But Loving Him Was Red...

Three Months Later

I weaved my way into the CEC parking lot, dodging all the people who were exiting the arena and I was trying desperately to find Sidney’s Evoque.

Pens’ home opener of the season was today, they faced off against the Rangers.

I checked the score before I left the house and it said Rangers were up 2-1, but I guess Sid’s mood would tell me otherwise.

I parked out back, beside the side door where the Pens normally would come out of, and shut the Jeep off.

I checked my phone for recent text messages and I had none so far from him. Probably got mobbed by a group of pre-pubescent knuckle-heads.

“Ni-ni,” Lucia giggled from the backseat, sucking on her fingers. “I see Ni-ni,” I didn’t understand why she didn’t want to call Sidney ‘Dad’, even though she had no problems calling Claude ‘Dad’ but whatever.

We’ve only been doing custody for a few months and I thought she’d be calling him Dad, by now, but I guess she just likes to be difficult. How Sidney felt about this, I had no idea…

“You’re going overnight with your Dad,” I smiled into the rearview mirror. “You better behave yourself,” I always get a glowing report from Sidney about how she is for him, but she’s Daddy’s girl, so I knew he’d cover if she misbehaved.

I loved how good a father he was, he was caring and gentle, kind and passionate when it came to her.

“Cawd?” She questioned. I narrowed my eyes and decided it was best to just ignore it and sit back against my seat, as I took my foot off the gas.

I dug in my purse for my wallet, so I could stop on the way back from CEC and grab some stuff from WholeFoods before I went home.

“Hey,” I saw Sidney approaching his Evoque, two spaces behind me. I sat my purse and wallet on the seat beside me and climbed down, gathering up Lucia and her overnight bag.

I handed Sid her bag and took her out of her carseat and carried her over to Sidney, standing by his Evoque with his back door open.

Her eyes brightened when she seen Sidney, standing there waiting for her. “Hey princess,” He took her from me, and kissed her cheek making her giggle. “Grandma made you some cookies, and I got you the Lion King,” He swung her around in his arms, her laughter filling the parking lot. People walking by were cooing at them.

“Don’t spoil her,” I smiled widely, knowing I could tell him until I was blue in the face not to and he’d still do it, and 9 times out of 10, it would be just to piss me off.

“She’s my little girl, if she wants a fucking pony; I’ll buy her a goddamn pony,” I rolled my eyes and turned back for my Jeep, knowing I was leaving her in good hands. “Wait, Em,” I turned as he was buckling her into her car seat. “I have something for you,” He stood on the footrest and leaned fully into his Evoque, digging something out of a bag.

I sucked in a deep breath, awaiting the support check. I hated accepting money from him for her, it was a substantial amount, and I had no idea what to do with it. He gave me 9 thousand a month, for a 2 year old. How fucking expensive does he thinks she is?

I watched him come back out, carrying an envelope and a gift bag. He approached me, handing me the envelope. “Here’s your support…”

“Sidney, listen…” I held the envelope in my hands. “You don’t need to pay support,” I felt bad. I kept her from him for two years and he makes it his fault and wants to make everything right, by paying support.

He could’ve been a real asshole and took me to court for sole custody, but he didn’t. I could never see Sidney as that kind of person.

“Emily, she’s my daughter and I will take care of her, I don’t want to hear any more about it. I am doing my job,” He smiled. “I am her father, and I need to provide for her at all times,” I frowned as he held up a gift bag towards me.

“For you,” He climbed up in his Evoque. “Do you honestly think I’d forget your birthday was yesterday,” I shot my head up from the bag and looked at him as he waved out the window and drove out of the parking lot. I just turned 20 yesterday, he was right.

I stuffed the envelope into the gift bag and got back in my Jeep. I made the run to Whole Foods and as I climbed back in, after loading my Jeep up, my eyes fell on the gift bag riding passenger. What was in there?

“Sidney…” I sighed, pulling it onto my lap and awaiting the lavish gift that I do not deserve to be inside. I was feeling like the most horrible person in the world at this moment, especially when it came to Sidney and I.

I was to blame for why he missed out on two years of his daughters life, but it didn’t seem to hold him back, he was making up for it.

