I Don't Mine

"Kellin...Kellin.."

I heard my name echo in my ears.

"Mr. Bostwick!"

I swung my head back quickly as I blink my eyes open to see that I was awoken by my teacher. Mr. Mullins. He had orange hair and glasses with a black border around them. Most girls in my class found him adorable,some other students thought he was a great teacher, but to me, He's a fucking pain in the ass.

I could hear Justin Hills and Gabe Barham laughing behind me. They're two of my
closest friends. Gabe had a thing for Jack. Justin was the bad boy type. Girls would praise him. I'm not even kidding.

"Would you please tell the class what I just said?" The ginger crossed his arms, waiting for my response.

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath. I honestly didn't know. I was sleeping the whole time. I just sat there with an awkward look in my face.

"Kellin. Stay after class."

Really? Fucking really? Science wasn't my thing. Not at all. I was failing all my tests and when I say all. I mean all. School didn't make sense to me.
I'm just going to tour around with Justin, Gabe, Jack and Jesse as a band so what's the point?

I watched the clock tick and tock until the bell rang.
"You're all dismissed" Mr. Mullins said as he sat on his desk.
I thought since it's been like what? An hour? He would forget about me sleeping in class.
So I stood up from my seat along with the crowd of students walking out the door.

"Except you, Mr. Bostwick."

I stopped at my tracks and saw that the ginger was talking to me. I sighed and sat on the nearest desk.

"You've been sleeping during my lessons the past three weeks. Something's troubling you."

I chuckled. "Nope. I just think your class is really boring and useless. When am I going to ever use any of this in life? Never."

But he was right. In the past three weeks my parents split up. It broke me. I don't even know what to feel or think. I didn't trust my teacher enough to tell him my
outside-of-school life. Even though I needed someone to talk to and just let this heavy weight off my shoulders.

"Kellin.." Mr. Mullins looked at me with serious eyes.
"You're failing my class and I'm afraid I'll have to hold you back a grade."

Fuck no. I am not staying another year with Mullins. He hates me. I know he does. That's why he's so hard on me.

"Unless.."
As I heard him say that word. I looked up at him fiddling with the sleeves of my jacket. I REALLY didn't want to repeat his class. Anything but that.

"I'll assign you a tutor. You have to do what he says and you have to listen well. Pay attention. The next test which is next week, you have to pass that. But if you fail...
I'm sorry, Mr. Bostwick. You'll have to repeat this class next year."

A tutor? You got to be kidding me. It's already enough that I have Mullins now a mini Mullins? Hah. I can't wait to see who it is.

"Who's going to tutor me?" I sounded like I was annoyed. I really was. By now I would've been watching TV or something unproductive instead of listening to
Mullins lecturing me every fucking day.

"Victor Fuentes."

Oh my god. Did he just say who I thought he just said?

"Um. Who?" I felt dumb asking him again but he answered anyways.

"Victor Fuentes. One of my A+ students. He transferred from San Diego, California."

Just fucking great. Victor also known as 'Vic' for short was one of those guys who can make you smile no matter what he does. Fuck. Ever since middle school
I felt something for him. I really didn't know what it was, but all I know is that it felt pretty darn good. I guess you can call it a 'gay crush'? I've never had feelings
towards guys this way. There was just something about Vic that just makes me want him closer to me than he is now. Ever since we left middle school.. I haven't seen him since.

Why am I so bummed that he's my tutor? Well. I probably freaked him out when he saw me staring at him during class and lunch. Whenever I tried to talk to him.. I always struggle to find the perfect words to say to him. So I end up saying 'Hi' and just walking away from him. Ugh. I felt like an idiot back then and I still do now.

"When do I see him?" I sighed, having a disappointed look on my face.

"Tomorrow."

I have to face Fuentes tomorrow? I wonder if he remembers me. I hope not. I don't want to be remembered as the scrawny kid that stared at him all day in middle school. Fuck no.

In response to Mr. Mullins's answer, I just nodded and grabbed my backpack by it's straps. I really didn't feel like having this on my back. I didn't have enough energy for anything.
I was too busy worrying what Vic would think of me. It's funny how I really don't give a fuck about anything, But I feel so insecure around Vic.
After a minute or two, I signed some papers Mullins handed me about agreeing to always listen to my tutor and Blah Blah Blah...

I walked out of the classroom without saying anything to Mullins. I was dragging my backpack on the floor with my books tucked to my chest with only one arm.
I was so caught up with Vic that I bumped into someone in the hallway.
We both fell onto the floor with all our stuff flying in the air and to the ground.

