Dirty Little Secret

I spent the remainder of the day with guilt churning in my stomach. Especially every time Eric grabbed my hand in the hallway or stole a kiss right before classes, and even more when Tate would look at me, giving me a small smirk.

"Was that a Christmas gift?" Courtney asked as she grabbed my hand. "Did Eric get it for you? I've noticed that you two have been extra affectionate."

Oh, no. It's not from Eric. It was a present from myself," I lied, quickly pulling my hand from Courtney's grasp.

I look back at Tate; he's watching me attentively, smiling slightly before finishing up his biology notes.

The bell rang soon after and I quickly gathered my books, grabbed my bag and headed out the door without waiting on Tate or even Courtney and Ally. Eric is waiting for me at my locker.

"Hey baby," He says before kissing me.

I take a deep breath before responding. "Hey."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just trying to adjust to this sudden change of relationship."

"Yeah, I was thinking. You should come over and we can talk about what this is now."

"Yeah, sure. I'll come over later tonight. I-I have to do something first."

"Yeah, sure. Text me when you're on your way."

Eric grabs my hand and leads me out of the door towards the senior parking lot. He kissed me good bye at my car and waited until I got in and drove away before getting into his and following me out onto the main road.

I got to Tate's house before he did. It gave me time to prepare myself on what I was going to say to him on the subject of today's events.

I heard his old beat up truck pull into the driveway and into the garage. I stood in the kitchen with my back towards the screen door waiting for him to slide it open.

"Hey," Tate said as he strolled through the kitchen.

"Hey, want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?" I ask spreading peanut butter onto a slice of bread.

"I'd rather have you," Tate murmurs into my ear as he wraps his arms around my waist and pressing his body against mine. "You should never wear this outfit again."

"Why?" I put the two slices of bread together creating the sandwich.

"You look like a sexy school girl and it makes me want to do dirty things to you," He said against my neck. I roll my neck to the side to allow him better access. Tate drug his lips up and down leaving my skin hot.

I turned to face him, wrapping my hands around his neck, and I find his lips. Tate grips the tops on my thighs, lifting me onto the counter top where he slides in between my legs. I pull him closer, hoping that I could distract myself from what I needed to talk about but my nagging subconscious put an end to anything physical.

"Tate," I push against his chest only slightly.

"No talking just kissing," Tate says quickly before connecting our lips again.

I agreed with him, loosing myself and my thoughts in his touch. Tate grazes his fingers against where my stockings meet my skin prior to edging forward, dragging my skirt upward.

"No Tate, really. I need to talk to you," I push against his chest harder this time to make Tate look at me fully.

"You really have this tease thing down pat, you know that right?"

"I'm sorry," I kiss him chastely before proceeding. "I wanted to talk about some things that happened today."

"And what happened today?"

"Eric, he sprang some news on me that will affect our relationship."

"Let me guess, he wants a real relationship now."

"Correct," I say slowly, still looking Tate in the eyes to try in gauge his level of pissed off but he shows no sign of emotion. "How are you feeling?"

"Well I'm pissed but what can I do?" Tate says coldly.

"Don't say that."

"Don't say what? Don't say that I'm pissed? Well I am. How would you feel if you knew that I was dating another girl and that girl was going to put her hands on me and try to do things but you can't do anything about it because you'd do anything to make me happy? I'm sure you'd be just as pissed."

"Tate, I'm sorry. I've told you from the beginning on how this was going to be."

"You never told me that your fake relationship might turn into a real one. I was perfectly fine with the fake one, this one not so much."

"How is the real one going to be any different?"

"Let’s see, a real relationship requires real feelings Cori."

"I have no real feelings for him, only you. You know that. Tate, I love you," I cup his face but Tate steps back, removing all contact between us. My heart falls and panic sets in. I look at Tate as tears begin to swell up in my eyes. I reach for Tate's hand but again he backs out of my reach. He gives an aggravated sigh while running his hands through his thick hair.

"Tate, stop, please. Tate, I love you. Only you," I slip off the counter and press my body against his, wrapping my arms around his waist. I place eager but gentle kisses on his neck. Tate remains still and cold. "Say something, please."

"I need a cigarette," Tate wiggles out of my grasp and stalks out the door and towards the garage.

I leave Tate alone for a while. I calmed myself down, allowing myself to believe that Tate would come to understand the situation and eventually he would trust me. I finish my sandwich before I glance at the clock, I'd have to be at Eric's soon to discuss this new relationship that was putting such a huge strain on the relationship I had now. I decided to try my luck again with Tate.

Out in the garage Tate was shirtless, slightly sweaty, and had a cigarette hanging from his lips. He was leaning over the trucks engine with his hands busy twisting some caps and checking plugs. At the beginning of the year I would have been repulsed by the sight of a smoking grease monkey but now I find Tate to be extremely attractive, even with his hair starting to mat to his forehead.

"Hey," I say shyly standing at the mouth of the garage.

Tate looked up. He took one last drag of his cigarette before putting it out. He didn't seem mad now. "Can I come in?" I ask shyly again.

Tate nodded while looking at me intently. I knew everything he wanted to say but they weren't necessary. I was the one that needed to say sorry.

"I hate that I'm like this. I want nothing to do with Eric. I only want to be with you and I want the world to know, but I can't and that makes it sick. You're too good for me."

"I'm sorry that I got angry," Tate pulls me into him.

I kiss his sweaty chest before looking up at him. "You have every right. I'm the worst kind of person, I'm so selfish and you are so amazing and understanding and willing and I abuse that. I walk all over you. How can you love such a monster?"

Tate smiled and laughed slightly. I felt his grip around me tighten. "What?" I asked.

"Monster. It reminds me of Jackson and Where The Wild Things Are. Please don't go, I'll eat you up. I love you so," he quotes the book. "It's funny how relevant a kid’s book is to my life. Max left Carol just like Jackson left me."

I trace his newest tattoo with the tips of my fingers as my heart slowly breaks. I never knew Jackson but each time Tate mentioned him it feels like I was there each day of his short life. "I'll never leave you, I promise."

"I know," Tate shakes his head and all sadness is wiped from his eyes. "I trust you, I don't trust him."

"You only need to trust me."

"Okay. Now that we got that situated, want to resume what we started?" Tate smirked, lowering his lips to mine as his fingers work the buttons of my blouse.

"Actually I have to go to Eric's to discuss our new relationship. I'll tell him that I don't want PDA and I want it to be just like before."

Tate looks disappointed but be holds his tongue. "Fine, I'll be here when you get back."

I stand up on my tip toes and kiss him quickly, "I love you. I won't be gone long, I promise."

I walk out of the garage as I button my blouse back up. Again I wanted nothing more than to tell everyone my dirty little secret but something deep inside won't let me.