But Loving Him Was Red...

Four Days Later
I walked up the stairs to Sidney’s room, hearing him groaning in his bed. I went over like I said I would and he was fine, he did the skate and was fine.

We even went jogging after the skate. I didn’t get it. Maybe he was covering up symptoms of something bigger he didn’t want me to see.

But, yesterday he started with headaches and having a stiff neck and body aches. It sounded to me like it was maybe vertigo but I wasn’t about to be a doctor, I would not diagnose him.

Diagnosing someone only makes everything seem scarier. I’ve refrained from using the internet when I have odd symptoms.

Lucia was sitting on his couch, watching one of her many tapes, so I could help Sidney out. I pushed open his door and he was lying on his bed, clutching his head. “Sidney,” I spoke lightly. “How are you?” He was wearing a pair of boxers, wrapped in a sheet, tucked into the fetal position.

He’s been like this since really this morning. It started out as neck pain, which if anyone plays hockey is usually normal after a hit, but when he started getting horrible headaches, it kind of dawned on me that something is not right.

Sidney says headaches are normal, but I could tell by looking in his eyes that he looks just as concerned about it too.

“My head is killing me,” He frowned, looking at me, still clutching his head. Tears were in his eyes. “Can you get me an Advil?” I got him the bottle off the end table and handed him a pill. I sat on the bed beside him, trying to fight the tears. He was really sick, wasn’t he?

What if he died from this? He took the pill and then looked at me. “Emily?” He asked, looking at me, and the tears lining my eyes. I was so scared, I’ve never felt like this before. I was so scared of losing him.

I laid my head down on his hand. “You need to get this checked out; I am so worried that there is something seriously wrong. I mean, you’re fatigued, you’re drowsy, you have horrible headaches. Please, go to the doctor,” I pleaded with him. “I hate seeing you like this,” I was motioning to the fact that even the light off his alarm clock hurt his eyes. His curtains were drawn, it was dark in here.

“Emily, I am taking care of this,” He explained to me. Please, popping an Advil and then crying for four hours about your head… is not ‘taking care’ of it, it’s masking your symptoms. Why must all men be like this?

“Please, you’ve been throwing up for three days, the light hurts your eyes, sounds give you a headache, you’re off balance, this isn’t right,” I let the tears roll down my face and splatter on the bedsheets. “Please go to a doctor,” I knew him, he’d wait until it was going to kill him and then he’d go and get it checked. He was a guy, my brother and my Dad were the same way.

“Calm down Em,” He sat up and put his arms around me while I sobbed into his shoulder. “Look, I have a game tonight, I’ll go tomorrow, I promise you,” He pulled my head from his shoulder and ran his thumbs under my eyes. He actually thought he was going to be able to get out of bed, put on padding and skate for 60 minutes in a lit arena when the smallest amount of light gave him a killer headache?

“I am driving you,” I had to know for myself what was wrong. I doubted he’d tell me the truth, hence why I needed to be there. “I hope everything is okay,” I whispered, letting more tears free fall out and land on the skin of his chest and shoulders.

“I am going to be just fine, Emily,” He hugged me again and I relaxed, resting my head on his shoulder. He laid back down in his bed, pulling me with him. I laid my head on his chest when he wrapped an arm around me and put a pillow over his head to block any light.

= = =
30 minutes. 30 fucking minutes I’ve been sitting out here in this disgusting waiting room, while Sidney’s in there getting poked and prodded. Lucia and I joined him at the game last night against the Tampa Bay Lightning and that little bastard, Victor Hedman slammed him into the boards and it seems that ever since that hit, he’s noticed how off he is.

Right away, he went to the team doctor who looked him over and recommended a visit to his own family doctor. Doctor Isaac has been practicing medicine for 27 years.

My heart was racing under my jacket while I placed my head in my hands. I was so afraid. What was going on here? One day he was fine and the next, so many things were happening and I had no control over anything.

The guys were calling the house, checking up on him and it’s the same as every day ‘He’s doing…fine,’ and that’s the logistics of our phone calls.

Tyler is babysitting Lucia for us right now, at his and Taylor’s new place. They moved in three days ago and are over the moon about having their new place.

I’ve been spending about 80% of my time at his house, taking care of him because his …oh let’s call her a fiance, is choosing not to take part in this, so who else was going to help him out. The other time I spend doing homework and taking Lucia to daycare.

In February, she is starting Pre-K at Avalon Academy. She was supposed to start in September, but her file got pushed to the Winter Term.