"Fuck. I'm so sor-" I cut myself off as I looked up and saw that Vic was the one I bumped into.

"Don't sweat it, man." He gave me a small chuckle and looked up at me as he gathered all of his stuff together.

He was even more flawless than I have remembered. The way his brown hair moved every time he did. And those perfect brown eyes that sent shivers down my spine.

I just smiled at him. What could I even say? He was perfection in my eyes and just too good for my words.
I manage to force myself to say something, just like I was supposed to in middle school.

"So um. Are you Victor Fuentes?" I didn't want to call him 'Vic' because he'll probably remember me and we don't want that.

We both got up with all our stuff back in their place. He was smiling the whole time. He seems really happy. I wonder why.

"Depends who's asking." He raised an eyebrow at me, leaning his back against the locker behind him.

What do I say? My name? I tried my best to keep myself together.

"I need a tutor and Mullins says that you're mine.....my tutor." Real smooth, Kellin. Real smooth. I hope that was a good save.

"Oh. Really? Well I look forward to teaching you about covalent and ionic bonds." He laughed. That laugh was like music to my ears.

"Well. I'll see you later, Kels." He walked away and as he did I felt my heart sink.

Did he....just say?..

No. I must be going crazy or something. I mean there's no way he could remember me..How could he?

~VIC'S POV~
Jaime has been calling me non stop this week. He's clingier than he usually is. Instead of just calling him back after I deliver Mr. Mullin's paper work, I decided to text him saying that I'll meet him in thirty minutes or so outside of the school.
As I was walking down the halls in a fast pace, I was peaking through each paper to make sure everything was there. I suddenly felt something knocking me off my feet and on to the floor.
The papers went flying everywhere onto the ground and then I heard a familiar voice.

"Fuck. I'm so sor-" The voice got cut off.

As I gathered all my papers, I glanced up and saw the pale, scrawny boy look at me with his big deep blue eyes.

Quinn? Was it really him? I haven't seen him since the 8th grade. God. I never got why he'd stare at me all the time. Was there something on my face? Or..what?
My friends would tease saying that he had a 'thing' for me. Hah. I doubt it.
Who would want someone like me? Besides, Quinn was a pretty boy. In no way would he be...Gay?

"Don't sweat it, man." I gave him a friendly chuckle to reassure everything was cool between us.

After I got everything organized we had a quick conversation, he actually said my full name. Guess he knows it's me.
So I called him "Kels" to alert him that I still remember.

I smiled to myself as I walked away from the tall boy, having the paper work in my hands. I was heading over to Mr. Mullin's class, the door was opened and as I peaked my head in I saw the friendly ginger greeting me with a warm smile.

"Mr. Fuentes! Come in please."

I walked into the peaceful classroom to hand in his paper work.

"Did you meet Mr. Bostwick yet?"

I nodded my head.

"Good. I want you to get closer to him. Be his friend."

"Why?" I looked at him confused.
I mean I wouldn't mind being friends with Quinn, but why would a teacher want me to get closer to him?

"He's been sleeping in class the past three weeks. I want to know what's up. So it's your job to tutor and be as close to him as possible."

I couldn't refuse him. He's one of my favorite teachers.
I just nodded in agreement.

--OUTSIDE OF SCHOOL--
~KELLIN'S POV~
I couldn't stop thinking about him. How could he remember me? I had the thought of Vic haunt me the whole walk home.
I finally arrived home. Sweet, sweet home.

I opened the front door with the key I always have in a chain around my neck.
As I opened the door the first thing I did was throw my stuff all over the floor. Not caring about anything like I always do.
I dragged myself upstairs. I felt my body giving up and falling onto the hallway leading to my bedroom.

I didn't even make it to my bedroom. I just fell asleep on the floor. The floor is so much comfier than my bed. My mom didn't even care about the quality of anything. She didn't even care about me.
She tells me that I remind her so much of dad and she hated it.
My own dad didn't even want me. I guess he didn't want a 'faggot' for a son.

He overheard me and mom talking about Vic. I guess.. everything went to hell since then.
Funny how something so beautiful can be so destructive.

But that was long ago. Back in 8th grade I guess?
Slowly and slowly my family was being torn apart. I self-harmed for about a week now. Not on my wrists. But on my thighs and legs. I didn't want people to find out. I'm horrible at trusting and letting people in.

I blinked my eyes to get my vision focused while I was sitting myself up on the floor.
I've been hiding so many things. From everyone.
Justin...Gabe..Jack, Jesse..Everyone.

