Dirty Little Secret

Tate and I haven't talked about our big blow up since it happened but you can see the change in him, in the both of us. We both watch what we say and we're always so careful around one another. I don't like it, I miss the feeling of what we had and it scares me that I'll never find that feeling and then our secret relationship would be over.

Courtney and Allie have changed but this was for the better. They listened to I said about how it wouldn't matter how popular we were in high school and they keep their nasty rumors to themselves. I've managed to tolerate being around them again but I could never tell them about my relationship.

I'm glad that Halloween is right around the corner and Sophia and Aliyah both called me personally asking if I would like to go to their costume party. Of course I wasn't going to turn down a party where the more slutty you dressed the better your costume was. I agreed saying that Tate and I would both be there. I didn't think that would be a problem until I told Tate that I agreed.

"We're not going," Tate said not even bothering to look up from his precious motorcycle that still didn't run.

"I already told Aliyah and Sophia that we were."

"Well call them up and cancel. We. Are. Not. Going."

"You can stay home but I already bought my costume so I'm going."

"Why would you go to a party that my friends are throwing? You've only met them once, you don't even know them," Tate finally looks up. His face is masked with sweat and grease and confusion.

"I only needed to meet them once to know that I like them."

"You're not going."

"You can't control me. You don't get to say what I can and cannot do."

"Fine, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't go."

"Sorry, Charlie. I am dressing up like a slutty school girl and I'm going to get shit faced. I may even have a threesome with Aliyah and Sophia," I said crossing my arms over my chest with a smug look on my face.

"You wouldn't."

"How would you know, you aren't going?"

Tate looks at me, pondering if I would actually cheat on him with two girls. Then he smirks wickedly, "I'll go if I can watch."

"Tate Daniels," I scold. I throw a rag at him in amazement that he actually said that.

"I'm kidding," Tate catches the rag I threw at him and wipes his face.

"So you'll go."

"No. I don't do costume parties."

"You don't have to dress up."

Tate gives an aggravated sigh, "The answer is still no, but tell Aliyah and Sophia I said hi."

Aliyah invited me to come over to get ready and help set up with her and Sophia, and around ten in the morning on Saturday I kissed Tate goodbye and left him standing in the middle of his garage.

I vaguely remembered how to get to Aliyah's house but I was glad I didn't get lost. I pulled into her driveway after a thirty minute drive, got out and knocked on her door.

The door opened by itself so I let myself in calling out both of their names. The house was much bigger without the swarm of people in the living room and scattered throughout the rest of the house. Sophia came out of the kitchen and smiled once she saw me standing awkwardly in the entrance.

"Aliyah," Sophia called. "Cori's here!"

Aliyah came bouncing up from the basement. She was already dressed in her costume; a sexy cop. Her once uncontrolled hair was tame and straight. She hugs me tightly and I can smell the faint odor of alcohol coming from her breath. "Have you been pre-partying?" I asked laughing.

"I told her it wasn't a good idea but she didn't listen."

"Let me guess you're going to be a sexy convict?" I asked Sophia.

"Yeah, we decided to do the whole couples costume thing this year."

"Lucky," I start to feel sad, like I was going to be the only one without a partner. "I wish Tate would stop being stubborn."

"Why didn't he want to come?" Aliyah asked while she grabbed hold of my hand to lead me into a back bedroom that I guessed to be hers.

"Well we've been in this weird spot," I start not sure if I should indulge them in everything that has happened.

"What happened to put you two in this weird spot?" Sophia asks as she sits crossed-legged on the bed.

I decided that if anyone knows Tate, it would be these two. They would know his good side and his bad side. "We had our first major fight as a couple and it turned physical," I rolled up my sleeves to show the now yellowish bruises.

"He put hands on you?" Aliyah said in rage.

"No, no. Well, yeah. But I was the one trying to hurt him, he was just restraining me."

"Why were you trying to hurt him?" Aliyah asked.

"He told me exactly how Jackson died and I was trying to comfort him and he just got distant so instead of letting him cool off by himself I had to go make everything worse. He says that he's fine but I know that he's not and I don't know why."

"He told you how Jackson drowned? Not just that he drowned?" Sophia asked with her eyes wide.

"Yeah, he told me everything. He even thinks that he killed his dad."

"He told you after you've only been together for like a month? I've been dating his best friend since they were like two and when Aliyah told me what happened he wigged out and didn't talk to either of us for almost an entire year! That isn't fair," I hint a small amount of sadness in Sophia's voice.

