Dirty Little Secret

Once I'm home, I throw myself onto my bed. I wasn't entirely sure what was happening, sure I was sad, devastated, and heartbroken but I never thought it would feel like this. The oxygen in my lung were slowly being squeezed out no matter how deep of a breath I took. Sharp pangs in my heart began to form and I could feel it being cut out of my chest. Surely I was dying.

I wanted to be left alone but I knew Courtney and Allie would be storming into my room any minute and demand what was happening. So I got up, ruffled through bags of my clothes until I found something comfortable to wear, and that included one of Tate's jacket that I shoved into the final bag at the last minute. I knew that he would know that I took it but he would never ask for it back, he would never speak to me again.

I was right, about twenty minutes after changing; I heard Allie and Courtney's timid knock on my bedroom door.

"Cori? Can we come in?" Allie asks in her small bubbly voice.

"It's unlocked," I tell them through the door, sitting up in bed.

They twist the knob and come walking into my room. I had expected them to be wearing what they had been wearing at school but from the looks of it they changed. I didn't even know that they could look so plain and average in their bum attire. They also came with bags of groceries.

I arched an eye brow, "What's in the bags?"

"Break up food. Ice cream, cookies, chips, whip cream in a can. Everything you like and we're afraid of," Allie giggled.

"I'm alright, the break up with me and Eric was a long time coming. You didn't have to go to such extremes," I say talking about their radical attire.

"We know you're not upset about Eric," Courtney said making herself comfortable on my bed.

I pursed my lips and furrowed my eye brows. I didn't understand why were they here then? I took the spoon that Courtney handed me as Allie opened the first container of extreme moose tracks chocolate ice cream. "Then what do you mean by break up food?"

"Corinne we may be dumb and conceited but we're your best friends. We know you and we know that you had a thing with Tate. Don't look at me like that, you can't lie to us. Allie and I are pissed that you didn't tell us," Courtney said honestly hurt.

I couldn't believe that they knew. "How long did you guys know?"

"Well I was going to say something to you the day after prom but Courtney told me not to but I saw Tate pick you up from the party. We knew that something was up then," Allie said with a mouthful of ice cream. "And we confirmed that something was up when you got all defensive on Courtney when she called him a murderer, but that was a little harsh. Even I knew he didn't kill his brother," she said as if it was so obvious."

"But we didn't know how serious it was until all four of us hung out and I saw the way you smiled whenever he looked at you, or when he asked you if you were alright and it was like you two were on a separate planet. We also watched you walk Tate to his car and saw the pretty heated kiss. Allie and I were all prepared to see you guys walk in hand in hand but then everything went to shit."

I started crying all over again. I could have had the perfect high school life, Tate included if I would have just let my heart decide everything for me. It was too late now, I had ruined everything. "I fucked up, so bad guys."

Then I went into the story of what had happened in the last year until the break up. That was when my phone rang. My heart skipped a beat and I was hoping for Tate to call and tell me that he would give me yet another chance and everything was going to be all right. But it was Aliyah.

"Hello?" I answer my cell phone.

Aliyah's loud voice came through the phone, "We're coming over. You need to fill us in," then she hung up.

I set the phone back on the bed, "Well you're about to meet Tate's best friends. They want to know what happened so I'll just save the ending of the story for when they get here. Pass me the chips."

Aliyah and Sophia walk into my room without knocking, like they'd been here millions of times but I know they never had.

"Courtney and Allie this is Aliyah and her girlfriend Sophia. They are Tate's best friends."

They exchanged hellos then I hear Allie mutter in her girly little voice, "I've never met actual lesbians before. Cori's been holding out."

Aliyah and Sophia laugh loudly and I join along. We make room for them on my bed and I begin to tell the break up part of the story. "Tate was having trust issues with me for no reason but then I gave him a reason, I had sex with Eric."

"What?" Allie and Courtney shout loudly. Sophia's doe eyes grew even bigger and Aliyah froze, her spoon stuck in midair with ice cream melting off and dripping back into the container.

"Yeah and I don't even know why, I just did. And what's even worse, I went home and had sex with Tate right after and I didn't tell him. He overheard Eric talking about how he 'fucked and dumped' me and that's when the fight broke out."

"So Eric broke up with you after you guys did it?" Courtney asked.

I laugh, "No. As soon as it was over, my brain started to work again and I broke up with him and ran out of the house. It was a wakeup call. I'm not proud of what I did and I wish I could take it back but it made me realize that I wanted to be with Tate and that I didn't care what anyone else thought because I would be happy. But it's too late for that now because there is no way that Tate will ever take me back and I don't blame him, like I'm a monster."

"You're not a monster," Aliyah hugged my side. "He'll come around. I'll talk to him, I'll make him realize that you're sorry and everything will be fine."

"No," I tell them. "I don't deserve him. He was willing to do anything for me and I wasn't even willing to go out in public with him, I'm no good, he deserves someone so much better than me. It's amazing that he stayed with me this long."

"Because he loved you and he still does. I'm sure if he just came over now everything will be fine," Aliyah comforted me again.

Sophia looked down, "I'm not so sure. You heard the voice mail he left you. He's really angry."

"What does the voice mail say? Play it for me," I tell Aliyah who is giving Sophia a deathly glare.

I want to hear the voice mail, I don't care how bad it is, I want to hear his voice. Aliyah finally breaks down and digs out her from her bag and pushes play. "See what happens when I let my guard down? That fucking slut goes and sleeps with her boyfriend then fucks me, whatever I am to her. That egotistic tramp made me get her a retarded promise ring so she secretly show people that she was mine but that hoe goes and sleeps with a dirt bag that treats her like shit. I thought I was fucked up but I think you have to be a lunatic to be her. She is so money hungry and all she wants is to be on the top of the food chain. Fuck that whore."

I thought it was over and tears streamed down my face but Aliyah still held out the phone as if there was more and there was. "I don't know, Aliyah. Can you and Soph just go over there and check up on her? I don't want her to be alone; I was pretty harsh to her so make sure she's okay. You won't see me for a couple days but tell my parents I'm okay. I love you."

I couldn't help but to feel that the 'I love you' was meant for me. I looked up at everyone. Courtney had silent tears, staining her cheeks. No one spoke as Aliyah put her phone back into her purse and set it on the ground.

"Well the ending wasn't that bad," Allie tried to soften the mood.

"I deserve it, everything he said and called me. I deserve it, I'm all of those things."

"Maybe it's not over between the two of you. He obviously still cares about you if he wanted us here. He just needs to disappear for a bit, that's it. It'll all blow over," Aliyah remained positive.

I however knew that this was it, we were down. There was nothing left to do now, other than pick up the pieces and somehow try to put it all back together.