I couldn’t take this. I really couldn’t. I jumped when anything made a sound.

I heard Doctor Isaacs door open as Sidney stepped outside, sliding his ball cap back on, while he nodded his head. “I’ll keep in touch,” I leapt out of the chair when they shook hands and Sidney started walking over. He was definitely off-balance; he wasn’t walking completely straight up. “We can go,” He grabbed up my hand in his and led me towards the door. I reached down, grabbing my bag as we walked past it.

Was he not going to tell me? I did not sit in a horrible chair for 30 minutes, almost tearing my hair out to not know shit.

I stopped halfway to the door and took my hand from his. He stopped almost abruptly and looked at me, a hurt look on his face. “Sidney, what did Isaacs say? IS everything okay? Is it vertigo?” I asked lightly. Sidney went to open his mouth. “Ohmygod, it’s a brain tumor… what are we going to tell Lucia?”

Sidney put his hands on my shoulders and pressed his forehead to mine. “Calm down Em, you always get yourself so worked up,” He laughed. “It’s not a tumor; or vertigo…” Nothing else was said, so now I was really worrying. “Isaacs is going to set me up with some testing and the number for this neuro guy,”

My heart stopped beating and I swear my legs buckled under me. “What? Sidney, for what?” My breath got choked in my throat. “Are you okay?”

Sidney’s face wasn’t reassuring. “He’s sending me for testing, he thinks I sustained a concussion,”

My heart returned to normal. “Oh, is that all?” I sighed, putting my hands on his shoulders. “Babe, you had me scared there for a second,”

“What? It’s a concussion Emily, a bruise on the brain…” He stretched it out, hoping it would make it seem ten times worse to me. “How is that not bad?”

“Matt, my brother has had at least 10 concussions over his football career, it’s nothing to bad,” I smiled; feeling reassured that it wasn’t something totally horrible. “I agree that concussions are horrible, my brother went through so much shit with his, but if you do what the doctors tell you, it’s a lot easier to deal with,”

“This is my first one,” Sidney frowned. “I hope my last, god, this headache it just wont go away,”

“Let’s get you home and you can relax,” I went to walk towards the door when Sidney grabbed me up in a bone crushing hug. “What?” I asked, hoping for a reason why he was randomly hugging me. I wasn’t complaining, his body this close to mine was enough to get the motor going.

“Thank you for being here with me Emily,” Sidney whispered in my ear and pulled from me, taking my hand in his as we walked out of the door. Once inside Sidney’s Evoque, I started the car and backed out onto the road.

Sidney was looking over at me, his eyes never leaving me. Did they give him any medication?

I braked at a light and looked over at him, still staring at me. “What?” I laughed, putting my hair behind my ear. He didn’t say anything. Was he having a stroke? “What Sidney?” Again, nothing said. “Are you having a stroke?”

He smiled, sitting up in his seat and a big smile met his lips. “God, Emily, you are so pretty,” He patted my leg. What?

“Oh god, what did they give you?” I laughed it off, pressing the gas and driving straight. I thought we’d go pick up coffee first, before grabbing Lucia and then go back to Sidney’s. My laptop and textbooks were there.

“I mean it Emily,” He continued with his smile. Seriously? I did a quick look in the mirror. I looked like poo, mascara smeared under my eyes from crying at the office, my hair in a hot mess of a bun and I was wearing a pullover and jeans.“You are,”

“What’s gotten into you?” I pulled into a Starbucks, previously aiming for the drive-thru but now I was thinking of going inside. I found a spot and pulled in, shutting the car off.

“Where are we?” He asked, sitting up and taking his seatbelt off. Starbucks was written in green above the building… so we must be at the IHOP. I grabbed my wallet out of my bag and sighed.

“Emily?” He asked, his eyes never leaving mine. Was he okay? He’s acting all spinny.

“I’ll be right back,” I shut the door, locked them and headed inside to grab our drinks. I was a HotWhiteMocha person and Sidney just drank black coffee with two sugars and a shot of soy. Why was he telling me I’m pretty all of a sudden? Did he hit his head that hard? Sidney’s always been bashful and quiet about his feelings.

Once I got the coffees, I headed outside and climbed back in the Evoque, putting our drinks in the cupholders. Sidney immediately looked over at me. “Are you okay?” I asked, looking at his eyes. They were freaky, it was a blank stare. Like he wasn’t even seeing me…