"He didn't want to tell me. I'm friends with this girl that used to go to school with him and was there that day-"

"Courtney," Aliyah said viciously.

"Yeah, she told me that 'Tate killed his brother.' So I asked him."

"Courtney is a bitch, don't be friends with her," Aliyah said more viciously again.

"I'm not really friends with her, not anymore at least. She's just in the circle of people I hang out with."

"Yeah Tate said you hang out with stuck up bitches. He said that you were one too. I don't understand how you two are together really. He hates people like you," Sophia wondered.

"I'm not really like that. I just got it in my head one day that if I became this popular girl that everyone wished to be like then my parents would love me more, but that never happened and I'm too scared to go back to that little girl who is afraid to be alone and forgotten."

"Dang you both have fucked up issues. Maybe you're prefect for each other," Aliyah said before letting out a loud drunken burp.

I dabbed a bit of powder on my wrists to cover my bruises. I should have picked a costume that covered my body more but it didn't matter now. People were starting to show up and I was still trying to add the finishing touches. I looked myself over in the mirror, I looked hot.

I made my way into the kitchen to find Aliyah pouring some of her infamous drinks into waiting cups.

"Cori, come drink with me. I need someone to look like a fool with me so I feel less about about being this intoxicated this early!"

"I have to drive home tonight, I can't."

"Oh shut up you whore, you're sleeping over."

"I shouldn't-"

"Shut up bitch and drink!"

Aliyah shoved a drink into my hand and waited until I drained the heavy mixture of different alcohols.

Drinking was exactly what I needed. I started feeling less sorry for myself that Tate wasn't here and more sorry for him that he was going to miss me in this outfit.

"Sophia, Aliyah! Come take a picture with me and send it to Tate to show him what he's missing!"

Aliyah, the least sober one out of the three of us handed someone her phone and with our drinks in hand, he snapped our picture. Aliyah took back her phone then said, "Cori I'm going to take one of yourself so he doesn't get sidetracked looking at me 'cause damn, I'm looking good."

I stuck my tongue out at Aliyah as she snapped that picture. She typed 'Look what you're missing.' before pressing send. I smiled in acceptance before rejoining the party.

I noticed a boy that I assumed to be dressed as a frat boy but then again he might not be dressing up at all. He smiles as me from across the room; I blush and give a small wave. I start to panic when he makes the short trip to where I'm standing.

"I'm Louis," He whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Hi Louis," I say, finishing my second cup of Aliyah's punch.

"Do you have a name?"

"I'm thirsty," I say finishing the last of my second cup of Aliyah's punch.

"Well Thirsty, let's refill that cup," I allow him to take my hand and lead me up the basement stairs to the kitchen.

I watch as Louis ladles more of the mixture into my waiting cup. He watches take a drink before saying, "Can I get your name now?"

"Why should I tell you my name? I'm not supposed to talk to strangers."

"I don't have to be a stranger if you don't want me to be," Louis says as he gets closer to me.

It felt weird being this close to another male. I shake my head. "I have a boyfriend."

"I don't see him," Louis looked around.

"He's not here. I came alone."

"He must not be that bright if he let a girl like you go," Louis started to trail his fingertips up and down sides.

I moved backwards a little bit to try to gain some distance but Louis moved back with me, closing the distance even further. I felt him on me. "I have to go to the bathroom."

I slip past him and head to the bathroom but it was occupied so I slipped into Aliyah's bedroom. I sat on the bed and gathered my thoughts. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to be at home, in bed with Tate's strong arms guarding me from the rest of the world.

The door opened and closed then I heard a small click of the lock being turned. I looked up to see Louis grinning.

"This isn't the bathroom."

"Someone was in there so I thought I'd wait in here. I should probably go check to see if it's open," I try to slip past Louis but he puts his arm out in front of me, blocking me from the door.

Suddenly I feel all the alcohol leaving my body, "Let me out."

"Why would I do that?" Louis' grin grew into something wicked, his eyes revealing something sinister.

"No really I should get back to the party. Aliyah and Sophia will wonder where I am."

"Let’s hang out in here for a bit. I want to get to know you."

I walk backwards, backing into the foot of Aliyah's bed. Louis follows me, inching closer and closer until my body is flushed with his. He starts to run his fingers all over my body. I let out a small cry as my eyes fill with tears.

"Shh, baby. You're going to like what I'm about to do to you," He pushes me, and I fall to the bed. I put my hands and knees up to try to protect myself but he easily parts my legs and restrains my hands to my sides.

