe Geno could help me. “Geno,” I sat up, resting my hands on my knees. “Well, I invited her and Lucia over so we could spend Christmas together, and then they were going to stay until the Classic,” I started, watching their expressions. Ben was a hard one to read, he always wore a poker face, but Geno was a fucking billboard, he was expressing confusion and a little big of anger, probably directed at me, but what else is new?

Whenever it came to Emily and someone making comments or myself being a dick to her, Geno was always the first one to step up and tell them to fuck off. “And Christmas night, we bathed Lucia and things were starting to feel like we were a family, and everything was going great and then, we had sex,”

“Shut up,” Ben smiled. Such a girl. “No fucking way,” Geno reached over and punched him in the ribs. “Ow, what was that for?” He grumbled, holding the post-punched rib in his hand. That must’ve hurt. I’ve got punched in the knee by him, when I made a rude comment towards him being a baby about his knee.

“You are being a jerk,” Geno glared, turning harshly towards me. Oh god, here we go. I was preparing myself while his features tightened and the vein poked out of his forehead. He was ultimately pissed off. “Sidney, you two didn’t… have sex,”

“Yes we did,” I nodded my head. “Guys, I really don’t usually like to say this, but it was amazing,” The whole sex with her, was amazing, nothing like I had with Carly, or any other girl, it didn’t feel like sex, it felt like… we were in sync and like we were making love. They both looked at me, completely dumbfounded. “I guess it didn’t hit her until the next morning,” That was when things got so interesting.

They both leaned forward and Ben took the initiative. “What happened? More sex?” What was it with him and sex? Good lord.

“Not exactly,” I frowned. “She woke up, looked at me, I told her I missed her, which wasn’t a lie and she flipped out, started bawling and ran from the room,” I had never seen her look like that in my entire life. She looked so hurt by what happened.

“Not the usual reaction you get after sex, right?” Ben gigged, turning for a hi-five from Geno, who gave him a harsh look and reached over, slapping him. “Damnit,” He clutched his cheek. Geno asked what else happened and I didn’t really want to get into this, but I knew that it was open and there was no turning back now.

“I tried to talk to her, but she just wouldn’t listen, said I turned her into a whore and she was leaving,” That one hurt me when she said I turned her into a whore. She probably thought it was a plan of mine to get her here to sleep with her. It sure as hell was not a plan. “She just kept repeating over and over how I could do what I did to her, and how I could do this to Carly, because we were engaged,” There’s an interesting story. Why was I engaged? I haven’t the slightest fucking clue. “I tried to explain, but she just wouldn’t stop crying and ended up leaving,”

There was an awkward silence and neither of their expressions told me anything. They were both blank canvases and it was nerve-wrecking waiting for their responses. Ben took in a breath and furrowed his brows. “I hate to ask this,” Ben started after the longest 20 seconds of my life. “Was it a plan?”

I furrowed my brows together. “No,” I spoke harshly. “It was in no way a plan to get her to sleep with me, it just happened and right now, I wish it didn’t, because I may never see her again and she’s going to go off and marry fucking Seth when she should be marrying me,” I blurted out, not realizing how fast my heart was going, or the sound of my voice breaking and the warm liquid splashing my hand.

“What do you mean? Who is Seth?” Geno asked, a dumbfounded look on his face. I knew that if anyone knew, it was Tyler, before any one of us found out. That was one thing that bothered me greatly, was that she had no problem talking to Tyler when she was gone, but when it came to me, the person who said he loved her unconditonally, she was to afraid.

I will admit, I was fucking pissed when I found out I had a kid I never knew, but once I seen her, I couldn’t abandon them, I had to know my daughter.

“Some fucking twat she’s ‘dating’,” I air quoted the word ‘dating’ because I wasn’t sure how true this was. “She wont let me meet him, and she says I should trust her judgement,” I scoffed. “I cannot trust her fucking judgement when it comes to people that shes’ dating. How the hell do I know if they are nice to Emily and nice to my fucking kid, how do I know they aren’t treating my kid like crap? She says he’s nice because he has a daughter. I can’t trust her judgement when she dated Claudia for christsakes, it’s bullshit,” I slammed my fists into my kneecaps. “I just don’t know what to do,”

“Sid,” Geno started, pulling at the thread on his jacket. “Are you jealous over this new guy?” Gee, what gave that away? When I said she should marry me instead? I kind of blurted that part out, so whatever, but for the most part, I didn’t want Emily to be with someone else. I wanted that wholesome family that everyone lives for.

I sighed, trying to relax my heart. “I don’t know,” I frowned, knowing damn well that I was and I knew Geno wasn’t stupid and that he saw right through me. “It just bothers me that she can date someone, and I can’t meet him, like if you are going to marry this fucking… idiot, then as the father of your baby, I need to know who the hell this guy is, but she says I need to trust her judgement,”
Trusting her judgement was by far the hardest fucking thing to do! Who the hell was this fucking Seth character? “Maybe I am jealous, but this guy already pisses me off,”

“You just need to remain calm,” Ben smiled. “Maybe she knows you won’t like him, or you’ll get into an argument, which I wouldn’t doubt seeing how you are right now, but maybe in her own way she’s protecting you,” I knew Ben was right, I probably wouldn’t hesitate from clocking him, even if he is going to marry Emily, but still. I knew she wanted to get married and have a baby, all in five years, but I didn’t think she’d be marrying someone other than… me.

“It’s bullshit,” I spat in his face. “That guy could be Lucia’s step-father and I will be damned if I don’t know who the fuck is going to be around my damn kid,” I wanted Lucia to be in a safe and happy environment, and if this guy turned out to be a loo-loo than I was not going to allow Emily to have her, I would take her ass to court and take Lucia from her. It would hurt me to do so, but my kid comes first. “And here’s the kicker, she said I cheated on her when we were together,”

A few seconds went by and Geno instantly started laughing. “She thinks you… cheated on her?” He pointed at me. I nodded my head. If I wasn’t talking to her on the phone, I was skyping her, or in practice, or at games. I barely breathed without her around. My entire life revolved around her. “That’s a laugh,” Ben was dumbfounded.

He was around when Emily and I were dating, but hadn’t the slightest clue about our relationship the way Geno or Tanger did. Now, I did know that Ben and her went out and got coffee together for the team, but other than that I had no clue. Who knows, maybe they skyped when she left.

“She said because I cheated on Carly, that I obviously cheated on her too,” I rolled my eyes. “I love this girl,” I whispered, taking in a soft breath.

“You obviously love Carly, Sid,” Ben smiled, having Geno nod in agreement.

“Not Carly,” I clarified. They both stared at me, horrified looks on her face. “I only accepted Carly’s date proposal so I wouldn’t look like I’ve been moping since she left,” I hadn’t been seeing anyone since Emily dumped me. I just couldn’t do it.

Emily broke my heart and it wasn’t going to repair that easily. I turned my eyes to my hands. “I love Emily,”