I opened the bag and dug out a framed picture of Sid, Lucia and I that Taylor took a few months ago. When Lucia and Sid were side by side, it was amazing to me how similar they were. It had a sticky note in the corner, saying in his beautiful writing.

‘Thought you’d like a copy. Mom’s making tones and handing them out to everyone she comes in contact with.’

I noticed a small box in the bottom with ‘Happy Birthday’ written across the top of it. I huffed, digging it out and slowly opening it, with tears in my eyes.

The locket he gave me two years ago, was sitting in the box with a message scrawled across the top on yet another sticky note.

‘This time, I don’t want it back’

What does he want from me? I shoved everything into the passenger seat and decided to sob for 10 minutes into my steering wheel. I had missed his birthday in August and I didn’t get him anything and now I felt guilty.

All I knew was he came and took Lucia for the weekend to his parents house for a birthday celebration for him. They invited me but I had exams, so I couldn’t go.

I finally started my new courses in January, and I was so excited. It was a 16 week program and I was dying to get started.

I finally got back to my house and put all the groceries away before grabbing my phone out and dialing Tyler’s number. Taylor was out with Landon on their nightly walk to the park.

She was determined to drop her baby weight by spring. She gained 56 lbs for Landon. I gained 45 for Lucia and it dissolved in a few months and I was back to my normal size. I have no stretch marks, but I used cocoa butter all through my pregnancy.

I collapsed into the kitchen chair and laid my head on the table. The house was so quiet without my baby here running around with her stuffed pig, screaming and singing at the top of her lungs.

Sidney got her a CareBear CD and it was on non-stop, she was learning all the words.

“Hey cuppycake,” Tyler’s cheery voice answered on the other end.

“Tyler… Sid just gave me a birthday present,” I frowned. “I am shocked,”

“God forbid the guy buys you a nice gift for your birthday and I only got tube socks,” He sighed. “What’s the problem?”

“Tyler, he gave me back the locket I gave to him when I left, I don’t know what he expects from me,” I sighed. “I got him nothing for his birthday,”

“He had that hanging in his cubby,” He laughed. “Maybe he’s trying to tell you something. Look Emily, he’s smart at hockey but when it comes to relationships, he’s not the sharpest Christian in the bible. I think he may be telling you how he feels,”

“He has a girlfriend, Tyler…” I felt like slamming my head into the table. “Besides, I don’t know how I feel. We have a daughter and I know there’s always that bond between us, but I don’t know,”

“Carly’s a fucking bitch,” Tyler growled. “She has shit on you. And if you want to get him something for his birthday, he needs new under armor, he takes a large, he says the medium dig at his armpits,”

I chuckled, jotting it down on the notes app on my iPhone. I know Sid likes red, but his team colors are black, gold and white, can he wear red? “I’ll go check SportChek in the morning, thanks a lot Ty,” Lucia was only spending the night with Sid, because of an afternoon game, so I was to pick her up at 10AM tomorrow, before he heads to the arena for warm-ups.

“No probs cuppy,” He laughed. “SO I’ll see you for coffee sometime,”

“Next week?” I was looking at my schedule on my phone. I had no plans really for the next two weeks, other than I had Lucia, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday next week, along with my AP Math college class I was doing quickly before my winter term started.

“Sounds good, I’ll call you,” I smiled as the line went dead.
= = =

I hugged the gift bag tightly to my chest as I shut the door to my Jeep and walked up Sidney’s driveway. I hit SportChek the second it opened and bought him a bunch of different underarmour shirts, some black, blue and red, so he’d have a variety to choose from.

I stepped on his porch and knocked heavily, to make sure he heard me.

I heard heavy footsteps coming towards the door and it opened, revealing a shirtless Sidney in jeans, standing before me carrying a cereal bowl in his other hand.

I removed my eyes from his abs and looked at his face. “Good morning Emily,” He spoke with a mouthful of what appeared to be Lucky Charms.

“Morning Sid,” I patted his shoulder, feeling how solid they were and stepped inside, smelling a vanilla air freshener, from a plug-in under a table beside his door. “Got you a little something,” I giggled, holding up the bag. I stuffed it in a gift bag, and got rid of the SportChek bag after I ripped all the tags off each shirt and ditched the receipt.

“Hi Mama,” Lucia greeted me, from her spot on a pillow with her legs under the coffee table. She had a matching bowl of cereal without the milk and an elephant spoon.