I had absolutely no one to talk to about these things. Who do you go to when both of your parents just want you to disappear?
Well it's whatever. I live with it and try to move on carrying this heavy burden even though it's a fucking pain.

I got up and started to trail myself to my room. Fuck, I hate school. I don't do homework because I don't see why it's necessary.

I glanced at the wall clock and it read 5:30PM. Maybe I can call the guys over to hang out.

And that's exactly what we did.
Gabe and Jack were the first ones to arrive, then Jesse, then Justin. All four of my best friends.
They knew about Fuentes and my feelings towards him.

Jesse was the first to notice.

Back in the 7th grade he'd catch me constantly staring at the beautiful Mexican.
He'd asked if there was something between us.
At the time I didn't thought that liking a guy would be that big of a deal. Until they start spitting the words like "fag" "faggot" "homo". No matter how much I tried to ignore those types of sayings, they still hurt.

Jesse managed to keep me liking Vic a secret to the rest of the guys.
By the time 8th grade started. I couldn't keep Vic a secret from them. I was surprised that they took the news so easy.

Gabe came out of the closet and confessed that he liked Jack more than a friend, right when Jack was standing next to him. Jack didn't reject Gabe, actually they've been even closer ever since.
But Jack didn't want a relationship with Gabe, because if Jack's parents found out about what's between them two, his family would end up like mine. Gone.

I've been through so much with these guys. Jesse Lawson is always the loud one, Jack Fowler is the funniest one, Justin Hills is the lover boy and Gabe is the gayest, well..I'm the most confusing person in the group.
I don't have personality disorder if that's what you're thinking. I'm just not sure about anything, but I know who my real friends are and I know that I'm gay for Victor Fuentes.

A couple hours passed, Jesse and Justin were slouching on the couch playing video games while I was sitting by them on the arm rest on the sofa.
It was funny seeing Jesse beat Justin after every round of the game, since Justin always brags about how he's a "bad ass" in these types of things.
Gabe and Jack were cuddling, hand in hand with each other on the other couch beside ours. My eyes shifted from Jesse and Justin to Jack and Gabe. I then laid my eyes on the wall clock. It was 10:30PM. My mom doesn't come home until 5AM. Maybe even later.

I should send the guys home, but I didn't feel like being alone.
Even though I had my closest buds with me, the thought of Vic didn't leave my head. God.

Jack got up from his couch with Gabe and all our eyes shifted from where they were to him.

"I have to go." Jack looked at Gabe. He saw that Gabe had sad eyes and was pretty disappointed he was leaving.
Jack and Gabe can never be together in public. Which sucked.

"I'll drive you home." Gabe stood up from his seat and planted a soft kiss on Jack's cheek.

Now there was just Jesse and Justin. But I knew it was getting late so after a few more rounds, they left.
I was alone and I probably should go to bed. I wasn't ready for tomorrow. Not at all.

--THE NEXT DAY--

The alarm on my phone startled me. I sat up quickly to turn off the obnoxious noise coming from my phone before rubbing my eyes with my fingers to remove any crust in them.
It's Tuesday. The day I meet up with Vic. Shit. Now I was really insecure.
I got myself dressed and I made my way to the nearest bathroom in my hallway.
I straightened my hair and tried to look presentable for Vic.

I did the usual, eat breakfast then I brushed my teeth clean then I left for school.

--AT SCHOOL--

I was greeted by my closest buds and we walked to our classes together.
Hours passed and it was now lunch time.
I saw Vic and I couldn't help but smile at him.
He sat with Tony, his brother Mike and his best friend Jaime.
I haven't seen Jaime since middle school. He's always with Vic, I swear they're never apart.
I envied him so much.
I've always seen Tony and Mike a few times in the halls, but I thought since Vic was a "nerd" he'd go to a better school. I'm so glad he didn't, but I also wished he did.

I sat on a table surrounded by my friends.
Gabe sat away from Jack because of the "no homo" rule between them. They both ate whatever was on their plates, even the rest of the group. Me on the other hand, I had my elbow on the table, with my palm supporting my chin. I completely ignored my food. I was stealing quick little glances at Vic.

"Fuck." I whispered to myself. I was caught by Jaime.
I pretended that I never even looked at Vic, I just looked down at my plate.
I can tell that Jaime was leaning over to Vic's ear and whispering about my eyes wondering on him.
I just kept calm and I made myself look like I was keeping a conversation with Jesse.