But Loving Him Was Red...

Three Days Later

I beamed, walking up the front steps of my house. Why I was so happy, still stunned me. But I just got back from my doctors and what do you know, I am pregnant; around 6 weeks along, they counted it back and they think the date of conception happened around Christmas time.

Which makes perfect sense, now doesn’t it?

I stuffed my key in the lock, when I heard a shrill voice coming from inside. I stopped and listened in.
“It’s just fucking figures, I go away for a fucking month and you are already fucking some whore,” Ohmygod, it was Carly. Excuse me. Whore?

Sid ‘s voice come next. “Carly, just stop. She was there when I got hit; I couldn’t really do anything about it. She offered to look after me, while going to school and looking after Lucia. Just stop, nothings happening,” Why he defended me in front of his girlfriend still stunned me.

“Well I’m back now, so pack your shit, you’re coming home with me,” Carly’s voice was so bitchy and shrill. I had to save him.

I slowly opened the door, putting the paper from the doctor and my car keys into my purse as I sat it on the end table beside the door.

There she was, in all her glory. Her bang pulled from her face and up on top of her head into a puff, exposing her green eyes and high cheek bones. She was a pretty girl, but seemed like a bitch.

“What’s going on here?” I asked, shutting the door behind me. Why was she even here?

Carly went to open her mouth when Sidney stood up, putting his hand on her shoulder. “She ugh, went back to my place and found it empty so she tracked me down,” How the fuck did she get my address? This just was too much.

“I can’t believe you are fucking her Sidney, god, please pretend to have some class,” She shot a glare over her shoulder. I balled my hands into fists. Usually I’m against cruelty to dumb animals, but I am about to make an exception.

“Carly, stop talking about Emily like that,” Sidney defended me, stepping in between us, staying closer to me. “You do not know her like I do,”

“She looks like a two-bit tramp,” Carly laughed, flicking her hair off her shoulders. Oh, this bitch was treading in the wrong places.

“At least I wasn’t with him for his money,” I shot back, stepping around Sidney. “It’s so obvious that you are,”

She stepped up to me and my nostrils flared. She had ugly boots on, giving her a height advantage. I inhaled disgusting cheap perfume. “Watch your back bitch,” She put her hands on my shoulder and shoved me backwards.

“Watch my back?” I laughed, shoving her back. “Try getting off of yours,” We started shoving each other and I was so close to punching this bitches lights out. She was not allowed around my daughter.

“Stop,” Sidney grabbed me around the waist and placed me down behind him. “Carly, look, Emily’s done so much for me,”

“You are acting like you don’t even want to be together anymore,” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me over his shoulder.

“Maybe I don’t,” Sidney sighed. Woah, was he breaking up with her? I have to say, the look on Carly’s face had to be the best part of my day.

“What are you saying Sidney?” She spoke with a shaky tone. It was obvious she was faking being upset, trying to toy with his heart.

“Carly, you are a sweet girl, you are, but you are not for me. I am not the guy you need. I can’t marry you,” Sidney spoke, putting his hands on her shoulders. “Someday you will meet a guy who loves you the way you need to be, but I just can’t do it,”

“This isn’t fair,” Carly had tears lining her lower lids. “We were going to get married,”

“I am so sorry Carly,” Sidney stepped back away from her.

“Is there someone else?” She asked, glaring at me. Was there? I looked up at him when he turned and smiled at me.

“Yeah… there is,” ME?! Ohmygod. I could’ve dropped to the ground then and there.

She ripped the ring off her finger. “Figures,” She whipped it at his head and turned on her heel as she stomped out the door, but not forgetting to hit me with her shoulder harshly.

Once the door shut, Sidney turned to face me. “So, you’ve met Carly,” He reclaimed his spot on the couch and covered himself up with a blanket. “How’d you make out at the doctors?”

I had completely forgotten about that. I grabbed my purse off the table and unearthed the paper from the bottom and handed it to him. He read the paper over, skimming each word and then looked up at me. “Wow, so uhm… when are you due?” He smiled, handing me back the paper. Was he really happy about this, or was he faking it so I wouldn’t feel bad?

“August,” I smiled. “There goes bikini season,” I laughed, looking over at him. “I’m sorry about Carly and what I said, she just hit a nerve-“

Sidney put his hand on my shoulder. “You are right about her, though; she is with me for my money. I told her about my concussion and she basically told me when I feel better to call her,” He sighed, looking directly at me. “She doesn’t care about me at all,” He whispered. Poor baby. I should’ve punched her out.

“Sidney,” I put my arms around him and snuggled into his chest. “I am so sorry, maybe one day you’ll find the right girl,” I rested my head on his, and stroked the back of his neck. “A girl who sees you for who you are and loves the man you are, and the way you scrunch up your nose when you think,”

“What?” Sidney pulled from me and looked me in the eyes. “What are you talking about, I don’t do that,”

“Yes you do, don’t worry it’s totally cute,” I assured him. “You were attempting to do the crossword this morning and you scrunched up your nose, it was this totally adorable thing,” He touched the bridge of his nose. I put my hands over his. “It was, trust me,”

“Emily,” He sighed, putting his head on my knees when I brought them up to my chest. “I got with Carly… so you wouldn’t know I had been moping. She had been bugging for a date for the longest time and when I knew you were back in town, and we met at the funeral, I took her up on the offer,” He frowned. “The truth is, I was absolutely heartbroken when you broke up with me, because I let myself fall for you and you just broke my fucking heart,” He had a few tears in his eyes.

