Dirty Little Secret

I spent the rest of the night and most of the early morning hours replaying every word Tate and I ever shared between each other. I still wasn't sure how we to where we are now. Last night we agreed to be friends with benefits, Tate had put it in better words for my sake, but that still doesn't deny the fact that I'm allowing myself to be just another girl that he sleeps with. However we aren't sleeping together, but I could let his annoying charm get the best of me and wind up on my back in bed with this legendary man whore.

My troubled sleep made me sleep through my alarm, causing me to be late for school. I've never been late to anything. I glanced outside to see the sky dark with angry looking clouds. The trees shook viciously and the rain came down sideways smacking harshly onto my window. I scramble out of bed, forgoing the shower and head straight to my closet. I didn't have time to plan out a warm and cute outfit that did well in a storm. I decided on a sweater and jeans. I threw on a necklace, a pair of stud and a large ring before changing purses.

Within fifteen minutes I was pulling into the parking lot and running into the main office, forgetting my umbrella in the car.

"Miss. Page, this is a first," The lady at the front desk smile at me. I was her office helper my freshman year to avoid taking a study hall.

"I know Mrs. Shaw. I'm not ever late, I couldn't sleep and then I ended up sleeping through my alarm. I'm surprised this storm didn't wake me up sooner," mixtures of words fumble out of my mouth as I try to explain my excuse.

"Oh I know dear, it is vicious outside," She handed me a slip to go to my second period.

It felt weird walking in the middle of my English class, interrupting the teacher and making the awkward walk to my seat as all eyes were focused on me.

I felt out of place the rest of the day. I couldn't get into the swing of things. Waking up late threw everything off and by last period I could hardly think straight.

"Hey," Tate whispers quietly as he slides into the seat next to me in the back of the class.

"Hi," I say shortly.

"What's wrong?"

"I woke up late, throwing m whole day off. I look like a wreck and people keep looking at me."

"One; waking up late is no big deal, you should have went to bed earlier. Two; you look beautiful, simply stunning, and three; no one is looking at you. It's all in that psycho head of yours," Tate smiles brightly hoping to cheer me up.

"I went to bed right after," I look around quickly to see if anyone was listening. "you dropped me off last night, but my brain wouldn't stop thinking."

"Couldn't stop thinking about me, how sweet."

"I wasn't thinking about you," I huff, becoming frustrated.

"You have practice after school right?"

"Like every other Monday," I snap.

Tate ignores my hostility and continues. "I have detention after school, it'll probably end the same time your practice does. Want to come over after?"

"I don't know Tate. I have a lot of homework and I need to think about things."

"No, no thinking," Tate says louder than he expected causing Mr. Tregus to look up as well as the rest of the class. Courtney and Allie looked at us suspiciously before turning their heads back to the magazine laid out in front of them. "Look you're going to over think it and you'll just become confused. Come over tonight and I can unconfuse you."

"Unconfuse isn't even a word. And I'm already confused and I feel weird and I don't like this feeling."

"Don't say no just yet," Tate says as the bell rings. "I'll see you tonight."

I roll my eyes, taking my time packing up all my things. Courtney and Allie had waited by the door for me, something they didn't normally do.

"So how is your project going?" Courtney asked, flipping her bleached blonde hair over her shoulder.

"It is fine; Saturday Tate and I went to collect samples from different bodies of water."

"I would die if I had to spend any amount of time with that freak, I don't know how you do it Cori," Courtney continued as we headed for the locker rooms.

"I don't know Court, Tate is kinda hot, ya know, in that bad boy kind of way. Is he really a bad boy?" Allie asked, fluttering her eye lashes obnoxiously.

Tate probably didn't want me to rat out his soft side so I shrugged my shoulders, "he smokes and has a lot of tattoos."

"Tattoos?" They both ask.

"Yeah, he always wears that jacket but most of his arms and parts of his back and chest are covered. He just got Carol on his ribs."

"Who's she? Is it a secret girl friend?"

"Carol is a he. He's from Where The Wild Things Are, the children's book," I explain.

"Does he look good with his shirt off?" Allie asks as we open the door to the locker room where the rest of the cheer leaders were already changing.

"What do you mean?" I ask stripping from my jeans.