Louis puts his lips on my neck and kisses down the hem of my top to where it ties in front and unties it with his mouth in one small tug. I feel disgusted and start to cry even louder. Louis silences me sticking his tongue forcefully in my mouth. It felt wrong, it was wrong. He wasn't Tate.

There was a knock on the door, "Cori?" It was Tate's voice.

I bite down on Louis' tongue hard enough to draw blood. He jerks back and quickly punches me in the face, "Don't bite me bitch!"

Tate knocked on the door again, "Cori. Answer me!"

"Tate!" I scream before Louis punches me again.

"Open the door!" Tate starts to pound even harder.

Louis becomes frantic, determined to get what he set his mind to. I thrashed underneath him making it impossible for him to try to keep me quiet, hold me down, and undo his pants all at once.

"Tate! Help!" I scream louder, choking on my tears.

The door broke and Tate came charging in at full force. He grabbed Louis by his shirt and yanked him back, pulling him from me. This was a new, scarier side of Tate. I watched in horror as he and Louis stumbled into the hallway then fall out into the living room. Tate had the upper hand, he was taller and bigger and had a lot of anger built up that needed to be released.

"I'm going to fucking kill you," I heard Tate threaten. I knew that if I didn't stop him he would. I scrambled from the bed, tying my top in the process.

He punched Louis in the face knocking him to the ground then quickly got on top of him to deliver more blows to his face. Louis started to block them and moved to make Tate tumble off of him. Tate quickly got to his feet and so did Louis.

Louis took a quick punch at Tate's face before Tate grabbed a hold of him, bringing him into a choke hold.

"Tate, stop," I sob, seeing the anger in his eyes.

Tate lets go and Louis falls to the ground. "I'd get out of here before I change my mind," Tate said to Louis with one swift kick to his groin area.

Louis scrambles to get up and leave. I look up and see the circle of people that have gathered. Aliyah and Sophia were standing, wide eyed and in utter shock at what was happening. Everyone was like that.

Tate takes off his jacket and hands it to me without a word and without looking at me then he brushes past me and into the bedroom. He comes back with my bag in hand. He interlaces his fingers with mine and guides me out of the house.

He opens the truck door but doesn't help me in. He shuts the door loudly as soon as I'm in. He rounds the front of the truck and climbs in the driver side before turning the keys into the ignition and speeding off.

Tate doesn't slow down; I can see his wild eyes every time another car passes us, going to the opposite direction.

"Are you mad at me?" I ask but the only reply I get is Tate tightening his grip on the steering wheel. "Tate please, I'm sorry. He was the one kissing me, I didn't start it. Please understand me, I went into that room by myself, because I was sad that I wasn't at home with you. I was going to call you but he came in and he put his hands on me," I started to cry again as I relived the moment in my head.

Tate had managed to make a thirty minute car ride a ten minute one. He finally took his foot off the gas as he pulled into the garage. Tate's fingers were still tightly curled around the steering wheel. I reach over to the ignition. We sat there in total darkness, I was too afraid to talk and Tate wouldn't.

The air around us grew cold and my bare legs formed goose bumps. "Tate," I say his name in desperation. "Look at me."

"I can't."

"Why not?" I feel wounded.

"Because if I look at you, I'm going to see him on top of you, kissing what is mine, touching you in places that I am only aloud to touch because you are mine. And if I see that then I will go out and find that guy and I will kill him."

"Touch me then, hold me please," I beg sliding closer to him.

"No!" He shouts, banging his hands against the steering wheel. I let out a frightened gasp of air.

We're silent for many more minutes. I slide further away from Tate, leaning up against the door. I wasn't sure of what to do; I didn't know what to think.

"So this is it?"

"Yeah, this is it," Tate says back.

"So we're over?" I say in a hushed voice. I brace for myself for what comes next but Tate doesn't say anything. His eyes stay fixed on a point that it in front of him. "You should take me home then," I say in the same hushed tone. I don't want Tate to hear that I am crying.

Tate lets out a sigh and goes for the keys that are still stuck in the ignition. "This is your home Cori," he takes the keys from the ignition and opens his door.

Tate walks out of the garage and up and into the house. I stayed in the truck paralyzed with abandonment. I always thought it was so silly of girls to get so attached to their boyfriends and thought it was ridiculous that they cried when they left but now I understood. I knew what it was like for my parents not to care about me, because they never had and I didn't know what I was missing but I craved Tate's comfort and warmth more than ever now that it was no longer mine to have.