“Sidney, listen…” I put my head down so our noses were inches from each others. “I only left, because you said you weren’t ready for a family, I thought you were going to break up with me, and I just couldn’t handle it, so I dumped you, and I never meant to hurt you,” I put my hands on his cheeks. “I will never forgive myself for what I did and how I hurt you, and basically everyone around me,”

“I already forgave you,” Sidney smiled, reaching up and kissing my cheek. “I saw how I was and how I flipped out, and I shouldn’t have done it, I just felt so bad,” He whispered. “And then when I said I didn’t want to get married, it was complete crap,” I mumbled a ‘what?’ wow, that came out of left field, didn’t it? He stayed silent for a few seconds, before turning sad eyes up at me. “You were the only girl I wanted to marry, I felt myself with you and I knew in my heart you cared about me and not my contract and I had Layla and Geno in on a plan, I was going to propose to you in Aspen,” All the air escaped my lungs and I stared awkwardly at him. “Emily?” He asked, when I hadn’t said anything for a few seconds.

I took in a breath when my lungs started to ache and looked up at him. “You wanted to marry me,” I whispered. “Like, really?” He nodded his head. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Before or after you called me a jerk and left me, without so much as a phone call,” He grumbled. “It was a surprise, hence why I faked not being interested in Aspen; I didn’t want you to think there was something going on,”

“I left for nothing,” I sobbed into my hands. “None of this would’ve happened,”

“Well, you’re going to marry Seth and I am going to support it, because I do trust your judgment,” He sighed. What? Now he trusts it? Seriously, is there a hidden camera somewhere?

It was now or never. I sucked in a breath, and sat up. “Uhm… well, you see…” I itched the bridge of my nose unsure how I should put this. “How can I say this delicately?” I pressed my fingers together. Delicately? Hm… “Seth and I are not getting married,”

He didn’t even try to fight the large smile that stretched across his face, all the way up to his eyes. “You… uhm, you are not?” He cleared his throat. “Why? Why… what happened?”

“I just couldn’t bring myself to… go out with him,” I sighed, finally telling him the truth. Sidney stared at me, like he had no idea what I said, or what I was telling him. “We were never… dating. Yes, we went out for coffee and had playdates with Cruz and Lucia, but he asked me if I wanted to be
exclusive and I just couldn’t do it,”

“You couldn’t date him, and yet you’ve told me how many times you were dating?” He showed a hard expression. “Why would you lie to me like that?”

“I didn’t exactly lie…” I smiled. “I fumbled with the truth,” It’s a fancy way of saying I’m not being truthful. “And anyway, I couldn’t because of you,”

“Because of me?” Sidney laughed as he sat back on the couch and shook his head. “I knew you’d turn it around and blame me,”

I was taken back. We were touchy feely a few minutes ago and now he’s throwing cheap shots out. “Excuse me, I’ll blame you? The only way this is your fault is because I couldn’t…” I stopped, watching his face. He obviously wanted me to finish the sentence. Fuck me. How do I say that I am not over him? He waited for me to finish and I sighed. “Sidney, look… Seth was so nice to me and he’s an amazing guy, absolutely gorgeous, his fiancée was a moron for leaving him,” His face tightened again. “But I was a moron for leaving you,”

He almost immediately let his jaw hit the floor and he didn’t say anything, he just stared at me. Oh god. I felt the tears meet my eyes and my heart started racing out of key. What did I just do? Did I just say… I stood up, keeping my eyes on his. “I… you…” I put my hands over my mouth and started backing away. I wanted out of here and out of here now.

He stepped off the couch and walked up to me. I wasn’t sure what I should say or what I should do as he approached me. “You were the reason I couldn’t date Carly either,” He sighed, putting his hand on my arm. “I tried to with her, I did, and I tried to forget about you, but you were everywhere and I just wanted you back, to see for myself that you were alright,” He frowned. “I’ve never loved someone as much as I loved you,”

A few tears rolled down my cheeks and hit the hardwood floor, when I looked up at him, taking in his features. For the first time, I noticed small tears lining his bottom lid. “I never knew what you saw in me,” I sighed, not wanting to dig this back up, but my mouth started talking before my brain had time to filter. “I was just some uneducated blonde bimbo, who had your kid,”

“Emily,” He took my hands in his. “You meant the entire world to me, and I didn’t care who you were or what you did with your life. You had me from day one,” He didn’t care? So he’s telling me I could’ve fucked around on him, mooched money off of him and did fuck all with my life and he would’ve loved me anyway? “I’ve missed you so much,”

That hit me. I started sobbing. “I missed you too,” We stood in the middle of the living room, hugging and crying in each others arms.

What felt like hours went by, but in reality it was only five minutes, Sidney pulled from me and brushed my hair out of my eyes. “I still love you,” He pushed his lips against mine, paralyzing me in his arms. “You know that, right?”

“I love you too,” I said, brushing my tears off my cheeks and leaning up to reconnect our lips.