"You've seen him without a shirt right?" Allie explains and I nod my head pulling my shorts up my legs. "So does he look good without it?"

"Yeah he's good looking," I say if it's no big deal.

"Who's better looking, Eric or Tate?"

"I think that they are equally good looking. Can we drop this please."

Practice was a good distraction from all of the thoughts buzzing around my head. I took all my frustration to put it all towards perfecting our dance routines.

Once practice was over though, the flood gates opened and I couldn't bring myself to go home or even go to Tate's. I headed for the locker room showers once everyone cleared out.

The hot water was relaxing and released some of the tension that was building up in my neck.

I didn't know what this feeling was, or why I had it. I shouldn't feel guilty about kissing Tate because my relationship with Eric wasn't real, it was more of a business deal. I thought about telling Eric but I didn't trust him keeping my secret.

It was times like this when I wish I had an actual girl best friend, one that I could talk to until my face turned blue. I used to think Courtney and Allie were my best friends, but they are more of a duo, and extremely judgmental.

The rain was now at a steady sprinkle by the time I reached my car. I yank open the car door and dive in to avoid the cold air. Shoving the keys into the ignition I turned the car but nothing happened.

I slam my hands against the steering wheel repeatedly. "No, no, no! This can't be happening."

I look around the parking lot, and it's all but deserted. I groan and pull out my cell phone.

On the first ring Tate answered, "Hello."

"Where are you?"

"I just left the school why?"

"Turn around and come get me."

The squeal of his tires told me he was making a U-turn, "What's wrong?"

"My car won't start," I whine.

"Why?"

"I don't know, I just drive the damn thing."

Soon I spot Tate pulling into the parking lot and parking in the spot in front of me. He pulls his hood up over his mess of dark blond hair as he gets out of his car. Tate's face appeared at my window. I opened the door, but didn't get out.

"Why don't you go wait in my truck. It's nice and warm."

I jump out of my car quickly and rush to Tate's truck to avoid the rain

Tate gets into the drivers side of my car and tries to start it, again nothing happens. He lifts the hood of my car and inspects for only a minute before coming back to his truck to retrieve some cords and to lift his hood up. Tate connected the cords to my car and then to his. Tate opened the drivers side door, climbed in and started his truck.

"What's wrong with it?"

"The battery is dead, I'm jumping it."

"You are a life saver."

"I wouldn't go that far."

Soon my car is running but Tate says that it's best if I wait thirty minutes to make sure the battery is recharged.

"So what's the matter?" Tate asks turning to me after several quiet minutes.

"I feel weird."

"Weird how?"

"Like I shouldn't be doing this. I shouldn't be friends with you. I definitely shouldn't have the urge to kiss you when I have a boyfriend, even though there is nothing between Eric and I. I shouldn't have these feelings for you because I know I'm not the only girl that you have this type of friendship with. And I'm not like those slutty bimbos. I won't willingly give myself up because you flash a smile and ask nicely."

Tate lets out a gentle sigh. "What do you want me to say?"

"I want you to say that there aren't other girls, I'm the only one you're having this kind of relationship with. I want you to say that this isn't really cheating. Tell me I'm not a bimbo."

"You aren't a bimbo."

"What about the other things?"

"If I say what you want me to say, I'd be lying."

"So there are other girls?"

"And you are cheating on your boyfriend, fake or not, he's still got that title."

"I don't want this friendship anymore," I say, choking the tears back down.

"Don't say that, I thought you were fine with this," Tate grabs my hand, forcing me to stay in the truck. He pulls me close to him. I can feel his breath on my neck which is unnerving. All too soon his breath is replaced with his lips as he trails kisses up my neck and along my jawline.

Our lips connect briefly, passionately before Tate pulls away smirking. "Admit you, you want this."

"Not if other girls are in the picture. I don't want to be a second choice."

"So you only want to be friends with benefits if I'm not sleeping with anyone else, but you are aloud to have a boyfriend?"

"You're making me sound selfish."

"Well you are, I mean we aren't even dating. We have nothing other than physical attraction to each other."

"Yeah, you're right," I release from Tate's grasps and exit the car. "Thanks for the help. I'll see you around."

The feelings in my stomach only worsened. If there was ever a time where I felt the most alone, it would be now.