Some kids cartoon was playing on the TV, and it practically had her whole attention.

“Oh sweet Em, presents,” He sat his bowl down on a table and accepted my bag. “Is this rigged? IS it going to shoot a pie at me?” He laughed, keeping the bag shut.

“Yes Sidney, I rigged a gift bag to hit you for no reason,” I sat down on the arm of the couch behind Lucia. She was singing back with the colorful blobs dancing on the screen.

Sidney dressed her in her little blue jeans; and pink t-shirt and did her hair up into a high pony keeping all the hair out of her face with various pins. “Open it, I apologize for forgetting your birthday in August and I also hope I got you the right size,” He was a lot broader in the shoulders and bigger in the chest, that I had no idea his shirt size anymore.

“Oh you,” He smiled, opening the bag and sticking his hands inside, pulling out the various underarmour shirts and let the bag drop to the floor as he was looking them over. “Fucking right, this is exactly what I’ve been needing,” He quickly picked me up in his arms and hugged me tightly against his chest.

I turned to jello feeling his soft skin against my cheeks. I felt my hand trapped between our stomachs and I had to fight the urge to caress his abs, even though the back of my hand was feeling everything.

As he placed me down on the ground and we pulled from each other as he held me arms length, I caught myself staring at him.

What was going on here? He coughed, as he pulled away from me and moved over to the duffel by the door that was Lucia’s and took her jacket off the coat hook. “Oh, I wanted to ask you something while you are here, Emily,” I never liked when he said my name in a question… it always meant that he was not impressed with me or he was being serious.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat and sat back down on the arm of the chair. “Okay, what do you need?”

“Well, we have a home game on Monday that I really want Lucia to be at,” He smiled, sitting on the arm beside me. “And I know she can’t go by herself and I’m duh, playing, so I can’t seat her by herself and watch her at the same time. Sooo…” He trailed off, showing two tickets towards me. “You should come to,”

“Sidney…” I sighed, holding the tickets in my hands. What do I say? What does this mean? “I don’t know if I can,” I had a feeling that Carly probably wouldn’t like this one bit. Wait, why wasn’t he asking her?

“Come on Em, you used to love coming to my games,” He patted my thigh, sending a rush through my stomach. I hated this. “Look, I want people in the stands cheering for me,” He said softly.

I shoved away from him. “Oh and the thousands of screaming girls jizzing their panties every night, mean no never mind to you,” I rolled my eyes. “And anyway why aren’t you asking Carly?”

“She’s off working in DC, besides you are Lucia’s mother and I want you there with her, it would mean a lot to me,” What the fuck was he thinking this is? “Anyway, I want my daughter in my jersey there cheering for me,”

“Sidney, she is two, she’d cheer for the teletubbies if you told her to,” I said, laughing. He huffed and stepped away from me, with Lucia’s coat. “I’ll see what I can do, but I can’t make any promises,”

“Thanks Em,” He flashed me a smile. I stood up, grabbing Lucia’s duffel. “Oh, we are playing Philly just to let you know,”

My heart stopped. “What? Sidney, what about Claude? We ended on a really bad note, I don’t want shit to happen there, I can’t go knowing he’ll be there,” I always ran from my problems, I had problems with confrontations and being in awkward situations.

He furrowed his brows. “Emily, come on, nothing will happen, I got your back,” He done up the zipper to Lucia’s jacket. “Trust me, Emily,”

“I don’t know,” I sighed, holding the tickets tightly in my hands. “I just feel like nothing good can come of this,”

Sidney knelt down and put his hands on my legs. “Trust me Emily, Geno, Tyler, Bennie, Tang and I will all be there, he tries his shit, he’s going down,” He had this serious look on his face. “And he tries shit with my daughter and I will fuck him up,” I was smiling like a goon on the inside, but on the outside, I showed a blank canvas. “What?”

“I am really afraid though,” I frowned, lowering my head. “Why did I have to date him in the first place? He’s such a dick to me,” Extra weight was added to the arm of the chair and I felt Sidney place his hand over mine.

“You don’t need to be afraid, I got your back and I always will,” He pulled my hand onto his lap as he slid over, pushing our bodies together.

“No matter what you do, I will always be there,” I looked up from my hands and seen the reassuring look in his eyes.